Full Moon

When Lupin the werewolf came to himself at the edge of the magical northern forest, he realized from the growth of the vegetation and from other subtle changes that he had not been there for considerably more than a month. It was summer, but a little earlier in the summer than the last time, so he realized that he had been gone for almost a year. He had no memory of the time in between, except a very strange one that he thought must be impossible, and he wondered whether he had imagined it.

He had imagined being at the site of his ancient wanderings with his three animal friends, the stag, the dog, and the rat. The memories of those wanderings were his earliest and happiest, for those animals had been the best and most loyal friends he had ever had. He had been a young werewolf then, and those had been his formative years. But while those memories were happy, the recent one was of a very unhappy scene. The dog and the rat were there, but the stag was not. Lupin had been shackled, and he realized that the humans must have captured him and not realized that he would break free when he transformed into his normal state. For the first time in many years he had smelled humans, and it had awakened an old instinct in him that had been suppressed for years. The great black dog was there, and he had been bewildered to find out that the dog was still alive, because that meant that all those years ago the dog, whom he had presumed dead, had in fact abandoned him.

He had been a captive, but the dog had been free, and he realized it might have been the dog who had betrayed him to humans. It was unbearable to Lupin to think that the dog, whom he had loved, had abandoned and betrayed him. The dog had attacked him, and he had fought back bitterly, and then run away to seek solace in his old forest. Before he fled to the forest, he had recognized the smell of the rat, and smelled that he was terrified, and caught a glimpse of him running away. He hoped this memory was not real, but something his mind had made up. But why would he have made up such a miserable dream about the place where he had been happiest in his life?

He was sure that the earlier memories were real, for he had had them all his adult life, and he knew from his memories of the changing seasons that they had covered a span of years. He used to come to himself in some kind of human-made shelter, and the dog, the stag and the rat would soon join him, and they would set off happily for a night of exploring. There was a human village ringed by rocky mountains, and a fabulous forest with many magical creatures in it. On the other side of the forest there was a human castle and a lake with a giant sea creature in it, and Lupin knew that many human young were there, not the youngest, but those not yet fully grown. Lupin and his friends explored the region, though they stayed away from the castle side, and Lupin came to know and love every detail of the area, and yet the excitement never abated, for every night, no matter how much they knew, there was always something new to be discovered.

The stag and the dog always steered him away from humans, and even fought with him if one came close enough for him to bite. It was a frustration of an instinct of Lupin's, but for him it was a small price to pay for the companionship of his friends. For he later found that animals of other species either fled from him or ignored him, and that no werewolf would keep him company all night even once, let alone every night, month after month, for years.

There came a time when he and his friends started appearing in other forests farther south, and Lupin no longer saw the old places, which were the places he loved the best. But the new forests were also full of life, and Lupin enjoyed them. The human young were not there, so his friends were able to go a bit easier with him. The dog, which was almost as big as a bear, was always in high spirits, and Lupin had known, or thought he had known, that he was a free animal and would never be under the control of humans, as most dogs were.

Then one night he came to himself in one of the familiar forests, but the dog, the stag, and the rat were nowhere to be seen. He was sure they could not be far away. He howled so that they could find him, but they did not come. He howled louder, but still they did not come. He howled and howled, but they did not come. He started to wander around, trying to sniff out their trails, and he found the trails of other animals, but not those of his friends. And other animals ran away, frightened by his howling. And the next month it was the same, and the next, and the next, and at some point Lupin finally realized that the animals would never come again. He thought that the animals must be dead. And in his bewilderment and his grief, he did not bother to sniff out the trails of humans.

Then one night Lupin wandered into the forest from a nearby meadow. A pale moon had just risen, and Lupin was himself, but it was still quite light in the meadow. He thought he caught the smell of deer, and sure enough, although the forest was already dark, he saw a stag a little farther in, between the trees. His heart leapt. Could it be his friend, come back to find him after all? No, it was a different stag, he realized as he approached. And as he approached he also saw that the stag was terrified. Was the stag afraid of him? He would never hurt a stag. He looked around, and finally back at the meadow. And then he saw them.

