I'll Be Home for Christmas

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Chapter 1

I'll be home for Christmas

He glared down the hallway, silently cursing the gaudy decorations for their festive happiness. After eyeing a pair of trembling Hufflepuff first-years for good measure, he swung around another corner and headed to the dungeons.

He bloody hated Christmas time.

He hated the merry little songs that sang of cheer and good tidings. He hated those blasted little candies and trickeries that found their way into his lunch in the Great Hall. He hated the cursed, foolish smiles on students' faces and the way they didn't quite disappear when he continued to take off points for their disgustingly happy moods.

No, "hated" didn't even cut it. Loathed was a better word. Seething with anger against was an even better way of putting it.

The Dark Lord hated this time of year too. The volume of torturing spells cast at his miserable little followers had increased ten-fold. Snape had struggled back to his dungeons every night this week, swallowing healing potions with increasing difficulty. And now, with the Dark Lord breathing down his neck for quicker manufacturing of potions and Lucius Malfoy itching to prove him a traitor and take his favorable position in the ranks, he was treading a thin line between pain and more pain.

Before he made it to his dungeons, however, a searing sensation rushed down his arm, telling him that he wasn't about to go pain-free this evening. He cursed under his breath. Count on the Dark Lord to make a ruined evening even worse.

He sighed and headed back to the front gates, oblivious in his silent mutterings and raging headache, to the pair of curious eyes and silent feet that followed him.

------------------

He was unable to prevent the grunt of pain that left him as his burning feet trudged up the endless path to the gates of Hogwarts. The headache he'd had earlier failed to compare to his current head-splitting pain and he suspected more than minor injuries were at fault.

His suspicion was confirmed when his legs suddenly gave way and he felt a rush of blood leave his head. He landed with an "oof" onto the hard road, stinging with the bite of small pebbles.

He let out a long, ragged breath. Too much. Tonight had been too much to handle, and he didn't think he could make it to the dungeons or even to the Hospital Wing in this condition. He sneered. Pomfrey would be most displeased, as always, clucking her tongue and chastising him for something that wasn't his fault.

Shifting his legs into a more comfortable position on the road, he seriously considered lying there until some hapless student found him. Or a dangerous creature from the Forbidden Forest, come to end his pitiful life.

He shivered. The pain in his head was beyond hurting now. In fact, he was steadily numbing to it. Feeling dazedly sleepy, he closed his eyes and sank into darkness.

------------------

"Hello, Severus."

His head snapped up and he felt the blood run cold in his veins. "My lord," he whispered while quickly realizing that the Dark Lord was in Hogwarts. "To what do I owe the pleasure of such a visit?"

Lord Voldemort's eyes narrowed. Severus's blood had altogether stopped pumping through his veins as he realized that he had been found out. Pettigrew, standing next to Lord Voldemort, squealed in excitement.

"Traitor," Lord Voldemort spat. He raised his wand at Severus. "Crucio!"

He felt the now familiar spastic pain spread throughout his body and dropped to the floor, writhing in pain. He vaguely noticed that there were Death Eaters swarming the school, and curses and hexes were lighting up the hallways. He tried not to think about the screams.

"I gave you all you could ever want and yet you turned your back on it for this?" Voldemort laughed, a high-pitched noise that stung Severus's burning ears. The Dark Lord leaned forward; narrowed eyes locking with pained ones. "Legilimens."

Severus, past hearing, felt when Lord Voldemort had reached into his mind and willingly let him explore. I'm dying anyway, let him see everything I've done against him, he thought darkly. He could barely see - darkness was encroaching on his vision.

"You fool." Voldemort released the Crucio and bound Severus, forcing him to look up. "And I thought Severus Snape was beyond fighting for love."

The breath was knocked out of him. Love? Lord Voldemort thought he did this out of love?

Voldemort gave Severus a feral grin. "Unfortunately for you, but luckily for the rest of us true wizards, she's dead."

Severus looked up at him, horrified. Who in bloody hell is he talking about?

"Really, Severus. If I had known, I would have saved her after they had had their fun with her. Lucius," he said, turning to the unmasked Death Eater. "How was she?"

