Harry Potter Goes to Las Vegas

Harry Potter Goes to Las Vegas

by *~*Caesar*~*

"'Cause everyday there's a war to fight,

And if I win or lose, nevermind.

As long as you're my shelter every night.

I used to cry against a wall

But now I got a shoulder that I can lean on.

Swear to me that you won't be gone.

I'm ready for the good times,

I'm ready for the good times,

Ready to get it on..."

"Ready for the Good Times," Shakira, Laundry Service

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It was a cold Scottish evening at Hogwarts as usual, and the Gryffindor seventh years were utterly bored. "There is so nothing to do here!" Lavender whined as she braided Parvati's thick, dark hair. Hermione glanced up from her book for a moment, and looked at everyone as if they were nutters, then buried herself in the alchemy text again. Harry himself was starting to nod off and he had to admit, it was quite dull. Despite the fact that girls were in their pyjamas (very cute pyjamas, might Harry add), the boys were literally stunned by their level of lethargy.

"Yeah, there is," Susan said very loudly, very suddenly from her bed where she and Ron were playing Yahtzee. The twinkling orchid lights bounced off the plastic "crystal" chain curtains that were draped about her canopy, creating distorted rainbows across the faces in the room. "There's always 'something' to do." With that, she giggled and rolled off the bed as she manically threw the dice into the little cup. Ron leaned over and picked her up as she chuckled wildly, then he grinned and kissed her as she leaned haphazardly over the edge of the bed. "Come off it, I'm 'trying' to think." Ron looked agitated, then shrugged and hugged Susan and he pulled her up and into his warm arms and a soft comforter.

"Like what?" Seamus said sarcastically as he pulled off Dean's headphones for a moment. "There is no way anything is gonna happen around here." He gestured meaninglessly around the dark room, lit only by Susan's tropical fish lamp and Dean's candle.

"Gimme that," Dean said furiously, yanking the DiscMan from Seamus's startled grasp, then he and Seamus grinned and started in on "What's My Age Again?" at the top of their lungs.

"And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me! Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three! And you're still more amused by prank phone calls, what the hell is call ID! I never wanna act my age! What's my age again, what's my again?" they bellowed, shaking the walls. Lavender sighed and Parvati grunted her disapproval. Hermione peered over the top of the book and cocked her head, attempting to comprehend the situation through the eyes of reason. Susan narrowed her aqua eyes and a smile appeared in her face as the red lips parted, revealing too-white teeth.

"Oh yeah, there is. And I know it. And I have an idea. So shut your cakes holes for a minute," she sputtered. Susan leaned back into Ron's arms and looked deep in thought for a few moments (well, as deep in thought as Susan could appear). Very quickly, a broad smile spread across her face as she leaped up onto the bed and started jumping on it. Ron looked startled, then stood up and jumped with her. "92, 92, 92" up and down and up and down and Harry's eyes followed Susan and Ron.

"What...," Ron panted, "... is it?" Ron grabbed his chest as Susan leapt exuberantly upon her bed, sending her stuffed animals onto the floor and jostling the plastic curtains with constant annoyance.

"I am so great, I am so great. Everybody loves me, I am so great!" Susan sang in her annoying American voice at the top of her lungs. "I've got it! We're gonna do it! We're goin' to Las Vegas! Yeah baby yeah!" Ron looked shocked and surprised (and he knew the Susan the best of anyone) and Hermione had gone into cardiac arrest.

"What?" Hermione said in a almost invisible whisper.

"Dude, that is like, so cool!" Dean proclaimed happily after he removed his headphones, even though Harry could still hear Blink-182 blaring.

"Wow," was all a surprised Seamus could muster.

"Well, get ready. Ladies, we have to change. I refuse to have the family see me like this, all pale and stuck-up. Parvati, we need to do some serious bronzer work," Susan said as she bounced off the bed and grabbed Lavender, Parvati, and Hermione as she went. She bustled over to her wardrobe, threw it open, and randomly reached in. Harry could hear hangers clanging and zippers being unzipped, but nothing particularly distinct or specific.

Lavender squeaked with excitement. "God, I am incredibly excited!" Lavender shouted as she scurried to her own wardrobe and began searching for whatever girls needed to get ready. (Harry's guess was as good as any other male's in the room.) Her fair blond hair reflected Dean's candlelight, momentarily blinding Harry.

Parvati, too, squealed. "This is fabulous! How many opportunities like this come around? Oh, yes! I have a blow-dryer!" A united cheer came up from the group of girls as they ran into the bathroom as a collective group.

"What kind of opportunity is this?!" Hermione wailed frantically as she was dragged into the bathroom. The door slammed shut definitively.

"The family? Sue's Italian, isn't she?" Harry said.

"Yeah, the family. You know Sue, something always gets in the way," Ron casually replied, shrugging off his reservations, if he even had any to begin with.

"Are they in the mob?" Harry said, curiosity creeping into his voice. The Dursleys had rented "The Godfather Trilogy" over the summer, and Harry had to admit, it was mildly intriguing. Oh, he could just see Susan F. DiMario as an Italian princess of organized crime.

"Maybe," Ron said in a worried voice. "Who's been talking?"

Harry was really worried now as the girls bounded out of the bathroom completely changed, except for Hermione, who could be heard yelling at them through the walls.

"You're mad! We'll never get out of Hogwarts and to America, none the less the West Coast, before midnight. And this is extremely illegal!" Hermione screamed frantically at Susan, who was adjusting her high heels that had tiny white rhinestones along the thin straps at the moment. Lavender sighed and pushed open the door as the girls spilled into the room. Susan closed her eyes, her glittering eyelids lighting up the whole room. A small smile escaped as she rose her manipulative gaze to Hermione's oh-so-serious statement.

"Honey, babes, it's all under control. I've got my methods," Susan replied in an easy voice. "We can Apparate to Manhattan, then from there Apparate to the Riviera. But first we'll go to Hagrid's hut, to look all innocent and to divert attention. From there we go to the Forbidden Forest, Apparate, bata boom, bata bing. And who said anything about before midnight? We're all adults, I most certainly don't have a curfew."

"But we're not adults, Sue," Seamus said in very calm tone of voice. Dean just about cracked up, loosening his tie and pulling on his suit jacket.

"Why are we going to Manhattan?" Lavender said in a very dumb voice as Susan put bright red lipstick on.

"Because, sweet Vinnie owes dear baby Susie a little favor. And might I add, how else are we 'sposda get fake IDs?" she said flippantly as she blotted and reapplied.

"Fake IDs?" Seamus said in a shocked voice. "And where are we getting them?"

"Like I said, Vinnie is. I've got my connections. His flavor of the week works for the DMV and somehow, she got a license-making machine. And if that falls through, Uncle Vito can always pull a few strings," she finished in a controlled voice, slicking on some glittery lip gloss, then pursing her lips. Ron, who was half-grinning, half-shaking, held her elbow.

"Uncle Vito, eh? Didn't he try to kill me when I told him I was Irish?" Ron said in a worried voice.

