The Game of Love

"So you're leaving
In the morning
On the early train
Well I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say good bye

Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
I could say that's the way it goes
And I could pretend and you won't know
That I was lying

Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I"

Phil Collins - Can't Stop Loving You

THE GAME OF LOVE

It wasn't supposed to be like that. He wasn't supposed to be having feelings for his enemy. But then again, why had he been stupid enough to start all that? It was a weakness and a Malfoy should be stronger than that. And yet, he wasn't. He realised that now. He wasn't strong enough and he loathed himself because of it. Harry Potter, the Golden Boy, was his weakness. A weakness that he was more than willing to surrender himself to.

How could he be so stupid? He thought he was in control. He realised now that he didn't have any control whatsoever over the situation. It had all started as a game, a foolish game of love. No, not love! Never love! It was only desire, a primitive desire he held for the Boy-Who-Lived since the beginning of their seventh year. It was nothing more than lust.

Right? No, Draco, you dense twit! If it were only lust then you wouldn't be whining for Potter in a dark room of the Astronomy Tower. You wouldn't be so lost because he had turned you down, called the whole thing off.

Draco sighed. It wasn't a sad sigh; it was a sigh of resignation. He knew what he had to do if he wanted Potter back. The question was: could he do it? He didn't know. He was more than confused by the whole thing. He didn't want to be stuck with Potter. That would be... disgusting, but would it be really? He knew better. It would not be disgusting, it would be wonderful. There. He had finally admitted that, even though it was only in his thoughts.

Potter wanted to compromise. He wanted to walk with their hands enlaced. He wanted to torture Draco until the blond admitted his love for him. Draco didn't love him. He couldn't love him. Even with Voldemort out of the picture and dead once and for all, being with the Boy Wonder was still a risky business. Could he cope with that?

A draft found his way through a window slit and he shivered with cold. It was more than the draft though. His soul was cold; his heart was a piece of ice. Harry Potter had warmed him. Potter had shown him that his soul wasn't dead, not really.

Harry Potter had dragged him to an empty corridor one day and had told Draco that he wanted him. He had wanted him for a long, long time, and as the war with Voldemort was over, he wouldn't delay that any longer. He wanted Malfoy and he would have him. So he did, and Draco discovered that he also wanted Harry Potter. He, a Malfoy, wanted a boy, and not just an ordinary boy, but the Boy-Who-Lived.

Draco had been frightened with that odd and unnatural feeling but he had surrendered to it. Their first kiss still lay inside his mind and heart. It had been soft, a little moist but not much. He had parted his lips very slowly and his entire being had melted away as Harry's lips got in touch with his own. They had kissed each other for a long time, savouring and discovering each other's tastes and mysteries. Why Harry Potter had such a delicious mouth Draco had no idea.

When the tongues had met, Draco had lost control of his will and mostly of his body. He'd allowed Harry to pin him on the wall and align their bodies so their excitement could be felt under the trousers. Then the kiss had deepened and Draco had understood that he was lost.

He had tried to deny it at first. He had to show Potter that he wasn't easy to pursue. Draco Malfoy, and there wasn't a soul in the school that didn't know this, was hard to get. No one played with him. To play with him was to play with fire. Unfortunately, he had discovered that Potter wasn't the kind of guy that gave up easily. And after a while, Draco gave in as well.

He didn't deny Harry Potter anymore. He couldn't anyway.

He closed his eyes and breathed hard. Harry Potter was pleasure but also pain.

Their first time together had been out of this world. Draco couldn't find the right words to express it. He had never thought that sex could be that way. He had felt the need to cry afterwards. He hadn't, of course. Potter would have made fun of him for the rest of his life had he broken down in his arms.

Why do you always do this to me? Why do you make me soft?

Now Harry Potter wanted love. Love hadn't been part of the deal. They should remain only fuck buddies. Why did Potter have to bring that annoying subject up into the conversation? Love... Love was such an unstable emotion, the most unstable of all. Lust was easier. He could cope with lust. But love... Draco didn't know anything about love. Or did he.

He looked at the bright stars in the sky. Even with a clear sky, it was damn cold. He shivered again.

Harry... It wasn't supposed to be that way. Never.

Why... Why did it have to be that way?

Harry had a point. Nothing would be in their way. Not now. They would face the prejudices of some people. The wizarding community was as homophobic as the Muggle world, but their close friends would accept them. It wasn't as if they didn't know that Harry and Draco had been banging for a long period already. They knew and they didn't care.