Lucius smirked. "Only as good as a mudblood could be, my Lord. She did put up a good fight, however. McNair had a satisfactory time with her and Nott--"

Severus fought the bile forcing its way up his throat. He felt something inside him flicker and die and he suddenly felt lightheaded. Surely they couldn't mean--

Lord Voldemort returned his burning gaze to Severus. "It's a shame," he said, eyes glittering evilly, "if I had known you wanted her so badly, I would have let you watch them have their fun and end her worthless life. But you don't have to worry, Severus," he said, straightening suddenly and pointing his wand at him, "I'm sure you'll find something to do with Hermione Granger during an eternity in hell."

He screamed, images of a dead, ravaged Hermione drowning out all other thoughts. He felt defeated and hopeless, and as he curled into a ball, the tears ran down his face. "Hermione. Gods, I'm sorry, I failed, I couldn't--couldn't be there, I'm so--"

He felt a cooling sensation on his forehead.

"I'm sorry, Hermione...Hermione..."

"Shh...wake up, Professor, I'm here!"

He awoke to find himself lying down, looking up into the concerned and confused eyes of Hermione Granger herself.

The wonderful rush of joy that overtook him was immediately clamped down when he realized that there had not been a war, Lord Voldemort had not taken over Hogwarts, no one had raped or killed Hermione, and that they were in his room with him tucked in his bed, mere inches away from her face.

Needless to say, he froze.

She frowned confusedly, leaning even closer. He shrank desperately back into the pillow.

"Are you feeling alright, Professor?"

He suddenly regained his senses. "Miss--Miss Granger, what are you doing in my quarters?"

Her eyes widened with relief. "Thank God, I thought you were going to die, the way you were shaking and moaning and screaming. For heaven's sake, who dreams like that? You need to get yourself some Dreamless Sleep potion, if it's alright for me to suggest, and then maybe you need to get a lot more sleep, Professor. You're too thin and pale and it was too easy to pick you up from the road - you were probably lighter than me! I'm sure the kitchen is open right now, and if not, I can ask Dobby." She smiled at him.

He had watched this tirade with growing amusement as his previous fear had been dispelled. But as he saw her smile at him, he held his breath.

He couldn't believe she was looking at him like that. Smiling at him like that. Something inside him stirred.

Still smiling, Hermione stood up. He attempted to ignore the gnawing sense of loss at her removal from his side. "I'll go get something from the kitchens, Professor. You just stay right here." She left before he could say anything.

Groaning, he struggled to sit up, his almost useless arms protesting their agony. How long had he been under Crucio that night? Gingerly, he tried to massage his arms but was unsuccessful.

He was still in the dark as to why Hermi--Miss Granger had been in his quarters and how she had brought him there. It discomfited him that he had been sleeping in her presence.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. When had she become Hermione to him? And what did that nightmare mean? He lay back down, resting his aching muscles, pondered about it.

Up until he'd had that nightmare, he had never even considered Hermione Granger.

Well, to be fair, he had noticed her more than usual recently. He had found himself looking up during class, only to catch her looking at him pensively. After catching her like that multiple times throughout the class, he'd been quite unsettled.

It wasn't normal for a student to look at him more than was necessary.

And he had noticed something unusual about her essays (other than the fact that they were abnormally longer than essays ever needed to be). She had taken to including her own opinions on the subjects, offering counter arguments to her counter arguments and solutions to problems he'd never even known existed.

It had become routine for him to save her essay for last, reading parts of it with a strong cup of tea before he slept or before he was summoned. He had often portioned it so that he'd always have something new to read each night, since the students weren't assigned essays for the days they didn't have Potions class.

He hated to admit to himself how soon it had turned out to be the best part of his day.

"I'm back." Hermione came in with a tray laden with plates of food that steamed deliciously. She sat comfortably on the edge of his bed as he struggled to sit up and set the tray between them. Severus tried to ignore how easily she sat there, as if it were her normal spot.

"I didn't know what you'd like, so I asked for a little bit of everything." She looked up at him. "You weren't there at dinner so I thought you'd be especially hungry."

He felt warmth running down his body and knew it had nothing to do with the heat of the food. "Thank you," he said warily, aware that he rarely used the phrase.

Apparently Hermione knew too, her eyes widening in astonishment. She gave him that wonderful smile again and reached for a bowl of soup and a spoon.