Susan chuckled flippantly. "That was a misunderstanding," Susan soothed, patting his arm affectionately. "No one will try to kill you this time. They were just disturbed that their little princess had a boyfriend. My family is very loving and defensive. Very," Susan reassured him as she put his jacket on.

"Oh my goodness! Sweet mother of God!" Hermione shrieked, spinning around and freaking out. "You're in the mob? Sue, that is so foolish! You... you... that is insane!"

"I'm not, just some of the family," Susan said defensively. "God, say it a little louder. Sure Snape would love to get me on that. I can hear him now, 'Yes, sir, she's in the mob. I say we expel her.' By the way, they are really nice people, maybe Aunt Lucy made ziti. We can eat there. By the way y'all we gotta go. Happy Hour is only so long," she finished. "And God knows that mine has all ready begun!" she roared as she threw open the door to their dorm and tried to storm out; Ron restrained her by clinging to her waist and resting his head on her shoulder. Harry started out the door, and everyone followed. Hermione brushed by him, as if she wanted to pretend that she wasn't involved, but Harry grabbed her arm and grinned. Ron and Susan came out last as they argued about Vito. Seamus took Lavender's arm, and Dean and Parvati walked side by side in silence. What have I gotten myself into, Harry wondered as they left the Common Room. Too late, the little voice in his head told him, who knows what your in for.

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Just as expected, they ran into Snape. Susan froze, but she motioned for them to be quiet.

"Hey, Mr. Snape, whassap?" she said cordially, doing some weird greeting signal with her hands.

"Nothing, where do you think you are going?" he responded coldly.

"Oh," she said flippantly, "we're going to Hagrid's hut. It has been such a long time since we all visited." Harry, Ron, and Hermione all nodded fiercely in agreement, and Harry could feel Hermione shaking in fear against him. Snape glared at Susan insolently for a moment before he stalked off to his dungeons. Susan pulled a face and flipped him the bird as they slipped out the door. Ron muttered something profane under his breath as he went out. Soon they were all at the edge of the forest. Hermione stopped and paused dramatically.

"Here is a good spot," Hermione offered weakly, her feeble attempt at support relatively unnoticed.

"Hmm...," Susan murmured, "yeah, okay, good times. Let's rock and/or roll." This response elicited a queer look from Dean, who had been trying to mentally undress Lavender for the last ten minutes. Susan gave a bright, cheesy grin to the group as she rocked her hips for dramatic effect with her statement.

"Jesus H. Christ, do you think y'all could freaking lighten up?" Susan exclaimed soon after, glaring angrily at everyone. Ron nodded, his eyes begging everyone to nod with him. Slowly__the other six heads began to bob in unison and Susan was a golden goddess of reckless abandon again.

"All right, now just Apparate to this address: 1717 Steinbrenner Boulevard, New York, New York." She sang the last lines to the tune of a Broadway play, spinning vicariously on her obnoxious heels. Ron caught her as she twirled into the branches of a gnarled tree.

Harry whipped out his wand and did as he was told. He felt himself spinning around, then whirling very fast. Harry saw a quick glimpse of Hermione as they sparkled and faded into the charm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Oy vey!" a very startled Parvati exclaimed. Her hard heel was grinding into Harry's chin.

Harry, Hermione, Susan, Ron, Dean, Lavender, Seamus, and Parvati were layered on top of each other, arranged in some heap on the ground in some dank alley. Well, well, well, what a fitting location...

"Ouch," Hermione groaned awkwardly as she rubbed her head. Harry looked around and saw they were in front of a door. Susan was pulled up by Ron, and she went to the door and started typing into a little keyboard.

"All right, full Italian name. Aww, Carmine, you are so paranoid. Fine, Susan Francesca Donna DiMario." The group looked at each other in fright as Susan kicked the door. Obviously, it decided that it didn't really like Susan; Susan didn't deal with rejection in a constructive way.

"Fine, nickname. God! Ugh, Princess Sunshine. Password?" she said in fury as she typed. "Y'all are freaks! I hope y'all know that!" she shouted furiously at the door. Suddenly, blue eyes stared out at her from a slot.

"Vinnie! Lemme in! Or I'll tell Aunt Lucy what you did last summer!" she screamed. "Or should I say BANGED last summer!" Her face vermilioned as her little hands balled up in tight fists and started pounding on the door. Ron was blushing, but the door slowly opened.

"Freaks, huh? Well, if it isn't the prodigal princess finally coming home. What took so long?" Vinnie said as they all stood there. "Hey, you brought friends, what do you want? I ain't killing nobody, that's Rocko's job."

"Shut-up," Susan laughed, her voice going up an octave on the last syllable, and she grinned as she flung herself at her cousin and pulled him into a hug. "I just wanna say hi to the guys, and..," she said in her sweet southern voice (which seemed very out of place in New York), then coughed. "And get some fake IDs, no biggie. Or I will so tell Aunt Lucy who a certain someone did last summer."

"All right, I'll see what I can do," Vinnie responded defensively as his eyes got very big, just like Susan's when she was in trouble. "Someone is in the mood to play hardball. Welcome home."

They all stepped in now to a huge ornate room as Susan flung her bag down and shouted, "Aloha! I'm back!"

A group of large men suddenly walked through a door and stared at Susan as if she were an apparition. "Well, if it isn't our favorite little princess back for a visit. And you brought your friends, how cute," one of them said in a heavy New Yorker accent.

"Rocko! You knew I said that I would try and come and visit. Besides, Ron wanted to meet the family again. Oh, I've missed y'all so much!" Susan cried as she pulled them all into a hug. "Uncle Vito, here is Ron," she added a bit cautiously as Ron stepped forward to shake their hands. The man looked at Ron for a moment before he pulled him into a hug.

"Welcome to the family," Vito said pleasantly as he looked at Ron. "How've you 'bin treating our last baby? You better be good, 'cuz she deserves it." He affectionately pinched Susan's cheek.

"Er...," Ron stuttered, "very well. I love her so much. I would be surprised if anyone loved her more than I do." Susan smiled fakely; Harry noticed her nails clawing into Ron's wrist. He guessed that this was well-rehearsed line. Harry was very quickly figuring out that Susan was obviously a favorite child of the family, in fact, the favorite. The men were all huddled around her and asking her questions along the lines of, "How do they feed you? Are you getting enough sleep? They don't ask about connections, do they? Anybody givin' you crap? Don't take no crap from nobody, Susie-Pie," and the like. Hermione was leaning on Harry as she trembled in fear.

"Guys, I need a teeny tiny favor. Could y'all get me and my friends some fake IDs? I would really appreciate it," Susan cooed as she looked around the tight circle of Italian men. All she had to do was smile and their conscience was could be blighted away.

"Sure, honey. Do you all want money too? We just made a deal with the CIA. Drug bust, we've branched out. Instead of sneaking them in, now we turn them in and get paid by them and the government!" a loud, tall, fat man named Carmine proclaimed to Susan.

