Torn

Harry woke up feeling drained of all energy. He pulled aside the curtain of his four-poster bed and nodded. Ron was already gone, as he'd expected. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his eyes. He supposed that everyone would be avoiding him now; he'd hurt Ginny too badly. How could they know what it was like to be him, and to fear getting close to anyone? He reached for his glasses and slid them on, then stood and dressed. It was a nasty day, and he felt that it was only fitting.

He went down to the Great Hall with some trepidation, wondering what kind of reception he might get. To his surprise, Ron and Hermione treated him normally. He glanced around quickly for Ginny, and was somewhat relieved when he didn't see her. He looked around the room, sighing and wondering how the day was going to play out. His eyes fell on the Slytherin table, and he was surprised to catch Malfoy grinning at him. What the hell was going on?

After he'd finished eating, he, Ron, and Hermione made their way to Charms. He was a little unnerved; Malfoy was still smiling oddly at him. Professor Flitwick clapped his hands together, and the noise in the room died away.

"Alright, class. Today we're going to practice color changing charms, with a twist. Several of our sixth years have volunteered for this practice. Please be careful, but remember to have fun as well! You'll be trying to change the color of their hair or their eyes, but nothing else, as that could be potentially dangerous." He moved to open the door to the classroom, and several Gryffindor and Slytherin sixth years filed in. Harry felt his stomach drop through his feet when he saw Ginny's copper hair moving amid the other students. She didn't even glance at him, which he thought was odd. She knew he was in this class; why didn't she look? He frowned. Why did he expect her to look at him, after what he'd done last night?

"Alright, I'd like the Slytherin sixth years to pair with the Gryffindor seventh years, and vice versa." Harry's mouth dropped open as he watched Malfoy seek out Ginny and grab her hand. He pulled her in front of him, and said something that elicited a giggle from her. Ron had noticed as well, and was frowning. In fact, the entire class seemed surprised at the pairing, especially since it had obviously been voluntary. Ginny and Malfoy seemed oblivious to all of the attention they were getting, and continued to laugh.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, nudging Ron's ribs with his elbow. Ron shrugged.

"I don't know. She hates that arrogant prat! I don't get it."

"Isn't it obvious?" Hermione asked, her brow furrowing. "She's trying to make Harry jealous."

"Well, it's working," he muttered under his breath. He didn't like the way Malfoy was looking at her, or the way she threw her head back and laughed whenever he said something. He was so distracted that he kept messing up his charm, and the poor Slytherin girl he'd been paired with ended up with green teeth. When class ended, he gathered his things, hoping to have a word with Ginny. Much to his dismay, however, he watched as Malfoy bent to whisper something in her ear. She nodded and smiled, then waved at him as she left, never once looking in Harry's direction. Harry clenched his fist. Before Hermione or Ron could stop him, he stomped over to Malfoy, who looked up in surprise.

"Well, well. To what do I owe this visit from you, Scarhead?" he smirked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I've told you a hundred times to stay away from her, you smarmy git," he hissed. Malfoy grinned wickedly.

"Let me let you in on a little secret, Potter," he said, leaning forward slightly. He licked his lips, then smiled again, and Harry was taken aback. It was a vicious smile, and it made him uneasy. "You broke things off with her, remember? She needs someone to comfort her, doesn't she? I've just... made myself available, so to speak."

"And why would you do that?" Harry asked suspiciously, ignoring the painful sting that Malfoy's words had created. "You hate the Weasleys, or have you forgotten in the happiness surrounding your father's escape from Azkaban?"

"I don't forget anything, Potter," he said dangerously, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder. He left without looking back, and Harry felt a strange prickling on the back of his neck. He turned back to Hermione and Ron, who were openly gaping. Malfoy had been right; he'd dumped Ginny, and not the other way around - so what business did he have, questioning the people she chose to speak to? And why had that last comment sounded like a threat?

When the trio got to the Great Hall, Harry noted with some resentment that Ginny was sitting at the opposite end of the table as he usually sat. She glanced up briefly when he came in, but the look of hurt in her eyes was so painful that Harry had to look away. After lunch, it was time for potions. They had made it halfway through their lesson when Neville's cauldron exploded. Draco had ducked beneath a desk, laughing, when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned surprised eyes to Ginny.

"What are you doing in here?" She grinned malevolently.

"Wanna raise some hell, Draco?" He arched his eyebrows at her use of his first name, but the gleam in her eyes was irresistable.

"What do you have in mind? Lay it on me." She reached into her pocket and pulled out several strange looking devices. "What are those?"

"Hall passes, courtesy of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," she said, smiling. She tossed a few dungbombs into the middle of the room, and smothered a giggle. He grinned at her.

"Let's get out of here," he whispered, grabbing her hand. She nodded and followed him out the door.