First the pack of slave dogs, the kind who had been trained to jump at every command of their masters. Then the humans on their enslaved horses, whom they forced to carry them on their backs. A man led the pack of humans, carrying one of those deadly weapons humans had because they were too cowardly to fight other animals with their own hands. Such a gang to hunt down one animal who was no threat to them, and whose flesh they did not need. For Lupin could see that these humans were more than well-fed.

He heard the humans laugh and shout with glee, and saw the greedy bloodlust in their faces, especially in the face of the evil man who led them. This must be how his friend had died! He saw the man move within range of the stag and raise his weapon, but before he could aim, Lupin sprang from the undergrowth and sank his teeth into the man's throat. The other humans screamed in terror and dispersed, though another one with a weapon fired a shot at him and missed. Lupin knocked his prey off his horse and broke his back, but from the neck wound he was already dead. And Lupin feasted on the dead man's flesh.

In the nights that followed, Lupin rambled into forests that were frequented by other werewolves, and he was able to talk to them, and they told him many things, for unlike Lupin, they remembered something of themselves in their human state. Lupin remembered nothing but his name, Remus Lupin, which he was sure was the same, for no animal would have given him a two-part name. They told him that the bright round disc he always saw in the sky did not always appear that way, but went through phases with twenty-eight nights in between, and that in between those nights there were days with a yellow, much brighter light in the sky. The moon cycled from darkness to an increasing crescent to a half disc increasing to the full one he knew, and then decreased back again, and the cycle was always repeated. They were only wolves when the moon was full, but the rest of the time they were humans. And Lupin was sick at heart to hear that most of the time he was a human.

For it did not take Lupin long to see that besides being the most powerful, humans were the greediest, cruelest, and most destructive animals in the land. They had enslaved countless other animals to work for them, carry them on their backs, and above all to provide them with much more animal food than they needed, since humans were omnivores. More food for some of them, that was, because Lupin also noticed that some accumulated much more than they needed, while others went hungry. Lupin learned that the land had once been covered with forest, and that the humans had cut down almost all the trees in order to amass more land and tree wood for themselves. They also created destructive devices that they used not only against other animals, but also in killing sprees against each other.

Other animals co-existed, taking only what they needed, but humans in their reckless greed were continuing to destroy the wild places, which were the only home of the other animals. Lupin learned that there had once been animals a little like werewolves, only they were in their natural state all the time, not just once a month, and they stayed together in large extended families. There were females among them, and the wolves mated and had little pups, and the grown wolves took care of the pups together, as well as hunting together. And long ago, more years than anyone could count, the greedy and vengeful humans had either enslaved them into dogs or eradicated them from the land.

Although those wolves had seldom attacked humans, they had sometimes attacked their enslaved animals, and the humans had killed the wolves with their typical excess of vindictiveness, and also destroyed their habitat. Today animals did not hunt humans, for they knew humans were the most dangerous game. If an animal attacked a human, the response might be the annihilation of the species in the whole area. Only werewolves could hunt humans, for they were difficult for humans to kill. So Lupin's path was clear, for his reason coincided with his instinct. He would be the avenger of the wolves. He would be the defender of the wild places. He would take responsibility for doing what the other animals could not. He would hunt humans only.

The early part of the night was the best time for hunting, for the later it was the less likely humans were to wander into the woods, although it sometimes happened. Werewolves were solitary hunters, but sometimes in the later part of the night some of them would congregate in a clearing and chat a little. They explained to Lupin that if he bit a human but did not kill the human, the human would become another werewolf. They advised Lupin to be discreet about hunting non-magical humans, whom they called Muggles, and to either kill them or drag them back through the forest, for there would be dire consequences if bitten ones returned to the Muggles and the Muggles found out that werewolves really existed. They also warned Lupin that if he caught a female human, he should be sure to kill and eat her, and the meat was especially tasty, but if she ever escaped with just a bite, Lupin had better run for his life. Lupin did not quite understand either of these things, but imagined they would become clearer in time.