"Y'all are so smart," Susan replied lovingly. "Can we have the IDs in an hour? We've gotta go, like soon. And can we have dinner?" My, my, my; for a sweet little angel, Susan was demanding. Harry soon assumed that the entire DiMario family was incredibly demanding.

"Of course, and you're in such luck. Aunt Lucy just made ziti tonight for us, even though she has to go to Chicago," Giovanni said to Susan. Her eyes lit up and she squealed as she and Ron went up to Starla, the girl who was making the IDs. Oh, and now the infamous Susie two-thumbs up...

"Fill these out, then give 'em to me when ya come to get your picture taken," Starla said irritably, unhooking her chewing gum from her lip ring and twirling lime green hair around her fingers. They all filled out the forms, and went up to have the pictures taken. Harry was positive he was cross-eyed in his picture, but it didn't matter. When they had all finished, Vito lead them all to the dining room, where Harry's mouth watered as he smelled the food. The whole table was piled with pasta, bread, salad, and jugs of milk and water. Susan grinned and started shoving her face right away, and Ron quickly followed suit.

"This is even better than I remembered," she sputtered with her mouth full of ziti and salad. "I love Aunt Lucy." Ron nodded frantically in agreement as he started his third helping. Soon, everyone had finished and Susan sighed.

"Time to go, just follow me." She walked out of the room and down the hall, opened the door, and danced in.

"Where are ya gonna be?" Harry heard Vinnie say.

"Las Vegas. Staying at the Riviera, rooms 1717 and 1818. And please don't tell Daddy that I went. We just wanna have fun," she said as she hugged everyone good bye.

"As long as you don't squeal on Vinnie," Vito said with a wink. Susan laughed and shooed everyone that wasn't going out of the room. For a few moments Harry was so jealous of the fact that Susan has this huge loving family that he thought twice about going.

"Ok, think Riviera hotel, Las Vegas, the private bathroom number seven," she whispered. Harry thought where they were Apparating to was extremely funny, but he hardly had time as he started spinning and whirling through the mist again.

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Harry landed on the cold tile floor with a hard thud. He stood up awkwardly and immediately considered where he had landed as lucky. Susan was pulling herself out of a sink and Ron had fallen into a stall. Dean stepped angrily through a door and Lavender started laughing so hard that she fell down. Dean was wet from the waist up.

"When I landed to landed on the toilet handle. Then I fell in," he said sheepishly. "Headfirst." By now everyone was laughing except for Hermione, who uttered a few well spoken words and Dean was dry again. He murmured his thanks and turned to Parvati who had turned purple from laughter.

"Aw, shaddap. We need to all just go out as a big group, we'll look dumber that way," Susan said as she walked towards the door.

"But we'll look weird...," Hermione whined. "I refuse to look like a nut."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch, that's all you ever do. Bitch, bitch, bitch, your ego will destroy you. Bitch, bitch, bitch, that's all I have to say. Bitch, bitch, bitch, now I'll just fade away," Susan hummed. "Gawd, we are already going to look weird. A huge group of unsupervised teenagers in Las Vegas with huge wallets. 'Sides, it could be worse. We COULD be coming out of a public bathroom. Let's go," Susan responded irritably. She grabbed Ron, who was rubbing his elbow, and darted out the door. Harry shrugged and followed, and Hermione frowned as she walked out quickly. Dean was still upset, and Lavender was still sniggering into Seamus' shoulder.

They walked to the reservation desk, and Harry got the feeling that Susan had forgotten the rooms. "Aloha. I would like to get the keys to my hotel rooms please," Susan said politely to the old clerk who was working. "Now."

"Maybe. What is your name?" the old woman snapped as she eyed the group curiously.

"Well, we should have 1717 and 1818 under DiMario. You gotta problem with that?" she snapped back as she smacked her gum obnoxiously.

"No, ma'am. We've got your rooms right here," the woman fumbled frantically. She handed Susan the keys and gave her a look as they walked away and to the elevator.

"Err... why was she so scared?" Seamus said timidly as they all crowded in to the huge elevator.

"Oh, well, we used to work a bit here. Guess they think I'm back to tie up all the loose ends and make a few deals. But we're gone totally now, but hey, if it got us the rooms," she replied easily. Hermione was breathing evenly now.

"Are you sure these IDs won't get us in trouble?" Hermione asked. Harry rolled his eyes, and he felt the same feeling as he turned to Susan.

"Yeah, are they?" he said bluntly. This time Susan rolled her eyes.

"Nope, they are official. Made by a real machine. All we lied about was our age," she said. "You make it sound so bad."

"And exactly how old are we?" Hermione asked.

"Uhmm... twenty-one. That's the legal gambling age here. And you can get trashed," Susan said brightly. "So if you do, you will have to face me. And you know I'll bust your balls and make fun of you because a certain blonde someone can drink a certain group of guys under the table. And I don't think you want that." Seamus shivered and glanced at Ron, who was smiling like an idiot. "You do remember that last time that happened, right guys? I swear, I have never seen so much barf." Harry, Ron, Seamus, and Dean all hung their head sheepishly. Last year they had gotten a bit smashed in Hogsmeade, and Susan spent all night nursing them back to consciousness, even though she'd downed ten shots of scotch goodness herself. Susan sighed as the guys winked, and she put her hands on her hips. "Remember, one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor, got it?"

"Ah, our floor. Shall we?" Ron said pompously as they stepped out. Harry was relieved to be out, but he noticed Hermione was still close to him. Suddenly, they all stopped in front of a set of double doors. Susan pulled out a set of keys and opened the door. Harry's breath caught in his throat as he stepped in. Windows that faced the city were in front of him, and high cathedral ceilings above him. Over-stuffed chairs and couches filled the room, and a huge entertainment center took almost a whole wall.

"Aiight, girls take room 1717 and guys can take 1818. Thataway guys, there ya go. See ya in five minutes," Susan said, breaking the silence.

They went their separate ways, and they were whispering amongst each other. Ron was walking along side Harry rather slowly.

"What's up?" Harry said in a concerned voice.

"Sue, for all I love her, never knows what she is doing. Even now, she thinks this is a joke. I just hope nothing happens, because then we'll all be in for it," Ron said quietly, fervently running a hand through his hair. The boys stepped into their room, but Ron pulled Harry out.

"Do you have any idea what she did?" he said breathlessly.

"Err... no," Harry replied. Ron's eyes got really big, almost the size of dinner plates as he smacked his head with his hand.

"She stopped time at Hogwarts. When we Apparated. That's why we were late, I mean, Sue and I. If anyone finds out at Hogwarts, they may have not idea who did it. But Snape knows that we weren't in the building, and he would do anything to get us expelled. We may as well elope now, we may not live to see our real twenty-first birthdays after tonight," he finished, his voice no louder than a whisper.

"So, it's the same time at Hogwarts that we left?" Harry said softly. Ron nodded slowly. Harry grinned, and then heard incessant yelling coming from the living room.

