Love is Only a Feeling

~*~

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met

And I know that to you and into your life I had to get

I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand

An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

~*~

Draco sighed. Brooding sucked, it really did. But no matter what, he couldn't help doing it recently. And that damned song was stuck in his head, even though he couldn't remember where he had heard it in the first place. Maybe it was from one of Harry's CDs.

It surprised everyone when they discovered that the first thing Harry had done after they had left Hogwarts was to introduce Draco to the muggle world. They'd gone clubbing with some friends they had dragged along for the experience one night, and it had become an unspoken Friday night ritual of theirs.

Smiling tenderly, he stroked a path from Harry's scar, down his cheek and across to his jaw with the faintest of touches. At the first touch a slight frown appeared on the sleeping face against his shoulder, only to morph into a smile. Harry pressed his side closer to the stretched out body of his lover and sighed contentedly. There was hardly any space between their skin; just how they liked it.

Draco remembered the first day they met, trying to picture the young man beside him as that scrawny, deprived kid who had wriggled his way into his life and changed it so drastically. He'd always heard about Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Which wizarding family hadn't? He'd been envious of the attention this faceless boy had received from people who didn't even know him. Such as Lucius Malfoy.

As soon as all the pieces had fallen into place at Hogwarts, it seemed a map was stretched before him, awaiting his decision as to which path he would choose to follow. He knew then that whatever happened, he was going to affect Harry Potter's life as much as the cursed boy had affected his, even if he hadn't known how at the time.

He had learned to hate Potter like he'd never hated anyone before. He loathed him, despised him and did everything he could think of to keep the hate burning inside him. Every time they touched, whether by accident or during a fight that had turned physical, it would cause the fire to spark inside, building up into a roaring inferno. It wasn't until their sixth year at Hogwarts, that he had realised that his hatred towards Harry Potter had changed into lust.

He had been angry and disgusted with himself for allowing such a thing to happen and took it out on the very object of his desire. His remarks gained a new edge, aiming to cut even deeper and cause more hurt than before. He attacked Potter's friends mercilessly, never letting a chance meeting pass without at least one harsh remark.

One day, however, the two of them had somehow wound up with a detention in Potions. He couldn't remember why, and he hadn't even been able to remember during their punishment, so angry had he been with himself and Potter. On their way out of the bathrooms, after being made to clean the whole room, they'd begun arguing again. The infuriating Gryffindor had proceeded to drag him into a nearby classroom and slam the door shut behind them.

He had turned to glare at Potter, only to find green eyes staring back at him hungrily, a predatory expression bathed in shadows, as if ready to pounce and devour Draco. He was then slammed back against the door, lips claimed with a bruising force and eyes wide. Potter's eyes had slid shut and the whole length of his body was pressed deliciously against Draco's, causing small tentacles of desire to slither under Draco's pale skin.

His own eyes had closed as he felt a tongue stroking teasingly and uncertainly against his lower lip. He had known that if he allowed the kiss to continue, everything would change and there would be no going back. Automatically he knew what he wanted to do, as if he'd known all along and opened his mouth, fiercely battling for dominance over the kiss. The rest of the evening was focused on the feel of skin on skin, the sounds of throaty moans and slight growls hanging in the air.

Nothing else had mattered, and the game had changed forever. They played their game so well that no one noticed the new meaning behind the heated looks, or saw the bruises caused by their secret midnight encounters.

Then, when Voldemort had finally attacked and war was upon them in their final year at Hogwarts, the game changed once again. Their passionate meetings became more urgent, as they found that they needed each other for more than their famous rivalry. They needed the other's understanding, they needed someone to be able to talk about the darkness inside them. They didn't dare talk to their friends about this darkness, worried that they would scare them. It wasn't long before they had learned that they loved each other, despite everything.

They became the most important people in the world to each other, and it scared them.

