The Werewolf Prank

The heavy oak door to the Headmaster's office swung open; they all filed in, and were immediately greeted by a reedy, irritable voice that Sirius, unfortunately, knew all too well.

"Oh dear," drawled his great-great grandfather, Phineas Nigellus Black, eyeing them all warily from his gilded picture frame. "What is it this time? No wait, don't tell me, let me guess -- you've been selling illegal study aids to the student body again? Or maybe you've set fire to the Charms corridor this time."

Sirius gritted his teeth and willed himself not to respond, focusing instead on the collection of whirring, puffing silver contraptions that Dumbledore kept in his office. He and James had often speculated on what these were for -- Sirius thought they were used to spy on students, though James was convinced at least one of them let you see into Professor McGonagall's bedchamber.

Dumbledore strode over to his desk, conjured three chairs, and gestured for the boys to sit. They sat. He then heaved a sigh, took his own seat, put the tips of his fingers together, and peered at each one of them in turn over the top of his half-moon spectacles.

"Tell me what happened," he said at last, his eyes resting on Snape.

Snape took a deep breath. "Black and Potter tricked me into following the tunnel under the Whomping Willow tonight, sir, knowing full well there was a werewolf waiting at the other end."

"I didn't trick you," said Sirius. "I just told you how to freeze the tree. And James had nothing to do with it."

"When did this happen?" Dumbledore asked Snape.

"Early this evening, sir," said Snape. "We were planting Tibetan chomping cabbages for Professor Sprout when Lupin emerged from the castle and approached the Whomping Willow."

"No doubt accompanied by Madam Pomfrey?"

Snape nodded. "And that was when Black suggested I follow him and explained how to stop the Whomping Willow."

Dumbledore considered this for a moment, then turned to Sirius. "Why did you tell him?" he asked quietly.

Sirius shrugged, unnerved by those clear blue eyes that seemed to probe the depths of his soul. "He wanted to know?"

"It was a plan to murder me, Headmaster," said Snape. "I am certain of it."

There was a sharp intake of breath at the word murder, and Sirius turned involuntarily to the wall of portraits.

"Murder?" hissed Phineas Nigellus, staring at him with abnormally bright eyes; the other headmasters and headmistresses snoozed on peacefully.

"Sirius never expected him to actually listen, sir," James said quickly, addressing Dumbledore.

"Oh, shut up," Sirius told the portrait, knowing he would probably pay for his impertinence later and not really caring.

"Whips and chains, Dumbledore," said Phineas loudly. "That's the only way to deal with delinquents like this. I believe there is a well-oiled set of chains to be found in the caretaker's office: hang him up by his thumbs, I say. If that doesn't teach him, nothing will."

"Yes, thank you, Phineas," said Dumbledore.

"Sir," James continued, "Snape kept asking questions about where Remus went off to every month."

"He seemed to think we were all up to something," said Sirius, "and if he found out he could get us all expelled." Of course they had been up to something, and if Snape had found out it probably would've got them all expelled -- but years of getting in trouble and trying to talk his way out had taught Sirius that the best way to avoid a dangerous subject was to address it head-on.

"So I annoyed Black," Snape said heatedly. "That is a reason to kill me? Black even said it when he told me how to stop the Willow -- 'you want proof we're sneaking out?' -- those were his exact words, Headmaster."

"Is this true?" Dumbledore asked Sirius.

"I don't know," said Sirius, trying to remember if those had indeed been his exact words. "I guess I probably said something like that...."

There was a brief moment of silence during which a flicker of disappointment crossed Dumbledore's face. Then --

"Thumbscrews," Phineas Nigellus volunteered. "I left a few pairs in one of the storage dungeons. I'm telling you, Dumbledore, they will do the boy a world of good."

"No one asked you, you horrible old man," snapped Sirius, earning himself a very ugly look from his august ancestor. He also couldn't help noticing that Snape seemed to think the idea had merit.

"But Professor," James went on, ignoring Phineas, "Sirius didn't mean for him to go, he just thought --"

"I thought maybe if I told him something, he'd realize we had nothing to hide and lose interest," Sirius explained.

"So killing me was supposed to be a way of keeping your little excursions a secret then?" Snape demanded.

