Yours Lovingly

Chapter 3

The Failed Attempt

What am I going to do now?

The girl was lost in her thoughts. She was sitting alone in the library, writing in the diary she bought in Diagon Alley. She started considering it as her best friend ever since she bought it.

I think I am going to have to tell you everything, Harry.

The girl shuddered at the thought.

What if he says no?

She stared at the diary for some time as if trying to get it to solve her dilemma.

Well, how would I know what he thinks of me if I don't tell him who I am?

She made up her mind.

I am going to tell him everything.

Just when the girl was immersed in her thoughts, the door creaked loudly.

"Hermione!" said Ginny in a surprised voice. "What are you doing here sitting alone? I was looking all over for you!"

Hermione was brought back to reality by Ginny's words. She immediately stuffed the Diary back in her bag. Ginny noticed it.

"Hermione, are you okay?"

"What? Oh, yes. I am fine. It's just that I was stressed out lately, and I wanted some time alone," said Hermione, perfectly aware of the fact that her eyes were contradicting her words.

"You are not the same, Hermione," said Ginny, looking concerned. "You are always quiet and gloomy. Why don't you tell me what's going on? I know it would definitely feel better than writing about it in a diary."

"There is nothing to tell Ginny," said Hermione desperately. "I am perfectly fine. I am worried about something. It's of no importance. Let's leave, shall we?"

"Whatever you say, Hermione. Just remember, I will be more than glad to help you anyway I can," said Ginny heading for the door.

"Thanks Ginny," said Hermione. She took her bag and headed out of the library with Ginny, towards the Gryffindor tower.

"Oh no!" said Hermione suddenly when they got to the portrait of the fat lady. "I forgot to check out a book on advanced transfiguration. Why don't you go ahead? I will be right back."

"Just don't stay there forever," said Ginny. "I need some help with my homework."

"I promise!" said Hermione and strode off downstairs. But she didn't go to the library on the third floor. Instead, she approached the statue of the one-eyed witch with a hump on her back, on the fifth floor.

She tapped her wand against the witch's hump three times and muttered, "Dissendium"

The witch's hump opened to reveal a passageway. She lodged herself into it and closed the hump behind her. She took a few steps forward until she reached what she was looking for.

She heaved aside a stone to reveal a small opening in the wall, just enough to fit a book. She removed the diary from her bag and hid it in the opening and put the stone back in its place.

She felt safe. No other place seemed to be a better option than this one. If she kept the diary with her, there was a good chance the students might find it, as they always tried to take her homework from her bag with out her knowledge. As far as she knew, only Harry, Ron, and she knew about the passageway and the other two no longer had the necessity to use it to go to Hogsmeade.

She quietly headed back to the hump and heaved herself out of the statue. She felt tired. She wanted to be alone and think about how she was going to tell Harry that she was the one who sent the love letters.

Trying to put the thoughts aside, she headed back to the library. She didn't want to go back empty-handed as it would definitely make Ginny suspicious. She checked out 'Advanced Transfiguration' and later met Ginny in the common room.

"Why are you so late?" asked Ginny as Hermione climbed through the portrait hole. She was sitting in the common room waiting for Hermione to help her with her Arithmancy homework.

"I couldn't find the book quickly. So what did you want me to help you with?"

When Hermione was busy doing some calculations, Harry and Ron entered the common room.

"Hermione!" Harry heaved a sigh of relief. "I am glad I found you. Where have you been since morning?"

"Busy doing something," said Hermione without looking at him. She didn't want to face Harry. She knew her eyes would spill the truth sooner than she intended to.

"What is that something?" interjected Ron. "Hermione, I want to apo-"

"Ginny," said Hermione suddenly. "Do you mind if I explain this to you in our dormitory?"

"But- But Hermione, Ron was trying to-"

"I will see you later," said Hermione to Ginny and briskly strode off towards the girl's dormitory.

Ron's mouth was slightly open. Ginny felt sorry for him. "Ron, she was a little bit stressed out about something. Did you say anything to her that could have made her feel bad?"

"Er," said Ron, not knowing how to begin. Harry explained it for him.

"You guessed it right, Ginny. Today morning, Ron said something that made Hermione go berserk. She wouldn't talk to him since then!"

"And what exactly did Mr. Big mouth say to her?" she rounded on Ron. Her face showed no sympathy for him any longer.

"I-I just said that she was the one to send Harry those love letters," finished Ron trying to avoid Ginny's eyes.

Ginny opened her mouth in horror.