The problem was that Draco didn't know if he was ready to do that. He wasn't ready to admit that he was in love with Harry Potter. He didn't know what love was. Or did he.

Could love be the way his world seemed to make sense when Harry was around? Could love be the butterflies in his stomach that he felt every time Harry came closer to him? Or the way he seemed calmer and peaceful when Harry circled Draco's waist with his strong seeker arms and held him close to his body, close to his heart.

Potter...

He had never called him by his first name. It was always Potter this and Potter that. And Potter was irritated because of it. He wanted Draco to call him Harry. Draco didn't know if he could do that. You see, he was used calling Potter, well, Potter. Harry sounded so weird. So unreal.

He buried his head in his hands.

If he wanted Potter back, then he would have to start calling him Harry. Funny though. It was easier to think about Harry's name then to say it out loud in front of him. Harry... Such a stupid name, anyway.

Harry said he would leave in the morning. He would take the Hogwarts train to London. It was his ultimatum to Draco. Draco knew what he wanted. He wanted Draco to stop him. Well, fuck him. Draco hated to be pressured. He worked terribly under pressure. If Harry loved him, he should know this.

Downstairs, the students were having a major party for their last day in Hogwarts. Draco, on the other hand, was hidden in the Astronomy Tower, feeling sorry for himself. He bit his lower lip and licked it. He could still feel the tingle on it after Potter's kiss goodbye. He felt his eyes filling with tears, but he knew they wouldn't drop because they wouldn't be brave enough to defy Draco Malfoy.

When you figure out what you want, Malfoy, you can come looking for me. I'll wait.

Harry had said that to him. He had said it with such a hopeful tone that Draco's heart had broken into tiny little pieces. But he hadn't cried. He would never cry.

Then what was that moistness that he was feeling falling down his cheek? Could those be the tears he had never allowed to fall? This was all Potter's fault. He was the one who had given Draco all of these unstable emotions. Like love. Damn him. I love him. I love Harry Frigging Potter.

In the air of the night, hanging by the edge, Draco Malfoy cried.

Harry Potter should be called Harry 'Misery Loves Company' Potter, for he was misery himself. He knew his lover didn't like to be pressured, but Harry had insisted anyway. Why? He was tired. He was damn tired of Draco calling him Potter and not Harry. After all the hell he had been through, he wanted to be loved. He didn't want just a good fuck.

Draco was a mystery to him in so many ways, and at the same time, he wasn't. Harry never knew how to behave towards him. Sometimes Draco felt the need to touch him, sometimes he didn't. Harry had the need to take Draco's hand and kiss him all the time. Draco didn't seem to bother about those things. For the entire period they had been together, Draco had hidden very well his true feelings about everything. Harry had always feared that one day Draco would simply get tired of the whole thing and he would leave him.

He smiled bitterly. Harry was the one calling the whole deal off. He was leaving Hogwarts, he was leaving Draco, and he was leaving everything. Well, not everything. He would still get in touch with Hermione, Ron and even with Dumbledore once in a while. As for Draco, he didn't know. He prayed for Draco to come to his senses before it was too late. He was hoping for that.

Part of him knew for certain that Draco loved him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been with Harry for so long.

What if he was really empty inside, as Ron told him once? What if Draco couldn't feel? He didn't want to think about that. He loved the insensitive bastard very much. He loved the way he looked, the way he smiled - even so rarely - or the way he talked to Harry, like he was just an ordinary person and not the Boy-Who-Lived or the Boy-Who-Defeated-Voldemort. Draco always knew what to say to cheer Harry up. He was intelligent, more than anyone had given him credit for. What Harry loved about him the most was Draco's clever remarks.

Draco made him feel alive.

I love him. And that was the problem. Draco wasn't ready to deal with love.

'Don't say it, Potter.' He remembered Draco telling him in a cold tone of voice.

'Why not?'

'Because it will ruin everything.'

Everything was ruined already.

'Then this is goodbye. I'm leaving, Malfoy.'

For the first time he had seen fear in Draco's eyes.

'You can't leave.' Draco had said so sure of himself.

'Watch me.'

Harry then had approached Draco and had kissed him one last time. It had been such a sad kiss. Only a brush of lips, a soft touch. Harry wondered if it really happened at all. That kiss would haunt him forever.

"Harry."

