Lost Innocence

Chapter Six

Tracey mounted the Hogwarts Express and retreated to a compartment alone. It could not have been a stronger contrast to the beginning of the year, where she shared a compartment with her "friends" and they gossiped about boys. As Tracey left the train, she could see some people including a formidable-looking witch and a horse-faced Muggle giving her disapproving looks.

A few days after Tracey arrived home for summer, she had another appointment with Madam Nurturessa.

"Well, everything seems fine, baby appears healthy, in a head first position, at this point," said Madam Nurturessa as she looked at the picture of the ultrasound.

"That's good," said Tracey's mother.

"So the baby is due in about six weeks," said Madam Nurturessa. "But be on the alert, teen pregnancies carry a risk for premature labour."

"Is that likely to happen?" asked Tracey, looking scared.

"It's a risk, doesn't mean it will happen and at this point, the baby would be premature but viable outside the womb, odds are he would survive," Madam Nurturessa replied. "Just drink lots of fluid, and avoid stress. Get plenty of rest."

"Woah, he's grown," said Tracey, surprised at the size of the unborn baby.

"He has," agreed Madam Nurturessa. "You mentioned adoption was your first instinct last time, are you still thinking about adoption or have you decided to keep the baby?"

"I'm still thinking about adoption," Tracey replied. "It's just hard to imagine carrying a baby this long and giving him up."

Tracey's mother put her arm around her daughter.

"I know," said Madam Nurturessa. "Well, you can speak with the adoption agencies. Arrange meetings between couples wanting to adopt."

"Okay," said Tracey.

"At this point, I would suggest someone stay home at all times, just in case," said Madam Nurturessa.

The next day, Tracey's mother went over to the Dunstan Adoption Agency to arrange a meeting for Tracey.

"How old is your daughter?" asked Mr Dunstan.

"Fourteen, she'll be fifteen in November," replied Tracey's mother.

"Ah," said Mr Dunstan. "I feel for you, and your daughter. I have a teenager; she'll be sixteen in a few days. I can't imagine what I'd do if she got pregnant. It happens though, unfortunately. How is she coping?"

"She was angry at everyone at first, but settled down and has been trying her best to deal with it," replied Tracey's mother. "She's doing the best she can."

"It's tough," he said. "When these kids get pregnant, what it comes down to is they have to make a mature, adult type decision at a very young age. When is she due?"

"Six weeks, but we're on alert in case of early labour."

"Right. Well, I'll be over tomorrow afternoon to talk to her about it," he said.

"Okay, thanks," she said.

She returned home and told Tracey the adoption counsellor was coming over to talk to her about the adoption process.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" asked Tracey's mother. "Because it's completely your choice, and we don't want you do this because you think you've disappointed us and it's what we want or because you're doing it out of fear."

"No, I'm sure--or sure as possible," Tracey said.

"Whatever you decide, we support you," said Tracey's father. "You know that."

Tracey nodded then asked, "Do you think it's selfish?"

"What, giving the baby up for adoption?" asked Tracey's mother.

"Yeah," she said.

"Of course not, it's your choice, and I think it's a very unselfish decision, and a brave decision. You're doing what you think is best for the baby, and that's all we can ask," said Tracey's father.

Mr Dunstan arrived the next afternoon. Tracey wanted to look at least somewhat mature for a fourteen-year-old, so she could make a good impression on both him and any family she interviewed.

"Come in. We appreciate you coming over," said Tracey's father. "Tracey is upstairs."

Mr Dunstan went upstairs, Tracey's father followed.

"Hello again, thanks for coming over," said Tracey's mother, who was sitting next to her daughter. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," replied Mr Dunstan. Tracey set down the magazine she was looking at and sat up.

"Have a seat, Mr Dustan," said Tracey's mother.

Mr Dunstan sat down on the couch opposite of Tracey and Tracey's mother.

"Hello, Tracey," said Mr Dunstan.

"Hi," Tracey said politely, feeling somewhat nervous.

