A Whole New Chapter

Chapter 4: My Stupid Mouth

Ben, though a bit eccentric (or, rather, weird) was a good guy. Presently, he was cooking dinner for his date with Ashley. It was true that something had been on his mind lately. He didn't know how to go about telling his girlfriend (as he now called her) about the news, but was adamant that tonight he would tell her. He tasted the pasta to see if it was ready (just a pinch of his secret sauce) when there was a knock on the door. He ran to answer it, thinking that he needed to get her a key already.

"Hi," Ashley greeted, kissing him on the cheek. He was slightly disappointed that she didn't meet him at the mouth, but dismissed that factor as he looked at her attire. She wore faded blue jeans and a black T-shirt underneath her coat. He grinned at her.

"Come on in. The food's almost ready," he said, taking her coat and hanging it up. She rubbed her belly.

"Good, because I didn't eat lunch," she announced. He laughed from the kitchen.

"That's not good for you." Ashley, who had been smiling, suddenly frowned, though Ben couldn't see it. She had told Hermione that comment earlier, to which Hermione shook her head and smiled. Ron left his mouth hanging open in feigned shock, managing to chastise her with ideas that food was so important it was a sin to skip a meal with a straight face. Harry had laughed, saying it was a good thing she always had meals between meals. She was expecting Ben to comment along those lines. He should have known that she rarely, if ever, skipped lunch, and if she did, there was always second lunch.

Negative thoughts cast a shadow, she thought, pushing her feelings aside. Ben came out at that moment, sauce on his apron which read "What a Weiner" with an arrow pointing downwards (Ashley held back a laugh and a sour face), carrying a large tray filled with their dinner. He set it down on the coffee table, dusting his hands off.

"Lots of work, that," he stated. He smiled at her, and from that smile she remembered what else she was there for.

"Ben, I need to ask you something." He nodded, taking off his apron and sitting down next to her. "I know something's wrong." He sighed, pushing his hair away from his eyes. He really needed to get it cut. It was almost November, meaning he hadn't had a haircut in six months.

"Well, there is something I really think you're going to like," he said, getting and grabbing a letter from the mantle. Ashley let out a sigh of relief, barely noticeable. At least it was good. He handed her the letter.

It read:

Dear Mr. Hudson:

It is with great pleasure that we approve your application for a position Creature Rights Speaker. If it is not too much trouble, we invite you to your first assignment: two years minimum in the United States, spreading views and points about creature rights from the Ministry. We hope you accept our offer and contact us with your answer as soon as possible. We look forward to hearing from you, and, if possible, seeing you in the States.

Thank you.

Regards,

Victoria Astor

Victoria Astor, Head of the Department of International Relations, Boston, Massachusetts.

Ashley looked up at Ben, who was beaming.

"I wrote back and said yes," he said excitedly. "I'm going to the states this coming Tuesday. I hope you'll go with me." He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Ben that's great---what?" she stuttered. Go with him? Why? His face fell slightly.

"I don't want to be without my girlfriend. I know how hard long distance relationships can be," he said. She didn't know what she was hearing.

"Ben, I'm happy for you, and I'm glad you call me your girlfriend. But I just can't up and leave everything over here. You want me to cross the Atlantic Ocean with you and we don't even live together!"

"That's because we haven't, you know..." he trailed off, blushing. She turned red too, but it wasn't from embarrassment.

"I'm glad about that," she spat. He abruptly changed moods.

"What?"

She stood there, her hands on her hips. "Ben, we are not that serious. Sure, we're exclusive and everything, but I don't want to go to America with you. I'm done with everything over there and I'm not ready to do that! Believe it or not, it's a big commitment." He ran his hands through his hair, which she knew meant he was nervous. No, she remembered, Harry does that. He turned around, opening his mouth several times to speak but closing it instead. She almost dared to think he agreed with her when he vented.

"I know that! I just thought that we were ready. We've been together for a while and I guess I thought you cared as much as I do. I don't want to be apart from you; that's why I'm begging you to come with me." She shook her head, incredulous. Her hair was starting to fall from its bun.

"We've only been dating since July, Ben. That's only about four months! It's like you want to marry me!" When he was silent, she gasped. "No," she whispered. She sat down, not trusting her legs to support her body. He didn't look at her. She was in shock. "Ben, how is this possible? How can you be like this? You always told me you ran away from girls that wanted something like that so soon."