"YOU DID WHAT SUSAN FRANCESCA DONNA DIMARIO!" Hermione shrieked. The guys sprinted down only to find Susan being lectured by Hermione.

"You sound like my stupid mother!" Susan howled in frustration. She was looking at her watch, and smiled as she walked over to Ron and linked her arm in his. Ron smiled weakly and pulled her closer. She winked, then lead everyone out of the room.

"Do you have any idea what she got us into?" Hermione hissed in Harry's ear.

"Yup, rather brilliant for the smartest dumb blonde to ever come out of Hogwarts," he told her quietly. She blinked furiously at him, then grabbed his hand and walked quicker to catch up with everyone else. As they left the hotel and stepped into the bright lights, Harry understood for a moment what Susan said when she told them that you are only old after you've seen everything worth living. He realized how much he had to see, and what life had in store for all of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

His step quickened as they neared Caesar's Palace. Dean was staring up at the enormous billboard and he stopped. But Parvati hadn't, and she tripped as he stood there, his feet fixed to the ground. His mouth dropped open and he started to stutter.

"Oh my God, what is wrong?" Parvati squealed. Dean blinked, but his eyes never left those flashing lights. Harry could see the billboard's reflection in Dean's mirrored glasses, then Dean took them off.

"Tom Jones...," he muttered. "Wow, I mean, God, wow." Parvati shook his arm. "He inspired me to be a musician. My whole life is based on his teachings. Holy shit!"

"What?" Lavender, Hermione, and Parvati said in unison.

"He's pairing with the one and only...," he stopped suddenly, "Barbara Streisand." His last words fell like a brick, then Susan started bouncing up and down.

"Wow! Cool! OMG, I love you Barbara!" Susan yelped. Hermione looked very scared and edged near Harry and Ron.

"I thought you loved me," Ron said in a hurt voice.

"Different type of love, you dumb fu--," she began to reply until Ron began kissing her lightly. Ron looked happy again and pulled her closer. Susan shrugged and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Harry asked. "Let's go in, we are only seventeen year olds posing as twenty-one year olds for one night." Hermione nodded in agreement, then walked in. Harry started after her, and soon everyone followed. They were in for one interesting evening, he could definetly determine that.

The Roman guards looked at them suspiciously as they walked in. Susan grinned and started snapping pictures, just like a real tourist.

"Hey, I wonder if they are like those British guards who never blink or anything," Seamus said.

"Only one way to find out," Dean finished for him. Seamus went over and poked one in the shoulder. Dean went over and whapped another one with Parvati's purse. The guard looked annoyed and slugged Dean.

"Cool!" Dean laughed. "See? Americans do have more fun."

"And you haven't been able to figure that out after knowing me for three and a half years? Shame on you," Susan scolded.

"Hello. I am Marc Antony, and I need to see some identification information," a man in a toga said from behind Ron.

"Hello, I am Caesar. These are my loyal Senators. You will see that we are fully qualified for the difficult journey that awaits us," Susan replied sarcastically. The man looked very frightened as he looked over the IDs. Hermione started to shake as he examined hers very closely.

"Well, all seems to be in order. Enjoy your stay at Caesar's Palace, Caesar and company," Marc Antony said. He walked away and Ron began sniggering uncontrollably.

"Way to go Caesar," he said jokingly. Susan shrugged, and then turned around with her hands on her hips, her short black satiny skirt swishing.

"Okay, everybody; we will meet right here at approximately three o'clock in the morning. Be there or face the wrath of Caesar. It is five o'clock in the evening now, so you have ten hours of unsupervised gambling to enjoy. May the force be with you. C'mon Ronnie, they've got Solitaire! And Black Jack! And omigawd, slots!" Susan said as she dragged Ron away. Harry shared a group look of confusion as he and Hermione walked off towards the slots. She grinned at him, then in a manner very unlike herslef, she giggled. A high-pitched, girly giggle. Harry nodded, and they went to hit the slots.

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Worry was the last thought that occured to Harry until about eleven o'clock at night. He and Hermione had done everything practically, Craps, Black Jack, Poker, and the slots. To be frankly honest, mostly slots. Harry was starting to get worried as after every game Hermione had to go back and waste another twenty dollars in one sitting. The only good thing was that she had won twice as much as she had lost, so he felt slightly relieved. He turned to look into her eyes, and he shuddered. Instead of warm cinnamon-brown, he could see the reflection of the spinning wheels in her eyes. She looked at him blankly.

"Herm, I err... have to excuse myself. Stay here will you?" Harry said a bit awkwardly.

"Uh huh. I hear you. Have fun," she answered dully. Harry pulled a face and excused himself from the uncomfortable stool that he had been perched upon for the past hour. He started to walk quickly toward the mens' room until he heard an obnoxious southern voice scream out,

"C'mon hot stuff, Susie-baby needs a new convertible!" Harry stopped, and his eyes lead him to the Black Jack table. Susan and Ron were standing there, and Susan was jumping up and down like a lunatic.

"You can do it baby! We've got fifteen, hit me!" Ron shouted. The dealer silently flipped over the card.

"Oh, sorry, king of spades. You lose, sorry," he said coldly. Susan's eyes faded to grey quicker than Harry could say "Voldemort," and then quickly accelerated to deep green. She pursed her unnaturally red lips together in a frown and then shot a look at the dealer. Ron had slumped to the table, his face covered by his hands.

"Allrighty then, now I hafta play dirty," she said. "I have one more thing to lose. My school is so loaded, worth billions."

"Can I have a dollar value?" the dealer said sharply.

"At least two billion. Why? Interested?" Ron had lifted his head up enough for Susan to pull his shoulder up as well.

"Fine... where is it?"

"Scotland."

"Fine, you got it. If you win, you keep what you lost and your school. You lose, you lose everything," the dealer named "Ed" said in a curt voice.

"Sue, what in the name of everything do you think you are doing?" Harry said suddenly.

"Um, gambling, duh squared. Why? I won't lose. Trust me," she said calmly.

"No, you, you can't. I need Hogwarts, we all do," he pleaded.

"Dude, shut-up and let me play," she whispered in a cold voice. Harry shrank back as Ron stood up.

"C'mon baby, you can do it! I love you!" Ron yelled in what was supposed to be a supportive-boyfriend voice, but it was shaking. Susan grinned as she got a king of diamonds, and a seven of clubs.

"Seventeen. Stay or hit me?" Ed said. Susan narrowed her eyes to slits and looked deep in thought.

"Hit me," she muttered softly. "Hit me," she repeated, only this time her voice was much louder. "HIT ME GODDAMMIT!" Ed shrugged and flipped the card. Ron was purple from holding his breath, and they were holding hands so tight Harry worried they might fall off. He himself shut his eyes and waited for the inevitable. Ed coughed.

"Four of hearts. Player wins." Susan and Ron let go and were silent for a moment, then looked at each other as their blue eyes suddenly lit up. Oh, that tragic warm aqua verses those deep baby blues.

"Omigawd! Omigawd! Omigawd!" Susan shrieked as she bounced up and down in Ron's arms.

