Running Free

My Fourth Entry: Interesting Developments

August 24, 1997
My emotions were tied up in knots. I was finally understanding what it meant to be a young woman. I was feeling things I had never felt before. I was feeling this attraction towards Dean. I was feeling an attraction towards Ron. I was feeling an attraction towards Draco. I dreamt about him at night. He was haunting my every thought.

My life was changing, but I wasn't sure if it was for the better or the worse. I thought my life was being ruined because of Draco Malfoy. I didn't see any up sides of having Draco Malfoy influence me in any way. Was that what he did? Influence me? I never thought of it that way before. Yes, I guess he did influence me a great deal. Over the course of our time together we taught each other many things, but you will find all of this out later.

Back to the situation at hand. I kept thinking back to when Malfoy was on top of me. The closeness was enough to make anyone do crazy things. I wanted to touch him. No, not in the sexual way. I mean, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and trace the outline of his lips. He fell due to my spell that day, but I fell under his.

The common room fire was dimming down while Hermione studied. It was almost empty, since dinner was starting in a short period of time. Over and over Hermione drilled Arithmancy equations into her head. She was starting to nod off when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hermione, it's time for dinner." It was Dean looking down at her with big eyes.

"Thank you, Dean." Hermione returned his smile and walked with him down to the Great Hall.

Hermione took her seat in between Ron and Harry and waited for dinner to start. Normally, dinner began promptly at eight, but tonight the golden plates did not arrive.

"What's happening?"

"Where's Dumbledore?"

"What's going on?"

"Where are all of the teachers?"

Questions were being whispered among the house tables. It was true, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Linz, and Snape were all absent. Hermione looked to the other teachers. They all displayed wide and happy grins. "Something's going to happen, tonight." Hermione whispered to Harry.

"You don't think it's an attack, do you?" asked Ron, going pale.

"If it was, Ron, we would be in the dorms, not gathered together like a heard of cattle," answered Hermione, and Ron's face paled again.

"If it's not an attack, then why is Dumbledore gone?"

"I don't know."

The commotion in the hall had risen to a loud roar until a single voice silenced them.

"Students! I am sorry for being late." Dumbledore had arrived with McGonagall, Linz, and Snape. "I would like to make an announcement however; this Halloween we will be holding a costume ball for the arrival of Ministry Officials. Years four and up will only be allowed to attend. Thank you, and you may eat."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione shot each other sideways glances, but decided to save their comments until after dinner.

"Wow, a costume ball. Won't that be great, Hermione." Dean said quietly across the table.

"I don't know, Dean. I'm not really that interested in going. I don't see the point in dances anymore. Besides, after the Yule Ball, I would still be happy even if I was never invited to a ball again."

"Oh, that's too bad."

Hermione's eyes were drawn back up to the staff table. Professor Snape and Linz were in a heated discussion. Professor Linz was pointing to a piece of parchment on the table between them. McGonagall was watching Hermione from her seat and smiled. Hermione looked away in time to catch Ron giving Dean a death glare.

'This situation is getting out of hand,' thought Hermione. 'Ron is acting like a jealous boyfriend. He's not my boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend.'

Across the hall Hermione spotted Draco Malfoy eating his dinner and talking to Pansy Parkinson, the only girl in the school who was uglier than a blast-ended skrewt. I don't understand what he sees in her, besides the fact that she's easy. 'Plus, she's rich,' the little voice told her. 'You aren't rich, Hermione. Forget about Draco Malfoy. He means nothing to you. Look away, Hermione. Stay away.'

Stay away. Stay away from Draco Malfoy. He was evil. He was vermin. He would turn me over to Voldemort if it meant getting praise. Stay away from Draco Malfoy.

I couldn't stay away though. I couldn't look away. I needed to know the truth about him. Was he really evil? Was he like his father? I wanted to believe that he was different. I needed to believe it. The voice in my head told me to look away from him. The little voice told me to keep away, but I needed him in a way I didn't understand yet. I would though.

Hermione gave into her little voice and turned to look away when Malfoy looked up. Their eyes met. Gray steel on her innocent brown. Neither wanted to look way. Hermione's voice was screaming louder and louder. 'Look away, Hermione! Look away!' She couldn't look away. He was calling to her, speaking to her with his eyes. He looked so kind and gentle. His eyes held so many secrets Hermione might never learn. 'I need to try! I need to try to learn, for him and for myself.'

