Obsession

Chap. 8 - CALL IT YEARNING

Two days had passed and things couldn't get better. Well, maybe they could... But everything was so near perfection that I didn't even have words to describe it. It was as if my life had finally found meaning. In front of everybody else, Harry treated me like a friend and nothing more - which was kind of frustrating. But when we were alone... God! He ravished me just like I always dreamed he would, and he did to me whatever he liked. We hadn't passed the touching, but soon we would be lovers in every sense of the word. I could feel that the time was close and that he would soon surrender to me.

Things were going fine. He didn't push me away anymore and he didn't try to deny me. Ok, maybe he wasn't ready to tell everybody that we were dating - if what we do can be called dating - but I knew that he would at least tell Weasley and Hermione, and I wasn't wrong. On the second day he told them about us. Yes! And I did the victory dance in the privacy of my room - all alone, of course!

I guess he was finally accepting me in his life, as a part of him. Or maybe it was just my silly dream speaking for itself. I mean, it had only been two days! But I wanted him to accept me in his life so much. I needed his acceptance. I was yearning for that. Of course, I was yearning for other things as well. Like me on top of him.

Soon...

He still wouldn't call me Draco though, no matter how often I asked him.

----------

On Christmas night, I snapped.

"Harry?"

"Yes."

We were in my bedroom, lying in each other's arms after a perfect snog session. He looked as if he was an angel and in a way he was. His eyes were glowing with satisfaction, and so were mine. BUT - and there's always a damned but - he still refused to call me by my first name.

It was Christmas, for Merlin's sake! Miracles were supposed to happen on Christmas. Then why couldn't he call me Draco? It would be the perfect Christmas present. I needed that. I was calling him Harry. The least he could do was call me Draco.

"Call me Draco. Just once," I said with such pleading in my voice that I felt like slapping myself.

I didn't mean for my voice to sound so needy but it did.

"I can't," he said, not looking at me.

I swallowed hard. "Why not? What's so difficult about it? It's just a bloody name!"

I got pissed and I stood up, not giving a damn if I was naked.

"I don't get you. I swear! As much I try... I don't get you, Potter. I don't think I ever will."

He sat on the bed and looked down. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Don't you like what we have? Or am I just someone for you to fool around with while Cho Chang decides whether she wants you or not? Is that it? You're waiting for her, aren't you?" I said venomously. "You're saving yourself for her! I bet you would call her Cho and not Chang when you shag her. Chang, shag... that's kind of funny." I laughed.

I was losing it, I knew. I was tired and jealous and... well... I loved him. That in itself would have been enough to drive anyone mad. It was so easy to love Harry Potter and at the same time it was the most difficult thing in the world. So I laughed... I laughed so much that I had trouble catching my breath. It was then that he got out of the bed and stood beside me.

"Stop it!" he shouted.

I tried to say something to him but I couldn't and nothing came out of my mouth. Nothing but more hysterical laughter.

"Stop it!" he repeated. "You're scaring me!"

I was scaring myself but I couldn't stop. It was too much stress for me to handle. Sure, we had our moments but I wanted more. So, I laughed until I could hardly breathe. And he slapped me. I stopped immediately and stared at him not quite believing that he had done that. The goody-goody Harry Potter had slapped me in the face!

"I'm sorry but you nearly stopped breathing," he explained.

I only stared at him.

"Say something!" Harry shook me and I pulled away from him.

"Get out."

"What?"

"I said get o-"

"I know what you said," he cut across me. "But what I don't understand is why. Is it because I don't want to call you by your first name? Is that it? It's a dumb reason and you know it."

"Fuck you! It's my name, for Merlin's sake! And it's just a bloody name! You won't be mucking up your pretty mouth by saying it! You've already kissed me. God! You've even gone down on me and not so long ago, at that!" I was angry and I needed to get that off my chest.

He reddened. He still was very shy about anything that was related to sex and I'd always found that to be one of his more adorable qualities, but not this night. This night I wanted him to take me seriously. I wanted him to... Hell, I don't know! Need me like I needed him!

"Besides, you slapped me! No one is allowed to lay a finger on me. No one, do you hear me? My father has never even slapped me!"

"I'm sorry," Harry said, looking just as apologetic as he sounded. "Your face was red and I knew you were getting out of breath. I saw Hermione do that once with Ginny when she was doing the same thing and I thought I should try. Honestly, I wasn't... I... Fuck! I thought I was helping you. I had no intention of hurting you, I swear on my mother's grave! Please, forgive me! Please!"

He was pleading. And he surely sounded desperate for my forgiveness. Well, the slap hadn't hurt that much. It wouldn't even leave a mark. Oh, fuck. He looked so lost and remorseful. Not to mention that he had sworn on his mother's grave. Harry would never do that if he weren't serious. I took a deep breath and then I forgave him.

"It's all right. But if you do that ever again...," I let the phrase hang.

"I won't! I swear!" he seemed thoughtful for a moment. "Next time I think I'll throw some water in your face. What do you think? That might work, right? God, I should have thought of that before! I think it would have worked."

"Just... Shut up!" I held the urge to throw the pillow at him.

"Why were you laughing?"

I shrugged, "Because I felt like it."

"You were nervous,"

"How can you tell?"

"Because I know you."

"No, you don't!" I said, outraged.

"And I did the same thing once because I was nervous."

"Really?"

"Yes."

