Fluffy!Draco

WELCOME TO THE HP FANGIRL EMPORIUM

Ari stared up at the sign for a moment, eyes widening. She was standing in front of double glass doors covered with advertisements in classy gold lettering (AfterTheGame!Oliver - Get yours while supplies last!; Two for one deal on Weasley Twins!; Albus Dumbledore - for the mature fangirl) and looking rather confused. After a moment more of staring, she shrugged and stepped inside to the accompaniment of a chime.

"Good afternoon, and welcome to the Harry Potter Fangirl Emporium!" said a girl behind a desk opposite the door. "What may I interest you in today? A Ron perhaps? Or a Harry?"

Ari glanced at the posters hung on every wall, displaying tactful (and not so tactful) moving pictures of the Emporium stock. A dreamy smile crossed her face as she noticed one of a sleek haired Slytherin, smirk firmly in place. The poster winked at her, causing her cheeks to turn Gryffindor red.

"Ah," said the girl behind the desk knowingly. "A Draco?" Ari nodded, eyes still on the poster. "Excellent choice. Rather high maintenance, though. And very jealous...you don't have any other pets, do you?"

"No," Ari muttered, shaking her head. "They were all out of Anakins at the SW Fangirl Emporium."

"What did you say?" asked the sales girl suspiciously.

"Nothing," Ari said quickly, finally tearing her eyes off of the poster.

"Well, then," said the sales girl, pulling some papers and a pen into the center of her desk. "Let's see if we can find just the right Draco for you, shall we?"

Eyes bright with excitement, Ari hurried over to the desk.

"Now then, first question," said the sales girl once Ari was seated. "What type of Draco would you like? Canon!Draco? Misunderstood!Draco? PoorAbusedMyFatherIsADeathEater!Draco?" Ari wrinkled her nose. "Oh, I know!" squealed the girl, clapping her hands. "A Fluffy!Draco!"

Ari grinned. "Yeah!"

"All right," the sales girl marked the paper and looked to the next question. "Oh, the Equal Treatment of All Dracoes Organization requires me to ask this: Would you consider adopting a slashy Draco?"

"Oh my!" said Ari, looking very distraught.

"I thought as much. Next question: What fluff rating would you like your Draco to have?" She looked up at Ari, scrutinizing. "You look old enough to choose a G, PG, or PG-13."

"PG?" Ari said tentatively.

"All right. A PG Draco comes with the following warning: Some personality traits may not be suitable for children. This signifies that the Draco rated may behave in ways parents might not like to expose their young children to. Explicit [censor translates to: fluff] or drug usage/addiction are not present; nudity, if present is seen only briefly, horror and violence do not exceed moderate levels."

"Oh my," Ari said faintly.

"Quite," agreed the sales girl. "Now, would you like to see some Dracoes?" Without waiting for a reply, she led Ari to an elevator and, stepping inside, hit the button for the fourth floor. A piece of masking tape next to the button labeled the fourth floor as 'Crabbes, Goyles, and Dracoes.'

"What?" asked Ari as it dawned on her that the other girl had been talking.

"I asked how old do you want your Draco to be?"

"Oh, um...seventh year."

"Excellent choice! They're at their prime at that age," said the sales girl with an evil smile. Ari nearly collapsed in a fit of giggles interspersed with occasional "Oh no!"s and "Oh my!"s. She had only just stopped when the elevator reached the fourth level and the doors slid open. The first thing she saw caused her to double over giggling again, slapping her hand on a conveniently placed table.

"Sn...Snog Testing?" she gasped once she had collected herself once more.

The sales girl glanced across the hall to the room labeled "Snog Testing." Just below the label was another sign reading "Testing in Progress - Do Not Disturb." She shrugged and gestured Ari down another hall. As she passed the snog room, she thought she heard some very PG-13 noises . She sped up.

"Hm..." the sales girl stopped in front of a thick door and began to flip through the keys on her belt. "We like to keep our Dracoes separate," she explained. "It makes them more receptive of company than they would be around other Dracoes - a Draco likes nothing better than himself. Here we go..." she fit a key in the lock and pushed the door open. Ari stared.

Inside was a pleasant, airy room full of butterflies and bright colors. A Draco, dressed in Muggle shorts and a brightly colored T-shirt, frolicking through the scene. His hair was messy.

"Oops, wrong room," said the sales girl, embarrassed. "This is OOC!Draco." She pulled the door shut and led on.

The next room proved to be the home of Angsty!Draco, who immediately began complaining about his horrible childhood. After that, it was Bored!Draco, then Ferret!Draco, and finally Shirtless!Draco.

Ari gasped when that last door was opened to reveal a Draco, shirt off as he posed in front of a mirror.

"Interested?" asked the sales girl.

For a moment, Ari almost nodded, but changed her mind as she imagined how her mother would react to that particular Draco.

"Hmm...you're a tough one," said the sales girl. "But I think I've got it." She led the way to a final door. "Here, have a brochure," she said, handing Ari a flyer as she searched for the key.

Waiting patiently for the door to open, Ari looked down at the paper in her hand. It read:

New and Improved Eeevil Dragon!

· His slight arrogance only adds character to his devoted personality

· Master of the Draco SmirkTM

· The dashing hero you've always dreamed of

Ari looked up just as the door swung open. A dreamy smile spread over her face.

Staring back at her with ice hard grey eyes was the perfect Draco . He smirked, obviously noticing the effect of his leather pants and tight black shirt. Ari sighed.

"So," said the sales girl, shattering the moment and jerking Ari back to the real world. "Want to take him for a snog test?"

"Um..."

NB: As you say, to continue would be demented and this is bad enough already.