Wolf Song

Lovers In A Dangerous Time

Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by

You never get to stop and open our eyes

The summer, of course, didn't last long enough. He was old enough that he no longer expected good things to last long, let alone forever. But the past year had changed so many things, and he wanted, needed, more time.

"You haven't a hope of changing my mind," Draco said. He matched Remus glare for glare, and his fists were clenched at his sides. "You can hardly call me to your side, make me love you, and then expect me to stand aside while you risk your life against V-Voldemort."

Remus sighed. Oh to be seventeen again! It was so easy to ignore inconvenient truths such as one's own mortality. "You're just--" He bit his tongue before finishing the sentence, but they'd had this argument before, and Draco knew what he was going to say.

"I'm just like Sirius?" he spat. "Well, what if I am? Would you care half so much about me if I weren't? Damn it, Remus, why can't you see I'm not Sirius?"

Remus closed his eyes briefly, feeling the pounding start in his temple. "I know you're not Sirius, Draco. You are uniquely you, and I'm glad of it. But--but you're not immortal."

Draco turned away, and Remus felt his breath catch. He didn't want this argument to end the way it had last time. He took a step, reaching out to touch the younger man's shoulder. Draco tensed, but when Remus didn't let go, he sighed and leaned back against Remus' chest, letting his head fall back onto his collarbone.

"I just wish you could see--how much I owe you," he said, seeming to struggle with the words.

"You owe it to me to live," Remus said quietly, and put his arms around him. "Because if I lost you, too, I think it would kill me."

One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall

The next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all

It was the second time they'd argued about Draco's role in the Order of the Phoenix, and both times Remus had lost, even if Draco had unbent enough to--well, tell Remus he wasn't to argue with him again. It was, he supposed, as close to an apology as he would ever get.

Remus knew Dumbledore would agree with Draco, but Remus had lost his faith in Dumbledore a year and a half previously, when Sirius was killed by their stupidity. Remus didn't want to entrust his heart to Dumbledore's wisdom ever again.

Someone knocked on the sitting room door. Remus sighed and shifted Draco's weight carefully from his shoulder to the couch. He opened the door halfway.

"Hermione?"

She had her arms folded across her chest, and she looked grim. "Professor Lupin."

He winced. "I do wish you wouldn't call me that, Hermione. I haven't been for two years now. I'm a friend, if that's allowed."

She cocked her head to one side. "I don't know. Is it?" Her gaze was pointed. "You might want to tidy up your shirt a bit before you see Harry. I've kept quiet about your secrets, God knows I'm used to doing, but even I can't make him blind when you insist on acting like a lovesick pup."

"I beg your pardon," Remus said with great dignity.

"It isn't my pardon you'll need," she said coolly. "It's Harry's. And that will be a good sight more difficult to receive."

He felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. He said only, "I was planning to take him shopping in Diagon Alley next week. Have you had your Hogwarts letter yet?" He knew she hadn't because Draco hadn't had his yet.

She didn't deign to respond to that. "Just be careful."

"I am always careful," he said, still very dignified.

She looked over his shoulder. "He isn't," she said. She turned and walked away.

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

From the top floor of the house he heard the shouting. He'd gone there searching for the source of the groans and thumps they'd been hearing late at night. He'd thought it might be a boggart, but it was equally possible that it was some unpleasant piece of Dark magic they'd missed--or perhaps they'd finally acquired a ghoul. He was looking forward to a simple exercise in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The shouts were muffled at first, but they rose in pitch until he was drawn to the head of the stairs. That was, of course, exactly the moment the groaner-and-thumper decided to begin its routine, even though it wasn't yet teatime. With an oath, Remus moved stealthily down the stairs to the second-floor landing.

"--CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D HAVE THE GALL TO DO IT IN THIS HOUSE!"

Remus squinted down the stairs as if that would sharpen his hearing. He could have sworn that was a man shouting, even though the words sounded like something Molly Weasley would say. There was a muffled reply, and then the shouting again.