"What little excursions?" said James impatiently (he too had a great deal of experience talking his way out of trouble). "Who'd be mad enough to go sneaking out after a werewolf on full moon?"

"I didn't know about the werewolf," Snape conceded, in a voice of forced calm.

"Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore, "if Mr. Black did indeed act alone, how did you come to know of all this?"

"He told me."

"And you thought Mr. Snape would listen to him?"

"I thought he might," said James slowly.

"You went straight to the tunnel to investigate?" Dumbledore pressed. James nodded.

"When was this? As in, how long after Mr. Black had imparted the information to Mr. Snape?"

"Er --" said James.

"I didn't tell him until much later," said Sirius quickly. "I didn't -- I didn't think it would be that big a deal." He was hoping they wouldn't have to explain about the Marauder's Map; it was a rather dubious magical object, and it was sure to be confiscated if any of the teachers found out about it.

"I just had a bad feeling," James put in. "I figured I should at least check it out."

"But Mr. Black disagreed?" Dumbledore asked, after watching them both curiously for a moment. "He still felt there was no danger of Mr. Snape taking his advice?"

"Um, yeah," said James.

"Did the two of you argue over this point?"

Sirius knew he must have looked surprised; Dumbledore smiled slightly.

"Miss Evans had told me that she encountered Mr. Black in low spirits," he explained. "She seemed to think there had been a disagreement between the two of you, and I merely wondered if this was what it was over."

"Oh, yeah," said James. "I mean, I thought it was stupid of him to tell in the first place, but I guess he thought I was overreacting."

"Rubbish," said Snape forcefully. "Professor, Potter was in on it too. They were both feigning plans to meet with Lupin later, throughout the evening."

"What?" James exclaimed. "When?"

"In the library," Snape replied, keeping his eyes on Dumbledore. "Black was angling to snog that blonde Ravenclaw from Charms" -- Phineas Nigellus snorted in disapproval, but Sirius refused to look in his direction -- "when Potter interrupted to remind him they had to go find 'Moony.' He knew I was within earshot. And minutes later, Black was telling him they couldn't go until he'd taken a shower." Snape's face reddened slightly as he said this, but he went on without pausing. "There must have been a dozen witnesses at least, sir. I would be happy to give you some of their names."

"There will be no need for that, Mr. Snape," said Dumbledore. "I believe you."

"It was a joke, sir," said James quickly. "We had no idea he was listening in on our private conversations. We say stuff like that every full moon."

"Private?" sneered Snape.

Sirius's patience was wearing thin. "You know," he said aggressively, "even if we were sneaking out, how's that any of your business?"

"Right," said James, catching on. "Even if you were right about us, you would have been just as 'out-of-bounds' as we were, trying to get the proof."

Snape glowered at the both of them but couldn't seem to think of a reply.

"Very well," Dumbledore began.

"If you ask me," Sirius added for good measure, "anyone stupid enough to miss this obvious snag rather deserves --"

"Idiot boy!" snarled Phineas Nigellus, as James stamped on Sirius's foot. "Shut your mouth!"

Sirius felt his own face go red. He slid down a few inches in his chair and crossed his arms defensively, but didn't say anything more.

"Very well," Dumbledore began again.

"That proves it," breathed Snape, his black eyes glittering as they fixed on Sirius. "You know, Black, this whole night shall have been most worthwhile, just to see you expelled in the end."

Dumbledore cleared his throat softly and Sirius's heart skipped a beat. Was he really going to be expelled?

"Now see here, Dumbledore," said Phineas Nigellus, who clearly thought this was going a bit far.

"Sirius will not be expelled, Phineas," Dumbledore said simply, not looking up.

"I just think it would be unnecessary," Phineas added smoothly, as Sirius let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "After all, it's not his fault this chump -- Snape, was it? -- decided to blatantly flout school rules and visit Hogsmeade in the dead of night."

"Phineas," said Dumbledore, with a warning note in his voice.

Sirius, a perpetual embarrassment to the Nasty and Most Awful House of Black, knew this sudden show of support had nothing to do with him and everything to do with upholding the family name. Still, the look on Snape's face now was priceless. He had probably thought that any portrait who suggested hanging Sirius from the ceiling by his thumbs was a portrait with whom he would generally see eye to eye.