"No you didn't!" exclaimed Ginny with an assorted expression of shock and fury.

"I was just joking. It's not my problem if she decides to take it seriously," said Ron defensively.

"Of course, it's not your problem. But you certainly created one for her. If I was in her place, I would've behaved the same way, if not, worse. I wouldn't have been able to show my face to Harry!"

"But why?" Harry cut in. "Why couldn't she face me when I don't think she was the one to send those letters?"

"Harry," said Ginny wisely, "you don't understand girls. As far as I know, Ron made her feel terrible and we can do nothing about it till she herself decides to come out."

Ron slammed Ginny's book on the table and left with Ginny hollering behind him. "THINGS WOULD BE MUCH BETTER FOR YOU AND OTHERS IF YOU JUST STOP VENTING YOUR FRUSTRATION ON EVERYONE!"

"I feel sorry for her," said Harry after a while. "I can't help her and I am supposed to be her best friend."

"Don't worry Harry," said Ginny and was about to place a soothing hand on his shoulder, but immediately withdrew. She pretended as if she was about to reach for the book Ron had just dismantled. "I will talk to her."

"Thanks Ginny. I will go to bed then. Good night," said Harry and left to the boy's dormitory.

Ginny felt stupid. She got carried away for that one moment.

Of course, it's true that I had a crush on him. But I was younger then. I didn't know better. Someone else loves Harry and I don't want to be an intruder. Thank God, Harry didn't see that!

With that, she picked up her book and left for the girl's dormitory.

Hermione was sitting on her bed, with her head buried in her hands. She seemed to be crying. Ginny approached her and hesitantly put a trembling hand on her shoulder. She still hadn't recovered from her brief provocation in front of Harry.

Hermione turned aside, wiped her tears, and looked at Ginny. "So, what page were we in? What happened to the book?"

"Ron slammed it on the table," said Ginny. "I just talked to him, and frankly speaking, it was incredibly unwise of him to say that!"

"I just wished things went a little bit slow," said Hermione without thinking. "I didn't expect Ron to tell Harry so suddenly. How am I going to face Harry now?

Ginny blinked. She backed off, gaping at Hermione with her mouth open. Did Hermione just say something she didn't want to hear?

"H-Hermione, what do you mean you wanted things to go slow?"

Hermione didn't seem to understand what Ginny was talking about. Slowly, the realization dawned over her. "Oh no!"

"Just tell me the truth Hermione!" pleaded Ginny.

Hermione looked around the room, wide-eyed and helpless. She could feel the burden getting heavier and heavier by the minute in her chest. It hurt. She couldn't bear it any longer. She would explode if she didn't let it out.

"Do you want to know the truth?"

"Did you send those-"

"THAT'S RIGHT. I SENT THOSE LETTERS TO HARRY. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM. SATISFIED?"

Hermione was breathing hard. She couldn't believe what she just did. As she realized what had just happened, she turned her head towards the pillow and started crying so hard in it that it felt good. She never cried like that in her life before.

Ginny was in tears by now. She found herself regretting every moment she asked Hermione to confide everything in her. She caught herself before she reacted the same way as Hermione and just sat there trying to digest what had just happened.

After a while, Hermione stopped crying. She didn't turn back to Ginny. Ginny assumed she was asleep and went over to her bed.

So, Hermione did all this. I still can't believe it. Why am I feeling so awful?

She lied down on her bed and tired to sleep before she cried again.

But, I am the one who loved Harry first. Why does Hermione have to ruin it for me?

She suddenly slapped herself hard on the face. What was she thinking?

Hermione got to be with Harry all these years. Now, it's my turn to get some attention!

Ginny got up and held her head. She wanted to smack it against the wall.

I am going to ruin it for Hermione! I AM!

"YES! I AM!" said Ginny spitefully before falling back and drifting off to sleep.

*****

The next day, Hermione got up late to find that she was alone in her dormitory. It took a while for her to recollect what had happened the previous day. She was suddenly struck with a spasm of horror.

Ginny knows! She knows everything! Is she going to tell?

She tried to calm herself down.

I have to find her before she tells Harry.

She dressed quickly and headed down to the great hall to find that it was almost empty. There was no sign of Ginny there. Did Ginny tell Harry already?

She went to the library, hopeful to find Ginny. When she finally found Ginny, she was horrified. Ginny was sitting with someone else...

"Harry!" Hermione gasped.

When she was about to head towards them, Madam Pince cornered her.

