Wolf Song

Taking Over Me

you don't remember me but I remember you

I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you

It was finished.

At least, the battle between Light and Dark was finished. The civil war had just begun.

Remus Lupin looked out across a sea of blood, a morass of stinking bodies, some of them still moving, still groaning, and he tried not to be sick. The sky was red in the east, where the bloody sun was rising over the dead and the living. He ignored Hermione, who knelt at his feet. He ignored Ron's pacing and muttered curses. He ignored the gentle sobs coming from Neville Longbottom. He tried to ignore Harry, but his godson's enraged voice was coming from right behind him.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE IF DEAN AND SEAMUS ARE ALRIGHT? YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE DUMBLEDORE! I KNOW WHO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!"

Dumbledore. Remus snorted unpleasantly. No, he hardly wanted to see Dumbledore, seeing as the Wise Wizard Himself had brought them to this pass. He scanned the horizon, squinting against the light.

"WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME?"

Remus wouldn't look at him because he refused to dignify Harry's childish behaviour. He said nothing. He put his aching left arm back into the sling and moved his shoulder gingerly to settle it back in place. A dizzying wave of pain nearly swamped him.

"DAMN IT, REMUS! LOOK AT ME!" Harry took a deep breath and held it; Remus could hear him. When his godson spoke again, it was in a calmer voice. No--quieter, but not calmer. The rage was still there. "Remus, for God's sake, please look at me."

Slowly Remus turned and lowered his gaze to Harry's. Ron, he saw, had a hand on Harry's elbow. It was ironic to see the redhead trying to calm Harry.

"He betrayed us, Remus." Harry's eyes were full, but Remus was too overwhelmed, too numb, to try to read them. "You saw him. He was helping Voldemort."

Remus flinched at the name, though he could not remember ever having done so before in his life. He closed his eyes. No.

"We all saw it, mate," Ron said, his voice hesitant. "He was at his father's side."

Yes, well, Lucius at least was dead, though thank God Remus hadn't had to do it himself. That had been Ginny Weasley, little Ginny Weasley, just one of so many martyrs for their glorious cause.

Why had losing first Sirius and then Draco stolen the glory, when James and Lily's deaths had not? Remus suspected it was because he had never had the chance to blame Albus Dumbledore for James and Lily.

But Draco...Remus thought back to the previous year...

but who can decide what they dream?

and dream I do...

"God damn it, Dumbledore!" Remus couldn't remember the last time he had felt this magnitude of fury burning through his veins. He had returned from a three-month mission in South Africa, only to find a pile of lonely missives stacked in his room, Draco gone from Hogwarts, and stories of Lucius Malfoy's escape from Azkaban. And Dumbledore sat in his castle and did nothing. "Do you have no concept of what you're doing? You are condemning Draco to a year of torture, abuse, and corruption! You're abandoning him to his parents--to Voldemort!"

"Remus, please," the old man began in his wheezy voice. But Remus was too angry to even listen.

"NO!" he bellowed. "I will not allow this! Why can you see no worth in anyone except precious Harry Potter? There are other members of the Order who have value, Dumbledore! We still don't know for sure whether it was Harry or Neville who was indicated in that prophecy! What sort of resources are you committing to keeping Neville alive?" He spun and paced away from the headmaster, ignoring the agitated squawking from Fawkes, the stares of every portrait on the wall, the impressed smirk on Phineas Nigellus' face. "No wonder Sirius was angry at you. No wonder Harry has been angry at you. Bloody hell! You're completely ignoring the Order's resources in order to pursue your own agenda!"

"Remus, you are overwrought," Dumbledore murmured. "Come sit down and have some tea."

In his astonishment, Remus laughed. It sounded bitter in his ears. He let his hands fall to his side and shook his head. "You are a piece of work, Headmaster." His voice was quiet and steady. He blinked hard, trying to master himself, but his entire body was quivering with rage. "My God. You are going to destroy us."

Dumbledore set the teapot aside and stood up. A strange light was flashing in his eyes, one Remus didn't recognize. "Do you think that I feel no pain about the things I am required to do, Remus? I do what I must to defeat Voldemort, and I am truly sorry for the pain I have inflicted on people."

"And what good is that, Albus? To wake up, sorry? To go to bed, sorry? To live each day, sorry? To die, sorry?" Remus shook his head and turned to go. "I'll go to Malfoy Manor alone, if I have to, and I will get Draco back."

"What good will that do, Remus?" The headmaster sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you more than was needed. I did hope to prevent you from giving your heart to this boy." Albus looked sorrowful, and Remus tried not to be taken in, but a tendril of doubt crept into his mind. Dumbledore shook his head. "Draco Malfoy has the Mark."

I believe in you

I'll give up everything just to find you

I have to be with you to live to breathe

you're taking over me

His mind returning to the carnage before him, Remus shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "Draco never betrayed us. Perhaps Albus did. Perhaps I did. But not Draco."

