You Can't See That I'm The One

The next evening, Lily was sitting in the common room, late (as usual), working on an essay that she had due the next day. It was completely empty, except for someone hidden behind a teetering pile of books, obstructing Lily's view of who it was.

She leaned back and stretched, yawning. Just then, the teetering pile of books tipped over. Lily saw a boy with familiar, messy, black hair start to bend over to pick them up before deciding against it and sitting up again. Lily squinted. "James?"

James looked up and smiled, sheepishly. "Hi, Lily. What are you doing awake?"

"I completely forgot about that essay for History of Magic."

James gathered his books and moved next to Lily. "Same. You don't mind if I sit here with you, do you?"

Lily pushed a pile of books over. "Not at all."

They worked quietly for a few moments before James broke the silence. "Lily, I am so sorry about yesterday."

"Listen, James, it's all right. It's not that big of a deal. It was an accident." She smirked. "However, I have just one question."

"What's on your mind, kid?"

Lily's eyes glinted with amusement. "What were you thinking when you kissed me? I mean--"

"Let's avoid that," James interrupted, blushing.

"James!"

"Lily," said James and another voice behind her. James looked up and Lily whirled around to find Sirius, eating the remnants of a bag that was once full of levitating sherbet balls. Sirius grinned, aware that he was barely brushing the ground. "Hey guys. What are you doing?"

"Lily and I forgot about that History of Magic essay," James replied, making a face.

Sirius looked between them, a smile on his face. "I'm really glad that you two are friends now."

Lily and James smiled at Sirius, who yawned as his feet began to touch solid ground. He patted James on the back and kissed Lily on the cheek. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late, kids." He winked. "We have double Potions tomorrow first thing...with the Slytherins no less."

Lily smiled and kissed him. "Goodnight Sirius."

James nodded. "I'll be up soon, mate."

Sirius nodded and turned to stumble up the stairs to his dormitory.

James smiled at Lily. "So."

"Yeah..." she chuckled.

"Lily?" James was avoiding her eyes and sounded extremely serious.

"James?"

"Are you happy?"

The question had caught Lily by surprise. It was caring and thoughtful... And coming out of James Potter's lips? She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, trying to think of a way to put an easily misinterpreted question into words. "Are you happy with everything? Your grades, Sirius, your friends...?"

She smiled and propped her head in the palm of her left hand, tilting her head towards him. "Yes, James. I really am."

"Because, if your friends ever stab you in the back, or if Sirius ever breaks your heart, or if you think you need help in Transfiguration, or if you think for one moment that you're inferior in any way, I'll -"

"James!" Lily interrupted.

He looked at her, puzzled. "What?"

"This is the first time you've been sweet to me without being a jerk to someone else." Her brilliant green eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"Blimey, Lily! You're my friend, can't I just care about you, no strings attached?" James asked, his voice rising slightly. He felt a little insulted.

"I'm sorry, but you never cared about me before, James."

"I did more than you'd know," he muttered under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"I said that I want to start over. You really are a great person, Lily, an excellent friend." Lily felt her heart hurt just a little when James called her a friend, but she pushed it away. James ran his fingers through his thick, black hair. "I never meant to hurt you or embarrass you, Lily. Sirius was infatuated with you, so I couldn't go out with you. N-not that I necessarily would have, even if he hadn't," James added quickly, "You...you're not my type, you understand. Anyway, I regretted turning you down in public the moment Rita Skeeter walked by with that infuriating smirk on her face.

"But, again, I am so sorry, Lily, ridiculously sorry. You didn't deserve that. I'm not the stuck-up, rich boy everyone thinks I am, you know? It's my reputation and that's all that's important in this school anymore. I mean, sure, it comes in handy when I'm looking for a date, but it's terrible because our classmates don't take me seriously. I don't even think that half of our teachers take me seriously.

"And I want to thank you, Lily, you and Juliana, for taking the time to look past my reputation and actually at me for a change. I never meant to hurt you."

Lily was amazed. She had no idea that this was how James felt and thought, and for him to dump it all on her, she felt overwhelmed and touched and in stupor, all at once. "Wow, James...I...I never knew."

He shrugged. "Only Remus does, no one ever take the bloody time to find out that I'm an okay guy with a harsh sense of humor."

She hugged him. "It's okay and I forgive you, James."

He hugged her back. "Thanks so much, Lily." He scribbled one last sentence on his parchment. James stood up and cleared his throat. "Done. I'm off to bed. You'd better finish and head up soon yourself. Like Sirius said, double Potions with the Slytherins right after breakfast."

Lily groaned. "Stop reminding me."

James lightly kissed her on the cheek, not the one Sirius kissed. "Sleep tight, Lily."

She smiled. "G'night, James."

James chuckled and headed up the spiral staircase, leaving Lily alone in the common room.