We Spies, We Slowhands

We Spies, We Slow Hands

You're no longer laughing
I'm not drowning fast enough.

--

They have secret meetings in the abandoned dungeon, deeper into Magaan's Potions room, take a left, yes, there it is. The group spreads out, huddles together, wrap their expensive cloaks around them and in the middle is the prettiest one, the shining halo of a girl, only her heavy-lidded eyes give her face a permanent glare. When she smiles as she explains what, does she explain it really, her eyes are cold like the stone on the dungeon, where the boy was rumored to have smashed his skull against the wall, over and over, because of this Potions mark he received, one of those crazy Ravenclaws.

The Ravenclaws are almost as bad as the Slytherins. They know who the winning side is and they cluster to Bella's back, avoiding her piercing glare, because she looks at you, each and every one of you until you can feel it, the thing she talks about, the feeling of Him. The whole idea is ridiculous and the dungeon is dark and Bella cuts open a dead cat - a Mudblood Gryffindor's, undoubtedly - with a smooth, all-silver knife and says, "This is what will happen to you if you speak of."

Her sister is that Narcissa Black that no one is really good enough to talk to except her cousin Regulus Black (his brother is that Sirius in Gryffindor, Seventh Year, the one who is always with Potter) and Bella herself. Narcissa lets you talk until you feel your foolishness and she smiles at you, throws her long hair and looks over your shoulder, because there is someone else there, someone better worth not-talking to.

--

No one knows anyone in these meetings. No one looks at each other, no one exchanges glances when the cat's heart is taken out and Bellatrix's white hands are suddenly dripping crimson and her red mouth is saying, "Now we know who is going to be a part of this," and the heart is handed to one person, then the next, then until everyone has had a chance on the heart, everyone can reckon a beating or two from the organ itself. The slippery, wet weight draws fear into the doubtful ones, true belief in the passionate.

This is something everyone has for themselves. "Mudbloods," says Bellatrix and her Lestrange finishes, "the agenda."

--

The classes become divided; no one talks about it but they look at each other in a new way. The school is never silent but the flock of owls in the morning is a dire event. The Ministry's ominous black envelopes cast a hush over the House of the one receiving it.

Lily Evans, Head Girl, sitting beside the Head Boy, Potter, gets one on a grey day when the clouds cannot decide if rain or the sun will make an appearance.

She looks at it and her face is blank. Gryffindor quiets down and Black, sometimes rowdy, is pale and Potter's eyes are huge and the letter is calmly taken as Lily leaves the table and the Great Hall.

No one speaks for a moment, a sort of sign of respect for the one; then, the chatter begins again, after all it happens everyday, doesn't it, they all can't break down everyday, can they?

--

Dear Ms. Evans,

We regret to inform you of the death of...a sign over the house...skull with serpents...parents...your sister has been informed...modified version...not to upset...

Just like the rest.

--

"We have to do something," says James Potter to Dumbledore.

He looks up from his desk, over those so well-known spectacles.

"We would all be a part of it," continues James. "Lily and I, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank...all of Gryffindor who - we could all make a..."

"An Order," says Dumbledore, suddenly, thoughtfully. "Yes."

"You are aware of the Slytherins and that they may have...an Order of their own?" says James, carefully.

The Headmaster sighs; it is apparent it has been obvious to him from the start. James doesn't ask why he doesn't stop the whole thing as it's going on.

--

"Regulus is a part of the Slytherin group," says Sirius suddenly. Remus looks at him quickly.

"Yes," says Remus, "but there's nothing that, really, you - "

"Yes, I know," interrupts Sirius, not sounding sad, just tired, "I just wish I - I gave up any ties to my family and that includes him." Remus hears the finality of his voice.

"It's okay to care, you know," he says gently. "I would, too." He holds Sirius and kisses him and there isn't talk of the Slytherin group until the next morning at breakfast when James leans over and says, "Meeting in common room right after dinner with Dumbledore."

They look over at Lily's empty seat, each respectively, and nod, says, "Yes," and Sirius's eyes try their hardest and don't flicker over to the Slytherin table.

--

Peter says, "Ugh, I feel terrible, guys, I'm going to the infirmary." Sirius looks up from his and Remus' parchment of the notes that Dumbledore had talked about.

"Okay," he says, "you okay?" he adds, in a rare moment of concern for him, Peter. Peter is almost taken aback.

"I'm sure it's just - it's just - I'll be back." He leaves the common room quickly, heart pounding, wondering - no, not wondering, knowing - what James and Sirius and Remus would do, think, if they knew where he was going.

The infirmary is open and he strolls by it, in case anyone sees him, which they won't but it's just - just in case, because it makes him feel safer, safer. He ducks into a bathroom, transforms into Wormtail, thankful for the dark, and he goes, going down the silent stone hallways, growing chillier, and then he's there.

Everyone is so dark and Wormtail slinks around the wall and listens. The group is small, Slytherins and even some Ravenclaws, Peter notes with shock.

"Dead birds," says creepy Lestrange and holds up a dead, black crow.

"The sign," says his brother, another creepy, waving his wand and a makeshift sign of a skull with snakelike things coming out of its mouth and head. Wormtail stares at the green sparks making up the figure and thinks it's the most beautifully awe-inspiring thing he's ever seen, topping the Map, even. He's surprised that the thought of his friends don't bring a tug of horrible guilt to his gut; instead, he's glad, almost. He feels rebellious, cool, not like Sirius, but different. Bad, but really, really and then Bellatrix says,

"Remember the cat?"

Wormtail leaves before the meeting is over, after seeing the mutilated cat, and really does feel sick. He once again creeps into the bathroom to change back and when Peter looks in the mirror, he sees with horror his hands are erupting with boils. He remembers the countercurse and casts, thankful of Sirius' careful research for pranks, and wonders if trespassing as a human would have caused worse.

--

"I'm fine," he says to James and Sirius. Sirius turns back to Remus without saying anything (Remus smiles at him, but turns his attention to Sirius of course), as usual; his concern is for himself, James and Remus only, Peter notes with a dull envy and anger, but it's faded fast, because that's Sirius and James and Remus like him enough and sometimes, Peter does too, sometimes he really wants to be Sirius, because Remus and James love him in a way they will never Peter (except the way Sirius and Remus do, he doesn't want that, oh hell no) but he thinks, sometimes Sirius cares for him, too, a little.

"You look like you've thrown up," says James, always observant, hah. "You look like hell."

"Where's Lily?" Peter says stupid things like this without thinking but he did this intentionally, trying to bring thoughts about him away, so they wouldn't suspect.

--

"Our first test for you," says Bellatrix crisply, her robes immaculately pressed, her white hands folded on her lap, "is this."

Wormtail listened and tried to forget, wondered if he should tell, wondered the whole way back.

--

When Second Year Emily Russo went down to the Gryffindor common room to catch the sunrise, she finds her missing cat, ironically, and no one else is awake and -

-- the scream is heard from all of Gryffindor Tower to the portraits surrounding her and they awaken and -

It hangs, dead, heart inside out, hanging out, bloody, and the tag is still there, silver and gleaming, clean of all old blood. Property of Emily Russo and Kyou Mortenson the First.

--

No one could get the animal down, no one in Gryffindor could go the Common Room without the cat being there, hanging, dead, old blood. Dumbledore came and took Kyou and Emily and everyone was silent.

Peter shook his head like James had done and turned away. What could he have done, anyway? What - what was the point?

8:37pm

1.24.2005