Harry had been coughing when he saw a flash of copper near the door to the potions classroom. He crawled closer, wanting to see if he'd been hallucinating, and watched in utter shock as Malfoy grabbed Ginny's hand and crawled out into the hallway with her. He sat down heavily on the floor and stared. What had come over Ginny? Had Malfoy put a spell on her? He had to have done something; Harry just couldn't believe that Ginny would go to him of her own free will.

Later on, just before dinner, Harry decided to take a walk around the lake. Tonight was Quidditch practice, and he'd have to face her then. He planned out in his head what he would say to her. He had to have some questions answered.

When the time came for Quidditch practice, Ginny did not show up. No one else on the team had seen her since just after lunch. Fear gripped Harry's heart. He'd pushed her right into Malfoy's arms, because he'd thought he was saving her from - well, right now he couldn't remember what he'd been trying to protect her from; he only knew he missed her.

Needless to say, his flying that night was less than stellar, and he was anxious for practice to end. He sprinted up to the common room, hoping to find Ginny there, but she was nowhere to be found. He asked Hermione if she was sleeping, and she gave him a strange look.

"She's not upstairs at all," she said, putting her quill down. "I'm really starting to get worried about her. Harry, can I ask you something?"

"Uhm... sure," he said, his stomach doing a flip-flop. She eyed him thoughtfully.

"Why did you break up with her? You both seemed so happy." Before he realized it, the words began tumbling out of his mouth, and he'd told her everything that Dumbledore had said, and the feeling that if he pushed Ginny away, she'd be safe. Hermione bit her bottom lip thoughtfully for a moment, before responding.

"Harry, you can't keep pushing people away. Ginny knew the risks of being close to you when she began feeling this way about you so many years ago. She fully realized that if she got close to you, she could be a potential target. I think the fact that she stood by you anyway should speak volumes about how much she cares for you, and how little she cares about being a target for You-Know-Who." Harry blinked.

"She threw caution to the wind, and I pushed her away to save her." He didn't know who he was trying harder to convince - himself, or Hermione.

"You can't keep this up. Eventually you're going to have to let someone in, or else you'll be alone forever."

"You're right, I know," he said, finally admitting defeat. "But I'm not even sure how to go about getting her back, or if she'd even want to come back. Suppose she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?"

"Harry," she said, giving him a reproachful look. "That's ridiculous! She's been in love with you from the moment she set eyes on you. A little stupidity on your part isn't going to change that." He laughed.

"Gee, thanks," he said, his eyes twinkling. "I feel loads better now." He gave Hermione a quick hug, then headed upstairs. He needed to get sleep if he was going to have a talk with Ginny tomorrow, like he wanted to do.

After they'd skived off their last two classes, Ginny and Draco were walking beside the lake, laughing about the mess in the potions classroom. She felt totally at ease with him right at this moment, and the thought made her smile shyly at him. He grinned and reached for her hand. His pulse roared in his ears when she laced her fingers through his. They both knew that their little stunt in Charms today had been risky, but neither one of them cared at the present time.

"Did you see the look on Snape's face when he got a whiff of that first dungbomb?" she laughed. He grinned.

"Amazing," he marveled. "I didn't know a person's mouth could twist like that." She giggled again. "I've been meaning to ask you, though. Why were you down there to begin with?"

"I felt down in the dumps, and I needed some company. I'd already skived off my class, so I figured I'd just wander around the castle for a while. There usually aren't very many classes going on in the dungeons, so that's where I went. It was just a lucky coincidence that your class had already been disrupted."

"Lucky coincidence, indeed," he smirked. "Longbottom always causes havoc in there."

"Hey," she said softly, halting her steps. He stopped and looked over at her. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For letting me cry on your shoulder last night, and for being so nice to me today. I know you put a lot on the line in Charms by even talking to me, let alone choosing me as your partner." He swallowed hard. Her sincerity was twisting his heart into guilty knots. He was quickly approaching the point of no return - he was in over his head with her, and he knew it.

"Don't worry about it," he said smoothly, his voice sounding calmer than he felt. She smiled and started walking again.

"It's getting late," she said, yawning. He nodded silently, feeling a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach when he looked at her. She turned sleepy eyes to him and smiled sweetly, making his breath catch in his throat. "We should be getting back."

"Right," he said, nodding. Neither one of them moved, and suddenly she didn't feel tired anymore. The look in his eyes was paralyzing her. He stepped closer to her and pressed his lips to hers. She raised her arms and clasped her hands behind his neck, and pressed against him. He kissed her passionately, then pulled away.

"I can't do this anymore," he whispered, his voice cracking. She blinked. She'd heard those words last night from Harry, and she knew what they meant. She stiffened in his arms.

"Oh."

"Don't say it like that, I didn't mean what you think I did."

"Well, how did you mean it then?"

"I meant that I can't do this sneaking around bit anymore. I . . .I can't be anywhere near you and pretend that I'm unaffected by you."