Ben sat down too, clasping his hands in his lap. "I don't want to marry you as soon as possible," he clarified. "I really like you and I think I'm in love with you, which has never happened to me before. I don't want to leave you. That's all. I don't want marriage." Her head dropped forward as she slouched, folding her hands in front of her. She thought about what had just been revealed in such a short time (she barely got in a few minutes ago!). So Ben was looking for a commitment. She tried to identify what exactly bothered her about this as she stared at the pasta. She didn't glance at him once during this time.

Finally, she had it. Commitment wasn't the problem, or even how soon it was brought up. Well, maybe it was, but she knew that that wasn't the icing on the cake. She didn't want to commit, first of all, so young. She barely turned 22. The real revelation was that she didn't want to commit to Ben.

"I can't deal with this, Ben," she said, getting up. He rose with her.

"I guess it's long distance then," he said, as if everything was fine. She held up her hand.

"No," she said. "I can't deal with you." He opened his mouth to argue but shut it when she continued. "You deserve the best; I believe we all do. Best means that you're with someone who is, like you said, falling in love with you, someone who will jump on the next plane to follow you wherever you go. I didn't always believe that, but now I do.

"We're too different, Ben. Your idea of romantic is different than mine." He flinched, remembering that time in the park where he requested "Baby One More Time" to try and be romantic. "The only food we both like is pasta. Sure, you make me laugh, but so do a lot of my friends." She paused, almost rethinking her next few words. "More importantly, Ben, I'm not in love with you. I don't think I ever will be. I thought I would, but we've been growing apart, not closer. It's like we're just going out because that's a safety net."

He let her words sink in. He thought they had something, but he guessed he was wrong. It hurt a lot. Ben wasn't good friends with rejection. "I guess this is good-bye?" She walked over to him, her hands on his shoulders. He wanted to back away because her touch made him tingle and the pain in his chest bothered him, but he stayed there.

"I know you'll do well with your life and find someone great for you," she assured him. "Good-bye." With that, she grabbed her coat and belongings and left, never looking back. Ben slumped over on the couch, solemn. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Jenny? It's Ben. Are you busy tonight?"

~~~~~~~

"I would have thought you might be a little upset," Ginny admitted. She was currently talking to her cousin via Floo Network. Ashley was crouched over in Hermione's fireplace, replaying the events of that fateful night.

"I thought I would be sad but to tell you the truth I'm glad things turned out this way. I was dreading breaking it off just because. I didn't really like the whole ordeal," Ashley explained. Ginny laughed heartily. Ashley smiled back. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "How are things with your lover, Draco Malfoy?"

Ashley had never seen Ginny so red. Ever since Ginny's fifth year, she had been secretly seeing the Slytherin Prince. At first it was just a fling, a good time when she wasn't busy, but it eventually led to something more. It was thanks to Ginny that Draco switched to the Light. It was thanks to Hermione, Harry and Ashley that Ron was still oblivious.

"Great!" Ginny replied enthusiastically. Ashley laughed. "He's getting things ready for what he said was a 'special night.'" Ashley quickly adopted a serious face.

"Maybe he's pregnant." The two of them burst out laughing. They exchanged ideas about what Ginny's surprise could be, each more outrageous than the last. Eventually, they wandered back to Ashley and men in general. Ashley revealed that she had her sights on someone else, and Ginny didn't press further. When the subject of Ben resurfaced, Ashley's expression became wistful.

"I wish we celebrated Thanksgiving over here. I really want to throw turkey at Ron." Ginny frowned.

"Why?"

"Just because."

~~~~~~~~~~

It was early November, and Ashley was eating lunch with Ginny and Hermione at the new café in Diagon Alley (Delicious Delights). Ashley and Ginny had just told Hermione of Ashley's now nonexistent relationship with Ben. Hermione was not surprised.

"I was starting to think he was a little strange," she admitted, remembering his first date with Ashley, in which he thought Britney Spears was equal to Barry White. Ashley was glaring at Hermione.

"You suspected something and didn't tell me?" she asked, mock furious. Hermione grinned, taking a sip from her coffee. Ginny shook her head, silently eating her salad. After a few moments of silence Hermione spoke up again.

"Now that I've been proven right in that particular area," Ginny and Ashley snorted but said nothing, "I have another hunch. Actually, it's more of an idea." The others nodded, urging her to continue. Hermione closed her eyes as she said just one word, knowing it would make the volcano erupt. "Harry."