"I love you! We won! Let's go buy cars!" Ron shouted as he spun her around wildly.

"I have other plans! And I'll give you a head start." Susan laughed devilishly, and Ron pulled her even closer.

"Haha, you said 'head.'"

Harry simply smiled as he walked away from the estatic couple. One disaster averted, he told himself silently as he walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As if things couldn't get worse, Harry had a very bad feeling as he passed the bar. Seamus was sitting there arguing with the bartender. "Hit me! Please, I'll love your forever," Seamus pleaded in a childish voice.

"No. You have had enough," the young woman from behind the counter.

"Plleeeaaaassssseeeeee...," he begged again.

"Gad! All right already," the woman responded in an exasperated tone.

"Yay!" Seumus said happily.

"Er... what exactly have you been drinking?" Harry said tenatively, afraid of the answer.

"Shirley Temples. They are so good, all sweet and yummy, like straight sugar," Seamus said. "This will be my, what, seventh, right, Abby?" The woman finished making the drink for Seamus before she answered.

"You wish. Try ninth or tenth. I can't remember anymore. More like eleven actually."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Seamus said embarrassedly. Harry looked at him and was actually surprised. Seamus' eyes had crossed, and his cheeks had turned a bright red.

"Common sugar addiction symptoms. I tried to cut him off, but he keeps tipping me, so I don't want to cut it out. Can you stop him?" Abby hissed at Harry as he ordered a martini.

"Best not to interfere. My friend Susan will be able to calm him down later," he whispered as Seamus started singing to the plastic umbrella.

"You drive me crazy, hit me baby one more time, sometimes I..." he seranaded. "Do ya know what? I think fudge is cool..."

"I hope...," Harry said doubtfully. "We'll do our best." Abby shuddered as Seamus started in on why elephants should be purple to anyone who was around. Harry sighed as he walked away sipping his martini, life was getting more and more interesting, he could say that much.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry had found the restroom when he heard frantic screaming coming from behind a door. Curiously, he pushed it open only to find himself in almost total darkness. Far away, lights were shining on a stage, and two figures were singing. "It's not unusual...," Tom Jones sang out. Harry walked his way down to the front where he thought he had seen Dean. Just as he had suspected, Dean was sitting alone at a table as he gazed at Barbara Streisand. He was drinking a strawberry daiquiri and Harry plopped down beside him.

"Is it a good show?" he whispered. Dean suddenly looked at him, then nodded.

"The best, I think I'm gonna cry. They are doing their greatest hits, plus a new duet," Dean said as he wiped away tears. "This is so great, I have never been this happy in my life..." he sobbed into a napkin.

"Strawberry, right?" Harry murmured. Dean nodded and grinned.

"Good times," he said mischievously.

"Okay, folks, time for your favorite part of the show, we need a volunteer from the audience," Barbara said in an exciting yet soothing voice. Dean's hand shot into the air immediately, and he started leaping up and down out of his seat.

"Well, this young man seems eager. C'mon up!" Tom Jones said. Dean started sobbing again, and Harry rested his head on his elbows. A few of the women in the audience hissed and booed.

"What is your name, son?" Tom asked Dean.

"Hullo, I'm Dean Thomas, and I love you guys! I am so happy to be here, you both inspired me to be a musician!" Dean proclaimed in a hyper voice.

"Where are you from Dean?" Barbara asked this time.

"I am from London, England! GO WEST HAM SOCCER!" The two on stage exchanged looks as they patted Dean on the shoulder.

"Well, Dean is going to help us in our duet. Sound good, Dean?" Tom said.

"Oh my God! This is so cool!" Dean sobbed.

"All right, you sing after every verse, 'I love you now and forever'. All right? Good?" Barbara said.

Dean was sobbing harder now, but was able to sing after each verse. Harry was so amazed, he didn't know that Dean could do anything except alternative blurbs. When they were finished, Dean got hugs from Tom and Barbara, plus a copy of that night's previously recorded CD, autographed posters, and a kiss from Barbara.

"I...," he cried emotionally, "am so...," he continued through his tears, "happy. I love you!" he shouted before he left the stage.

"Congrats," Harry said proudly before he stood up. "You should be real proud of yourself. But I hafta go. Um, bye." He stood up and left as the mass of women swarmed around Dean as they hugged him and asked to hold the posters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry was sadly shaking his head as he walked out of the auditorium, now where was the bathroom again? He finished his martini and kept walking until two girls ran into him. He staggered back, and looked at them. "Parvati? Lavender?" he said, astounded as the two giggled uncontrollably. They looked a fright. Lavender's perfectly curled hair had somehow gotten wet and was clinging to her neck, and Parvati's button-down shirt was misbuttoned. Harry stepped backwards, and put a hand to his forehead. "What have you been doing?" he asked ludicrously, almost afraid of the answer.

"Well...," Lavender giggled flirtatiously, then nudged Parvati. Parvati grinned, then turned to Harry.

"You tell him!"

"No, you!"

"'Kay!"

"We met the greatest guys! They are so hot, and smart, and funny, and did we mention hot?" she said in a ditzy voice. Lavender stopped laughing long enough to let go of Parvati's arm and stand up straight, attempting to compose herself.

"They..." she tried to say, the burst out laughing. Harry looked at her expectantly. "They can train animals!" she finished in a fit of giggles.

"And they have the sexiest accents!" Parvati added obnoxiously.

"Do you know who we are talking about?" Lavender asked Harry.

"Er... ladies, I can't say I do," Harry said wearily.

"Sigfried and Roy!" Lavender and Parvati squealed in unison, in a high-pitched tone.

"Are you kidding? They're more than twice your age!" he yelled, losing all control as they laughed stupidly.

"Yeah, but they're fun. So we're going back to their suite. We'll be back later," Parvati rationalized. "Give everyone our love."

"I wonder if they keep the tiger in the room?" Lavender said to Parvati as they swayed off, holding onto each other. Harry shook his head in disbelief. He didn't think it was possible, but had everyone lost their minds? Susan and Ron were off doing God knows what, Hermione addicted to the slots, Seamus under the influence of heavy sugar, Dean acting completely unlike his usual punk-thug self, and Parvati and Lavender falling for older men. Then Harry heard a voice, saying, "You there, you're looking lucky. Why don't you come on over and let's just see how right I am." Harry turned around, shrugged his shoulders, and walked over to the Craps table.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Yes?" Harry said in what was supposed to be a confident voice.

"Wanna try your shot at Craps?" the dealer asked, whose nametag read "Vonda."

"Sure, why not? I have nothing to lose," Harry said as he pulled out his wallet. Man, did he have a ton of money. The DiMarios had given the whole group fifteen hundred dollars each, talk about a group of generous mobsters. He pulled out one hundred dollars, and handed it to "Vonda."

"One hundred dollars on seven," he said as a group of people worked their way around him. A pretty girl with too much eye shadow and a skimpy sequined tube dress pushed herself on the table, leaning right over him. Vonda shoved a pile of chips towards Harry, and offered him the dice.