"Miss Granger," said Madam Pince. "Where is the book you checked out yesterday?"

Hermione was extremely annoyed. She was in a life and death situation and the book was the last thing she wanted to think about.

"I see here that you checked out the book for only one night," said Madam Pince scanning a parchment in her hand.

"I am sorry Madam Pince!" said Hermione desperately. "Just give me some more time and I will get it for you."

Madam Pince looked extremely disapproving. She however made a note on her parchment and strode off towards a bunch of first years to tell them off for being noisy.

Hermione was relieved. She however felt uncomfortable with the idea of Ginny and Harry sitting together. She was about to go to them, when Harry suddenly got up.

Hermione quickly hid behind a bookshelf.

"Bye Harry," said Ginny.

"See you later Ginny," said Harry and left the library.

Making sure Harry was out of sight, Hermione went over to Ginny and thumped her hands hard on the table.

"Hermione! What are you doing?" said Ginny, surprised.

"I trusted you!" said Hermione, thoroughly agitated.

"What did I do?" said Ginny as if she didn't have a clue as to what Hermione was talking about.

"I told you everything, thinking that you would keep my secret!"

"I kept it, and am keeping it," said Ginny, returning Hermione's scowl with a comforting smile.

"You mean, you didn't tell anything to Harry?"

"Not a thing. Why would I tell him anyway?" said Ginny walking over to the exit and out of the library, with Hermione following her.

"I don't know," said Hermione with a guilty expression. "I thought you would be furious with me for what I did till now. You know, all the love letters and stuff."

"Hermione, love is a natural feeling," said Ginny reassuringly. "It's not your fault to fall in love. However, I don't like your taste."

"What do you mean?" said Hermione, puzzled.

"I meant," said Ginny, stopping and facing Hermione directly, "Harry is great and everything. But I don't think he suits you."

"Why doesn't he?" said Hermione.

"Hermione," said Ginny patiently, "you don't understand how pretty you are! There are a lot of guys waiting to date you out there, and you go ahead and chose Harry, who isn't the least bit cute."

"I didn't love Harry because of the way he looks," said Hermione. "I had been with him all these years to know what an extremely loving person he is. I am sure I am going to happy with him!"

"Whatever," said Ginny rolling her eyes and resumed her walking. "It's your life and I can't do anything about it. But remember one thing. If you need any help, ask me. Oh no! I am already late for transfiguration!"

"Bye Ginny," said Hermione as Ginny ran towards her class.

Hermione felt very light hearted. She supposed confiding everything to Ginny made the difference. She headed back to her dormitory for a refreshing shower.

The next few weeks passed without any change so far. Hermione spent most of the time sitting in the library, reading.

On the other hand, Ron and Harry had been patiently waiting for Hermione to make up with them on her own. But after a while, even Harry lost his patience. He went over to Hermione in the library and shouted at her.

"THIS IS GOING TOO FAR HERMIONE. I THINK YOU HAVE GONE INSANE!"

"I agree that I am insane," said Hermione quietly.

"YOU ARE WASTING VALUABLE TIME. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR LAST AND THE MOST ENJOYABLE YEAR AT HOGWARTS AND YOU ARE MAKING IT THE WORST!"

"I am sorry Harry-"

"MR POTTER!"

Madam Pince looked extremely exasperated. "I am sure a 7^th year like you doesn't need telling off. Please leave this place before I ban you from entering the library!"

Harry threw Hermione a spiteful look and left the library. On his way, he started feeling guilty.

May be I was too rude to her. Oh God, please put some sense in her!

In the library, Hermione felt a great sense of accomplishment. She managed to summon Harry's wand from his pocket when he was being scolded by Madam Pince.

I can't believe I did this!

It was totally spontaneous. She drew out her wand and conjured a white chalk out of nowhere. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be doing what she was about to do. She had been thinking about how to tell Harry the truth since a long time. This seemed to be the perfect opportunity...

She carefully wrote the words 'I love you Harry' along the length of the wand with the chalk. Taking a deep breath, she got up, seized her bag and ran towards the Gryffindor tower.

She saw Harry on the staircase leading to the 6^th floor.

"HARRY! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!"

Harry turned back. He was surprised for a second to see Hermione running towards him. He felt a surge of excitement. Hermione was finally going to make up...

"Harry, I want to-"

"Its ok," said Harry. "You don't have to say it."

"Say what?" said Hermione, not knowing how to respond. Did Harry somehow find out about her?