~*~

'cause you came at a time

When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall

Was the be all and end all

~*~

Being teenagers when they were at Hogwarts, everyone was looking for The One, in between the demands of being in school and having friends and responsibilities. Valentine's Day gave everyone an excuse to go all sappy and coo over boyfriends and girlfriends alike. Of course, in their sixth year, Draco and Harry had used it as an excuse to try and embarrass the other by sending anonymous gifts. They had been so cheesy and cringe-worthy, that if they hadn't known who had sent them, they would undoubtedly have spent the next few weeks hiding from possible secret admirers.

When the school had thrown the Valentine's Ball, everybody had worn their masks and taken advantage of the oppurtunity to flirt with unknown students. Draco and Harry had easily found each other and disappeared with ease to dance their own private dance elsewhere. Unfortunately, their disappearing act did cause a few people to mope at having missed a chance to dance with their crush, but they were playing their game and nothing else had mattered.

Now, Draco couldn't help but feel that he should have seen what was happening. The war against Voldemort gave them a slap in the face and forced them to face good ol' reality. They sought each other out for comfort, an escape from the horrors of the war, and held each other close, desperate for the grounding contact.

They would also talk late into the night. They'd discuss insignificant things from years gone by, or immerse themselves in deep and philosophical discussions about life and the war, and other meaningful topics.

It wasn't until after the war that they dared to talk about love and their relationship. They had decided to throw caution to the wind and rented a flat together, slowly trying to fumble their way together into the real world as a couple. Coming out to their friends involved several weeks of tense conversations and strained attempts to put the past behind them and form new bonds. But in the end, they managed to bring together their two groups of friends and come to trust everyone. It was almost like a family, and it was great.

They settled into a routine eventually, and everything seemed wonderful. But now, Draco couldn't help but feel as if something had changed, and he didn't like it. That song was haunting him, causing him to think too much, doubt too much.

~*~

Love is only a feeling

(Drifting away)

When I'm in your arms I start believing

(It's here to stay)

But love is only a feeling

Anyway

~*~

Love was just an emotion and emotions were easily changed, as they had already proved to themselves in school. What if Harry stopped loving him? What if he grew to resent him, to feel obligated to stay with him? What if he got bored with him and grew distant? Or, what if he stopped loving Harry? Or resented him? Or worse, hurt him because of it? It didn't bear thinking about. But he couldn't help himself.

Lying in Harry's arms, he wanted to stay there forever. He wanted to love Harry forever, and for Harry to love him forever too.

Feeling cold, he shifted closer still, wrapping his arms around his sleeping Gryffindor tightly. He snuggled further down under the blanket and nudged Harry's chin with his head, nestling his face against Harry's neck. His moving around caused Harry to sigh in his sleep and mumble incoherently before settling into a light doze, his chin resting on Draco's head which lay against his shoulder comfortably.

For a few more minutes Draco stayed as if frozen in time, watching the sun play across Harry's chest. The steady rise and fall of the smooth, tanned skin before him was soothing and Draco absently found that he had been counting each precious breath. Shaking his head slightly, he decided he needed to talk to Harry before he went mad with paranoia.

"Harry?" he whispered. "Hey, Harry?"

Taking his hand, Draco carefully shook his lover's shoulder, trying to bring him around gently.

"Mmm." Harry mumbled sleepily and cracked open an eye to gaze curiously at Draco. He fidgeted slightly, trying to get comfortable and move muscles that had been resting too long. "Sat'day. Sl'p. T'early."

"I need to talk to you though. I'm going insane here." Draco added in a half-teasing tone.

"Alright, m'up, m'up."

Harry may have been awake and half-functioning, but his eyes were closed, basking in the warmth of the sun, the comfort of the bed and the feeling of Draco pressed against him. However, Draco knew he was tuned into the world, ready to focus on whatever Draco needed to say. He was sort of glad that he couldn't see into Harry's eyes, finding it easier to concentrate on putting his thoughts into words without watching Harry's expression.