We kept silent for a moment, then I realised we were both naked. Harry Potter was so hot when he was naked. I was paralysed by his beauty for a moment. Only his inner beauty obfuscated his body. Damn him and his perfect everything!

"You're jealous of Cho, aren't you?" he asked, taking me by surprise. "May I ask why?"

WHAT?

"Don't be stupid, Potter. I'm not jealous of that skinny girl! Why do you like her anyway? She's so ugly!"

Ok, that was not true. She was actually kind of cute. Not at all my type, of course, but she was nice to look at. My type was more like Harry. God! Don't be stupid, Draco! Your type is Harry!

"She's not ugly!" he said. "She's gorgeous and has soft black hair that smells very good and-"

"Eew! Don't tell me that! Too much information!" I protested.

God! I was feeling sick.

"You are jealous, Malfoy!" he was looking particularly triumphant.

Ok. Maybe it was time to tell him the truth about my feelings. It was Christmas so... what the hell!

"Yes, I'm jealous! And you can think whatever you want to!" I snapped.

He only stared at me with his big eyes widened as if he was in a state of shock.

"Do you like her?" he dared to ask. The stupid blind git! And he was the one with glasses!

"Do you?" I replied.

"I asked it first!"

I sat back at my bed and closed my eyes. "You're so stupid, Potter. Isn't it obvious what I feel?"

He didn't say anything and I opened my eyes to look at him. He sat by my side and looked at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"No," it was his only answer.

"I... I...," I stuttered. Dammit!

Why was it so hard to just say the words? It was probably the fear of rejection.

"Iloveyou!"

There! I said it! Oh, my God. I said it.

"What? I didn't hear it."

"I said that Iloveyou."

Ok, maybe my tone of voice had been a little low the first time, but this time it was impossible for him to hear it.

"I didn't get it, sorry. Can you say it again?" he asked.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" I stood in front of him and yelled, "I LOVE YOU! That was what I said. I. LOVE. YOU! Is that so hard to understand? I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT I LIKE THAT... THAT... RAVENCLAW GIRL? SHE DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE TO YOU AND I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH! YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN HER! YOU CAN HAVE ME! HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THAT?"

He opened his eyes as wide as he could and I sat down again.

"Are you happy now?" I asked, upset. "You drive me crazy."

He bit his lower lip and I waited for his reaction, but he just sat there with his mouth slightly open.

"Say something, Potter!"

He didn't say anything but what he did next was better than any words he could have said. Well, not any word. I would like to hear him say that he loved me... But still, the kiss he gave me was out of this ordinary world. My head was spinning as he laid me down on the bed and then pulled me on top of him. He teased me in a way I never saw him do it before. He kissed, licked and bit me until I was out of control. His virginity wouldn't survive through the night. And I was right.

I rubbed our bodies together, knowing that he liked that very much. Then I touched and kissed his sensitive spots - behind his ears and just a little below his bellybutton and a little above my favourite playground. He shivered and moaned as I drove him insane. Harry Potter could moan; I had learned that in a very delicious way.

He made all the noises I wanted to hear from him. I made him beg for me, I made him supplicate and I made him come more than once.

I whispered tender words in his ear and reassured him that I wouldn't hurt him. My first time had been all pain and tears, but I didn't want him to feel that way. I want him to moan with pleasure, not pain. Never pain. For him, I would try my best. It would be the performance of my life.

No, not performance. Performance sounded so cheap and false. Like I was only pretending.

No, with him I wouldn't have to pretend anything.

As we became one, he threw his head back and I felt his body shivering. I was in ecstasy. I heard all the luscious little noises he made and that fuelled my already raging libido. To love him like that was like violating a sacred place. I didn't deserve him, I knew that. But that didn't stop me from loving and wanting him.

He brought me closer to him and bit my shoulder. This time I moaned aloud. As he whispered sexy and sometimes incomprehensive things in my ear, I lost my sense of self. For me there was only Harry and I in the world and nothing more. I moaned his name, my head spinning away into another world.

He threw his head back once more and I kissed his Adam's apple. He smiled at me, his hands gripping my arms until his fingers went white; his teeth biting his lower lip with such force that it bruised. I didn't want it to be bruised, so I kissed his lips tenderly and I asked him to stop hurting himself like that.

I let myself run free to my moment of total ecstasy. It was magical and as stupid as it sounds, I felt like crying. My emotions were running wild. I didn't cry though. That night had been the perfect Christmas present I could have ever received. Harry was the best gift I could ever have.

Moments later, entangled in each other's arms, he whispered something I couldn't understand. My eyes were heavy but I managed to open them and stared at him with curiosity. Harry was staring at me with such a look I'd never seen before.

"Did you say something, Harry?" I mumbled.

He smiled and stroked my face. "It was nothing important. Just go to sleep."

"Will you be here tomorrow?" I asked, sleepy.

"Yes. I have a present for you."

"Really? I thought you had already given me your present," I teased.

He giggled. "I have something else for you."

I smiled, satisfied. "I have one for you, too. Do you mind if I give it to you tomorrow? I'm too tired to get up." I closed my eyes.

"No problem," he said in a whisper.

I cuddled next to him. "Promise me that you will be here tomorrow morning when I wake up."

"I will, don't worry. You worry too much."

I shrugged and he laughed.

"I've never met anyone like you," he said.

"Well, of course you haven't, Harry. I'm unique and special."

"Yes, you are."

I sighed, content. "Sweet dreams, Harry."

"Sweet dreams, Draco."