Harry turned around and saw Hermione standing at the door of his room. He smiled.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Everyone is missing you at the party."

"I don't feel like partying tonight."

"Oh, come on, Harry! You'll leave before everybody else! No one will take the early train."

"I know. That's why I want to be on it."

"Why don't you go talk to him?" she asked.

"We already talked, Herm, and it didn't work. He doesn't care."

She sat by his side without saying anything. There was an awkward silence before he asked if Draco was at the party.

"No, he isn't. I asked some of the Slytherins and they didn't know where Malfoy was."

"I wonder where he is," he said to himself.

"Why don't you take the Marauder's Map and find for yourself?"

"No. It's over. There's nothing left to say."

Hermione mumbled something like 'stupid man and their ability to skip confrontations.'

"Well, if you won't talk to him, then let's go to the party, Harry. Stop whining about him."

"No. You can go. I'm feeling a little sleepy anyway."

Hermione sighed, "Are you sure? Do you want me to stay here?"

"No. I want to go downstairs and have the time of your life. Oh, and don't forget to tell Ron how you feel about him." She made a face and he kept talking, "I'm serious! You two are so right for each other. Don't let your fears get in the way. He loves you, you know?"

Her eyes glowed. "I know he does. He told me tonight."

"Really? I'm so happy for you!"

"Malfoy is so stupid for letting you getting away." She held him for a moment. "If you feel like it, we'll wait for you at the party, ok?"

Harry nodded and she went away. When he was sure he was alone, he took a photo of him and Draco from under his pillow. He smiled at the view. Draco wasn't smiling but something in his eyes told Harry that he was happy to be with him. Harry was stroking a silver and gold lock with one hand and holding Draco with the other. They looked good together, everyone told him so. And that didn't matter anymore.

Tomorrow he would be gone.

"Hey, prick! Wake up!"

Someone was poking Draco not so gently. He opened his eyes and stared at the Weasel.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"There's no time for chit chat, Malfoy. Just get up and go to the station as fast as you can."

Draco took a while to understand what was happening. He had just woken up for Merlin's sake, and by a Weasley. He'd had a miserable night, he had finally fallen asleep at five in the morning and now Weasley was there talking about a station. What station? Suddenly, the bell rang in his head and he remembered everything. Harry. Harry was leaving. Harry was leaving him.

"He's already there? What time is it?" Draco asked, jumping out of his bed and pulling on the first clothes he saw.

"Ugh. I'll have nightmares for years...," Ron muttered, making a face. "Honestly, Malfoy, do you have to sleep naked?"

"Shut up, Weasel! What time is it?"

"It's almost eight. Harry is already at the station. Hermione is trying to hold him back but it isn't working, so you better come with me fast!"

Fully dressed and fully awake, Draco wondered if he should go or not. He suddenly felt very insecure. Maybe Harry didn't want to see him anymore. Maybe he was tired of him.

"What?" Ron asked. "Why are you not running out of here?"

"What makes you think he wants me there?"

"Don't give me that shit, Malfoy. We both know Harry is crazy about you."

Draco flinched. "Why are you helping me?"

"Because I want to see Harry happy, even if his happiness is you. Come on, Malfoy, you love him, too. Why do you keep denying it? Everybody knows you and Harry are a couple and nobody gives a shit!"

"Were."

"What?"

"I said that we were a couple."

"Just get your ass out of here and go! Go or I'll hex you!"

Draco crossed his arms and stared at Ron with an unpleasant face.

Ron sighed, "Listen, Draco, despite the fact that you seem like a cold bastard, you're good to Harry. I've never seen him that happy after Voldemort's defeat. He was broken and you helped him pull himself together. I don't want to see my friend looking miserable ever again. You love him, too. You know you do. He's leaving. You might never see him again! Have you thought about that?"

Of course he had! He had thought about that for the entire night. Draco stared at his feet, uncertain of what to do. He was scared. The game of love was so new to him. He'd never loved anyone in his life. Harry had been the first one - and he had the feeling that he would be the only one for him forever - who had broken Draco's ice wall. He had come to the conclusion that he couldn't live without Harry. But at the same time he was scared.

"Shit! It's eight o'clock! The train is leaving!" Ron yelled, "Dam you, Malfoy! I didn't say goodbye to him!"

Draco felt his blood running cold. The realisation of what that meant came down on him with the force of a rogue bludger. Harry left. His Harry left him.