"So, I know this isn't an easy decision so I'm here to explain the decision and hopefully put your mind at ease about the process for you and your baby," he said. "First off, you're fourteen, right?"

"Yeah," replied Tracey. "My birthday is in November."

"And when is your due date?" he asked.

"July twenty-fifth," replied Tracey.

"Boy or girl?" asked Mr Dunstan.

"A boy," she said.

"And this is your decision, right?"

"Yeah," said Tracey.

"We have made it clear to Tracey right from the start that nothing we feel on the subject should influence her decision," replied Tracey's mother. "That it is up to her, and her to make alone, and we want her to make what she feels is right for both her and this baby."

"Where is the father?" asked Mr Dunstan, though he knew the answer.

"Well, he's decided not to be part of this," said Tracey.

"I didn't know it was a choice," said Mr Dunstan.

"Yeah, I didn't either, must have missed the paper airplane memo," muttered Tracey's father, thinking of what he would like to do to the little punk who did this to his precious daughter.

"I told him I was pregnant, and he just said it wasn't his baby, and I confronted him just before Easter. I don't think he really cares," Tracey said.

"Okay," he said. "Now there are two types of adoption: closed adoption and open adoption," Mr Dunstan said, getting back on topic. "Closed adoption means the agency gets the say, it's unanimous and you don't have any contact with your baby or the adoptive family, if it's an open adoption, you choose the family, and have contact so you can visit your child, get pictures of him, etcetera."

"I think that one sounds good," said Tracey.

"Okay," said Mr Dunstan. "In that case, the families would come over here. You would talk to them, ask them a few questions and find out more about them, so you could decide what family is best for the baby, and arrange a counsellor will help you finalize the arrangements."

Tracey nodded.

"Once you've handed your baby over to the adoptive family, it's permanent, so be sure it's what you want," he advised her.

"I understand," said Tracey.

"The visitation arrangements can be made formal with a counsellor, or you can just agree informally with the family, if you want."

"This family that would adopt my baby-- what kind of questions should I ask them?" asked Tracey

"Anything you feel important, things like their own family background and experience growing up is always a good place to start, views on family, things like that," replied Mr Dunstan.

"Would it be inappropriate to ask why they can't have children of their own?" asked Tracey. "Or if they would treat a birth child different?"

"Not at all," said Mr Dunstan. "Nothing is out of bounds, it's your child they're raising, so you want to know all the facts before making a decision," he replied. "And your mother or father can help you interview the parents, if you want."

Tracey nodded. "Okay, that's probably a good idea."

"I'll give you a folder of some couples looking to adopt, and you can go from there," he said, handing her over the brochure.

"I'll send them an owl; telling them they have an appointment with you," he said. "What time is best for you?"

"It doesn't matter, now that school's out. We're home most of the time," said Tracey's mother

"Okay."

The first of the couples to visit were over a few days later. They were a conservative pureblood couple who wanted only a child with magic parents and grandparents.

"What bloodline is this baby?" asked the husband.

"Excuse me?" said Tracey, thinking that's not the first thing that should come to mind.

"You heard me," he said coolly.

"Well . . . I'm halfblood, but the baby will be pureblood . . . I guess," said Tracey, clearly uncomfortable. "His dad is pureblooded."

"All right," said the wife with a note of slight disappointment.

"I thought Tracey was the one asking the questions," Tracey's father pointed out. "It's her baby you want to adopt."

"What are your views on things like discipline?" Tracey asked.

"They talk back they get a silencing jinx," said the wife.

"Any sass, and he'd be subject to a stinging hexes right where it counts," said the husband.

"Parents need absolute control over their child; you don't gain their respect if . . ."

"Okay, okay, thank you!" said Tracey, and she and her parents saw them to the door. She wondered why anyone would choose them for parents. They were scary.

The other couple was nice enough but eccentric, and didn't really convince Tracey that they were right for adoptive parents. She wanted her child to have a more grounded start with a normal family, as opposed to living as bohemians with eccentric beliefs.