But although he was now free to satisfy his natural instinct, Lupin was not satisfied but sad and lonely. He never stopped missing his old animal friends. He felt that he was somehow different from the other werewolves, and eventually he thought that he understood the reason why. None of them had had a formative experience such as his. In their wolf state they had never been anything but solitary hunters, and their greatest pleasure was in the hunt. Lupin was a social animal even in his wolf state, and valued companionship more than the hunt, for his happiest times had been with friends who had not let him hunt, such friends as no other werewolf had ever had. And Lupin wished that he could be a regular wolf in a wolf pack, and not be alone, and maybe even be allowed to mate, and to take care of pups. But this was even more fruitless than wishing for his old friends, for the wolves had disappeared much longer ago.

The little company that he obtained from the other werewolves was marred by the frequent presence of a werewolf whom he dreaded and loathed for some reason that he did not quite understand, a werewolf by the name of Fenrir Greyback. There were obvious reasons for disliking Greyback, for he was a big aggressive bully, and many other werewolves did not care for him either. He had won fights with most of them, although werewolves did not like to fight amongst themselves, and he thought this had made him the leader of the pack, even though there was no pack. Lupin disliked the fact that he preferred to hunt human young, and boasted of using them as bait to catch their parents as well, because Lupin thought that the instinct of humans to protect their young was one of the few decent animal instincts that humans had left. Lupin avoided Greyback so much that the other werewolves thought him rather a coward.

But before long Lupin did not ever see Greyback, or the other werewolves either, because his perverse human counterpart took to the practice of making him appear in a different place almost every night, some place where he seldom found human prey or other werewolves. Sometimes it was an area where the ground was saturated and covered with decaying vegetation, and Lupin could not run fast. Sometimes it was farther north on some huge expanse of open, empty land, though in these places he did occasionally catch a human. Sometimes it was in the middle of a deep forest, and Lupin might sniff out trails all night without finding one of a human. He knew he had to quit before the setting of the moon was near, for if a human saw him transform back he was sure the human would kill him.

Lupin was hungry as well as lonely, for he could not let go of the sense that it was wrong to hunt other animals. How could he hunt deer, remembering the stag? How could he hunt rodents, remembering the rat? Lupin knew his old animal friends would never come again, and yet what if they did, or if similar animals wanted to be his friends? They would not be safe with Lupin anymore. Lupin was lost, and felt that only the memory of his old friends gave him any sort of moral compass. So he dug holes, tore the bark off trees, and tried to eat plants, which made him sick.

Then one night Lupin faced the newly risen moon from a ledge on a rocky coast slippery with sea mist. There were strange, shimmering lights in the sky, as well as the brilliant moon, but he could still make out from the position of objects in the sky that he was farther north than he had ever been before. He felt a sharp pain in his leg and a trickle of warm liquid down it. It was bleeding. He was wounded.

All he could see were the rocks and the ocean. The smell of the salted sea so filled his nose and the sound of the pounding waves so filled his ears that he could not sense whether any living thing was anywhere near. When he caught a moment of silence between the crashing of the waves, he did not hear any rustling of leaves from the land above. This place was very exposed. It was no place for a wounded animal. He could not climb up the rocks to the dry land above him. A werewolf is hard to kill, but Lupin thought that perhaps this time it was all over. He curled up in a flat area against the rock wall behind his ledge and licked his wound, and the cold, silent companion of his life beamed down on him.

But a wild animal does not just curl up and die, and after resting for some time, when the moon was starting to disappear behind the rocks beside him, Lupin decided to make the attempt to clamber up to the land above. Moving slowly and carefully he reached his goal, but when he did, a bleak vista met his eye.

There was flat land in front of him that farther back sloped into rolling hills, and he could make out the silhouette of mountains in the distance. There was no vegetation but short grass and patches of moss, and there were places where the rock underneath was exposed. There was not a bush, let alone a tree, and nothing was stirring. Yet Lupin sensed some strange kind of magic here.

