Hatred; Justified?

He apparated just outside the Hogwarts school grounds with rightful exhaustion both mentally and physically, and started walking towards the front doors of the castle despite the lingering pain in his body. This meeting had been especially hard as the need to get information out had grown unavoidable. He felt a chill pass over him despite the hot and sticky weather of the late summer night.

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"I am not to be fooled , Snape... This overgrown curiosity of yours should be tamed, I have heard that you were especially interested in next week's act. One can't help to wonder why. Perhaps you should appreciate a lesson... Crucio!"

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His feet were just starting to feel the ground when the last hours' remembering started a familiar involuntary spasm all over his body. He felt the solid vision of the castle waver and his head began turning. "Damn! What a weakling you are Snape... Collect yourself, one may think that you were alien to this shit." No, this was not new, not at all... When he looked back, his whole life seemed to be spasms of pain. "Thirteen years of peace with sweet memories was enough, time to add new pleasures." he thought mockingly. It was a gift of a lifetime in darkness, to be able to mock and sneer after such times. Had he not been able to do that, death would be inevitable. "Death..." he thought, "All to escape death? You are such a coward Snape." He knew that was not entirely true, he very well knew that he was too useful to be left to die but he willingly blocked out the knowledge with an awkward pleasure of accusing himself. He floated through the magically lighted corridors of the Hogwarts castle and headed towards Dumbledore's office. He would have welcomed a good night's sleep but he knew that nightmares would never leave him alone after such a day as they never did. Besides Dumbledore had told him to come to his office that night. He was too experienced as a spy to find it strange to attend Dumbledore's meeting after Voldemort's. "Still ironically funny..." he thought with a fearsome sneer but didn't forget to add bitterly, "The irony of my existence..." He saw the guarding goblin and gave the password. He thought, "I am a two-faced bastard." with a mocking pride as he knocked and went in without waiting for the answer.

"Severus," said Dumbledore, "please sit down..." and his frighteningly powerful stare of determination, the replacement of the usual cheerful twinkle in his eyes in these days, subsided into a worried and understanding look of kindness as he saw the exhaustion and pain in Snape's dark and hollow eyes. Snape seemed unaware of the look in Dumbledore's eyes, deliberately or not. He sat down, letting his eyes stare deep into the darkness. Just then did he realize that they were not alone. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were there, too. He shot one of his looks that would have killed both if looks were meant to be able to kill. Black boldly shot back a look of same scornfully strong loathing. Lupin rathered to stare out to darkness, there were purple shadows under Lupin's eyes. "Must be near full moon. The tame wolfie's time to reveal himself..."

"Though I know how weary you must be Severus, we had to meet as we needed the information so urgent. My apologies..." said Dumbledore with a kind voice though still with an edge of irritation because of the deadly stares of Black and Snape.

All three faced Dumbledore as he questioned Snape. He talked of all he knew, avoiding any information about how he got it. He described the meeting with a few sentences and was forced to tell them of Voldemort's annoyance of his curiosity but never mentioned anything about how the Dark Lord had expressed this to him. He knew Dumbledore would guess but he didn't care about that. Just as long as Black and Lupin didn't know. Them knowing about it wasn't actually what he feared. What he feared was the chance of the Gryffindors' pity. He shuddered at the thought and listened to Dumbledore's directions.

"Better stay quiet for some time Severus. I will give you some information that you can give to Voldemort to pacify his suspicions for sometime but I hope that you are aware..." Snape cut in,

"Yes, Headmaster. I know that I will have to show my true face in a short time." "Whatever it is..." he thought, trying hard to suppress a hysterical laughter.

"Exactly Severus, we need a new connection until the time comes which I, too, fear is very close. Voldemort is no fool." said Dumbledore and he was lost in thought for a few minutes as Snape, Black and Lupin waited patiently, used to be around Dumbledore in such times. Then he turned away to give directions to Black and Lupin as Snape tuned him out. It was his turn to be lost in thought. He was just thinking of getting some Dreamless Sleep potion to avoid the nightmares when Dumbledore said that they can go now. Lupin said that he wanted to have a word with Dumbledore and so Black and Snape was forced to leave together.

He got up, concentrating hard on not to sway or let his knees tremble as he did so. Then he looked at Black and saw the look in the man's eyes. "No, I need not fear of pity from this one.." he thought and for a moment, his body recovered from the whole night's suffering with the wave of pride that swept past his soul. He hated Black with all his might and it gave him a fearsome satisfaction to see it returned. But as he took his first step towards the door, the aching of all his bones returned in full strength. He didn't care and approached the door, ahead of Black. He went outside and kept on walking ahead of Black until the corridor forked into two new corridors. He turned left and stopped to look behind. Black, too, stopped and said, "Goodnight, Professor..." in such a tone that Snape felt his body shake with frustration.

Normally, he would have smiled that sweet smile of his that meant danger and he would coolly come up with an answer that would make Black shake with the frustration he was experiencing now. But his nerves had gone so worn off after weeks of gritting his teeth to keep his Death Eater profile in Lord Voldemort's meetings that he suddenly lost all his sarcasm and steadiness, if it could be called that. He knew he was doing just what he sneered at Black for always doing but he also knew he would regret all his life if he kept silent and gritted his teeth at this, too. So he turned around, walked towards Black and looked into his eyes in such a way that even Black who was so used to Snape's stares had to take a step back. Then Snape knew what he wanted to do and he punched Black in the nose with a such a wild strength that even he, himself was awed. Black gave a cry of pain and clutched his nose. There was blood all over his face and he kept cursing under his breath.

Snape stared at him with the utmost satisfaction and then walked away to his office.