Hermione's hand, gripping his ankle, was like a talon. "Don't you dare!" she hissed. "Don't you do this to Harry!"

Remus looked down at her, and he felt so very exhausted, so very sorry for her. "Lass," he said finally, "Harry has more than enough people to take care of him. Draco has no one."

He began to move, slowly, down the crest of the hill. He limped painfully past the bodies of friends and enemies, locked in eternal combat, locked in eternal embrace. He sensed that if he left here now, he would never be able to come back to what was left of the Order. He kept moving.

"Remus!" Harry's voice was ragged, desperation and loneliness licking at the edges. "REMUS!"

Remus walked on.

have you forgotten all I know

and all we had?

He thought of the fruitless six months he had spent trying to contact Draco, trying to get someone to help him. Draco was of age, had left home of his own volition, had been taken back to that home under someone else's will. But Remus knew, bitterly, how Old Blood families worked, and he knew he would find no one outside of the Order to help him rescue Draco--and the Order moved only upon Dumbledore's command.

If Sirius were still alive... But if Sirius were still alive, would Remus have ever looked twice at Draco Malfoy? Arthur would have helped him, except he was afraid of Molly, and Molly had never liked Draco. Mundungus would have helped him, which was probably why Dumbledore sent Dung to Australia to look into a supply of unregistered wands. Fred and George didn't like Malfoy, but they did appreciate a good prank, and stealing a young man from his ancestral home, full of curses and traps, was the ultimate prank. They agreed to help Remus--but they received an urgent owl from Bill and had to work overtime to ship several of their more dangerous products to the underground resistance in Egypt.

Remus had begun to feel as if Fate's hand were turned against him. Or Dumbledore's.

He stumbled and fell to his knees. He only just caught himself from falling to the blood-soaked mud. He knelt there for a long time, staring into the finally peaceful face of Severus Snape. The Potions Master had been eviscerated, but his expression was one of total surrender. Remus vomited, wishing his anger and hatred and grief could be expelled as easily as the few bites of bread he'd eaten earlier, just before Voldemort's forces had finally overrun their bastion and Harry--with Neville at his side--had ended the Dark Lord's life.

He wondered what had become of the Slytherin Free Thinkers. Blaise and Pansy had led them to the Order's defense just before sunset. Pansy had smiled wryly at him, said, "Someone told me you like Slytherins." But before he'd had a chance to question her, she'd turned and snapped some orders at her soldiers, and then the battle had renewed around them. He hadn't seen her since, though he thought he'd seen Blaise much later, fighting beside Hermione.

No...remember why you are here. Find Draco.

He staggered to his feet and limped on, ignoring the warmth that was spreading down his left side. His wound had reopened again, but he hadn't the energy or the mental control to perform any medicharms. He would just have to bleed.

Draco! Draco! his heart cried, though he couldn't force the word between his lips. His teeth were clamped together to keep them from chattering. He was so cold, and so afraid...

"Who launches a campaign in the middle of February anyway?" Draco's voice rang through his mind, and he was startled into a laugh. It was exactly what the Slytherin would have said.

Remus stumbled again, and this time he didn't even try to catch himself. He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands, letting the sobs well up inside him, letting them escape in a wild furious mourning. He had lost everything, had lost Sirius, had lost Harry, had lost his entire lifestyle--and now he had lost Draco. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't go on from here. There was no way to heal from this loss.

"God!" he cried aloud. "How could you do this? How?"

It was a whisper. "Remus?"

you saw me mourning my love for you

and touched my hand

He caught his breath, jerked his head up to stare blindly ahead of him. He couldn't bring himself to turn his head, to look on the face of the person who had vanished from his life and then seemingly betrayed him. He stared straight ahead, willing his head to turn, willing his lungs to inspire again--and hadn't the courage.

A cool hand touched his chin. He sucked in another breath. The hand turned his head slowly to the right.

He watched as Draco knelt down at his side, pale eyes wide.

"Remus?" he whispered again. He swallowed, opened his mouth again, and stared.

Remus blinked, exhaled heavily.

"You--came for me?"

Draco was pale, his blond hair disheveled, his silver shirt streaked with blood. His right hand still gripped Remus' chin gently. His shirt was torn at the shoulder.

"I...yes."

The transformation was amazing. Draco's eyes became liquid fire, fire that burned with a freezing heat. He smiled with such intensity that Remus winced. Everything around them seemed suddenly to have more colour. Draco reached down and touched Remus' hand.

I knew you loved me then

"I thought you'd forsaken me," Draco breathed. "They said--they said you were in London all the time, that you'd sent them a letter asking to please have me stop writing. I didn't believe it, but--but--"

"But you learned to doubt," Remus said. "I tried to get to you, Draco. Even after Dumbledore said you had the Mark. I knew he disapproved, but I never thought he'd lie to me--" Draco cut his eyes away from him, and Remus stopped speaking.