Ginny slammed her glass on the table top. "Hermione!" she exclaimed. "Not you too! I can't believe you let yourself get into that madness. Ron is really getting into your head. It's obvious that Harry doesn't like her that way--"

"I'm not so sure, Ginny. He never can keep a steady girlfriend. Maybe this is why," Hermione cut in. Ginny scoffed.

"Well, he has one now. Remember, he's dating some girl named--whatever, the point is he's involved. And even if he wasn't he wouldn't appreciate you setting him up with Ashley. Speaking of Ashley, she doesn't like him either!" Both of them waited for Ashley to speak up, most likely indignant at the fact they spoke as if she weren't there with them. They were surprised when she didn't say anything.

"Ashley?" Hermione asked. Ashley was sitting there, eyes on her drink, swirling the straw around. Ginny's mouth hung open.

"No," she said. Ashley's head jerked up.

"No what?" she asked. She hadn't been listening to their little spat.

"Do you like Harry as more than a friend?"

Ashley opened her mouth to argue but stopped. She thought about this carefully, before saying, "I don't know." The silence could be cut with a knife.

"I don't believe it. You do," Ginny started, but Ashley cut her off.

"Just because I don't know means I do? What kind of logic is that?" she questioned, annoyed.

"I get it now! He's your lobster," Ginny exclaimed. Both Ashley and Hermione stared at her. What was Ginny getting at?

"I'm pretty sure she's going somewhere with this. Trust me on that," Hermione whispered to Ashley. Both girls leaned to listen to Ginny's explanation.

"Lobsters mate for life. It's true! You can actually see old lobsters on the beach claw in claw, walking together," she said, holding her hands in example. "See? Harry's your lobster."

"I thought you were going to make sense. Lobsters don't mate for life," Ashley argued. Ginny nodded fervently. Ashley turned to Hermione for support, but found none.

"There is no way that I want to be with Harry. It was bad before and it would be bad this time. Why won't anyone leave me alone? This is the blind date that will never end!" Ashley groaned, allowing her head to hit the table. Hermione patted her hand sympathetically.

"Because," she stressed, "you said so yourself that you don't know how you feel." Ashley pounded her fist into the table at this. Ginny chuckled.

Ashley abruptly jerked her head up and glared at her so-called 'friends.' "Listen and listen well," she warned, "I don't feel any attraction to Harry in that way."

"So there is attraction to a certain point."

"ARGH! Stop it, stop it both of you. I'm leaving; I can't take much more of this lunacy." She grabbed her things, got up from the table and left, leaving two very knowing witches behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~

From what was heard, Harry was having a good time with his girlfriend. They had been together for most of October and half of November. Ron was glad that Harry was finally acting normal, but this feeling soon passed when Harry started falling into old patterns. Whenever she (Cecilia, to be exact) would call, Harry would give Ron the signal, which meant "I'm not here."

Ron disconnected the Floo Network, having to do so for the umpteenth time. He sighed and turned to Harry, who had just walked back into the room, wiping his brow.

"Can't teach a new dog old tricks, eh, mate?" Ron asked sarcastically. Harry didn't even bother with a glare. His ebony hair was slaked with sweat and was glued to his forehead. He had tried to do specific exercises from the new Wizard Physique Magazine Hermione had 'accidentally' left in their flat; Harry found them very difficult. Harry found that he preferred manual labor. He plopped himself down on the couch, exhausted.

"Ron, don't start." Ron rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"I wouldn't have to start if you changed your scarlet ways," Ron chastised. This time Harry did glare.

"Who gave you the right to criticize my life?" he asked, pissed. "So I don't stick with a girl I don't like. Big deal; there are others out there." He paused. "Scarlet ways?" Ron struggled to hold back the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Er, yea, mate," he muttered. "That's pretty much what we label you."

"We?"

"Me, Hermione, and Ginny." Harry almost smiled.

"I appreciate your tender love and care," he thanked sarcastically, and Ron mock bowed, "but it's really not my fault." Ron scoffed.

"No, it's not your fault if you break off a good thing. It's totally coincidental that you jump even faster from woman to woman when a certain person enters the picture. No, it's the universe," he mocked. Harry sent a pillow soaring Ron's way, and Ron, unprepared, got hit square in the stomach with an "Oomph!" He looked and saw that Harry's face was turning red, but whether it was from embarrassment or frustration had yet to be told.