"Good luck," she whispered, and Harry stared at her, he hadn't expected this much attention. That pretty little thing adjusted her top and winked suggestively. Harry blushed, gulped, and adjusted his trousers. He took the dice and shook them confidently in his hand.

"Let's go, baby, come on, for Harry!" he shouted loudly as he threw the little dice out of his hand. They hit the back wall of the table and bounced back.

"Lucky number seven, player wins!" Vonda said. The pretty girl plastered herself to Harry, and he didn't even try to push her off. Nice, he thought to himself, real nice. But then he remembered that his other head wasn't thinking quite coherently and Harry thought he should probably just say "no."

"I think I might be taken," he said to her, and she peeled herself off of his shoulder.

"Fine," she said in an irritated voice. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Two hundred dollars on nine, whaddya think?" he said as he gave Vonda two hundred dollars. She nodded and handed him the dice and his money in chips. He blew into his hands and chucked the dice.

"Oh, nine, player wins again!" Harry grinned and took a bow as the viewers applauded.

"Another martini for the lucky fellow over here!" Harry bellowed to a barmaid.

"Let's make this for five hundred dollars on five, whaddya say?" he said in a pompous voice and took the dice in the same motion as he handed over the cash. Smiling as he shook the dice, he tapped his foot the the music and let the dice fly, almost knocking over his pile of chips.

"Oh! Twelve, sorry, player loses," Vonda said sadly, then perked up instantly again.

"No problem," Harry muttered as he pulled out another five hundred dollars from his wallet, which was beginning to feel curiously empty. "Five hundred dollars on eleven."

"Fine," she said and handed Harry the dice, taking his money in the process. He blew nervously into his hands, and shut his eyes, letting go of the dice. He cracked an eye open and groaned.

"Eight, sorry, player loses again," she said awkwardly, glancing at Harry.

The girl who had formerly glued herself to Harry's hip was now smoking a cigarette from across the room sipping a Long Island Iced Tea and now screamed, "You suck!"

"Fine! Five hundred dollars on seven!" he said in a frustrated tone of voice. People had left the table as Harry started losing, and he felt very alone. He took the dice, and threw them across the table in disgust.

"Snake eyes, player loses again," Vonda said quietly as she took his chips away again. Harry threw up his hands and walked away angrily. How could he have lost? He never lost, especially to snake eyes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry walked back to Hermione, who was still perched upon a stool, and he put his arms around her. "Ready to go back?" he muttered into her ear, burying his face in her hair.

"No way, I'm not. Harry, I am on a lucky streak!" Hermione said dully as she watched the pinwheels spin quickly. She seemed, well, out of it, and Harry was very worried.

"Yeah, I'll give you something to feel lucky about," Harry muttered under his breath.

"Come on, we've both had enough," he said, trying to sound convincing, but he knew it wasn't working. Hermione just kept putting quarters into the little slot and pulling the lever down like a pro.

"Whoo hoo! I win again!" she shouted happily as a row of cherries appeared. She stood up and danced a bit. The waiter who was walking by pulled Harry aside.

"She has been doing that all night, could you get her outta here?" he whispered fightendly. Harry nodded and walked back over to Hermione, who was now biting on her lip in frustration. She turned to Harry with sad eyes, and started sobbing.

"I lost!" she cried into his shoulder. She must be so tired, Harry thought, I'll bring her back.

"That's it, we're going back," he said as she removed her head from his now soaking wet shoulder.

"Oh no, we so aren't!" she shrieked. "I have made three hundred tonight, no thanks to you! How much did you make?"

"I lost twelve hundred dollars, is that okay to you?" he said as he moved closer to her. She stared at him, then burst out laughing. The perfect moment, Harry though as he edged even closer. He pulled her into his arms, then threw her over his shoulders. Hermione was kicking and screaming, but he just walked off, holding her very close.

"Harry Potter! Put me down this instant, you can't do this!" she said through her laughter. She hiccupped and pounded her fists on his back. He wrapped his arms even tighter around her legs and stepped into the elevator. The older gentleman in there simply nodded and immersed himself in a newspaper. She was breathing evenly now and was only sniggering slightly. He got off at their floor and walked down to thier room. He muttered "Alohomora" and the door swung open. He carried her through the door and dropped her on the couch, collapsing next to her. Hermione grinned and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for dragging me away and back up here, and you did it in such a gentlemanly manner," she said quietly into his neck.

Hermione sat up and looked at her for a moment. He didn't realize that he had her face in his hands and that he was leaning forward. Screw being a gentleman. He bent his head to kiss her, and she fell into him. Yeah, now these were the good times that Susan and Ron always bragged about. Hermione pushed him back into the couch and pulled his tie off, starting on the little buttons. Harry laughed into her mouth; two could play this game. Harry pinched her waist and rolled on top of her, planting dragonfly kisses on her neck and shoulders. Their lips met again and her hands laced into his. The kiss was broken, and Hermione sighed contentedly against him and fell asleep. He stroked hair for awhile, then fell asleep in her arms.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry opened an eye, and saw Hermione next to him on the couch. He grinned and pulled her closer, enjoying the "intimacy" they were sharing. Draco had always coyly reminded Harry that if the girl was asleep it didn't count. Suddenly, the door burst open, and Susan and Ron came flying in.

"Let's go! We're finally 'legal!'" Ron said mischeviously to Susan as he lifted her up in his arms and started walking towards one of the bedrooms.

"I'm going to miss the lawless aspect of it," Susan whined. "It was so sexy and rebellious and dangerous and risqué! Besides, being illegal didn't stop you before."

Harry looked at them in shock, and put a finger to his lips. Susan nodded and winked at Harry as she pulled herself from Ron's arms.

"What time is it?" she whispered loudly.

"Two o'clock in the morning, you fruitnuts. Could you be any louder?" Harry replied irritably. Susan exchanged a look with Ron, then nodded. Hermione moved gently against Harry's chest, and opened her eyes.

"And what have you two morons been doing all night?" Hermione mumbled sleepily.

"Well," Ron said proudly. "We bought new cars! I got a red Jaguar, and Sue got an orange Mustang convertible."

"But first we eloped!" Susan shouted, leaning against Ron and grinning broadly. She proudly extended her left hand and a diamond wedding ring glittered on her finger. "Sweet Jesus, this rock is weighing down my delicate little hand..."

"You did not!?" Hermione exclaimed as she sat straight up. Harry mouth dropped open as Ron pulled a paper out of his pocket.

"Yeah, we did, and technically, it was legal too!" he said as he looked at the paper. Susan looked at the paper, then nodded in agreement.

"Well, just because the state says that it's legal does not make it proper!" Hermione shrieked, pulling at her hair.

"What if your parents find out?" Harry said.

"Meh, I dunno. Now they don't have to pay for a wedding. Screw them, it's not like I really care," Susan said. Ron nodded, then pulled her away. "Good night y'all!" Harry rolled his eyes, and Hermione shuddered.

"I can't believe they did that," she muttered.