"What?" he shouted incredulously.

"Oh yes," said Phineas snidely. "Whether or not my worthless great-great grandson has been trying to kill you" -- he shot Sirius a disapproving look here, as if to let him know he still considered this highly inappropriate behavior -- "it certainly seems as though he could not have managed it without some very sporting cooperation on your part."

"Whether or not," snarled Snape. "You couldn't care less either, could you? The family resemblance is striking."

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

"He's right," James piped up, looking at Snape. "You were the one who broke the school rules. They're there for a reason, you know, they're for your own safety."

"Such as the secret of the Willow, you mean, Potter?"

Sirius opened his mouth to point out that there was no school rule against sharing the secret of the Willow.

"Enough," Dumbledore cut in, in a voice that was quiet but firm. Sirius closed his mouth quickly.

"I should say so," Phineas Nigellus commented. "The sheer insolence that goes unpunished around here -- students in my day would never have dreamed of --"

"Phineas, please," said Dumbledore, sounding rather tired. "If you won't allow me to finish dealing with my students then I am afraid we shall be here all night."

"Who's being insolent now?" Sirius muttered under his breath.

"I heard that," said Phineas Nigellus sharply. "You know, the discipline here may be woefully inadequate for dealing with the likes of you, but I do look forward to seeing what your mother has to say when she learns you've been --"

"That information is not to leave this room, Phineas," Dumbledore interrupted, looking grave.

"What? But surely the boy's parents have a right to know if --"

"Not to leave this room, Phineas," Dumbledore repeated firmly.

Phineas Nigellus stood there for a moment, clenching his white gloved hands into fists and looking mutinous; then he turned and stalked out of his frame. Sirius was not sorry to see him go, but he had to wonder if the night's events were about to be broadcast all over number twelve, Grimmauld Place. If they were, every last one of the portraits would no doubt have something to say to him about it next time he landed up there -- not to mention his parents, of course. Maybe he could tell them Snape was Muggle-born and spare himself the headache.

Dumbledore waited, as though making sure none of them had anything more to say, then turned his attention to Snape. "I could not help overhearing, Mr. Snape, a portion of your conversation with Professor Slughorn outside my office."

Sirius also turned his attention to Snape, who seemed slightly taken aback by the question.

"It seems, then," Dumbledore continued, "that you would disagree with the position that only those students deemed worthy by some criteria should be permitted to attend Hogwarts?"

Snape glowered at him. "Hogwarts is open to all students in Britain and Ireland born with magical ability," he said stiffly.

James and Sirius exchanged a puzzled look.

"And you approve?" Dumbledore pressed.

"Yes," said Snape peevishly.

"Excellent," said Dumbledore. "Then I am confident you would not wish to prevent a deserving student from completing his education here."

Snape looked appalled. "Black is not deserving!" he spat.

"I am not referring to Mr. Black," said Dumbledore calmly. "Whatever his deserts" -- Sirius did not like the sound of this -- "I could not expel him without having to explain my reasons. The resulting furor would certainly bring about the removal of Mr. Lupin from the school -- as would the disclosure of tonight's events from any other source."

Dumbledore watched Snape closely, apparently waiting for him to say something. "Can I count on your cooperation in this matter?" he asked, when Snape didn't respond.

Sirius's stomach lurched, as though he had just missed a step going down the stairs. He hadn't been too concerned about Snape's knowing Moony's furry little problem so far, assuming a good memory charm would fix that easily enough. But it sounded now like Dumbledore was planning to just -- ask Snape not to tell?

Apparently James had been thinking along the same lines.

"What?" he yelped. "Sir, aren't you going to Obliviate him?"

Snape started to rise from his chair.

"No, Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore, looking perfectly serious. "I prefer not to -- please take your seat, Mr. Snape -- not to tamper with my students' memories like that."

Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But sir, you can't just let him walk out of here knowing Remus is a werewolf!"

"He'll go straight back to the Slytherin common room and tell anyone who'll listen to him," said James reasonably.

"Well, I sincerely hope you're wrong about that, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore replied calmly.

"But he hates us, sir," Sirius protested, unable to understand how Dumbledore could be so thick. "That was the whole reason he went out tonight."