"I can't believe you're bringing that up. It would never work," he argued weakly. Ron smiled knowingly. Actually, it was more of a smirk.

"You're vomiting the same old arguments, you are," he commented. "'It would never work, we've tried before, and we're so stupid.' Bollocks, that's what it is. Bollocks. I see it; I'm not blind. Those are the looks I used to send Hermione." At Harry's looks of surprise he elaborated. "That's right. I knew I liked her then. I wasn't that stupid." He stuck his tongue out for effect.

"There are no looks, there will be no dates with your cousin, and there will be no more talk of getting us back together. This isn't Friends and we're not Ross and Rachel," Harry stated firmly. Ron grinned.

"But it is so similar," Ron began, eager to explain the points between real life and his favorite show on the TV. "I mean, they broke up over something so stupid--"

"He was with another girl, Ron."

"They were on a break!"

"Fine. Go on."

"Thank you. Anyway, it's so cliché that it's bound to happen. It is so obvious there is something left between you two a la Ross and Rachel." Harry gestured with his hand for Ron to cut it.

"Then let that little bit ebb away," he said. Ron wouldn't stand for it any longer. He sat down next to Harry, genuinely curious.

"Why are you so adamant about not getting back together?" he asked. "It's like you hate her or something." Harry rubbed the back of his neck.