"YOU BLOODY GIT! I DON'T GIVE A NIFFLER'S ARSE WHETHER YOU--" The shout was cut off abruptly, but not before Remus could reel against the stairway wall in horror. The shouting voice was his godson. And though Harry had been, somewhat understandably, on edge since Sirius' death and the nerve-wrackingly uneventful year following, Remus could think of only one person who would provoke Harry to quite this level of wrath.

Remus leapt down the stairs two at a time.

He could hear more of the words now, and a muffled thumping that he hoped was not someone's body part.

"Look, I didn't actually set out to ruin your personal world of cheer, Potter, but it so happens that I'm slightly more interested in my own happiness than I am in yours."

"YES, WELL--"

"And that means that I care more about Remus than I do you. And if you don't like that, you can bloody well sod off!"

Remus skidded to a halt outside the parlour. It was actually nice, in a way, to hear them arguing for once, instead of watching them carefully go about the wooden motions of politeness. Still, Harry had been hex-happy for some time now. Coming to a quick decision, Remus took a deep breath and walked into the parlour.

Harry narrowed his eyes when Remus entered. Seeing this, Draco spun to face Remus. His cheeks were slightly flushed, but he gave Remus a dazzling smile. He looked completely angelic, which Remus took to meant he had provoked Harry into this argument. Still, his heart gave a small twinge at the eager-to-please devotion that he saw in Draco's smile. It was really more than a man hoped to find once, let alone twice, in his life. He sighed.

"What is going on here?"

"BLOODY MALFOY SAYS HE'S JOINING THE ORDER! WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY, HE SAID BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!"

Oh. Remus let out a slow breath.

"ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH DRACO MALFOY?" Harry screamed, then blushed when Remus gave him the most quelling look he could manage.

Well, no, Harry, Remus wanted to say. I've restrained myself admirably until he leaves school, but thank you for your confidence. Instead he said, "I don't believe that's your business, Harry," in the quietest voice he could manage.

"IT BLOODY WELL IS IF--"

Remus held up a hand. "I will walk away from you if you don't cease speaking to me in such a manner."

Harry's mouth snapped shut and he glared at Remus, then turned his glare on Malfoy, who was attempting to look endearing to Remus.

Remus sighed. "Look, Harry. I know this can't be easy for you. But--this is not your business."

Harry flushed, but Remus did not pause to let him break in. "I respect you and trust you enough to lead your own life. I wish you could trust me enough to allow me to do the same."

Draco snorted. "Yes, well, look at the trouble he's got himself into before, by living his own life."

Remus saw Harry's fist fly, but in the split second during which he could have pulled Draco away, he...didn't. Draco stumbled backwards, his lip bleeding, his eyes shocked, and sat heavily on the floor. Harry turned away and clutched his undoubtedly bruised knuckles. Remus closed his eyes and began to laugh.

The outraged howls of the two teenagers was almost instant, and he was at such a loss for how to react that he simply laughed harder. He leaned helplessly against the wall and put an arm across his stomach. Oh, lord, they both looked so serious! So tortured! So--so--

He slid to the floor, still laughing.

These fragile bodies of touch and taste

This fragrant skin this hair like lace

"Well, you shouldn't have twitted him about his near-death experiences," Remus said, dabbing a damp washcloth against Draco's split lip. He tried to ignore how much he wanted to put his own lips there, and focused instead of quelling the mirth that had persistently welled up inside him for the past twenty minutes. "You know he's sensitive about that sort of thing."

"And I'm not sensitive about my manliness?" Draco asked sulkily. "If you could have seen his face when he called me a bloody pouf--"

"Well, I did see his face when he asked me if I was sleeping with you," Remus remarked, keeping his expression and voice carefully mild.

"He's very hard to take seriously when he's poncing about in a sulk all the time," Draco muttered.

"Says the kettle," Remus observed.

Draco glared at him, but he couldn't maintain it for long, and finally he broke down and laughed. "Sod off, Lupin," he said, and the affection was clear in his voice. He took the washcloth from Remus' hand and snaked his arms around his neck. "I am sorry I argued with him," he murmured. "I--I do try not to, for your sake."

