Dreams Don't Die

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Chapter One

Always and Forever

He sat cross-legged on the cold floor of his bedroom. The noises of the outdoors filled the air, but he heard not a sound. He was completely absorbed in a picture album. The pages whispered as they were turned. If they could have talked, they would have spoken of the handsome, grim-faced young man who came each day to ruffle them. Always, however, he would stop on his favorite page. Lily and James' wedding. Oh, it had been a grand occasion! The James' was as crazily disarranged as ever and, though the bride was lovely, Sirius had no eyes for her. His gaze strayed to the side...to HER. To the woman who still held his heart in her hands.

She was married now, with a son, but she was still as lovely as ever. But she never smiled. They'd never talked, really. She didn't return his owls and whenever they saw each other, she was just leaving, it seemed. And she never smiled! It cut him to the heart and made him want to break down and cry. And he had often shed tears. It had been so long, though, and they urged him to move on. Everyone thought that he should...Lily, James, Remus, Peter...they didn't know how he felt, though. He glanced at the picture and laughed harshly.

“Should have had a double-wedding like James suggested,” he muttered to himself.

“Her parents wouldn't have approved,” a female voice cut in.

Sirius didn't turn, but continued to stare at the book, ”Hello, Lily,” he said in a monotone, ”What brings you breaking and entering today?”

Lily's face was lined with worry, ”Sirius?”

“That's me,” he replied half-heartedly.

Lily's heart ached for him. She ached for all his hurts. She wanted him back. The real Sirius! The one that loved to laugh and make jokes! The prankster and the clever student. The one who was optimistic about pulling the next big joke on Snape. The one who loved life. He had been torn apart. Lily knew that there would never be the same Sirius again. She only wished that he would come around. She loved him almost as much as James. There was no way that she could let him suffer like this! But there was nothing that she could do. He had to let her go...

Lily felt the tears on her face. Sirius noticed her silence and turned. They were all worried about him. He was causing them hurt. Immediately he rushed over to her and took her into a brotherly hug.

“Oh, God!” Lily said wretchedly, ”Why has this happened? Oh, Sirius! I hate to see you like this! You know how much we care about you!” She looked deep into his eyes and saw nothing.

“I know, Lily,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion, ”But- but you can imagine! She was your friend! Why?”

Lily could imagine...all too well. She felt the stabs of pain and confusion everyday. It was as if a dark cloud hovered over her, pelting her with sorrow.

“I don't know, Sirius!” Lily said loudly, plunking herself down on the bed. Sirius sat beside her, ”You can have no idea how many times I've asked why?!” She wanted so much to tell him that Cissie would come back to her senses. That she'd divorce Lucius and come back to where she belonged. She very much wanted to believe it herself. There was no way that Cissie could love HIM...could she? No matter how well you think you know someone and no matter how much you trust them, there is always that shadow of doubt.

“We may never know,” Lily continued, ”But do not throw away your life! She would want you to be happy!” Lily bit her tongue. May be that hadn't been the best thing to say.

“I would be happy with her!” he fairly shouted. Lily cursed herself. “Lils, it was all my fault! If I'd been richer or -or- better, then may be her family would have approved of me and-“

“Sirius!” Lily cried, alarmed at his babbling, ”You're talking crazy! This is NOT your fault! Oh, please, please, Siri!” She choked back a sob, ”Please come back to us! Please! We need you! Harry needs you!”

And, as he stroked her hair, he realized that he could come back. He had strength left in him. He owed it to them. He owed it to his best friends to be there for them. And he was a godfather. He could have slapped himself for ignoring Harry. If I don't go back, he thought wryly, I'm bound to lose my godfathership to Remus. He made up his mind. He would watch out for them. Always and forever.


~Six months later...Harry's First birthday~

“Happy Birthday, dear Harry! Happy Birthday to you!” They all sang brightly, if a bit off tune.

Sirius was truly happy. There was still life to live and he still had dreams. There was danger, though, to his best friends. Lily and James were sought out by Voldemort. In a week the Fidelius Charm would be performed. He would breathe easily then. Suddenly, he caught himself looking about at those gathered around him. He found that he was looking at them in new lights. He was suspicious. Of his closest friends. What was the world coming too? It was for Lily and James' own good, though. And he had an idea of who it was. Although it hurt to admit it, he knew.

“Sirius?” Remus asked, concerned.

“Earth to Sirius!” James joked. Sirius pushed his musings aside.

“What planet were you just on?” Peter asked. Harry was regarding Sirius with curiosity along with the others. He seemed vexed not to be getting all the attention.

Sirius laughed and picked Harry up and proceeded to throw him into the air, resulting in a squeal of pleasure from the child and a squeal of alarm from Lily.

“Geez, Siri, warn me before you do that!”

“What this?” he asked as he tossed the tot up again.

Lily smacked him on the arm, ”James does that all the time,” she muttered.

“It drives her bonkers,” James confided and everyone laughed, except Lily, who merely rolled her eyes.

The danger forgotten, the friends stayed long into the night, thinking nothing of what tomorrow would bring.

Lily stood in the doorway, watching the guys joke around. She smiled to herself in relief. Sirius was truly happy, she could tell. Her friends were all together, if for a short time. What more could she ask for?