"No, it isn't that, Ron. I could never hate her." He stopped, thinking everything over. "I just--don't know."

~~~~~~~~~~

December was quickly upon them, meaning that Ron and Hermione's wedding was only a week away (December 14^th, to be exact). Ron was nervous, but that didn't stop him from throwing a bachelor party (planned by his brothers and Harry, his best man). Things were falling into place, and there were no problems to deal with. The weather was rather pleasant. Snow was fresh on the ground and only three inches deep. It wasn't as cold as it had been in October, and Christmas filled the air. Shops were hanging their decorations, and many people were full of the holiday spirit. Hermione was positively glowing with excitement and a few nerves, but she was happy, and so was Ron. Ginny had found a way to get Draco to meet up with Ron to tell him that they were a couple, and Hermione assured her she would stand by for assistance. Once again, Harry fell out of another relationship. The girl was hell bent on the fact that she thought he was cheating, and he didn't bother arguing his case again. Now, only one problem stood.

Ashley could no longer deny her throbbing attraction to Harry.

All right, so I still like him, she thought. That doesn't mean I have to act on my feelings. So far she had been hiding her secret well. Hermione and Ginny suspected nothing, she was sure of that; if they didn't think anything was wrong, then no one thought anything was wrong. She tried not to jump at his touch, which was always warm on her skin. She was doing great, and she was proud.

Her greatest test came about a week before the wedding.

Ron and Hermione had decided that they were getting a flat together. Harry had been offered Ron's flat and Ashley Hermione's. They accepted, happy for their friends. Ron and Hermione had rented a flat not to far from everyone else. They were almost done moving everything in, and would get settled as soon as they got back from their honeymoon was over (they were getting back the 26^th, meaning they would miss Christmas). As the wedding was so close, the four of them were having one last hurrah before Ron and Hermione committed their lives to each other (or were committed, as Harry so nicely put it). They were at Hermione--no, Ashley's flat, now--laughing as they ate and drank. They reminisced and discussed things, trying to predict the future. They were joking around about how many kids Hermione and Ron would have when disaster struck.

The good news was that both Ron and Hermione wanted at least three or four.

The bad news was that they favored different genders.

"Hermione, how can you want all boys?"

"Why all girls? And I don't want all boys, just more boys than girls."

"That's exactly what my parents had. I don't want all girls but I want it to be pretty close."

"Ron, the possibility of equality there is slim. We'll more likely have one more than the other."

"Why don't you have asexual babies? That way you're both happy," Harry suggested sarcastically. Ashley had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing, but the dueling couple ignored them both.

They continued their tiff, both making excellent points, before they both gave in. They did kiss and reconcile, muttering quick good-byes to Harry and Ashley before leaving, off in their own couple-dom.

Harry turned to Ashley, a grin on his face. "I don't know how they do it." Ashley shrugged.

"Maybe marriage will make everything easier. It's not supposed to, but I'm not complaining." Harry snorted.

"Trust me, you will soon." They both chuckled, falling into comfortable silence. Ashley was glad the room wasn't fully lit, as she was sure she was red as a tomato right now. She always looked like that now; it happened when Harry would look at her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Harry inched closer to her. His arm was behind her, and he was tense.

Ashley looked to see if anything was wrong and saw Crookshanks and another cat hissing at the two of them. True, Crookshanks always hissed at people, but this time it was like he was going for the kill. Ashley tugged at Harry's shirt, silently asking him to get up and move before they were cat food. Harry complied, moving ever so slowly, Ashley not far behind. When they had taken five steps from the couch, they heard sharp, angry roars from the cats and practically ran to the nearest room. Harry quickly shut the door, listening in shot at the cats clawing at the door. Soon the two of them realized that they weren't in a room at all. They had shut themselves in the closet.

When Ashley realized this, her pulse began to race. Harry still had one arm around her protectively. She didn't know if he was looking at her, but she began to feel warm anyway. Her shoulders were starting to burn, and she cursed herself for acting like a silly fifteen-year-old. It was just so clichéd that she was still infatuated with her ex.

"Ashley?" she heard him whisper. She looked up and saw Harry looking at her with concern. He had lit his wand as light in the closet had blown out. She felt naked under his gaze, which she didn't like. It felt like he knew exactly what was going on inside of her.

"Yeah?" she said, inwardly cursing her voice for sounding so breathy.

"Are you okay?"

She was about to say yes when she couldn't deal with it anymore. She was tired of the secrets. "No. I'm not." She sat down on a nearby box, dimly aware that that didn't broaden the space between her and Harry. He sat down as well, confused. "I hate myself. This has nothing to do with Ben, okay? He's totally history. I ended it and not a moment too soon." Harry was about to offer his condolences, but she went on. "It's about me and you." Harry's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up.

"What?" he whispered. Distantly he could hear the meows of the cats and blood rushing through his ears.

"Harry, I know this is about the most idiotic thing I've ever said, but I should say it because I'm tired of keeping it a secret, even if it subjects me to total humiliation. She took a deep breath before spilling her guts. But she couldn't. "I--do you want something to drink because my throat has suddenly gone dry?" He stared at her, one eyebrow quirked. She started again. "It's--oh, this is harder than I thought it would be." She paused. "The thing is, Harry, that I think that--no, I mean, there's a slim chance--oh, hell, I like you Harry. Differently than a friend." He was silent at this. She held back a hollow laugh. "It's over, I know that. I ended it. But it was so hard to get over doing that. I thought I had made a mistake.

"I was over it after that. At least, I think I was. But when I saw you again, I felt that feeling in my stomach. I was attracted to you, but I thought it would pass. Then Hermione introduced me to Ben and I was sure that things would get back on track. But then I realized that Ben, and all of the other people I dated, would never be like you. I don't know if I'm deluding myself with this, but I know that it hurts me that I care so much about you and you couldn't care less."

"Ashley--" She wasn't going to stop, and he knew it. He wanted to talk about this, and what everyone had predicted, to see if it was real, but she didn't have the same idea.

"I can't believe I'm actually saying it and not questioning, but I care deeply for you Harry. I don't know if I'll ever stop. I know you feel sorry for me, but I also know you're looking for someone else. Maybe it's just the pressure of what everyone else says." She stood up, her hand on the doorknob. "I cannot believe it's like this now." She ran and left, shutting the door with slam. She left Harry standing there, speechless at what had just been admitted.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley had avoided Harry all week. She hadn't talked to anybody, as a matter of fact. Hermione was worried, and so was Ginny and Molly Weasley. They asked her what the trouble was, but she never revealed what was bothering her.

She knew it was stupid. She knew it was like being in cheap romance novel or a soap opera. She knew that she was an idiot for letting this happen, but she couldn't do anything. It just happened, and she didn't believe that it was either out of convenience or because she was almost forced to feel that way. She was practically dreading Ron and Hermione's wedding, but decided to put on a brave face and go through with it for the happy couple's sake.

She almost backed down when she remembered that she would never be part of a happy couple.

Harry Bloody Potter had taken hold of her. He seemed to know her better than anyone and he accepted her. True, all of the people she cared about accepted her for who she was, but it was different with Harry. He was a part of her, a missing piece. The only way she could be happy was if he felt the same way.

She would just have to learn to go on with a missing piece.

~~~~~~~~~

"You may kiss your bride."

