Obsession

Chap. 5 - CALL IT FRIENDSHIP

We were friends again and this time I was doing my best not to screw things up. Harry had accepted my apologies so freely that the least I could do was to make things right for him. We went back to our previous routine. We studied together almost every afternoon and I even helped him gain a few points for Gryffindor, although I kind of felt disgusted with myself afterwards. I mean, helping a Gryffindor to win points...Ugh!

He didn't touch me again. Sometimes we punched each other on the shoulder, just like two typical male friends do to tease one another. Sometimes he patted me on the back to show me that he cared. But he never hugged me the way he had that day on the Quidditch field, and kissing was definitely not part of the deal. We were only friends. Friends that wanted each other, but friends. Nothing else.

Was I frustrated by this? Of course I was! Boy, I lost count of how many times I took a cold shower after talking to him. But I tried my best not to let my real feelings show. Between you and me, I was doing a good job because Harry was feeling quite comfortable around me again.

But one day things changed.

One night, a week before Christmas, we stayed in the library till midnight. We had lost the track of time studying for a particularly difficult potions assignment. My head was starting to ache and my back was killing me. I massaged clumsily the tense area behind my neck and closed my eyes in pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing? You seem to be in pain."

Yeah, I was. I had had a nasty fight in the game against Ravenclaw two days ago and my back still hurt. At least I had won. Take that, you Ravenclaw losers!

"It's because of the game, isn't it?" he asked again.

This time I decided to answer properly. "Yes, it is. That damn seeker played rough."

"It was your fault, really. And you got what you deserved."

I opened my eyes quickly and stared at him in disbelief. "What did you say?"

"You heard me, Malfoy."

"Well, fuck you."

"You played rough, too. You always do as a matter of fact. He was just defending himself. Cho's brother is not the kind of boy who-"

"Cho's brother?" I interrupted him.

"Yeah. The seeker of Ravenclaw is Cho Chang's brother. Didn't you know?"

Of course the little devil was Cho Chang's little brother. I mean, everyone called him Chang! I was so stupid sometimes... But then again, I never cared for subalterns. And a Ravenclaw for that matter. Who the hell pays attention to someone whose house is Ravenclaw or a mere Hufflepuff? I certainly did not.

"Believe it or not, I didn't know that he was Chang's brother," I said.

"Well, he is. I can't believe you didn't know that. But then, we're talking about you and you care about nothing but yourself," he stated.

And judging by my previous thoughts, he was right. Dammit!

"Anyway, you deserved it, Malfoy," he finished.

I was hurt by his harsh comment but I didn't show it. Or at least I thought I didn't.

"No, I didn't," I said, annoyed as hell. "Quidditch is a rough game anyway."

"You used to play rough with Cho, too, and I hated you for it. She was so delicate. Every time she played it was like watching a ballerina dancing in the sky," he said, sounding almost dreamy.

I clenched my fists. I remembered the bitch. Harry used to have a crush on her and I hated her for it. I had been rough with her, probably rougher than with anyone else. Maybe deep down inside I already knew I loved Harry and she was in my way. She still was, if I was getting that sparkle in Harry's eyes right now. He was still in love with the bitch. Damn him!

"Do you like her?" I asked acidly.

He stopped writing but didn't look at me. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Do you like her?"

"You mean, as a friend or..."

"As a lover."

"Maybe."

I tensed and the pain in my back increased.

"I thought we were friends. Friends are supposed to tell each other this kind of stuff," I commented.

He seemed thoughtful.

"You dated her, didn't you?" I insisted.

I could be very annoying when I wanted.

"No. After Cedric's death I just couldn't ask her out, you know? She loved him."

"That's bullshit, Potter. She barely knew him. She liked him because of his looks and fame, just like every other girl in the school. If he was alive, she would have dumped him for the next piece of meat that crossed her way."

I was right, and Harry knew it. But that didn't stop him from looking pissed with me.

"Don't say that!"

"I'm telling you the truth. This is life, Potter."

"If it was true, then she would have gone out with me."

"Not necessarily. But she did go out with you, didn't she?"

His face reddened and I knew I was right. I hated myself for being right.

"Just... o-once...and.... and... it wasn't...i-it...," he stuttered.

"It doesn't matter, Potter. It's obvious that you never got over her."

I wanted to scream. Till this moment I'd never lost the hope of winning Harry's heart but now... he was still in love with Cho Chang, I could see it in his eyes. I've never felt so helpless and sad in my entire life. I didn't have a chance with him.

I felt like someone had stabbed me in the back and I instantly put my hand on my neck. I was tense and the pang I was feeling got even worse after that conversation. I made a face. Truth to be told, I wanted so much to cry. I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked and by his tone of voice he sounded worried. I almost smiled.

I would have smiled hadn't I been so hurt at the moment. Since I couldn't trust my voice to speak, I only shook my head. I listened to his footsteps coming closer and stopping right behind me. I held my breath in expectation and waited for his next move. Then I felt a soft touch on my shoulder and his hands massaging it. I couldn't help but moan.

