Snow

Harry sat staring out of the window in the Gryffindor common room. It was late and the common room was empty save for a few other seventh years studying for winter exams. Snow was falling softly outside and everything was eerily quiet. Harry could distinctly hear the scratching of Hermione's quill as she corrected his latest History essay.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Harry?" she replied not taking her eyes off the words in front of her.

"Would you kill me if I asked you to?"

Her head shot up, "What?" she demanded, eyes wide.

Harry kept his eyes on the snow that was falling outside.

"You know, like shoot me or something in my sleep. I'd prefer if it was during my sleep, then I wouldn't have to think about it, or worry about it, or be scared about it. It would just happen and I wouldn't have to worry or think or be scared again. I wouldn't care if you wanted to use a muggle weapon or magic...that's not really important. Just would you do it if I asked you to?" he looked at her then, and saw her horrified expression mixed with confusion and fear.

Her lips moved but not a sound came out. The seventh years by the fire began packing up and bidding each other good night. Hermione continued to splutter. She reminded Harry of a fish, lips moving but no sound.

"So?"

"I...I couldn't Harry."

"Why not? Not even if I asked you? Not even if I meant it?"

"But you wouldn't mean it! You wouldn't."

Harry had always liked that about Hermione, her passion for life and knowledge. For her, the answer was always in a book and it would always be there. All she had to do was take the time to look. There was always a solution to everything. She always believed. Harry used to be able to believe that if he tried, worked, looked hard enough, that there would be a solution, an end. Slowly though, he was losing his grip on that belief. It was slipping away from him; the same way he was losing time. He didn't know how much longer he could hold on to anything.

He turned away from her and looked at the snow again. "What if I did?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper.

"Then I wouldn't know what to do Harry. I could never do that and it would be cruel of you if you asked me to."

Harry knew he was being unfair, but he didn't care. Things were never fair for him and he didn't see why it should be for others.

"Perhaps it is, but you're my friend. Shouldn't I be able to depend on my friends?"

"Harry what's wrong? What are you thinking? Did Dumbledore talk to you? Did he tell you something about Voldemort? Is there going to be an attack?"

Nothing. Everything. Dumbledore had told him everything he could and nothing that would help him save anyone.

"Nothing's wrong Hermione. I'm not thinking about anything and no, Dumbledore hasn't told me anything new."

It was what the headmaster had told him already that haunted him, kept him from sleeping, caused the screams he heard at night to become louder and louder until the sound suffocated him.

"Harry, I worry about you. I mean, we all do. Ever since Sirius...passed away, you've become even quieter and you always seem distant. You hardly ever smile anymore," she laid her hand on his arm and squeezed lightly.

He looked at her, "What's there to smile about?" he asked. "He's coming...soon."

"And we'll stop him! We can."

"You don't understand Hermione, none of you do. It's not we. It's me. I have to stop him, it's up to me," Harry turned away from her again and Hermione's hand fell back into her lap.

"Oh Harry, I'm sure that didn't mean your friends wouldn't be able to help you."

"But in the end it will be just me. If I lose, people will die. If I win, people will have died getting me there. Either way, I'll lose more of the people I'm close to. I don't know if I'll be able to bear it. I want to be selfish Hermione, I don't want to have to lose anyone. If I'm not there to see it, if I leave before anything happened, I wouldn't have to. For once in my life, I'd be doing something for me. I'm not a hero, I'm a coward."

"You wouldn't be in Gryffindor if that was true Harry."

"A lot of things have changed since then Hermione. Everyone is depending on me, and there's always going be someone I fail no matter what I do," he sighed.

"Harry, you will be able to do the right thing. I believe in you and so does everyone else."

"I don't want them to believe in me. I don't want to be depended on. I want to be able to depend on you Hermione. Would you kill me if I asked you to?" Harry asked quietly, so quiet that Hermione barely heard him.

She watched him and he watched the snow. It was falling heavier now.

It was late and the only people left in the common room were Hermione and Harry. Hermione watched Harry as he watched the snow fall. Hermione, who only watched Harry, who watched the snow fall. Hermione, who watched Harry, who watched the snow fall, without saying a word.

***

She sighed as she sat back down. She was an idiot. She knew that now. The pensieve in front of her shimmered. She never did answer him and he had lied to her. Dumbledore had told him everything. He had told him that Voldemort was coming the following morning and to get out of the castle as soon as possible. He had also told him that he did not have time to think about saving his friends and that he had to save himself first. Instead of following the headmaster's orders, Harry had stayed in the castle and asked Hermione to correct his History essay. They stayed in the common room all night with her watching him as he looked out the window. She had fallen asleep and he had left.

The reason Voldemort had taken the risk to attack Hogwarts was to get to Harry. When he found out he wasn't there, he was furious and unleashed everything he had on the castle. Some escaped, some died and some were taken prisoner. Hermione had been lucky, Ron hadn't been.

That had been a year ago and safe places in the world were disappearing. Muggles were becoming extinct and the only ones who were still alive were the ones being protected by wizarding families. Hermione had lost her own family a few months ago; she had been helpless to save them.

The Order had lost almost half of its original members but had gained many as well. The loses however still outnumbered the gains. Harry was never seen again. Not since that night when he watched the snow fall.

Dumbledore had given him a portkey to his house, with orders to remain there until he came. However, when the Order arrived there after the attack on Hogwarts, Harry wasn't there.

Hermione prayed every night that he would just show up somewhere, alive. He never did, and slowly, she was losing hope. She didn't believe in him anymore, in anything. She did however finally have an answer for him.

"Yes I would Harry, and after, I'd kill myself too."