Loud cheers were heard throughout the church as Ron and Hermione kissed, for the first time, as husband and wife. The church, which had been decorated elaborately with beautifully arranged flowers and a few ribbons in strategic places, seemed to be a concert hall as melodic music played while Ron and Hermione walked arm in arm down the aisle. Hermione looked absolutely beautiful, with her hair curly and flowing freely down her back, a crown of flowers strategically placed in it. Her white dress, a simple off the shoulder gown, looked stunning on her. Ron looked handsome in his black tux (which he wore for Hermione's sake). His hair was cropped short, much to the relief of friends and family. Ron and Hermione Granger-Weasley happily made their way out of the church and to the reception, which was being held at the Burrow. Everyone was excitedly discussing the beautiful ceremony, in which Ron and Hermione both shed a few tears as they said their vows with genuine affection. There wasn't a dry eye in any eye as Ron and Hermione's fairy tale romance was starting a new chapter. It was a joyous occasion for all. Laughter could be heard even after the church emptied.

~~~~~~~~

The women were having a great time doing the Cha-Cha Slide, laughing as they slid into each other. The men watched, laughing as well. Soon, everyone was dancing and having the time of their lives. The songs were mostly fun and alive. Hermione, who couldn't stopped smiling, danced with every living thing in sight before finally settling into a slow song with her husband.

Hermione threw her bouquet and Ron threw the garter. Ginny caught the bouquet and the garter landed on Neville's head. Everyone laughed as they clapped. The cake was cut (messily, with Ron and Hermione covered in it) and the party was nonstop. Soon, though, the couple departed for their honeymoon, waving good-bye to everyone as the party still went on.

Harry was sitting down, tired and heavily troubled. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the tall blonde man sit down next to him.

"Problems, Potter? Didn't think the Boy-Who-Lived would ever be troubled." Harry turned to the source, not bothering to insult Draco.

"Shut it." Draco took a drink from his champagne glass and leaned toward Harry.

"Let's just say Ginny knows more than anyone gives her credit for," Draco offered. "I know what's wrong and I know what I would do if I were you." Harry scowled.

"Well, we're nothing alike, thank Merlin. I'd appreciate it if you just kept your nose out of other people's business, especially mine," he snapped turning away.

"I know that's just the champagne talking," Draco sang. Harry rolled his eyes, but Draco couldn't see it; he'd barely had one glass of champagne all night. No, it was all Harry right now. "Still, it's what you should do." Harry threw his hands into the air.

"What should I do, O Wise One?" he asked sarcastically. Draco grinned.

"Since you're asking," he began, earning a glare from the raven-haired man, "I can totally identify with the fact that you're a bit confused about a beautiful woman professing her love for you." Harry held back his comment, and Draco silently thanked him for not interrupting. "There's nothing wrong with that, Potter. I can't tell you how confused I was when Ginny told me how she really felt. But there is one thing you're not doing." Succeeding in getting his attention, Draco leaned closer to Harry and his voice dropped a few octaves lower than it already was.

"You are sitting here, still thinking about it," he whispered. "If you felt nothing, which I know is not the case because you wear you're heart on your fucking sleeve, you have every right to just sit here and let it pass. She'll move on eventually and find someone else. Someone better." Harry was fully immersed in what the blonde was saying, though he wouldn't admit it.

"But you do feel the same way, or are on the verge of it. I know, it sounds weird coming from me, Draco Malfoy, you're enemy from the start. But know this: I would never let someone like that get away from me, especially once I knew she cared about me. Can you even imagine her with someone else and not be jealous? That's not possessiveness, Potter, it's...okay, possessive, but in a good way. D'you know what I would do if someone I cared for said she cared for me? I would tell her I love her and live happily ever after and have strong young boys with her. You, however, now have to tell her that and get down on your hands and knees, begging her to forgive you and take you back, and I'll be right there with a camera and a news crew, because that is too--"

But whatever it was too much of, Harry would never find out. He had bolted out of his seat and ran across the room to find her. When he saw Ginny he turned around and asked her quickly where Ashley had gone.

Ginny, surprised at Harry's behavior, answered, "She's not here; she left."

Harry couldn't believe it. "Where?"

"Funny how that question could be answered," Ginny mused. Seeing the look in Harry's eye she quickly became serious. "Well, she left here about an hour ago. She's going abroad. She's taken a job doing God knows what--"

"She can't go," Harry interrupted. Ginny smiled and pushed him along.

"Then stop her." Harry didn't need to be told twice.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I stay up and think of you.

