Patronus Anxiety

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

The words cut through the Room of Requirement like a sword. Unfortunately, for the eighth time in a row, the Patronus Charm did not have the desired effect. A mere wisp of silver smoke trailed lazily from the tip of his wand, in an almost condescending way.

Terry Boot cursed silently to himself. He pointed his wand toward the ceiling and quietly ran his finger over the wooden tip. Nothing out of the ordinary. It felt a little warm from his failed spell attempt, but other than that his wand seemed to be in perfect working order. There was no reason why he shouldn't be able to work the charm.

Just to make absolutely certain, Terry picked up a piece of parchment from a nearby table and pointed his wand at it. Without a moment's hesitation, he said, "Incendio."

As expected, the paper burst immediately into flames. In seconds it was reduced to a pile of black ashes, which Terry promptly did away with with a Vanishing Charm.

He nodded, a sour look on his face. Of course there was nothing wrong with his wand. It hadn't shown a single sign of malfunction since his father had taken him to Ollivander's and purchased it, that warm August day five years ago. The magic was simply too advanced for him...a fact that bothered him to no end.

He was a Ravenclaw, for crying out loud. The words, "too advanced," were supposed to have no meaning to him. After all, he felt almost confident that he had received an Outstanding on both his written and practical Charms OWLs. The wide grin on his examiner's face as he concluded his practical exam, had pretty much TOLD him that.

Why then, could he not conjure a proper Patronus?

He took no comfort from the fact that only three members of 'Dumbledore's Army,' namely Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Cho Chang had been able to produce actual, corporeal Patronuses. (Well, four, if you counted Seamus Finnigan's vague, hairy form that almost took a solid shape.) He also took no comfort in Harry Potter's statement that, "The Patronus Charm is an example of extremely advanced magic. Not everyone will be able to do it."

That was all well and good, but it didn't change the fact that Harry himself had been doing the charm properly since third year. Even though Harry had told the entire DA that it had taken him several months of intense training by former Defense Against The Dark Arts professor Remus Lupin to master the spell, there was still a tiny little twinge of professional jealously deep inside of Terry.

It wasn't so much the fact that he imagined being confronted with dementors anytime in the immediate future; it was simply an aspect of Terry Boot's personality that he didn't like to fail. The fact that he had gotten perfect marks in all his classes for the past five years was a testament to that. (As a matter of fact, his grades were third highest in the entire school, behind Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy.)

But perfect marks or no, he still couldn't work the charm, and in about twelve hours he would be on the Hogwarts Express heading home for the summer...and it would be over two months before he could try again.

"Dammit!" he howled in frustration, throwing his wand into a nearby chair and massaging his temples. Come on, Boot! Get it together, man!

"Terry? Are you okay?"

Terry started. He had been so caught up in his self-bashing that he hadn't even heard the door open. Even though Dolores Umbridge was no longer a concern, he could still be in major trouble if he were caught out of the Ravenclaw dormitory after hours! Turning slowly, he gave an inward sigh of relief at the sight of Padma Patil standing in the doorway, her big, brown eyes full of concern. He picked up his wand and sank into the comfortable chair.

"I'm...I'm, um, fine Padma," he managed to stammer out.

She wasn't fooled. "Terry, tell me what's wrong, or...I'll...I'll give you a detention!"

Terry smiled weakly. He had almost forgotten that Padma was a prefect.

"We leave at eleven in the morning," he said simply.

For a brief second, uncertainty flickered in her eyes...then it was replaced by resolve.

"Then, I'll give you a detention on your first day back," she countered, "and don't think I'll forget over the summer, Terry Boot." She crossed her arms and stared at him, as if daring him to argue with her.

He was too depressed to argue with Padma. Besides, she was also a Ravenclaw. He had no doubts whatsoever as to the strength of her memory. He sighed. "I'm okay, Padma. Really."

She stamped her foot angrily. "No, you're not! You know as well as I do that students have to be back in their dorms by nine o'clock. It's after eleven, Terry!"

"So? Did you come all the way up here to tell me that?" he snapped, annoyed.

"No!" she snapped back. "I was...worried about you."

He looked at her. Padma's bottom lip was quivering slightly. He felt horrible for snapping at her. "Worried? Why?" he asked softly.

"I...I...don't know," she said. "It’s just that, you've been so moody and depressed lately Terry. You've been walking around, all stormy-eyed and muttering to yourself...and I was worried. I thought something might be wrong is all." She met his eyes and Terry could see that she was trying hard not to cry.

Merlin's beard! Had he really been acting like that? By his own notice, he knew he had been solitary, introspective and intense lately, but the way Padma had just described him made him sound like a nutter. Maybe he was going overboard with his desire to learn the Patronus Charm? He decided it was time to come clean.

"Padma, I'm okay...it's just...um," he began.

"What?" she asked.

"Imhavingtroublewithmypatronus," Terry quickly mumbled.

"Excuse me?" Padma looked at him warily. "Would you mind repeating that?"

"I'm..." He sighed heavily. "Padma, I've been having problems with my Patronus Charm."

She blinked and gave him a curious look. "Is that it?"

He nodded.

"Terry! Oh, Terry!" Padma put her hand on her chest (a move that made him think of his grandmother) and began to laugh in frenzied relief. "You mean...you actually mean, the reason that you've been walking around Hogwarts like a zombie for the past couple of weeks is because you haven't produced a Patronus?"

Terry scowled. "Padma! It's NOT funny." Despite this proclamation, however, he was finding it very hard to keep a straight face himself.

"Yes, it is! Terry, you know what Harry said. The Patronus Charm is horribly advanced...not everybody is going to be able to produce one right away!" Padma put a hand over her mouth, struggling to stop herself from laughing.

"But...I've never studied a spell that I couldn't pick up right away," Terry grumbled. "I'm a Ravenclaw...we're supposed to be excellent with Charms."

"Oh, so that's your logic. You're a Ravenclaw. Well what am I, a mountain troll? In case you haven't noticed, I'm in Ravenclaw too, and I haven't been able to produce more than smoke." Padma looked at him with cool amusement. "You don't see ME shambling around like I'm ready to be shipped off to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo's, do you?"

"Well..." he said, giving her a playful smile.

Padma grinned and pointed her wand at him. "Think really hard before you finish that sentence, Mr. Boot. That is, if you don't fancy your eyebrows growing all the way to the floor."

They both laughed. Terry sighed and gave his wand a long look before placing it back into his robes. "I really was being a git, wasn't I?" he mused.

"I don't have to answer that do I?" she asked.

"No, I already know the answer," Terry said, standing up and stretching.

"Good," Padma said. As he approached the door, she stopped him by putting her hand on his shoulder. "Terry, you need to learn to relax. You'll drop dead by the time you're twenty-five if you don't stop obsessing over trivial things."

Terry Boot looked down at Padma for a few seconds. Then, with absolutely no warning, he leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Thank you, Padma," he said softly, before abruptly turning and leaving the room.

Padma Patil stood there for a long time, her eyes wide in shock as she thought about what had just happened.

"Terry," she whispered softly.

It was going to be a long summer.

THE END.

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