When a breeze blew from the northwest he caught the scent of pine trees, and encouraged, he walked in that direction, though he could see nothing but the barren land. As he continued, favoring his wounded leg, he thought he heard the sound of running water, and soon after, much to his excitement, the hooting of an owl. Eventually he reached a place where the ground sloped down rather suddenly into a valley, and a beautiful scene came into view.

It was a forest, mostly of pine, but he could see leafy trees and plants there too, and the leaves seemed to glitter in the moonlight as the breeze slightly ruffled their positions. Between the trees he could make out brooks, which glimmered even more brightly. He could hear the scampering of small animals on the ground, and glimpse the movements of larger ones, and hear their soft tread. He managed to descend the hill, walking around at an angle, and as he did the sounds and smells became more powerful. Eventually he reached the shelter of the forest, and its ground was soft with a covering of pine needles. The owl was hooting again. He knew that this was a magical forest, for the magic he had sensed above was even stronger here, and how could a place so full of life be in the midst of such barrenness? Lupin had a strange feeling that he was being watched as he made his way into the forest.

Among many animal smells in the forest he thought he detected the smell of werewolves, yet it seemed somehow different. Could there be werewolves in this remote place? Then he came to the edge of a clearing, and what he saw made him stop in his tracks, and his heart beat faster. They looked more uniform in size and color. Their coats were white overlaid with grey. They were sitting together in what looked like an organized group, closer together than werewolves ever sat. The center of their attention was the largest male and the largest--female? Yes, he was sure there were females among them. Could it be? Was it possible? Wolves!

They saw him too. Legend had it that wolf packs sometimes would attack a stranger wolf, but they were looking at him with curiosity, not hostility. One of the males approached him, but when he got within twenty feet of Lupin he crouched and snarled. Lupin was puzzled. Would a wolf become hostile to him because he was wounded? Didn't that only mean he was less of a threat? Then he suddenly understood. The wolf must have gotten close enough to see that he was a werewolf.

"What's the matter, Needles?" said the alpha male sharply.

"He is a werewolf. A werewolf is a human in disguise."

The wolves looked frightened. Some of them muttered that they must kill Lupin at once.

The alpha male barked for silence. "There are no roads here, and no humans have ever been able to find this place. Has anyone caught the scent of a human today?"

There was silence.

"We must question him, and find out how he came here. Where did you come from, werewolf?"

"I come from much farther south, where there are humans and werewolves, but no wolves."

"How did you get here? How did you get your wound?"

"I don't know," said Lupin truthfully. "I appear wherever my human counterpart is at the time. I do not remember anything of my human life. I appeared on the rocky coast not far from here, and I was already wounded. I sometimes appear in places that are difficult for humans to access, though tonight I appeared at the most inaccessible place yet. I think my human counterpart must be a wizard."

A few of the wolves laughed at this lame attempt at deception, but the alpha female was looking at him thoughtfully.

"Most likely his human counterpart is a wizard," she said. "There are wizards on this great island, and I don't see how else he could have arrived here. It is still fairly early in the night. But most werewolves do remember something of their human lives."

"It is true, madam," said Lupin, addressing her directly, for he already suspected she was the wisest wolf in the pack. "I am different from most werewolves in this way."

"He is lying," said Needles.

"Maybe he came from a shipwrecked boat," said one of the females, "and other humans will come in a few days to rescue him. They may not know he is a werewolf. They may find us."

There were a few growls and more calls for his death.

"Silence!" said the alpha male. "If humans are to come, killing this one will not accomplish anything." He walked over to Lupin and started to sniff him. Lupin suspected that wolves had a great deal of protocol, and he did not know what to do. He lay down as the wolf examined him, hoping this would show adequate submission. The alpha male returned to his place.

"I smell no trace of humans on him. He has not been with other humans this past day."

"A human could survive here for a couple of days. He may have been shipwrecked the day before."

"I appeared completely alone," said Lupin. "There was no human or human-made object anywhere on the horizon." But he knew he had no way of proving this.