And I wish on a star that somewhere you are

Thinking of me too.

Ashley was putting the last of her things in her suitcase. She knew that what she was doing could be considered running away, but she had no choice. She couldn't forget if she was so close to him. She gripped the edge of the countertop, one hand covering her face. She let the tears fall once more.

Photographs, tickets for two

Promises that all fell through.

Now everything's in black and white

The colors faded with the night

The stars we used to wish upon have somehow lost their light

Harry rushed through the streets, abandoning the taxi when there was a traffic jam. He wisely decided that Apparating would likely get him splinched in this state, so he opted for Muggle transportation.

He hoped he got there fast enough.

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight

'Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world

I'd rather be...

Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Ashley quickly turned on the radio. It was playing a love song, which she wasn't really up to listening to. She kept it on the station, though, the song calming her down. She made her way to the living room, running her hands over her lavender gown. She still hadn't taken it off.

Wonder if you ever see me and I

Wonder if you know I'm there

If you looked in my eyes

Would you see what's inside?

Would you even care?

"Sir, you can't walk over this. It's solid ice."

"You don't understand!"

"Do you want to be road kill in the middle of Orkland Street? Honestly, no one appreciates the fact that I try to save them the humiliation--"

"Are you going to move your arse or do I have to move it for you?"

I just wanna hold you close but so far

All I have are dreams of you.

So I'll wait for the day

And the courage to say how much I love you

Yes I do!

She was folding her clothes when there was a knock at the door. A small bubble of hope inflated within her as she made her way to the door and opened.

The bubble deflated when she saw Crookshanks staring back at her.

"I caught him outside with my cat, Elizabeth," said the woman who was holding him. Ashley took Crookshanks from her grasp and set him down.

"Thanks, Dottie"

I'll be dreaming of you tonight

'Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight

And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be

Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

"You're the only one who's remotely interested in me, Crookshanks. I think I'll have to leave you with Dottie while I'm gone, though" she said. Crookshanks mewed and waved his tail, as if he understood what was going on. "Bloody cat probably does know.

Corazón

I can't stop dreaming of you

No puedo dejar de pensar en ti

I can't stop dreaming

Cómo te necesito

I can't stop dreaming of you

Mi amor, cómo te extraño

She sighed and plopped herself onto the sofa. She repeated to herself over and over that life would never be fair.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I stay up and think of you

The pain was so excruciating it wasn't funny. She looked up as another knock brought her mind back to the real world. She looked through the peephole and was annoyed that Dottie had reappeared. Still, she opened the door.

"Is Elizabeth here? I can't find her," the woman rushed out frantically.

"I'm sorry Dottie; I haven't seen any other cats around here." Dottie nodded sadly, thanking her for her help anyway. She was about to sit down again when someone knocked again. Ashley let out a cry of frustration and opened the door once more.

"I'm really sorry, Dottie, but Elizabeth isn't--"

She stopped short as she realized that her visitor wasn't Dottie.

It was Harry.

And I still can't believe

That you came up to me and said "I love you"

"Harry," she breathed. His only reply was by pressing his lips to hers. She closed her eyes automatically, forgetting how it felt kissing him. His arms came around her waste, and her skin burned with his touch. They broke away reluctantly. She was looking at him with a confused look on her face.

"Please don't leave," he pleaded. "You can't go without settling this. I do care for you, and it's more than a brotherly thing."

Harry framed her face with his hands as he pleaded with her. For a while they just stood there, gazing at each other, their eyes never breaking contact.

"Are you sure?" she asked, afraid of his answer.

"Of course. I can't believe I've gotten along without you there. I really need you. I really care about you; none of this is fake." She thought for a moment, and Harry feared he was about to be rejected. He honestly wouldn't blame her. Finally, she looked at him, eyes showing unshed tears.

"No," she whispered. She pushed herself away from him. "You don't. I can't do this, Harry. It's wrong." Harry sighed.

"You don't believe I feel the same way," he said. She looked down.

"I'm sorry. I just can't deal with that kind of thing," she asserted. "You probably just came here because Ginny said I was leaving, anyway."

"No, that made me do it, but I can't lie about feeling something for you," he said. There was a pregnant pause. "Will you believe me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know if I can." He put his hands on her shoulders and made her look into his eyes. The green orbs showed the same emotion she had seen a long time ago. That made her worry.