Remus was fairly certain his thinking was clouding over. "I know," he whispered. "And I do appreciate it."

Whatever else he had meant to say was lost as Draco's lips met his. He twined his fingers in the younger man's pale hair, and wished desperately for this happiness to last just a little longer.

~*~

Spirits open to the thrust of grace

Never a breath you can afford to waste

Severus Snape was sitting at the breakfast table, clad in his usual black, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. This was certainly not the best sight to greet Remus before he'd had his morning coffee. He cleared his throat, but Snape didn't look up. Remus walked to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. He drank half of it and refilled it before walking back to the table and sitting down as far from Severus as possible.

"I came to see whether the wolfsbane potion was holding out," Snape said. "And to see for myself if the rumours are true."

Remus was suddenly shockingly awake. Not now, he pleaded silently. Not the night after the full moon. But of course that was why Snape had chosen to come today, and he might as well beg for mercy from the moon as from Severus Snape.

"May I enquire what rumours you mean?" he asked, fighting to maintain his calm.

"Don't play the innocent with me, Lupin," Snape sneered. "The rumours that you've taken to violating children and dragging other Old Blood houses into your depravity. Don't bother denying them."

Remus set his cup down carefully. "All right, I won't. I can see it won't do any good to tell you the truth, anyway."

"Dumbledore will put a stop to it," Snape hissed.

He felt very calm as he spoke the damning words. "Dumbledore can go bugger himself. I love Draco."

Snape smiled an ugly smile. "What is love, Lupin?" He stood up and left without looking back.

~*~

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

He could imagine what Dumbledore would say--it isn't prudent, perhaps you could wait just a while, perhaps someone more appropriate--and he frankly didn't care. He told Draco so the next day, when the young man sought him out upstairs. Remus was once again searching for the cause of the thumps and groans, and Draco sat on a trunk and watched him scan one of the attic rooms.

"Remus, I heard your conversation with Professor Snape yesterday." He hesitated, then blurted, "I wasn't eavesdropping on purpose, I just--I was coming down to breakfast, and I...I..."

Remus straightened and looked at him kindly. "Wanted to know what I would say?"

Draco nodded slowly.

"I hope you were reassured."

"I keep thinking perhaps you'll suddenly decide you--you don't--"

Remus went to stand in front of him and put both hands on his shoulders. "I meant what I said, Draco. I love you. For who you are, not for who you remind me of. And this is your home for as long as you want. Sirius left the house to me, not to the Order, and if I feel like chucking anyone out, it'll be the Order."

Draco laughed quietly. "I hope you won't," he said, and looked up at Remus with eyes that were at once proud and ashamed. "If you threw out the Order, you'd have to throw me out, too."

Remus looked into Draco's pale eyes for a very long time. He let his eyes travel over the circles in the young man's cheekbones, up to the tousled hair that looked like it hadn't seen a comb that morning. He licked his lips, swallowed, and said cautiously, "Did you give your oath?"

Draco nodded, never looking away from Remus' eyes. Remus sighed.

"I know you didn't want me to," Draco said. "But I'm a man now, Remus. You have to let me make my own decisions. You have to let me do something for this cause. And--and you have to let me work beside you. You can't always shelter me, the way you did this spring."

He shook his head as Remus began to speak. Remus sucked in a breath, forced himself to hold it.

"I appreciate it. I do. It was what I needed. But now more than anything I need to be able to take action. I need to prove, to you and to the others, and to myself, that I can do this. That I'm here not just because I love you, but because I believe this is where I belong. And there's no other way to prove that."

He was speaking in a quiet voice, and he never once looked away from Remus' face. Remus felt himself to be a step away from a precipice that hadn't been there only a moment before.

He nodded slowly. "Whatever you feel is right, I will support. I respect your decision, Draco." He realized as he said it that it was true, and it felt right, and he was no longer afraid.

Draco's face lit up, and Remus realized he was not going to find that ghoul today, either.

