Losing Grip

Losing Grip

By: CheerPrincess

Category: Romance/Angst

Rating: PG 13

Are you aware of what

You make me feel, baby

"Arg!" Hermione Granger let out an exasperated sigh, crumbling her Potions essay into a small ball, tossing the unfortunate parchment behind her. She pulled a clean sheet out from her bag on the library table, wet her quill, flipped the pages in her text to the desired information, and began writing profusely.

Soon after, Hermione dropped her quill. It was no use, she decided. Her mind was elsewhere; elsewhere being on the thoughts of another. Her boyfriend, Draco Malfoy.

That little tid-bit of information in itself was quite a shocker, and definitely a point to ponder. The beautiful, chestnut-haired, cinnamon-eyed, Gryffindor was dating the insufferable, abet, incredibly handsome blonde-haired, steel-eyed git, the Prince of Slytherin.

Three months ago, the two had formed a friendship. Due to both serving as Prefects for their houses, they were given the task of making arrangements for the upcoming Yule Ball. Hermione offered the idea of a truce, so that their time spent would be productive, instead of wasted on overused insults. Draco had agreed.

After spending countless hours going over plans, Hermione and Draco discovered they quite enjoyed each other's company. Hermione found Draco could be very kind, someone she could have serious discussions with. She broke through the stone walls he had constructed around himself, and found he was completely different from the impression he emitted. He may have been the son of a Death Eater, but he certainly was not one. He made a point to let her know that.

She also found they could discuss serious topics, without either losing interest in the subject matter. They spent countless hours talking about everything, from school to their dreams. She discovered he wanted to possibly become an Auror, like she herself had pondered many times about; Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley where still her best friends, but they could be daft at times.

Draco no longer threw insults at her. Rather, he exchanged witty comments. She found him fascinating and intelligent. Naturally, somewhere along the way, their friendship turned into something more.

Hence, the beginning of her troubles.

Right now I feel invisible to you

Like I'm not real

He had become distant lately, missing dates as well as avoiding her in the halls. They rarely talked as of late, and when she did find some time alone with him, he was very quiet. He no longer contributed to their discussions, only nodding when necessary. At first, Hermione just passed it off, thinking nothing of his odd behavior. It was probably that he was busy with his schoolwork, or thinking about other things. After all, she was preoccupied with OWLs fast approaching.

There was also that incident. The one she was desperately trying to forget. She could still feel the cold stares upon her. She could still remember shaking in fear when he left her there. . . Hermione quickly squashed that train of thought. Bringing that up wouldn't be productive at all.

Ever since they had returned from Christmas holiday, she had suppressed all thoughts dealing with that matter. However, it became more than she could bear.

Didn't you feel me lock

My arms around you

Why did you turn away

When she would embrace him, he would be aloof. His arms would dangle limply by his sides, like she was not hugging him. His body posed no response. He did not even stiffen. If it had, at least then she would have known he had acknowledged her presence in some way.

They had not kissed either. Hermione closed her eyes, recalling the feel of his lips on hers. The memory was very vague, and she desperately wanted to refresh it. Bringing her hand to her lips, she sighed.

Hermione shoved her unfinished essay in her bag and hastily collected her belongings. She decided that the hurt could no longer be contained. She had to talk to him.

Pushing her chair back, she stood from the table, slung her bag over one shoulder, and proceeded to hastily exit the library. Madame Pince glared at her, due to the ruckus she had made. Hermione did not even look back.

She knew where he would be. Her feet automatically guided her down the twists and turns of Hogwarts to a statue of an ancient wizard. Muttering "Fiddlesticks and Houcum," the statue moved aside, and she entered.

Here's what I have to say

The room was lusciously furnished. Candles where everywhere, illuminating the red and gold drapes and tapestries. A painting hung above the fireplace. In it, the Famous Hogwarts Founders stood together, warm gazes and gentle smiles gracing their features. How ironic, she thought, that they could be in such happy moods when I'm about to break down.

"Draco?" she called softly, dropping her bag on the stone floor.

Calling was not necessary, for he sat before her on a comfortable sofa chair, back facing her, like one of the stone statues found in Hogwart's corridors. He did not even turn his head.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she fought them down. Be brave, she told herself, you were not sorted into Gryffindor for nothing. Summoning all her courage, she stepped directly in front of him. Slowly, he raised his gaze, arching an inquisitive brow.

"Draco. We need to discuss a very important issue. Now."

There, she had said it. Now for his response.

The corner of his mouth rose to form his trademark smirk, but dropped when he saw the serious expression gracing her lovely features.