"How do I know that this won't end up like it did before?" she asked.

"Neither of us know," he answered. "But can't we try?" She was about to argue, but he stopped her. "Listen for a moment. If we do this and it works out, then great! But if it doesn't, I swear I will never try to be with you in that way. Everything you said a week ago... it got me thinking and, well, here I am." He stopped and waited. Her brow was furrowed and she was pushing thoughts back and forth. Would it be worth it?

"I don't know. I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a trial period." He nodded, silent. She made it sound like she was testing out a new cleanser or a product. The tone of uncertainty in her voice was evident, and he wondered if he was deluding himself. He was suddenly unsure if this was worth running in the cold to find her.

"Are you still going?" She bit her lip so hard it started to bleed.

"I have to, Harry. I mean, I'm glad that you've admitted this, and I know we're going to try, but I just can't not go and finish my job. At any rate..."

"What?"

She bit down harder, feeling the rusty, metallic taste of blood on her tongue. It was so hard to explain. Ashley guessed that a part of her was too stubborn to even try to mend things with Harry that way. "I just want to make sure that I'm not setting myself up for a disappointment again, no offence. I want to be sure that I'm making the right choice here." She went back to her suitcase to make sure things were in order. He spluttered, not believing his ears.

"What? After all of this, everything that's happened (and I admit it happened very fast) you're just going to up and leave? What do you want to be sure of?" He answered for her, eyes widening. "You want to see if you can find someone else." She turned around, shocked.

"Not like that!" she said hurriedly. She never thought of it like that! Actually, maybe it was... "Well, not in so many words. I just want... Okay, this is hard to explain." She paced, one hand covering her mouth. "Okay." She clasped her hands together and took a deep breath. "I just want to make sure," she started slowly, "that my attraction to you is real. I want to be completely positive that this isn't happening because it's convenient, like it was before." He nodded, though he didn't like it at all. She pointed to the door. "Now, if you don't mind I have to pack--"

"Tell me the truth about you leaving."

She froze, surprised by his sudden demand. He really knew when people were lying. She shook her head, letting him know she had told him the whole truth, which ironically, in truth, she hadn't.

"Just tell me why you're so adamant about leaving," he said. "Are you really trying to avoid it?"

"Harry," she pleaded, her eyes brimming with tears. "I don't want this. We both know that this is stupid and we're only doing what everyone expects. Do you really want this? Answer me that one, Harry: do you really want to be with me of your own accord and feelings." He didn't say anything. "I didn't think so. Please go." Her voice was trembling.

He bowed his head and stepped out. Once the door closed, she leaned against it and locked it, sighing. I will not cry, I will not cry, was her mantra. I will not cry because of my stupidity. She shuffled her feet, feeling streams of salt flow freely down her face. I will not cry because I did the right thing. She walked over to the couch and ran her hands over it, fingering the zipper on her suitcase.

Stupid soap opera's of the world come to life and dump themselves on me, she thought miserably. It's for the best, and I know it was the thing to do. I can't believe I fell for him all over again. She felt her legs weaken and she sank to the floor, her head cradled in her hands. She let out a small, breathy sob.

She unconsciously rocked back and forth, hunched over. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought she was being too dramatic, so she tried to relax, but her chest was aching and her eyes stung.

She flashed back to their relationship back at Hogwarts. It was great, and at the time she believed it was the best thing that ever happened to her. It wasn't healthy, though, she knew. It was a bad thing to dwell on. Did he even care back then? Was she just something to show off on his arm? Well, it wasn't exactly public, she reasoned. And talk of marriage? What was wrong with her? Talk of marriage at sixteen? How stupid could she get!

There was too much to face with Harry, and she didn't want to work that out. Feeling her tear ducts empty, she pushed herself off of the floor.

"I have to go now," she muttered. With a shock, she realized that she hadn't had any sleep. She was scheduled to leave in two hours. She took a quick shower, grabbed her things and left the house, knocking on Dottie's door and leaving Crookshanks there. She was on her way. It was time to leave everything behind.

End of Chapter 4*

Sorry, but I did make the connection between this little drama and Ross and Rachel's relationship on Friends. Except, unlike the last episode, whereas Rachel didn't get on the plane and came back to Ross and they lived happily ever after, Ashley is still abroad, and they are not living happily ever after.