"They won't even remember tomorrow morning," Harry whispered soothingly. "It isn't even legal, we are only seventeen, so it doesn't count. You knew they were snogging before, what's the big deal now?"

"Right..." she breathed sleepily, and sighed. Harry felt her lean against him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, waiting for her to fall asleep. But another part of him wasn't as relaxed. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, Harry thought frantically, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day... oh Lord, not working...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The door was flung open again, and Dean, Lavender, Parvati, and Seamus fell in. Seamus' eyes were bloodshot, and Parvati and Lavender were fighting.

"It's all your fault, you pissed the tiger off."

"Yeah, well, you spilled the olives!"

"Yeah, well, you're a tramp!"

"Better than you!"

"Can't sleep, clowns will eat me... can't sleep, clowns will eat me..." Seamus was muttering deliriously. The ongoing conversations stopped and everyone stared at sugar-addicted Seamus. Dean flopped down on the couch and winked at Harry.

"Finally getting some, eh?" he laughed. Harry shoved him, and Dean laughed harder. "Speaking of getting some, where is Ron?" Hermione raised her head and rolled her eyes.

"He's busy, and so is Sue," she responded. They all exchanged looks and Dean high fived Seamus.

"Well, so are you and Harry," Dean joked, and Hermione tossed a pillow at him. They all looked at each other, then laughed nervously. "You know what's not fair? Every damn time I tell that little bugger to go 'sod off,' he does, literally. Wish I could get myself laid."

"I ain't goin' in there, nuh uh," Seamus said in an oddly intelligent voice.

"Neither are we," Parvati and Lavender said.

"Fine," said Hermione, shoving Harry's arms off her and walking towards the room. "I'll go." Just then, Ron and Susan stepped out, and everyone stared. Susan wore Ron's button-down shirt and nothing more or less. Ron sported a pair of boxers and an undershirt.

"God, guys, is fifteen minutes really all that long?" Susan said exasperatedly as she pulled on Ron's arm, leading him towards the living room. Ron just kept grinning like an idiot, and he gave the thumbs-up sign to Harry.

"Whaddya wanna do now?" Ron said stupidly to Susan, looking at her imploringly. Susan rolled her intense blue eyes and winked.

"I have an idea...," she said. "Anyone up for an Nintendo-64 fest? 'Cuz I know I sure as hell am!" Everyone kind of shrugged, then nodded in agreement.

"I'm game," Dean said, returning rapidly to his punk-thug self. He stroked his new CD proudly.

"Can't sleep, clowns will eat me... I'll play...," Seamus whimpered. Harry looked down at Hermione, who was perched in his lap.

"We'll play too," he replied for them. Lavender and Parvati sniffed a though they were offended, then shrugged.

"Count us in," Parvati sighed.

"I'm going to change," said Lavender. Parvati followed, and Hermione extricated herself from Harry's lap.

"I'll be back," she muttered. Harry got up and went with the guys. This sure was turning into an unexpected evening.

How Harry ended up playing N64 in his boxers was still a total mystery to him, and why was everyone else in their pyjamas as well. Susan was nestled into Ron's lap, and they were rather occupied as they waited for their turns. Harry hadn't seen Ron's face since he had come out of the room, and it was currently pressed against Susan's tanned neck. Harry wondered how any two people can make-out that much, and never tire of each other. Ron pulled away when it was his turn, and Susan sighed. Hermione was leaning against Harry, the lacy strap of her nightgown rubbing against his shoulder. He reassuringly patted her back and handed the controller to Ron, who winked at Harry, who rolled his eyes. Seamus was with Lavender and Parvati in a corner, and they were trying to calm him down. Seamus was holding onto a little teddy bear wearing a toga.

"Can't sleep, clowns will eat me... can't sleep, clowns will eat me... You won't let them eat me, will you, Spartacus? 'Course not, 'cos you love Seamus..." Seamus kept saying to the inanimate teddy bear in the third person.

Lavender left for her turn, and Parvati was talking with Dean about Barbara Streisand. Hermione took the purple controller for her turn, and Harry passed his to Susan, who had just pulled away from Ron again. The room was littered with the remains of seven room service trays, and about eight empty pizza boxes and eleven empty liters of Absolut Vodka. Susan lept up from the couch, and Hermione dropped the controller onto the floor afer she knocked Hermione's Mario Kart off the road.

"Haha, I win. I am the champion! Kicked y'all's asses!" Susan yelled as she bounced up and down. Hermione frowned, and settled back into Harry's arms.

"I dunno about you, but I'm pretty tired," Ron yawned, then wrapped his arms around Susan's waist. "What say we go to bed?" She looked down at him, then put her hands on his shoulders, wrapped her legs around his waist, and let Ron pull her away from the couch.

"Okay, fine with Caesar," she mumbled as Ron carried her off. Parvati stood up, and Dean followed, pulling up a frightened Seamus with him, who was then clinging to the teddy bear named Spartacus who wore a little toga. Lavender frantically pulled herself out of the easy chair, and stumbled off to bed. Harry sighed, and rested his head on the back of the couch. Hermione had fallen asleep on him again, so he leaned over, and adjusted her accordingly. She nestled herself against him, and he pulled a blanket around them. He shut his eyes and caught a glimpse at the time; the clock read seven o'clock in the morning.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry woke up and glanced over at the clock, which now read three o'clock. Hermione sat up beside him, and rubbed her eyes. "Morning, sleepy head," she mumbled. He laughed, and stretched. She stood up, and looked at him.

"I'm going to go wake up everyone else," Hermione said.

"Okay," Harry said back, "I'll go with you." She smiled as he took his arms and put them around her waist. They walked into the girls' room, and found Parvati and Lavender curled up in their beds, still fast asleep.

"Girls! I can't believe you missed a whole day of school!" Hermione roared in a voice not unlike McGonagall's. Lavender shot out of bed and started mumbling apologies.

"You don't have a soul," Lavender groaned resentfully to Hermione. She slugged Parvati, who threw a pillow at her, but grudgingly got up.

"Hey, it worked," Hermione said grinning. Lavender glared at her, and walked into the bathroom.

"You should just be happy that we aren't throwing things at you for that," Parvati grumbled darkly as she fished through a shopping bag for her new clothes. Hermione laughed, and pulled Harry out of the room, and into the boys' room. Susan and Ron were curled up fast asleep in a bed, and Seamus was sitting in a corner, calmly sipping coffee.

"How was your evening?" Seamus said cordially. Harry looked at him, then shook himself out of his amazement.

"Great, yours?" he said back. What a remarkable hangover, Harry remarked mentally.

"I don't know...," Seamus said thoughtfully. "I do remember a woman named Abby, or maybe it was Stacy, I can't recall..." he trailed off, sounding rather confused. He sipped his coffee again and shrugged. Ron rolled over, and Susan fell out of bed.

"What did you do that for?" Susan groaned as she pulled herself up and peered at Ron over the edge of the bed.

"I just rolled over, I'm sorry, luv...," Ron replied as he pulled her back up.

