Mirror

Mirror

I missed him so much; it hurt. My heart ached dully in my chest. I stared at my reflection in the filthy and dusty mirror in my room at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. It had cracks in various places, and my face was looked even more paler and scarred than ever. My eyes were sunken and empty and hollow.

I missed his touch, his warmth, his scent, his very presence. I don't know how much longer I'll last; as I am the last Marauder, besides Peter.

I traced a crack in the glass with a long, pale finger. Along its thin path, the glass cool on my skin. I continued to trace the cracks in the mirror, my finger sliding along crevasses. The cracks reminded me of spider webs. They zig-zagged this way and that. I placed my palms flat out on the glass, the tips of my fingers already nicked and bleeding slightly.

I looked at my reflection again. I looked even more ill than usual. My eyes stung with unshed tears. This is the first time I've cried since his death. It feels good; hot, salty tears streaming down my face.

A loud sob escaped my throat, seeming to echo in the quiet room.

"Why, Sirius?" I muttered quietly to the empty room. "Why?"

Why are you even talking to yourself, Moony?

I shrugged. I was just musing, I guess.

You just want answers.

"Everyone wants answers," I whispered. "And no one ever gets the real answers they want." I sighed, my breath steam. I didn't realize how cold it was in my room. I fogged up the mirror with my breath absently and placed my palm flat out on the steamed surface. Than ran it downwards.

Childish acts, don't you think?

I shrugged again. I felt tired. I hadn't gotten much sleep lately.

That's not healthy, you know?

"Oh, well," I continued to whisper, a small grin playing on my face as I pull my hand back. It had several cuts here and there and the mirror had a small stream of crimson on the glass, trickling downwards.

Some new fetish, Moony?

I shrugged. "I dunno." I backed away from the broken mirror and towards my bed. I was so tired...

When's the last time you slept?

"Dunno," I repeated yet again, falling face forward onto the bed, burrowing my head in the pillows.

Don't smother yourself.

"Don't care," I said slowly, turning my head so I faced my bedroom door.

I slowly fell asleep into memories.

Remus stared at the ceiling, listening to Sirius' soft snores coming from his left. He blinked slowly, and turned his head to look at him. Sirius was laying on his right, facing Remus, his black hair framing his face, his lips slightly parted as he snored.

Remus reached his hand out and tucked a strand of Sirius' hair behind his ear. His eyes fluttered open at the touch and smiled.

"'Ello, love," he whispered quietly in his ear, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer; if it was possible.

"Hello," Remus smiled, nuzzling his face in the crook of Sirius' neck contently.

They laid quietly and happy in each others arms, listening to each others heart beat...

I woke up crying. I bit my lip to hold in another sob. Calm, cool and collected Remus Lupin, crying his eyes out over someone who's been dead for two weeks.

Pathetic. Stop that crying, dammit! Move on!

"I don't think I can," I mumbled, wiping my eyes. I sat up straight on my bed -- a damned bed that held too many memories.

Yes, you can. Get up!

I said nothing and did nothing. Just stared at the wall.

Stop wasting away, damn you!

"Remus?"

I started. It was Mrs. Weasley's voice. She, Arthur and the kids were staying at Grimmauld place. It wasn't exactly safe for them to stay at the Burrow anymore.

"Yes, Molly?" I croaked, looking at the crack under the door of my bedroom were I could see a slight shadow of Mrs. Weasley.

"I've made dinner," she answered. "Please come and join us, you've hardly come out of your room. You'll starve!"

I wanted to tell her I didn't give a damn if I starved to death. But, I didn't. I had to get out of my room. There're too many memories pulling me down into nonexistence.

"I'll be down soon, Molly!" I called, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"Alright!" Mrs. Weasley said, and I heard her walk away.

There's a lad, Moony, my love!

I headed downstairs, throwing the cracked mirror a glance.

As I stare at my reflection in the cracked mirror

My vision blurry with tears

In the corner of this dark room

My sobs echo in the night

I don't know how I got this way

Don't ask me how

I have no answer for you

Just leave me to myself

In the corner of my dark room

I gently run my fingers across the mirror

Over the cracks and crevasses

My once brown eyes are hollow and empty

No mark on my gray floor

Collecting dust over the years

In my corner I hide

Wasting away in my dark room

My palm flat out across the glass

Cool and soothing on my skin

My face reflected a dozen from the many cracks

My fingers damp and faintly crimson

In my corner I survive

The darkness wrapping itself around me

My reflection streaked with red

My mirror broken in a thousand pieces.

Finis.