"This werewolf pretends he knows nothing of his human life. He lies to us. We must kill him."

"Very well," said Lupin, looking at the alpha female again. "Kill me if you must. But before I die, please let me ask one question. Down south they say there have been no wolves anywhere for more generations than anyone can count. I thought that humans, in their reckless greed and vengefulness, had killed them all. How is it that you have survived?"

He saw the demeanor of the wolves change, and he realized that this speech had gained their approval.

"We are the last wolf pack on this great island," said the alpha male. "The humans do not know we are here. We stick close together, and have managed to hide from them these many generations."

"I have seen the destructiveness and greed of humans," said Lupin. "I think I do not remember my life as a human because I cannot help being ashamed to be one. I always wished I could be a wolf all the time, and be in a wolf pack, for the life of a werewolf is a sad and lonely one. I thought it was impossible, because we thought the wolves were long gone. I can understand why you think you must kill me, but if you do, at least I will die with the consolation of knowing that you are still here."

The wolves had been looking at him with increasing curiosity during this speech.

"What is your name, werewolf?" said the alpha male.

"Remus Lupin," said Lupin with relief, for he was getting sick of being addressed as "werewolf."

"That is a wolf name!" said the alpha male approvingly.

"Remus is a human name," said the alpha female. "It is the name of one of the human children who was raised by wolves in the old legends."

"It makes sense, doesn't it," said one of the females, "that if he is a werewolf, his name would be part human and part wolf?"

"But Lupin is his family name, and they named him Remus at his birth, before they knew he would be bitten, for that is how humans name their young," said the alpha female, still looking at Lupin thoughtfully. "His family must have had something to do with wolves, even before he was born. They would not have given him that name when he was bitten, for they would not want to advertise the fact that he is a werewolf, nor would he. Humans have had no love for werewolves for more generations than anyone can count."

Lupin could not help staring at her in fascination. How could she possibly know so much about humans? Was she suggesting that there was ever a time when other humans had not hated werewolves? He was afraid to talk out of turn.

"Maybe his parents were werewolves," suggested another wolf.

"There are no longer any werewolf cubs," said the alpha female. "Male and female werewolves no longer see each other."

Lupin could no longer contain himself. "So there are female werewolves?" he asked.

"We know nothing of that, Lupin," said the alpha male nervously. In fact, he had been looking increasingly nervous as this discussion had progressed.

"Wait!" said the alpha female. "He is a werewolf. He should know the truth about his own kind. Remus Lupin, werewolves have not always been as they are now. Long ago, long before the disappearance of the wolves, humans and wolves did not fear each other so much, since they seldom attacked each other. Werewolves were humans who sometimes transformed into wolves, or wolves who sometimes transformed into humans, and they were honored as magical creatures.

"There were many female werewolves then, and male and female werewolves bred and produced werewolf cubs. But the werewolves were solitary hunters, and the males tended to abandon their young. And when the female werewolves encountered wolves they would join the wolf packs, for wolves take care of their young. The wolf packs accepted them as wolves, and also in their human state. And in their wolf state they bred with wolves and their offspring were wolves. So the werewolf population declined.

"As the she-werewolves left them, the male werewolves increasingly developed an appetite that had earlier been kept in check: that for the flesh of humans, especially human females, whom they would attack and eat. The she-werewolves realized how dangerous this was, for werewolves were also humans, and needed to be accepted by other humans. The females feared for their cubs, but the males lived only for the present. So even more did the she-werewolves abandon the males, and the males preyed more on humans, and this became their only appetite. It was a downward spiral that nobody knew how to stop.

"So werewolves became a deadly threat to other humans, and were shunned from human society. It became harder to raise young werewolves, who were often in human form, in human society. It was also hard for them to survive in the wild in their human form, for with werewolf fathers they did not have the protection of a wolf pack. Since there was no future for their cubs, male and female werewolves had even less reason to mate.