"You can't tell anyone, though," she protested, a knot of fear growing rapidly in her chest. "Your father will be upset, and your friends will desert you, remember?"

"Right," he said, shaking his head. What was he on about? Wasn't this supposed to be his game? He needed to end things, and now, before they went any further. The game had spiraled out of his control and beyond his reach, and now he was no more than a pawn in his own game.

"I understand," she whispered, interpreting the look in his eyes. "I won't bother you again." With that, she pecked his cheek, then turned and made her way back to the castle. He stared after her, not understanding where he'd gone awry.

The rest of the week passed by in a blur for Ginny. She avoided the common room at all costs, and when she did go through it, she sprinted to avoid contact with anyone. She'd even taken to avoiding Hermione, which was unusual for her. Harry had tried to corner her since Wednesday morning, but he just couldn't catch her in time to do it. She'd see him coming, then take off as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

She was doing the same thing with Draco, but to a lesser extent. She knew that he was forced into silence because of the reaction that he'd receive if anyone had found out about them, but that thought didn't comfort her. She dreamt every night of a man with pale hair and startling green eyes, and would awake sweating profusely. Somehow in the middle of everything, she must have gotten her feelings confused. She didn't know how else to explain it.

Saturday morning rolled around, clear and bright. She was tired of hiding. Three days had sapped her of any will to hide again, and she needed a break. She was tired of exhausting all of her efforts and energy by running from everyone she knew. She wrapped her cloak around her shoulders and skipped breakfast to go outside. She found the tree that she and Harry had picnicked under and sat down, ignoring the frost that blanketed the ground. She felt relatively safe; this was a Hogsmeade weekend, so everyone was likely to be gone. She leaned back against the tree trunk and closed her eyes, savoring the gentle breeze that ruffled her hair and caressed her face.

Harry had been moping. Every time he tried to get close to Ginny, she bolted. He knew it was nothing less than he deserved, after the way he'd hurt her; but deep in his heart, he'd hoped that she'd missed him enough to allow him to come begging to have her back. She didn't even seem to want to look at him, let alone hear him grovel at her feet. He kicked the dirt with the toe of his shoe, feeling despondent. The wind picked up slightly, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of copper. He turned and felt his jaw drop. There she was, beneath their tree, looking more beautiful than ever. His heart ached for her.

He nodded to himself. This was as good a time as any - she was alone, and didn't know that he'd been forbidden to go to Hogsmeade, so she wouldn't expect him to be there. He moved silently towards her, then squatted down in front of her on the balls of his feet. He coughed slightly, and her eyes flew open in mild surprise. For a moment, she just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Hello," she said quietly.

"Hi," he said, wondering if this had been such a good idea after all. "How've you been?"

"I've... been," she said, smiling ruefully. He nodded. "And you?"

"I've been miserable," he admitted, surprised at his own candor. She bit her lip and looked away. "Look, Gin, I can't apologize enough to you for what I did. There was no excuse for it, and ..." his voice trailed off.

"You don't have to say you're sorry to me, Harry," she said, gazing out across the surface of the lake. It was so still, it looked like glass.

"But I am," he said, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm sorry. I want to fix things. Tell me how to fix things, Ginny."

"Harry, you left me. What is there left to fix?" Her voice contained a note of sadness that he didn't like hearing from her.

"Tell me you'll have me back," he whispered, his voice husky with emotion. "I'm afraid if I don't tell you now how I feel, you'll never look at me again the way you used to. I don't want to lose you, Gin." She turned her eyes slowly to meet his.

"You hurt me."

"I know. I didn't mean to. I thought I was doing what was best for you at the time. Hermione talked some sense into me, and now I know I was just being a stupid prat." A hint of a smile tugged at her lips.

"Well, just as long as you know."

"Does that mean that you forgive me?"

"Sure," she said, trying to sound lofty. She looked down at her hands.

"What about the possibility of having me back?"

"What about it?"

"Is there even the slightest chance that I'd ever be able to prove myself to you and convince you to love me again?"

"Harry, you can't possibly believe that I'd stop loving you just because you said you didn't want to be with me anymore. My emotions don't turn on and off like that."

"Are you saying that you still love me?" he asked, his heart nearly stopping with the excitement that he felt.

"Of course I do, Potter," she said, tears stinging her eyes. He lunged forward and squeezed her close to him, feeling a wellspring of hope replacing the sadness he'd felt that morning. He kissed the top of her head.

"I'll do anything you want me to do, Ginny. I'm going to prove to you that I love you, and I'm never going to let you go again. I just hope that someday you'll give me another chance."

"I thought I just did," she said softly. He pulled away and looked at her, searching her face to see if she'd meant what he thought she had. When she reached up and stroked the side of his face with her hand, he felt as though he could melt away.

"You won't regret this, Ginny, I swear it to you." He folded her in his arms again, and leaned back against the tree. She dropped her head on his shoulder, and was content just to be near him again.