The next couple was an extremely wealthy, with more than enough money to give Tracey's baby lots of material goods. They came in wearing furs and diamonds, and designer dragon hide boots.

"We would give him anything he wants, he'd live like royalty with us," the husband told the Davises.

"He would be royalty after all," said the wife.

In her mind, Tracey pictured her son growing up selfish, spoiled with no concern or empathy for anyone using people, especially women. The baby would grow up to be just like someone she already knew: his father, who had put her in this situation in the first place! That was the last thing Tracey wanted, there was no way she would want her baby to be anything like his father! Maybe Pansy or Cecilia would have chosen them, but not Tracey!

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," Tracey sighed after the interview. "Is it so much to ask for any, oh, normal couples who want to adopt? Maybe I am best just to keep the baby and raise it myself."

"If you're having second thoughts and decide to keep this baby, it's up to you," said Tracey's mother. "But we still have one last couple to interview. If none of them are suitable, and you still want to keep him, then you can."

"I'm trying," said Tracey. "I'm not asking for much."

"We know you're trying, Tracey. There are normal couples out there," said Tracey's father.

The last couple was Alexander and Emily Phillips. Emily had two miscarriages, and had given birth to a stillborn baby two years ago. They had a daughter of their own, but all three children they had lost were boys, and they wanted a son as well. They felt adoption was their best option.

"Thank you for seeing us," Emily said to Tracey's mother. "We appreciate it."

"Thank you for coming, Tracey is downstairs," Tracey's mother replied.

They went downstairs where Tracey was waiting.

"Hi, Tracey," said Alexander.

"Hello," Tracey replied politely.

They sat down and started talking.

"First off, we just want to say we really appreciate that you're willing to consider us as parents, and we feel for you," said Emily.

"This can't be easy for you, to carry a child then give it up to someone else," said Alexander. "We sympathize one hundred percent with what you're going through."

"Thank you," said Tracey, thinking maybe she'd finally come across the right couple.

They began the interview.

"How long have you been married?" Tracey asked them.

"Six years," replied Alexander.

"How many children do you have?" asked Tracey.

"Just one daughter," replied Alexander. "She's four."

"Why are you interested in adoption?" asked Tracey.

"I've had two miscarriages, and also a stillborn baby, all of them were boys," said Emily. "There are medicines out there but at this point, I feel that adoption is our best option, plus we always said we'd have a child of our own and also adopt one if we could."

"How do you handle conflict?" asked Tracey's father.

"We don't fight a lot, and we try to avoid fighting in front of our children," replied Alexander.

"Children learn what they grow up with, if they see conflict, they learn conflict," said Emily.

"How would you feel about Tracey visiting the baby?" asked Tracey's mother.

"We could give you an address if you wanted and send pictures," replied Emily.

"We could work something out, I'm sure," said Alexander.

"Would you treat this child any different from your biological child?" asked Tracey.

"Absolutely not," replied Alexander.

"What about views on discipline?" Tracey's father asked.

"Well, if the child acts out, we'd discipline him, things like time out and such. Nothing drastic," Emily assured Tracey.

They asked a few more questions. When the interview was finished, Tracey reached her decision.

"Before you came, I was having serious second thoughts about this whole adoption bit," she said.

"It's understandable," said Alexander.

"Yeah," said Tracey. "Well, I don't any more. I think you guys are great, I want you to have my baby."

"Thank you so much," said Emily.

The family thanked the Davis family and left.

"So you've made your decision?" asked Tracey's father.

"Yes," Tracey said. "I think they're by far the best to raise my baby."

"Okay, as long as you're sure," said Tracey's mother. "I'll write to Mr Dunstan and tell him you've reached a decision."

Tracey did her best to follow Madam Nurturessa's advice by resting and avoiding stress. She also spent much of her time looking up names for her baby. Some names she quite liked others she ruled out quickly.

The baby's due date was fast approaching. In just a few weeks, he would be here.