"You don't have to apologize to me," said Harry with a friendly smile.

"Er, I wasn't going to apologize," said Hermione. She didn't know what else to say.

This wiped the smile off Harry's face. He felt foolish.

"So what were you yelling out my name for?"

"I wanted to tell you that y-you dropped your wand in the library," said Hermione. She still wasn't sure if this was a good idea

Harry instinctively reached for his pocket to find it empty. He felt very vulnerable without his wand.

"Do you have it with you?" asked Harry anxiously.

"Yes," said Hermione, the word barely coming out of her mouth.

"Then give it. What are you waiting for?" said Harry impatiently.

Hermione just noticed that she and Harry were 10 feet apart. It felt as if he was 10 miles away. She slowly walked towards him.

What if he says no?

They were 6 feet apart.

I don't have to do this.

They were 3 feet apart.

I can erase the note on the wand..

She was suddenly halted by Harry's outstretched hand.

Hermione felt as if she was going to faint. She could hear her heart beating rapidly. The wand in her hand seemed to be getting heavier and heavier. Her hands were all sweaty.

This is it.

She raised her hand and looked directly into Harry's eyes. Those emerald eyes were directly looking into hers. Without breaking the eye contact, she dropped the wand into Harry's hand.

Harry was still looking directly into Hermione's brown eyes. He wasn't able to comprehend what she was hiding behind them.

"Accio Wand!"

Hermione blinked. What was going on?

The wand soared out of Harry's hand breaking his eye contact with Hermione. Hermione followed its path with her head buzzing. It handed right in Ginny's hands.

Ginny caught it and started cleaning it fervently with the hem of her dress. She started walking towards Harry.

"Harry!" said Ginny. "How often do you clean your wand?"

"I didn't clean it lately," said Harry feeling mortified. "Why?"

"Why?" said Ginny handing the wand to Harry. "It was literally coated with dust!"

Hermione looked at the wand. There wasn't a trace of her heart on it.

"Thanks Ginny," said Harry examining his wand. He looked at Hermione briefly before heading off to the Gryffindor tower.

It took a while for Hermione to come out of her trance. She looked extremely upset.

"Hey Hermione," said Ginny. "What happened?"

"Why did you do that?" said Hermione, sounding choked.

"Do what?"

"Why did you clean the wand?"

"What's wrong with that?" said Ginny. "I know Harry would never bother to clean it. So I did it for him."

"Ginny!" said Hermione sitting on a stair and holding her head in her hands. "I wrote 'I Love you' on the wand. Harry would have seen it."

Ginny looked horrified.

"You really did that?"

Hermione nodded.

"I am extremely sorry Hermione-" Ginny began.

"Leave it Ginny," said Hermione. "Now, I have to find another way to do this. God, this is killing me."

"Don't worry Hermione," said Ginny sitting beside Hermione. "I will think of some way to do this."

"You don't have to-" began Hermione.

"I want to help!" interrupted Ginny. "First, you need to get a good outfit. We will get one when we go to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Cheer up!"

Hermione looked slightly cheerful. After all, Ginny was going to help her tell Harry. She didn't have to worry about it till then.

Hermione and Ginny spent time together the entire afternoon. Ginny made a very good friend. Hermione told her everything. However, Ginny felt jealous. She didn't know that being in love would feel that good. She wanted to feel it. But Hermione grabbed her chance...

"Good night Ginny," said Hermione going to bed. "And thanks for everything."

"What are friends for?" said Ginny. She went to her bed. However she couldn't sleep.

"Congratulations Ginny!" she said to herself.

She turned aside and looked at the sleeping form of Hermione. "I will never let your love become successful!"

With that, she slept, dreaming of Harry.

*****

Hermione's visit to Hogsmeade wasn't fun without Harry's company. Even Harry seemed to be furious with Hermione. He didn't even look at her when they passed each other.

It's only a matter of time, Harry.

"Hermione!" said Ginny shaking her. "Which world are you in?"

"Nothing," said Hermione, feeling abashed.

"We got to the cloth store," said Ginny. "Let's go"

Hermione followed Ginny. She never came to the store before. It was huge and was filled with clothes for all occasions. When she was browsing through, her eyes fell on a maroon outfit.

"Ginny!" said Hermione excitedly. "I like this!"

"Go and try it in the changing room," said Ginny.

Hermione went to the changing room. She put it on and was surprised to find that she looked stunning in it. She never realized she was this pretty before. She was excited at the prospect of Harry seeing her in it.