~*~

When you're lovers in a dangerous time

Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime

Remus and Draco went to Diagon Alley together, the day before the Hogwarts Express would separate them until Christmas. Draco had his list of Seventh Year supplies, and he went wearing his prefect badge. He'd failed miserably at his attempt to be gracious when the letter had come for Ron with the Head Boy badge--but what mattered more to Remus was that Draco had tried to be gracious.

They went from Madam Malkin's to Quality Quidditch Supplies to Flourish and Blotts without incident. Draco saw a few younger Slytherins and spoke to them as befit a Prefect, but they saw none of his friends until they stopped at Florean Fortescue's for lunch.

Pansy Parkinson and her boyfriend Blaise Zabini were sharing a chocolate sundae on one of the tables outside the shop. When she saw Draco, she squealed and waved. At the sight of Remus, her eyes nearly fell out of her head, but she jumped to her feet and pulled a chair from a neighbouring table so Remus and Draco could join them.

"Draco! How was your summer? Oh, we've missed you! Have you been reading the Prophet? They're saying You-Know-Who has retreated to the Continent. Do you think that could be true?"

Draco rolled his eyes at Remus, but he grinned affectionately at Pansy and kissed her cheek. "Hullo Pans," he said, and Remus was pleased at the genuine friendship in his voice. "Blaise," he said, and shook the other man's hand. "You remember Remus Lupin?"

"Do I," Pansy breathed, and flashed him a smile. "I'm glad to see you again, Professor."

"Likewise, Miss Parkinson," he said, smiling faintly. "I hope you've been well."

"Oh, fine," she said, waving her hand airily. "And you?"

"Very well, thank you," he said.

"Sit down, Pansy," Blaise said indulgently. "Lupin, would you like to join us?"

"Thank you," Remus said. He and Draco sat, and a moment later Florean Fortescue himself came out to see what they wanted.

When Draco was occupied with a hot fudge sundae and Remus had received his chocolate ice cream cone, Zabini leaned forward. "So, Draco. Have you heard from your family?"

Draco looked down at the table. "I burned those bridges, Blaise." His voice was tight.

Zabini nodded. "Good." As Draco lifted his head to stare at him, Blaise continued, "I'd heard something to that effect, and I want you to know, I think you're right. It's time to break with the old ways." He met Remus' eyes. "Pansy and I are with you."

~*~

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight

Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

"It couldn't have happened without you, you know," Draco said later that night, as they were saying their farewells. Remus was not going to the station the next morning. He'd already confessed to Draco that he didn't think he could stand and watch him leave. Draco had laughed and kissed him, and Remus thought he was forgiven.

"What do you mean?" Remus said, stretching his arms above his head and looking up at the ceiling. Perhaps they shouldn't have had quite so much redcurrant rum. Draco was sprawled on the floor, while Remus tried to stay upright on the couch. Strange, he didn't remember asking for an enchanted ceiling...or floor...

"I mean, if you hadn't called me to your side and made me love you, I couldn't have reached Blaise and Pansy." Draco chuckled. "No, that's not quite true. Blaise and Pansy wouldn't have tried reaching to me. It was your influence that made me willing to listen when they did."

"Oh," Remus said, feeling oddly disappointed. "You mean, I didn't save you all by myself."

"No, daft man, I mean that you did save me, all by yourself. It was Blaise and Pansy who made me see I needed you."

"Need me." Remus sighed. It was a painful sort of delight, to be needed by someone again. To be told one was needed.

When you're lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

"Yes," Draco said softly, climbing to his knees and kissing Remus rather sloppily on the mouth. "I do need you. And you know it. And what's better," he added, giving him a bright-eyed smile, "you need me. And I know it." He kissed Remus again, with better accuracy this time, and Remus put his arms around him for a moment.

"Yes," he murmured.

But it was nearly midnight, and Draco had to leave early the next day, and if they'd made it through a difficult summer, there was still a dangerous year to get through. Remus gently pushed Draco away and stood up. They had time. He had to believe they still had time.

"Go to bed," he whispered against Draco's mouth. "I'll still be here next year."

We were lovers in a dangerous time

We were lovers in a dangerous time