"It wasn't a lie." Draco's voice was firm, and sounded very old. He pulled back his left sleeve, extended the arm. Traces of the Mark remained, though it was fading quickly after Voldemort's death. "I was Marked the day I was born. Mother and Father bound me to him."

Remus nodded slowly, and decided to ignore it. "I told him what he was consigning you to. I told him he was mad to leave you with them. He wouldn't listen."

"No one ever believed in me like you," Draco said. "I--I forgot a lot of things, while I was at home. Things there seem so...lifeless, so absolute. It was as if I'd woken up from a pleasant dream. I decided, whatever I had over the summer, that was all I got." He looked away, over the mounds of dead. "They didn't even punish me for it. They just acted as if it had never happened, and it sort of became even to me as if it never had."

Remus bowed his head, fighting weakness. He was still bleeding, wasn't he? He slumped forward, and Draco caught him with a startled exclamation.

"This can't be happening," he murmured.

"Oh, lord!" Draco's voice suddenly sounded young again. Young and scared. "You're bleeding like mad, Remus!" He moved, shifted Remus' weight, and then Remus felt a wand at his side.

"Resangra."

Remus closed his eyes and relaxed into the warmth of his lover's arms.

I believe in you

I'll give up everything just to find you

I have to be with you to live to breathe

you're taking over me

"A part of me began to disbelieve it had happened at all." They were walking, though Remus didn't know where they were heading. Draco was half-supporting him, and steered him. "But even thinking perhaps I'd imagined everything, I couldn't bring myself to align my vision of the world with theirs. Not anymore. I listened to what they said, I pretended I'd bought their propaganda, and then when the time came, I went to their Death Eater meetings." He snorted. "Did you know, when Voldemort first began, he called them the Knights of Walpurgis?"

"Walpurgisnacht," Remus murmured, and Draco laughed. Remus felt tears prickle at his eyes. It was the carefree laughter Draco had had, that summer.

"Trust you to know it," Draco said, and his voice came easier now. "Yes, April 30^th, Walpurgis Night, named for the patron saint who protected against witchcraft and sorcery, Saint Walburga. A bit of irony, courtesy of Tom Riddle."

"Oh, so you found that out, too."

Draco laughed again, but it was bitter once again. "You should have seen Father's face when he discovered his dear Dark Lord was a half-blood. Just like the contemptible Harry Potter." There was a sneer in his voice.

"Stop it," Remus said tightly.

There was a long silence, and at last Draco moved to let Remus stand on his own. The younger man looked Remus in the face, held his gaze. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet. He had gained another inch or two of height in the past year; he was taller than Remus' five feet ten. Then he put his arms around him and buried his face in Remus' shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

I look in the mirror and see your face

if I look deep enough

so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

Remus knew that if Draco had worked against him, it had not been willingly. He did not want to ask. He knew Harry would demand answers, if Remus and Draco came back together. Remus should know the answers before Draco gave them to anyone else. But he didn't want to ask.

"My Dragon," he breathed.

"You'll find my dagger," Draco said quietly, his face still against Remus' shoulder. "I worked the strongest magic I could on it, a binding spell. You'll find it in Voldemort's belt."

Remus pulled back, lifted Draco's head with a finger under his chin.

Draco flinched, but continued. "It has the Malfoy crest on the pommel, and a dragon etched down the blade. I presented it to Voldemort as a gift yesterday. To lead us to victory, I told him. I'd covered the binding spell with a charm that strengthens the one who carries it. He blooded it on his finger, and that keyed both spells."

Remus made a small noise in his throat, but Draco kept speaking.

"I had to do both spells to get him to take it. If all he saw was the strengthening charm, he would accept the knife, and blood it. And once he blooded it, it would strengthen him--I couldn't find any way to nullify that spell. But it also activated the binding spell. The knife was bound to him, and he was bound to himself."

Remus stared at him, feeling an expression of awe suffusing his face the way dawn suffused the sky. "He was bound to himself," he repeated. "You kept his spirit in his body. And when Harry killed the body--"

"The spirit of Voldemort died as well," Draco finished.

"You're the one who saved us, then," Remus said. "We couldn't have won if you hadn't been there. If you hadn't been abandoned to the Death Eaters and made one of them." His awe for Draco was suddenly overshadowed by renewed revulsion for Dumbledore. "He was right all along," he whispered. "He used you, used so many of us. Destroyed so much innocence...and he was right. Damn him."

"Does it matter?" Draco said finally. "I don't care. You're alive, and you're here with me, and we're free of them all forever."

"The world we know is destroyed," Remus faltered. His courage was failing him again.

"Then," Draco said quietly, and he leaned over and touched his lips to Remus'. He pulled away and looked intently into his lover's eyes. His expression was determined, tender, hopeful, weary. But whatever he saw in Remus' eyes seemed to be enough. "We'll just have to build a new one."

I believe in you

I'll give up everything just to find you

I have to be with you to live to breathe

you're taking over me