He had magical hands and I started to feel more and more relaxed by the minute. Every now and then, I moaned in relief and pleasure. I loved the soft touch of his hands on me, especially when he ran his fingers along my neck. I was in heaven.

"This is good," I said in a whisper.

Please, tell me you never did this to her.

My head fell back and touched his belly.

"Is it getting any better?" he asked softly.

"Oh, yes."

He kept massaging me quite gently and I felt myself getting hard. Unconsciously, I touched myself.

"Please..." I said, not knowing why.

"Please what?"

Please, kiss me. Please, lay me down on this table and fuck me. Please, keep touching me like this forever.

And then I woke up. That wasn't real. Harry was just trying to help me. His actions weren't sensual or calculated to drive me nuts. He didn't know he was driving me nuts and that I was almost coming in my pants. He would hate me if he realised what he was doing to me and what I wanted to do to him. So I pushed him away quite harshly and put a great deal of space between us.

He stared at me confused. "What?"

"Please, Harry, you're not that innocent. No one is that innocent," I whispered.

Then he noticed my hard on and his eyes opened widely. I felt so ashamed of myself that I looked down. And then I noticed something that made me open my eyes wide. Harry had a hard on, too!

Oh. My. God.

I should take advantage of that, but I was paralysed. Should I jeopardise our friendship? And what was this friendship anyway when both lust for each other? To hell with everything! I wanted to kiss him and I would.

"Harry..."

"Don't."

I got closer to him.

"Can I..." I tried again, my lips almost brushing his.

"No," he whispered.

"... kiss you?" I dared to finish.

He shook his head but what came out of his lips was a feeble yes.

I touched our lips once, twice and then I drew back.

"This is so wrong," he said, his eyes closed.

Here we go again. Denial is thy name.

"No, it's not! It's just an innocent kiss, Potter. Call it friendship if you like. It's just a kiss between two friends. We don't have to make a big deal about this! Friends kiss each other, don't they? This is what we're doing. Nothing is wrong. Nothing!" I was sounding almost hysterical.

"Ron never kissed me," he opened his eyes and stared at me.

"Thank God. I mean, I-I..."

He smiled. The bastard smiled! All that drama because of a bloody kiss! When did my life have become so bloody complicated?

"Look, let's just forget about it, all right?" I pleaded, "I'll sit back in my chair and pretend that this never happened. You'll sit back in yours and you'll pretend that you don't have a hard on and-"

Was that me talking? It didn't sound like me. I was being nice!

"I-I... I don't...," he tried to say with his face red of embarrassment.

I smirked. Who was stuttering now?

"Look, Potter, I don't want to screw this up again. So let's just..."

"Malfoy?" he asked suddenly looking very... determinate.

"What?"

"Do you think that... do you really think that friends can kiss each other? I mean, I could kiss you and that wouldn't be a big deal, right? We could create a new rule or something. A rule where we could kiss each other without any problems. Right?"

He stared at me with his big green eyes in expectation. I should have said no, but I was weak. That new rule wasn't right at all but still... I wanted him so much. And I was too weak to say no to him. I knew that that rule would eventually break my heart but I didn't care. I said yes.

"We're still friends and nothing more," he stated and I just went along with him.

"Yes, Potter. We're friends that kiss each other once in a while."

"Good."

And he kissed me, quite slowly and gently at first. My hands slipped down his stomach and he instantly pulled away.

"No touching. Touching is not part of the rule," he explained and I felt like breaking his beautiful face.

I was so gonna regret all this.

"Ok," I agreed against my will. "Where should I put my hands then?"

"You can put your hands on my shoulder," he suggested.

Like a goddamn girl! Fuck you, Harry Potter!

Sadly enough, I obeyed him. He enlaced me by my waist and started kissing me again. I deepened the kiss. He didn't complain or pull away this time. My tongue searched for his eagerly and I felt his hand holding me tight. This was a dangerous game that we were playing. It could get out of hands really fast and Harry didn't seem to realise this. The bloody innocent! Still, I managed to hold myself in check.

We just kissed each other for a long time. Needless to say that by the end of the make out session I was more than just excited. I was ready to explode. My manhood throbbed painfully in my trousers and by the way he moaned, I knew he was feeling the same way.

"I have to go," he said. "It's almost one o'clock in the morning."

I nodded. We pulled ourselves together, collected our stuff and headed for the hallways. Neither of us said anything. It was just when we reached the point where we would go out separate ways that I took the courage to talk to him.

"You won't change your mind, will you?" I wanted to kill myself for sounding so bloody insecure.

Could I be more pathetic?

"No. I won't. I mean, I made that rule, right?" He kissed me once more. "See you tomorrow."

"Potter!" I called him right before he got to the end of the corridor.

"What?" he said, turning around to face me.

"I just... Well, I just..."

I didn't want to say anything actually; I was just trying to make him stay a little longer. He smiled as if he understood and said to me in a hushed voice, "I know, Malfoy." Then he went away.

It was then that I remembered something and I felt really sad. The fact was: Harry Potter was a famous rule-breaker. It wouldn't take long before he broke his own rule. It wouldn't take long before he - once again - broke my heart in two.