"Hermione?" Harry asked, his eyebrows raised.

"What?" Hermione asked, her concentration broken.

"I asked if you could help me with my Astronomy homework. Hermione, you've been very distracted lately. Are you sure you're not coming down with something?"

"No, I'm fine. I've just had a lot on my mind." She looked back to the Slytherin table, Malfoy was talking to Pansy again. "Sure, Harry, I'd be happy to help you."

"Student's gather round 'ere. I 'ave a right nice treat fur yas. Today we'll be studyin' Graphorns. Now, don be frighten they're completely 'armless." Hagrid was standing next to a large cage containing the purple and gray creature, it's long horns sticking out through the bars.

"Hagrid, they're really dangerous. You aren't going to let it out of it's cage are you," Hermione whispered in uncertaintity.

"Don' worry, 'ermione. I know wha I'm doin'." The students were all looking at each other uneasily. Hagrid opened the cage and pulled the Graphorn out of it's cage with a large leash and collar around it's neck. "Now, then . . . you kidz gather roun'. The Graphorn got these two big 'horns, see? an' they use 'em fer huntin'. Professer Snape uses em fer 'is potions that 'ave to do with blood."

'Blood?' Hermione asked herself. 'Why would a Graphorn's horn be used in blood potions?'

Suddenly, something caught the graphorn's eye. It reared it's head and ripped the leash from Hagrid's hand. The graphorn gave a loud cry and ran straight for Hermione, who was standing towards the rear of the class, but to distracted to realize she was in danger.

"'Ermione look out!" Hagrid yelled.

"What?" Before Hermione knew what was happening she was knocked to floor, landing hard on her wrist. The world was spinning when Hermione opened her eyes to look in the direction of the voices calling to her. She could barely make out the large form of Hagrid running after the graphorn.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Ron asked, and bent down to help her up.

"I'm fine, Ron. My wrist hurts though."

"It's better than being trampled or stabbed by that graphorn."

"Who was it that saved me?" Ron didn't answer, he just turned to look at the crowd of students gathered in a small circle. Hermione pushed past them to see who was in the center.

"Oh no . . ." Draco Malfoy was laying on the ground, a hole in his side from where he was stabbed by the graphorn's horn. Hermione bent down beside him, cradling her broken wrist. "Draco?" He didn't move. "Someone get help! Fetch Madam Pomfrey!"

I was so terrified that he was never going to wake up. The world stopped for me when I saw Draco's body lying on the ground, his face paler than I had ever seen it. Tears were pouring from my eyes and I thought I was going to die. I thought he was going to die. I didn't understand the feeling. I mean, when Harry or Ron was in trouble I was frightened for them, but this was something else. This was a different feeling.

"Everyone get out of the way. Students, please move aside." McGonagall was screaming and moving people out of the way, Professor Linz by her side.

"Where is the graphorn?" Linz asked urgently.

"He ran that way," Harry said and pointed in the direction of the Forbidden Forest.

"Oh great . . ." Linz mumbled and ran after Hagrid.

"Miss Granger, come with me. Mobilius corpus!" Draco's body rose from the ground and was floating toward the school in front of McGonagall. His body was a rag doll in the air. Hermione followed numbly. Tears were falling freely and Hermione didn't know if it was from the pain in her wrist or the sadness in her heart.

"Put him here, Minerva. I have everything ready for him. Miss Granger, wait here." Madam Pomfrey said as she pushed Hermione onto a bed and drew the curtains. Her view of Draco was blocked. Hermione could tell they were trying to be very careful about what they said while fixing Draco's body, but Hermione could catch phrases such as, "Oh my stars!", "This is going to take time to heal", and "How could Hagrid . . ."

A few moments later Professor Snape arrived with a potion in his hand. "Drink this, Miss Granger. It's for your head." Hermione drank the bitter liquid quickly. "Now, let me see your wrist. Imendium!" Hermione was grateful to Snape for the first time in her life. She flexed her wrist and smiled slightly. Hermione remembered how, the last time she was here, Ron told her about Dean and what he said. It made Hermione laugh. Snape swept out of the room as fast as he entered, almost as if he knew what she was thinking.

"There . . . finished." Hermione lifted her head to get up, but felt very tired. She wanted to ask about Draco. 'Would he be okay soon? How bad off was he?', but she never got the chance. Sleep was overpowering her and she let sleep take her.