"No!" He shook his head and ran away.

Maybe he could still catch the train. The bloody thing certainly could delay a few minutes. Short of breath, he stopped at the Entrance Hall and stared at a very radiant Dumbledore, who was blocking the passage.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but could you please get out of the way?"

"I'm glad to see you, Mr. Malfoy. For a moment I thought you wouldn't come."

"Sir, please," Draco started to lose his already short patience, "I don't have much time!"

"I know. This was why I took off the spell that wouldn't allow anyone to Apparate on our grounds. You do know how to Apparate, don't you?" Draco nodded and Dumbledore went on. "Good. Then what are you waiting for? You can get there faster than this."

Draco stared at the Headmaster amazed. "Thank you, Sir." And he vanished from there.

"Ah, youth," Dumbledore said, smiling. "I think I'll have a cup of lemon ice-tea."

Draco Apparated to the station just as the train was leaving. He ran after it, knowing that it would be a waste of time, but he couldn't help it.

"No! Harry! Harry, wait!" he yelled, but his voice was drowned out by the loud sound of the train.

As the train vanished from his sight, he dropped on his knees, gasping for breath. He'd never felt so helpless in his entire life. His chest was heavy and his heart was almost coming out of his mouth. He wanted to scream, to kick or to break something. He had to do something or he would lose his mind. Without realising, he started to cry like a little child. He had lost Harry and nothing mattered anymore, not even his damn pride.

"Draco?"

He didn't turn around. It wasn't the voice he sought.

"Draco, are you ok?" Hermione asked gently.

He only shook his head. She knelt beside him and stroked his back in a friendly way.

"You came here to talk to him," she stated.

"Yes." He swallowed hard but didn't bother to wipe away his tears. "I came to tell him that..."

"What?"

"He was right. The bastard was right. I love him. I LOVE YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" he shouted at the direction of the train which was miles away.

"Hmm..." Hermione raised an eyebrow. "You could have said that earlier, you know?"

"Well, he knows I hate to be pressured."

"Yeah, I know."

Draco held his breath at the familiar voice and didn't dare to turn around.

"You see, Draco, lucky for you I'm very persuasive," Hermione said with a mischievous smile. "After listening to me for an hour Harry decided to stay at the last minute. Please, there's no need to thank me. I know I'm a goddess. I'll leave you two alone."

Hermione walked away as Harry came nearer to Draco. His heart was beating faster than ever. He had been surprised to see Draco there, and even more stunned when he heard him screaming that he loved him. He stopped right behind him, the words slipping away. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. And Draco did the most unexpected thing. He got up from the floor, stared a Harry with a very dangerous look and pushed him away.

"You! You're a manipulating snake!" Draco grabbed Harry by the collar. "I was scared that I was never going to see you again, thinking that I had ruined everything, and you were here all the time!? I was crying! Do you have any idea of what that means? Do you? And it's not the first time you made me cry!" Draco let go of him. "You, you... did you enjoy the show, Potter?"

"Draco, I..."

"No, I don't want to hear it. In fact, I never want to see you again." Draco turned around.

"You're a lunatic, did you know that? I don't fucking get you! I only noticed you were here when you shouted that you loved me. But if you don't want to see me anymore, it's fine by me. I don't bloody care! You're a mental case, I hope you know that."

"A mental case?" Draco stared at Harry.

"Yes."

"I guess you're right. Because only a mental case would do this."

And he kissed Harry in a way that made Harry's knees turn to jelly.

"I love you, you stupid prick," Draco whispered again Harry's mouth, "Don't you ever walk away from me again."

Harry smiled. "You're the prick, Malfoy, not me."

"Draco. Call me Draco."

"Are you going to stop calling me Potter?"

"Yes, Harry. And I'll let you hold my hand and do all those silly things you asked for."

"Good."

Their lips touched, their tongues intertwined, and the world around them seemed to disappear. Hermione sighed at the view and Ron encircled her waist and kissed her on the cheek.

"See? Everything turned out all right," he commented.

"Just because I convinced Harry to stay."

"Sure, honey."

Hermione frowned. "Are you doubting me, Weasley?"

"No, of course not! You know I love you, don't you?"

"You'd better."

Harry and Draco laughed about something and they invited Ron and Herm to join them.

Everything will be all right, Harry thought, not knowing that Draco was thinking the same thing. They would always love each other, till the end of time. Why wouldn't they?

THE END