He raised his eyebrows. "You didn't eat either?"

"Oh, I ate at supper," she said, grinning sheepishly, "but this whole ordeal has made me work up an appetite. Besides, it was hard to eat when..." She trailed off, looking extremely uncomfortable.

Severus decided not to push it. "Which reminds me, Miss Granger, that you didn't answer my question earlier."

She looked at him blankly after handing a plate of lamb chops to him. "I'm sorry, what was the question?"

He stifled a grin. "How did you and I end up here, in my quarters?"

"Oh. Well, I saw you heading out and you looked upset, so I--I sort of followed you."

He almost dropped the plate. "You followed me? To a Death Eater's meeting?"

She shook her head frantically. "No, no, of course not! I'm not daft," she said in a shocked voice. "You might as well have killed me now if I'd survived for that type of stupidity. No, what I meant was that I followed you up to the doors and then waited for you to return."

Severus looked at her in bewilderment. "You waited there for over two hours?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

He closed his eyes and sighed, setting his fork down. "And how did you find me?"

"Well, I only planned on waiting to see if you returned alright - I wasn't planning on actually meeting you, but when the meeting took longer than usual, I went out to see where you were and luckily--"

"Longer than usual?"

She turned red.

He didn't know what to make of her. The Hermione Granger sitting in front of him was completely different from the Hermione Granger that sat in front of him in his classroom. She was talkative, concerned, shy, naïve, and completely comfortable with him all at once.

He truly didn't know what to make of her.

"I'm sorry for watching you, Professor Snape, but I'd noticed you leaving Hogwarts so many times this past week and I was worried."

Again that blasted warmth. He ate a piece of potpie and forced his feelings down with it. "How did you get into my quarters?" he asked, diverting attention from her peculiar statement.

"You told me the password."

He sat back in shock. "I did no such thing."

"But you did, Professor! You had lost consciousness when I found you on the path, but when I came near to your quarters, you told me the password and where to find your bedroom."

He nodded while trying to remember. "I have to say that I don't recall that - or any of this, for that matter."

She shrugged and dug into her pudding. "It doesn't matter, just as long as you aren't dead."

They ate in silence for a while, both contemplating different yet similar thoughts.

"Professor?"

He looked up.

"Are you in a lot of danger right now?"

He snorted. "Enlighten me, Miss Granger, as to when I have not been in danger."

She pursed her lips and set down her food. "You shouldn't keep on going if you're in so much danger."

He raised an eyebrow. "And what would you suggest I do?'

She looked up thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. Dumbledore, at least, should have an idea, if you only told him--"

"He knows."

She sat still, stunned into silence. He almost laughed at her reaction.

"He--he knows?"

Severus allowed himself a small smile. "Yes, Miss Granger, the Headmaster does know, and there is nothing that can be done."

She narrowed her eyes. "That's wrong. No one should have to face death every day."

"But everyone does," he said, studying her curiously. "You're in danger every day, even here at Hogwarts. Who knows? A cauldron might blow up and kill you one day, or perhaps a misspoken hex could become fatal."

She nodded slowly. "I never thought of it that way."

"Hm."

She looked at him with a sudden gleam in her eye. "Promise me you'll return for Christmas."

He stared at her, mouth agape. "What?"

"Promise me you'll be home for Christmas."

He was in shock. "Since when were my quarters your 'home'? And what nonsense is this? I can't promise anything and I most assuredly won't--"

"Please."

Her saddened tone caught the words in his throat. What in Merlin's name happened to this girl? He observed her quietly, noticing the demand in her eyes for an answer.

He had never had anyone make him promise anything.

Of course, other students when he was in school had promised to "teach him a lesson" and his father had always promised him a beating if he ever stepped a toe over the line, but...

An ache that had been dormant in his chest started up. The need to be recognized, the need to have the ability to give this fairy in front of him what she asked overcame all feelings of improper behavior.

"I...I promise."

"Say the whole thing."

He sighed, feigning annoyance. "I promise I'll be home for Christmas. Happy?"

She grabbed an orange and nodded, handing him one too. "Very. Now you just have to keep it." She smiled at him with such joy that he couldn't help but smile awkwardly back.