It was dusk when Hermione awoke. Once again Harry and Ron were sitting beside her.

"Hermione, I'm so glad you aren't hurt!" Ron said and hugged her.

"We have to get back to the dorms soon. It's almost curfew." Harry whispered.

"Well, you should go. I don't want you getting into trouble because of me."

"Yeah . . . well like Ron said, I'm glad you're okay." Harry left after taking a long look at Malfoy.

"You'd better go too, Ron."

"I'm going, Hermione, but I have to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Hermione, you are my best friend and I was so scared when I saw that graphorn coming at you today." Ron took her wrist in his hands and kissed it, his ears turning pink. "Will you go with me to the Halloween Ball."

Hermione was shocked. He finally got up the courage to ask. "Yes, Ron. I would love to go to the ball with you."

Hermione had never seen Ron smile so wide before. "Thanks, Hermione. I have to go. Feel better soon!"

After Ron left Hermione was alone in the dark. Everything was cold around her. She pulled the covers up around her and looked over towards Draco's bed.

He was lying there, looking dead. It was a great relief to Hermione to know that he wasn't. She got out of bed and tiptoed over to him.

"Malfoy?" She whispered. "Malfoy, wake up."

His eyes fluttered, open. "Granger?"

"How are you feeling, Malfoy?"

"Like I was run over by a graphorn. How are you?"

"Better than you, but I wouldn't be if you hadn't pushed me out of the way. I just . . . wanted. . . to say thank you. You saved my life. I'm in debt to you." She smiled at him and another tear rolled down her cheek. She knew he would never say, 'You're welcome.'

A strange impulse came over Hermione she and took her hand and stroked his cheek. Malfoy's eyes went wide with shock. After a moment he leaned in slightly to her touch and his features softened slightly. More tears and Malfoy tilted his head like a confused puppy. Before Hermione could back out or think, she bent down and lightly brushed her lips against his. The contact lasted was for only a moment, but seemed to last forever. Heat flooded her chilled body. Hermione stood there, attempting to think of what to say, but could find no words except to whisper, "I'm sorry . . ." She didn't let Malfoy respond and quickly got back into her bed.

I can't believe I did that. I just kissed Draco Malfoy. How could I do that? It was just a friendly kiss, though. A friendly kiss given to someone who isn't my friend. He's going to torture me forever for this. Oh no! What if he ells his idiot goonies and they tell everyone else. What will Ron and Harry think. Poor Ron, he would be heart broken. The night I tell him I will go with him to the ball I kiss his worst enemy.

It's kind of sad that after kissing the one person in the world who really hated me, I just wanted to kiss him again. I thought about Ron, and wondered if he would ever give me that tingle in my stomach like Draco did. I barely slept that night.

"Everybody! Settle down! Come on, get ready because today we're demonstrating the curses," Professor Linz said, and she walked to the front of the class.

Hermione glanced over to Draco. He was sitting with his head lowered, staring at the floor.

"Mr. Malfoy, do you feel up to this?" He nodded. "Well, then why don't we have you and Miss Granger go first."

I clutched my wand and got up in front of the class. Draco looked so pale I didn't think I could curse him. I figured if I did, I would kill him. Then I remembered that none of the curses we learned were too life threatening.

He was determined. I'll give him that. He didn't want anyone to know he was weak. If I didn't curse him, who knows what he would have done. Well, actually I do. He would have flown the Imperius on me as hard as he could. He couldn't look weak in front of the others. No, that would be the end of the world to him.

Hermione raised her wand. Draco's eyes held back the fear that only she could se. He hid it behind hatred. A hatred for mudbloods and everyone else. "Locomotor Mortis."

He tried to keep his balance as best he could, but he was fighting a losing battle. He landed on the chair that was behind him and continued to glare at Hermione. "Finite Incantantum."

Hermione braced herself for the curse that was about to come. She waited, Malfoy was making her sweat. Then it hit her, "Locomotor Mortis." She put her hands in front of her and landed on her, almost healed, wrist. It throbbed painfully.

Hermione felt so stupid. Even though her instinct told her to put out her hands, she thought Malfoy might catch her. Hermione berated herself for thinking such a thing. Why would Malfoy catch her? Then she started to rationalize it. 'He would catch me,' she told herself, 'because it would make him seem like a hero, just like he was for saving my life. He wouldn't catch me because it would make him seem like a mudblood lover if he did.' The mudblood hater won out.