"Exactly," said James. "He'll do anything to get one of us expelled. He'll do it just to get back at Sirius."

Sirius was uncomfortably aware this was true. He felt like his friend was being thrown out of school for something he -- and he alone -- did.

"Mr. Snape?" said Dumbledore.

"It doesn't matter what he says," said Sirius desperately. "There's no way he could be trusted with something like this, sir."

"I could hardly do a worse job at keeping Lupin's secret than you, Black!" Snape snapped.

"My sincere thanks, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore cut in, his blue eyes twinkling. "I believe you will do a better job."

All three boys stared at him, their mouths hanging slightly open.

"But --" said James.

"I know that it is a big responsibility Mr. Snape has undertaken at my request," Dumbledore went on, "and I believe he is up to the task. But life can be full of temptations. As friends of Mr. Lupin, I think it would behoove you to do what you can to ensure Mr. Snape does not face many."

"That's not fair," said Sirius. "I'm the one who messed up here, why should Remus have to pay for it?"

Dumbledore watched him for a moment, then sighed, checked his watch, and conjured four steaming mugs of hot chocolate with a quick wave of his wand. Sirius felt a lecture coming on.

He was not mistaken.

"Mr. Black, what do you think would have happened tonight if Mr. Potter had not had -- as he calls it -- a 'bad feeling' about the situation? Had not gone to check the tunnel?"

Sirius wasn't sure how to respond to this, so he picked up his mug of hot chocolate and busied himself in taking a sip.

"I think Mr. Lupin may have wound up paying a far greater price for your indiscretion than he is under the present circumstances," Dumbledore continued. "But, as you have so astutely pointed out, it would be quite unfair if the burden of the consequences fell entirely to him. Fifty points from Gryffindor, I think."

Snape looked like he couldn't believe his ears. "That's it? Excuse me, sir, but fifty points from Gryffindor? For attempted murder?"

"Not quite," Dumbledore replied. "I suspect Professor McGonagall will be in touch to arrange detentions for him as well." He turned back to Sirius. "Mr. Black, I believe that you did not truly intend for anyone to die tonight. However, it is important that you understand how a single mistake -- made in a moment of thoughtless anger -- could easily have had such dire consequences." Sirius stared at the desk; he had already figured this much out for himself.

"I hope you appreciate how lucky you are that Mr. Potter was able to intervene in time," Dumbledore continued. "And that you will not have to go through the rest of your life with the knowledge that you had helped bring about the deaths of three of your classmates -- two of them your very close friends. I fear that if you cannot learn to control your temper and think through your actions more carefully, you may not be so lucky next time."

"Yes, sir," Sirius mumbled, not looking up. He knew it was true, for the most part, but he still hated the old man for saying it.

"Unbelievable," Snape whispered, fortunately attracting Dumbledore's attention to himself and away from Sirius.

"Mr. Snape, I'm sorry to have to say it, but you too were out of bounds tonight. Even if your classmates were breaking the rules, it would not have been your place to follow them and collect proof. You could have confided your suspicions in any member of the school staff, all of whom were aware of Mr. Lupin's condition and would have assured you that the situation was under control. Instead you chose a dangerous path, and it should hardly come as a surprise that it lead you straight to danger. Twenty points from Slytherin, I think, and I hope you too will think through your actions more carefully in future. I shall also speak with Professor Slughorn, who may be contacting you to arrange detentions as well."

Well, at least Snivelly didn't get off completely free either, Sirius thought to himself.

"And finally, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, sounding slightly more cheerful. "The quick thinking and courage you displayed tonight were most admirable. While your actions speak for themselves, I think a hundred points for Gryffindor are certainly in order as well."

"Thank you, sir," said James politely, though without much enthusiasm.

"Well, it's getting quite late, and I have certainly talked on long enough," said Dumbledore at last. "I suspect we are all more than ready to return to our nice warm beds and try to put the night's events behind us." He stood up and walked toward the door; the three boys followed suit.

"I do trust," said Dumbledore, pausing by the door and glancing Snape, "that after tonight, no one here would intentionally endanger the life of a fellow student, and that no one" -- he turned his gaze to James and Sirius -- "would give him a reason to do so. Goodnight."