Remembering

Remembering

Prongs. Best friend, why did you leave me here in the darkness? I am so lonely without you, like a wolf without his pack. Your death has burned a hole in my heart, why did you leave? I can hardly believe that it's over. It can't be - not just like that.

This must be a dream. That is it, I'm sleeping, and when I wake, I'll be sleeping in my Hogwarts bed just as I was years ago when I was still a student under watchful eye, and you'll be standing above me with your sparkling eyes, and that mischievous grin, wand in hand.

Oh, if right now I were to look into the Mirror of Desire at this moment, I would see your beloved face staring back at me, back at us, all of us together - me and you and R.J, and Peter - all together like we used to be. How I wish I could see your face again, your glowing, pure face smiling that smile I used to know so well. Now I have forgotten what it feels like to smile like that.

It tears at my heart whenever I think of you. Whenever I look at a dog, it cracks as I remember the good old carefree Hogwarts days. The days of the old crowd, the Magical Marauders, the fearsome foursome, our prime. How I miss those blissful days.

When I look behind me, I see happiness. When I look ahead, there is only desolate darkness. Now that you are gone, and I am a fugitive, there is no hope for tomorrow. Life has no meaning anymore. No! My life does have meaning, and the Dementors are twisting my thoughts and bewitching me!

I wish I could transform, but it hurts too much to remember.

Oh, why did you die, James, why? It is all my fault! I should've been your keeper, not Peter! I should've for-seen this. It is all my fault, my fault! Poor Lily. She died, and if it weren't for me, she would still be alive. Poor Harry. Orphaned before he could remember your beloved faces. Poor, poor Harry, being dropped on those foul muggles' doorstep, and it's all my fault! I don't deserve freedom, I deserve to suffer in Azkaban. I should let the Dementors catch me; when they give me their "Kiss" I won't hurt anymore, and then all this heart - aching pain will be over.

Oh, why did I talk you into it? Why, James, why? I am such a fool, just like greasy Snape. I don't deserve to live. It's my fault for all of this mess, for your death, and Lily's and poor Harry's orphaning. All my fault.

I should just kill myself, right here before anyone finds me here. Yes, that would be best - because then, the world would be rid of one more fool than it needs to have, one more nitwit, one more moron. Then, the wizarding world won't have to worry about me. Then, I can be with you - wherever you are. Then, I can be with my pack again. After all, Death is but life's next greatest adventure.