Malfoy muttered the counter curse and she stood. Anger, embarrassment, and hatred coursed through her veins. She wanted to humiliate him. He was doing this on purpose. He was a bastard for it and Hermione was going to teach him a lesson.

"IMPERIO!" Hermione poured all of her humiliation and pain into the curse. She watched his hand raise and the look of shock on his face. Hermione grinned evilly and watched Malfoy slap himself over and over again. His cheek was turning a bright red.

Professor Linz stood behind Malfoy with a stunned expression. It was working. Malfoy told her before that she didn't hate him enough. She was proving him wrong right now. She was showing the world how much Hermione Granger hated Draco Malfoy and liked hating him!

"Miss Granger! That's enough!" Professor Linz shouted. Hermione was so lost in the joy of watching Draco Malfoy slap his face that she forgot she was even doing it. Hermione lowered her wand and Draco stopped beating up his face. "Class, you're dismissed."

While all of the students, including Draco, walked out of the classroom whispering feverishly amongst themselves Hermione stood still, her eyes fixed to the floor. 'What's happening to me? I'm becoming as cruel as Draco Malfoy. I humiliated him in front of everyone. I have become a Slytherin.'

Tears were forming quickly as Hermione gathered her things and ran from the class. Professor Linz was in the same position from the time class started.

I hated myself. I wanted to rationalize it and say that I was doing it in self defense. I wanted to say that Draco had pushed me to far and that I finally lost it, but what I wanted to say wasn't the truth. He hadn't pushed me too far, yet, and he didn't hurt me enough to do what I did. Yes, he hurt me, but I was hurt because some part of me wanted to believe he cared. I'm not talking head over heals, I would die for you kind of caring. I mean, I will at least feel a sliver of remorse when you die, kind of caring. Draco didn't feel any of that and it hurt. He hurt me and I hurt him back. That was why I was a Slytherin.

The canopy was a darker red than Hermione remembered it. It seemed like such a long time since she laid down on her bed and looked without really looking. Looked at something without really thinking about what she was looking at. You can see so much more when you aren't looking for things to see. For instance, Hermione was trying to see Ron's face in her mind and she was trying to imagine Ron in that special way, but she couldn't. All she saw was how horrible she was in Defense Against the Dark Arts. "I should go apologize to Professor Linz," she whispered to the darkness.

Hermione skipped dinner and had been in her room since class ended. Her stomach was growling. She thought about taking a quick detour to the kitchens, but decided against it. 'I have to apologize for my behavior, then I can eat. Oh gosh, I sound like Ron!'

The door to the DADA class was cracked open and Hermione was about to knock when she heard hush voices inside.

"It isn't working, Professor. I know that we all had high hopes that the result of this project would be more promising, but . . ."

"Vespa, you were once my student. Don't you believe they can do this?" Professor McGonagall asked. Hermione was struck dumb for a moment. Vespa? Could that be Professor Linz's first name.

"I don't understand what being your student has to do with whether I think a couple of students can accomplish what you and Dumbledore are hoping for."

"Because I believed in you the same way I believe in them."

"And I can't discover the key! Not one student has been able to figure it out either, not even a clue. I have little hope we can fix this."

"In times such as these hope is all that we have, Vespa."

"I remember being in your class years ago and I couldn't get the Anamagi spell to work you said, 'Think about what it means to be not you. Think about what it means to be the animal.' I'm trying really hard to think about what it means to be these kids now, but I don't think they can win."

"They need us. They need what we can teach them."

"I will teach them everything Dumbledore thinks they will need to know, but against Avada Kedavra I can't help them. We can't help them."

"I know that." Hermione could hear items being moved around the room.

"I need to know one thing, Professor. Is he really as important as Dumbledore makes him out to be?"

"He could change all of this. We have taken the first step, now all he has to do is leap."

"Is he anything at all like his father? If so then I won't bet on him leaping."

There was a long pause and Hermione heard someone moving toward the door Hermione was listening behind. She let out a gasp of surprise, turned, and ran down the hall back to Gryffindor Tower.

I couldn't sleep that night. All I thought about was what Professor McGonagall and Professor Linz were talking about. Linz had been McGonagall's student and she was trying to discover something about Avada Kedavra? Who had to take the leap?