"Then werewolves increasingly reproduced through the bite. For some male werewolves could turn humans into werewolves by biting them, and those who were bitten retained this trait, and eventually all werewolves had it, for this was the only way new werewolves were being created.

"Because of the attacks of the werewolves, humans became terrified of wolves, for they often could not tell the difference. This was one reason, though not the only one, why humans started slaughtering the wolves. Mostly humans feared for their property, and some wolves died only because humans thoughtlessly destroyed the places where they lived. As the wolf population declined, wolves also became very afraid of humans, and those she-werewolves who were left were no longer welcome among them. But the she-werewolves no longer had any use for the male werewolves, nor did the males care any more for the females. And so the Sorceresses extended their protection to the she-werewolves."

Lupin had already seen and heard surprising things that evening, but this narrative was starting to strain his credulity. "What Sorceresses?" he asked in a neutral tone.

"There were very powerful witches who left the Wizarding World long ago. They had magic that the wizards knew not, but the wizards would not admit it. Wizards would grant that witches were powerful, but the people at the very top of wizarding society were always men. Their society would never recognize a witch as the person with the most magical knowledge and power; it was always a wizard. So these witches got fed up and withdrew from wizarding society. They hid in inaccessible mountain places and called themselves Sorceresses. And if any unwanted visitor tried to find them, the visitor would die. No one could find them, but they could find others, though they seldom wanted to. But they found the female werewolves and offered them their protection.

"On those rare occasions when a woman or girl is bitten but not eaten, the Sorceresses can sense the creation of a new she-werewolf, and with their magic they draw the newcomer back to their magical hiding places. The male werewolves make themselves scarce on such occasions, for the males carry the guilt of their fathers, and are terrified of the Sorceresses."

Lupin was afflicted with a bitter sense of loss. How could the male werewolves have abandoned their cubs and their mates? He was a werewolf, and had always longed for a family. He had always valued companionship more than the taste of human flesh.

"The Sorceresses live for a very long time, and since they teach the she-werewolves their magic, the best of the she-werewolves probably become the new Sorceresses. No one knows how they live, for they do not want to be known."

"It is dangerous even to speak of them," said the alpha male. "We have spoken of them quite enough."

"It is only dangerous if you mistreat your mate or abandon your cubs, my dear," said the alpha female. She was looking at Lupin, who was emboldened to ask one more question.

"How is it, madam, that you are so wise?"

"I am a carrier of memory," said the alpha female. "There has been such a one in every wolf pack. The older one will choose the wisest of the pups to be the new one, and teach him or her everything that the older one knows, and so the wisdom of the wolves is preserved through the ages."

"Remus Lupin," said the alpha male, who seemed to be sizing him up again, "you say you want to join a wolf pack, and that means us. Being a werewolf you are strong, and may be helpful in our hunt. But you will transform into a human and may betray our existence to other humans. We will be taking a great risk if we let you live. But if we take the risk, and we find you here in a month, and no humans have come, I say you may join our pack, only in your wolf state of course. Shall we take the risk? I will defer to the wisest among us. What says my better half?"

"I have seen the loneliness in this werewolf's eyes, and I believe he is sincere," said the alpha female. "The parents who named him Remus Lupin must have sympathized with wolves, and probably raised him the same way. No werewolf would have given him such a name, and in his wolf state he would not know enough to make it up. He cannot prove he does not remember his human life, but he spoke with a feeling that I have not heard in a fabricated story. I think he will not betray us."

"What say the rest of you?" said the alpha male.

The other wolves barked in assent, for they knew the alpha female was the wisest among them.

"Remus Lupin," said the alpha male, turning to him again, "we will come here in a month and look for you, and if you are here you may join our hunt. But if you try to lead us to humans or them to us, or if you are aggressive and try to rise within our pack, or if you try to mate without permission, we will kill you."

"Sir, I can only hope the human Lupin brings me here next month, and every month, because I want more than anything to join your pack. And if I try to lead you to humans, or them to you, or to rise within the pack, or to mate without permission, may you kill me."