He nodded, signaling for her to sit across form him. Quickly, she took the offered seat, and began wringing her hands.

I was left to cry there

Waiting outside there

Grinning with a lost stare

That's when I decided

"You left me."

Those three simple words held so much emotion, Hermione could barely choke them out. She recalled the horrible party at the Malfoy Manor, the little "celebration" she had attended with Draco a week ago. Shivers ran up her spine.

This was the horrible memory she had tried to suppress. Being left alone with all those horrible people, people who were unknown to her, yet she knew exactly what they were; people who were dangerous. She met his steady gaze, trying to read his reaction. Nothing.

He let out a sigh, as if he was listening to another one of Professor Binn's history lessons.

"You left me with them. How could you?" She looked again. Nothing.

"I was so afraid, you knew they could have done anything they wanted with me, anything at all. And you still left me."

Now his expression changed. It softened, as if to offer an apology.

"I-"he began, but Hermione cut him off.

"No. I don't want to hear it."

Why should I care

Cause you weren't there

When I was scared

I was so alone

You need to listen

"I don't want to hear the pathetic excuse you've conjured up. I'm sick of it. I thought you had changed. I thought you were different. But apparently I was wrong. You left me there with those Death Eaters."

His expression became startled. "I care about you. How could you think any differently?"

"How could I think any differently?" she shrieked. "How could I not?"

Tears welled up in her eyes. No, she pleaded with herself, I can't. Not now. Not in front of him.

I'm startin to trip

I'm losing my grip

And I'm in this thing alone

"Look, I know I have been busy lately, but it doesn't mean I don't care. And that. It was just a misunderstanding." Draco glanced up, hoping she would accept that answer.

However, in typical Hermione fashion, vague answers are never sufficient, and this one was as vague as they come.

Am I just some chick

You placed beside you

To take somebody's place

"Misunderstanding? That's original. You treat me like a thing, Draco, a thing. I'm human, and should be treated accordingly. Pansy may have done your bidding without question, but I am not her. I will never be her." Hermione looked up in grim determination. "And you will never order me around and neglect me when you don't feel like it. No one should ever be treated like that."

When you turn around

Can you recognize my face

"You don't know me anymore. We haven't talked alone in what seems like forever. Draco, you act as if you've never met me before in your life and treat me as such. Not like I'm your girlfriend."

She angrily pushed aside a strand of hair, focusing on his face. His eyes were wide with disbelief. Draco's mouth attempted to form words, but found he was rendered speechless.

You used to love me

You used to hug me

But that wasn't the case

Everything wasn't okay

"It's true. I thought you loved me. We haven't kissed, hugged, or even held hands in weeks. What's wrong with you? Why have you changed?" Draco looked upon her pleading expression, suddenly saddened. He looked down at the floor.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

I was left to cry there

Waiting outside there

Grinning with a lost stare

That's when I decided

Hermione gasped in disbelief. She rubbed her eyes, trying avoiding the inevitable tears. She rose and kneeled at his feet, taking his hand in hers.

"Just tell me. Please" she pleaded desperately.

His gaze met hers briefly.

"I don't know," he repeated again. Her face fell.

Why should I care

Cause you weren't there

When I was scared

I was so alone

You need to listen

Hermione scooted away, dropping his hand, as if she had been struck, and rose slowly to her feet. Draco reached for her, but she continued out of grasp. "No."

He looked at her questioningly. "No. I don't believe you." Hermione began to shake, and wrapped her arms around herself. Suddenly, she snapped to a halt. Her arms dropped, and she began to make her way to her bag. I won't, she told herself. Not here in front of him.

"Hermione--"he began, standing up form the chair. The candlelight made everything seem surreal. That's what it is, he thought, this isn't real. I'm having a nightmare.

I'm startin to trip

I'm losing my grip

And I'm in this thing alone

"Open your eyes, Draco," she whispered. "Open your eyes and take a look around. If you can't make an effort to realize what is happening, then I'm sorry."

Hermione slug her bag over her shoulder and turned around.

Draco stood frozen. He was shocked. He was scared. The great Draco Malfoy was afraid. Afraid that the only woman he ever loved was going to leave him, and because of something he did. Because he was being stupid.

Crying out loud

I'm crying out loud

Crying out loud

I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes

Open wide

He could hear her sniffling. She was crying, because of him. It was his fault. He hated it when she cried; it made his insides to churn. Tears began to well up in his eyes.

Hermione turned around, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

"Good bye, Draco," and with that, she turned around and left.

The End