She went over to Ginny who was looking at a white dress, which was rather plain.

Ginny looked at her. She couldn't believe her eyes. The color suited Hermione's complexion and she looked beautiful and delicate in it. She never looked this pretty before. She quickly began to think of ways to nip the bud.

"How does this look?" said Hermione, elated.

"Oh my God, Hermione!" exclaimed Ginny. "This dress is exquisite! It's so dazzling!"

Hermione was relieved to find that Ginny's opinion of the dress was the same as hers.

"But-" said Ginny, looking uncomfortable.

"But what?" asked Hermione anxiously.

"Never mind. Let's go and pay for it."

"We are not going till you tell me," said Hermione stubbornly. "What's wrong with this dress?"

"It- It doesn't look good on you."

"What are you talking about?" said Hermione. She was disappointed.

"I promise," said Ginny vivaciously. "I am your best friend, right? Will I ever lie?"

"No. I didn't mean you were lying-"

"Then try this," said Ginny thrusting the plain white dress into Hermione's hands. "This will look good on you."

"But Ginny," said Hermione, looking at the dress with distaste, "this looks so- so simple!"

"That's the whole point," said Ginny. "You look good in simple clothes. I think Harry likes you that way."

"Really?" said Hermione. She didn't know Harry liked her when she looked simple.

"Yes!" said Ginny, feeling thoroughly excited. "The way he looks at you when you wear white, it's so romantic!"

"I will take this then!" said Hermione instinctively.

"That's my Herm," said Ginny looking accomplished. "Let's go pay for it then."

They went to the cashier. Hermione saw that Ginny bought a green outfit. They paid for them and left the store. On the way, Ginny suddenly shrieked.

"I left my money bag in the shop!" said Ginny with a tensed expression. "You stay here. I will go get it."

"Come fast! We are getting late," shouted Hermione behind her.

Ginny went to the shop and was pleased to find that the maroon outfit was still there. She took out the green dress from the bag she was holding and exchanged it for the maroon one.

This should do. Harry is going to go head over heels when he sees me in this.

She met Hermione at the same place and they both left for Hogwarts together.

Ginny was in high spirits the whole afternoon. She had plans for the day.

At 6, she excused herself and went to her dormitory. She had an invigorating shower and wore her best perfume. She put on the maroon outfit and let her red hair fall behind her.

She stood in front of the mirror, and started admiring herself from every angle.

Hermione! What an incredibly dumb person you are!

Then she realized the real trouble. What was Hermione going to say if she saw her in this dress?

I can somehow manage it. I won't let her spoil this for me!

Just then, Hermione entered the Dormitory. She was shocked to see what Ginny was wearing.

"Ginny! Isn't this the same outfit I thought of getting first?" said Hermione.

"No," said Ginny not tearing her eyes from the mirror.

"It is!" said Hermione confidently.

"No. It's not!" said Ginny turning towards Hermione. "The dress you chose was green. This is maroon. Do you remember now?"

"But-"

"Hermione!" said Ginny sounding annoyed. "What's wrong with you lately? Today morning, I noticed you put pumpkin juice on your toast instead of butter. And you put Ketchup in your sandwich instead of mustard. You are not yourself these days!"

Ginny noticed that Hermione was silently wiping her tears off.

"Hermione," said Ginny, "I am sorry if I hurt your-"

"No Ginny!" said Hermione wiping the tears off her eyes. "You are right. I am not myself these days. I became Harry's. I forget myself in his thoughts, and I don't even realize what I do."

Ginny let out a short laugh. "This love thing is so complex than I thought it was. At what time did you start loving Harry anyway?"

"There is a time for everything," said Hermione. "A time for sunrise and a time for sunset. A time for birth and a time for death. But there is no specific time as to when you could fall in love. When you do fall in love, you don't feel anything but love most of the time."

"Hermione," said Ginny, "if you love Harry that much, why don't you just go and tell him?"

"You know one thing Ginny?" said Hermione. "If a guy goes and says 'I Love you' to a girl, people think of it as heroism. And if a girl does the same thing, they term it as Sexual dispossession."

"I know how you feel," said Ginny reassuringly. "Leave it to me. I will tell Harry about you."

"But, will that look good?" said Hermione uncertainly.

"There is a way to deal with everything," said Ginny wisely. "You just relax. In due course of time, I will make Harry revolve around you."

"Thank you Ginny," said Hermione gratefully.

I have to thank you, Hermione, for making it possible for me to get Harry!

-TBC-