"Enough talking," said the alpha male. "The night wears on. It is a beautiful moonlit night, and it is not too late for a hunt. Take your places, and let us move."

"Wait!" said one of the females. "We are wolves, and we are scarce. We do not abandon our wounded. Someone must stay here and take care of Remus Lupin."

Lupin was amazed, for he had already been called one of them.

"Very well," said the alpha male. "You may stay, and anyone else who wants may stay and look after Remus Lupin." He knew that most of them were eager for the hunt. A male also volunteered, and the two wolves stayed while the rest of them moved off.

The male wolf took up a watch in case anything dangerous came near. The female wolf lay down near Lupin and commenced licking his wound, and Lupin closed his eyes in contentment. He knew the wound would soon improve, for the saliva of wolves is antiseptic and healing. Better yet, he felt he had at last found a family.

Lupin, to his joy and relief, did appear at the edge of the forest at the next full moon, and for many moons after that. He always found the wolves in the same nearby clearing, and joined them in their hunt, and he soon got over his aversion to hunting deer. They found him useful because being a werewolf, he was relatively strong, but he was as swift and cunning as an ordinary wolf, and about the same size, since these were large wolves.

He soon learned the protocol of dominance and submission, and he always showed submission in any confrontation, for he was insecure about his inclusion in the pack, and had been warned not to rise within it. Between his eagerness to show submission and his playful, entertaining disposition, he was a natural for the part of the omega wolf, the lowest member of the pack. But the wolves found it necessary to have an omega wolf all the time, not just once a month, and Lupin found himself the second-lowest member of the pack, for while he chose to be submissive, the real omega was incapable of any other behavior. At first he sensed the other saw him as a rival, but they soon became friends, for the wolves found that a two-clown act was better than one, and that the two of them were more effective in organizing them into games. Lupin could not protect the omega wolf from any of the abuse of the other wolves, but he tried to make up for some of it by using their clowning as a cover for being affectionate.

Only the alpha male and female were allowed to mate, and Lupin doubted the wisdom of this, since if couples had left to form new packs the wolves could easily have increased their numbers. The wolves feared that any dispersal would give them away to humans. But although he sometimes looked longingly at the one who had tended to him on his first night there, he realized it was just as well that he was not allowed to mate, for he feared that his offspring might have werewolf characteristics.

Lupin's greatest happiness came when the alpha female bore cubs. Though he could only see them once a month, he could marvel every time at how beautiful they were and how much they had grown. Lupin found that they did not mistrust him as much as the adults did, since they did not know that he was a werewolf or what that meant, only that he strangely came just at the full moon. When they came along to learn the hunt, Lupin was very encouraging to them, and each time he coached them he left them with some new or improved skill. So with the wolves passed the second-happiest time of Lupin's life. It might have been the happiest, if he hadn't still felt that the wolves only tolerated him, not loved him, that he might be thrown out of the pack for any transgression, or that his human counterpart might take him somewhere else.

And then came the mysterious year's absence, and then the sad vision of the old place, as if to remind him of the devastating loss of his youth. Maybe he had projected his later knowledge of animals onto the old scenes he remembered, for it had always been strange that a dog, a rat, a stag and a werewolf should have been friends. It made more sense for the stag to be absent, since deer live in the wild, and a stag would never have spent so long in the same human place. It made more sense that the rat was terrified of the dog, since dogs often hunted rats. But where had the dog been? That dog could never be a pet. Maybe humans had managed to capture him and train him as a ratter, and that was why his relationship with the rat had changed. Lupin wanted to believe that the dog had been a captive, but knowing the dog, it was unlikely. He had loved the dog. If the dog had been alive and the dog had been free, then why, why had the dog abandoned him?

Lupin looked for the wolves all night, and tried to sniff out their trails, but did not find them. They had probably written him off, knowing his human counterpart had taken him somewhere else. He might never find them, if they had really existed. He might be here forever, without wolves, werewolves, or even his natural prey. He might face loneliness and frustration for the rest of his life, but an animal does not think that far ahead, for if he did, an animal might just curl up and die.