"Aw Christ, you're here, that's great... just great," Susan muttered as she saw Harry and Hermione standing there. "Hey, Dean, get up you moron," Susan chirped, throwing a pillow at him. Dean didn't even stir, but he was quietly mumbling about scoring a goal for West Ham soccer, so Susan got up and pulled his headphones off. "Blink-182 has been banned," she whispered, then stepped back quickly. Dean shot out of bed and grabbed for his pants.

"I'll petition, I'll sue!" Dean started ranting, then stopped and looked at Susan, who was obviously amused.

"Nah, just joshin' with ya. But we're going soon, so ya gotta get ready," Susan remarked from the other side of the room as she tugged on her jeans and an Abercrombie tee. Ron grinned as she went into the other room.

"Hey, you two, get out, we are trying to change," Ron said. "Oh, well, Harry can stay I suppose." Harry laughed as Hermione left the room, then turned to Ron was was just about dying to tell his story. Harry cocked an eyebrow at Ron and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Where do I start?" Ron mused, stroking his chin and mock-pacing the room. "With the Tequila Sunrise or the lingerie fiasco?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later, they were all in the lobby of the hotel and chatting as Susan was checking them out at the desk, arguing with the poor clerk in gibberish-Italian. "So, what have we all learned from this little vacation?" said Hermione in a superior tone of voice. And yet in the back ground Susan kept making up some insane language with many -io suffixes, di- prefixes, and "effinni"s all over the place.

"No Shirley Temples for Seamus ever again," Seamus said in the third person.

"Never trust your ex-best friend around lion tamers," Lavender said to Parvati, who stuck her tongue out.

"Never let your ex-best friend borrow your new Gucchi boots," Parvati shot back.

"Its not my fault the tiger threw up on them!" Lavender yelled.

"Yeah, well, he did, 'cos he saw you!" Parvati shrieked.

"Dreams do come true," Dean said happily.

"It really does only take fifteen minutes," Ron exclaimed.

"Err, ok, enough of this," Hermione said quickly once Ron started.

"What? It does...," Ron continued, but Dean gave him the cut-it-out symbol. Susan came back over, and motioned for everyone to follow her.

"Ix nay on the ex-say!"

"Quick, Batman, to the bathroom!" Susan whispered. They silently followed her. "Okay, think, the Forbidden Forest, near Hagrid's hut." Harry did as he was told, and felt himself whirling back again. He landed with a thud on a tree stump and cursed under his breath. Hermione plopped on top of him and winked. Seamus was stuck hanging in a tree, and Dean was poking him with a sitck. Lavender fell into a pile of mud and ruined her new outfit, and Parvati laughed coldly until Lavender slung a handful of mud at her. Susan and Ron came down a couple seconds later, laughing wildly. Susan murmured something under her breath, and the world seemed to spin around very quickly.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ha, I was right, you can stop time," Susan remarked as she brushed a bit of dirt off her red shirt. She affectionately reached up and smoothed Ron's hair for him, and he blushed deep scarlet.

"How's my southern girl with that scarlet drawl?" Ron sang to Susan.

Harry started walking up the hill, and everyone followed. They reached the great oak doors, and Susan quietly pushed them open, slipping herself in, then her hand signaled for everyone to follow. Ron stepped in, and Dean pulled Lavender and Parvati through the doors. They all stood there silently, then moved in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

"Well, how was your visit?" a harsh voice echoed. Susan's eyes became twice their average size, and she turned around slowly.

"Umm... Hagrid wasn't there, Satan. I mean 'Mr. Snape,'" Susan said confidently, her eyes telling everyone else to follow the same story.

"Really?" he said, trying to trap her into telling him where they had really been. Ron protectively put his arm around her shoulder.

"Really." Snape narrowed his eyes and stalked off again. Susan breathed a sigh of relief and started strolling back to the tower with Ron.

"Next time we take a trip," Ron said, "Can we go to Mexico? Or the Caribbean?" They reached the Fat Lady's portrait, and Susan put her arms around him.

"Maybe, whatcha thinkin'?" she said mischievously as Ron spun her around, holding her tightly at the waist.

"Oh, God, I am at a loss for words," he said, smiling. Hermione laughed, and said the password ("pumpernickel").

Parvati stopped at the entrance and said, "Perhaps next time we'll take Draco and Ginny along; I'm tired of their snogging in different classrooms every night."

"It is awkward isn't it?" Lavender hummed as Dean pulled her into the Common Room.

"It's just weird walking in on them in the middle of their moment and all."

"Sounds like blackmail material to me."

"Well, why don't you go bang some girl in a classroom and have someone walk in?"

"Well, I think I'd be very honored and would hope that the special someone had a video camera."

"Sicko."

"You know you like it."

"Hey, smooth move, guys, trying to stop time," an obnoxious Colin Creevy yelled as they got into the common room. Susan's eyes grew three times their size as she turned around. Lavender squeaked and Seamus must have turned indigo from a lapse in his oxygen supply. Parvati closed her eyes and moaned while Dean nervously cracked his knuckles. Hermione clutched Harry even harder, and Harry just tried to think extremely unsexy thoughts. Ron was wildly running his hand through his hair and shook Susan for a moment to bring her back to Earth. Susan's hand fluttered to her chest and she let out a little wheeze.

"We were at Hagrid's hut the whole time, okay, y'all?" she said in a nervous voice. Susan glanced around quickly, then leaned in. "If any of you leak one word to anybody, I swear to God that your ass is so grass, got it?" Susan muttered menacingly, her tongue hissing between her raspberry lips. "I swear to the ever living God that you will die, die in a miserable hole, and then you can rot and burn in Hell while the worms have at you." Much passion from such apathy, Harry mused.

"Right," Ron nodded, his eye twitching. Harry couldn't help but smirk as Hermione began to lecture Susan, and Harry pulled her closer to him.

"I knew it!" Hermione moaned, her head falling back on her shoulders and her chestnut hair bouncing. "Everything was much to be good to be true! Oh, Sue, how could you get us into this catastrophe?!"

Susan gave Hermione this bewhildered look, smacked her Trident gum, and shrugged her shoulders. "Dunno," Susan sighed, twirling a golden lock of hair between her fingers, and swinging Ron's hand in her free one. "Oops?"

Hermione's mouth fell open in obvious abomination, a small gasp coming out of her mouth, and her eyes catching on fire.

"You're mad, simply mad!" Hermione exclaimed, stepping back away from Susan, who was now nibbling Ron's ear, much to his delight. "Jesus, you got us into this, and mark my words, you wi--" Harry stopped her words with his lips.

"Maybe next time we'll elope, eh?" he muttered in her ear. Hermione rolled her cinnamon eyes, but she didn't say "no" either...

"Whaddya mean 'stop time?' Where the hell would you get that idea? We were just chilling at Hagrid's, take a chill pill."

"Oh, you mean like how you take your Tylenol with tequila?"

"Not exactly, but yeah, sure."

"Smooth."

"I'm a smooth criminal, baby."