"Well," he stalled, taking a deep breath and pausing slightly, "are you happy? I mean, being with me?"

Harry opened one eye and frowned at him groggily.

"What do you mean? Of course I'm happy being with you. Why?"

Draco tried to smile reassuringly, but he knew it was a weak attempt. He couldn't find the right words to explain his fears.

"It's gonna sound stupid, trivial, but...you know that song? The one that goes 'love is just a feeling'?"

At Harry's slow nod, he carried on slowly.

"It got me thinking...."

~*~

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved

I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

That the light of my life

Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by

Just to beam on you and I

~*~

Draco had to look away from Harry's searching gaze, not wanting to see what Harry was thinking until he'd said what he wanted, no, needed, to say.

"Is what we have going to last? I mean, look at what happened at school. We hated each other and then this happened. What if something happens? What if we end up hating each other again? I don't want that to happen, but I'm...I'm scared that one day you'll hate me again...."

Harry turned onto his side and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms tightly around Draco's shoulders and holding him firmly against him, Draco's face nuzzling slightly against his neck again. He sighed and tightened his hold for a second.

"The day I hate you is the day the world ends," he finally announced.

"But Harry, we never saw what was happening before. What if we never see ourselves beginning to hate each other?"

Sighing again, Harry dug his fingers into Draco's arms, his muscles tense as he tried to hug him even closer, if possible. His face was worried and he was furiously trying to think of something to say to reassure the upset blonde.

~*~

Love is only a feeling

(Drifting away)

When I'm in your arms I start believing

(It's here to stay)

But love is only a feeling

Anyway, anyway

~*~

Harry sometimes had his own fears; it was only natural, especially with a relationship such as theirs. Sometimes it was shocking to look back on all that had happened and try to make sense of how they had ended up together. He wanted to promise Draco that they would last forever together. However, he knew that when Draco got this upset over something, it was usually because it stemmed from a fear that had always been there. One of those niggling fears that only grow worse when they are dwelled upon.

Draco sighed, afraid and disgusted that he might cry now that he'd confessed his fears to Harry. He could feel the way the raven-haired man was clinging to him, and that combined with his prolonged silence only seemed to add to the feeling of dread in Draco's mind. He didn't know nor even care how much time had passed, but finally he felt Harry shift his weight a little and sigh.

"I can't...I can't promise you that we will always be together because you're right, people change and we can't always control that. But I know that I can promise to make it last as long as possible, and I can promise to make it always mean something, even if we do end up...drifting apart."

Draco's arms closed securely around Harry's waist and he breathed in deeply, loving the smell of Harry, the smell of home. As clichéd and sappy as that sounded.

"Right now, I never want this to end," Harry admitted.

Draco returned the sentiment with a quiet, "Me too."

"But please, don't worry about it now. Let's make the most of what we have, rather than wasting our time together dwelling about it."

"Okay," Draco replied slowly, not wanting to hurt Harry any more with his fears of the unknown future.

He never liked not knowing what was going to happen, and sometimes his mind just latched onto a fear and wouldn't let go. He hated thinking like this, getting upset and depressed like this, but sometimes, on rare occasions like this, he couldn't help but voice his thoughts and hope to get past it.

"Can you promise me something, please? Can you promise to tell me if you ever start to feel that we are drifting apart? I need you to tell me how you honestly feel because I can't read minds, and I never want to make you unhappy."

Harry shuffled down the bed, leaving the pillow behind so that he could look Draco in the eye. His feet now felt cold, having disrupted the warm cocoon around him when he moved, so he tangled his legs with Draco's, trying to keep warm and close to Draco.

"I promise. But I hope that day never comes."

Draco nodded in agreement. Seeing this, Harry leaned forward, touching his lips softly to Draco's.

~*~

Love is only a feeling

(Drifting away)

And we've got to stop ourselves believing

(It's here to stay)

'cause love is only a feeling

Anyway

~*~

* * End * *