At Any Moment II

Severus II

About five o'clock in the evening...

This time tomorrow I shall be sitting in the Leaky Cauldron planning the final arrangements I need to make in order to start living my own life. I'm excited and nervous all in one breath, but I wouldn't swap either sentiment for anything else. I became aware that the Headmaster was indeed back in the castle thanks in no small part to a small alert I had placed on the Gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office. He seemed to have timed his arrival to the end of the Potions N.E.W.T, no doubt assured that I would be busy all afternoon correcting simple mistakes that the same students have continued to make year after year.

Albus isn't pleased with me, though of course he didn't say so as such. He thinks I'm running away from my life here and that I will at some stage shortly realise it. I, of course, told him to bugger off and stop trying to run my life. I also twisted the knife a little further...closer to the heart of the matter by reminding him that I had always done as he requested and that I deserved the chance to have a life of my own. Then, almost as an afterthought, I placed my resignation on the corner of his desk and exited his office without saying another word.

And now the old devil has made me feel guilty...like a Muggle penitent forced to cut short a pilgrimage of dubious origin and face the unpalatable truth that it was a wasted endeavour.

I have no life skills other than teaching and Potions brewing. I know I don't have any other skills. That's why it's time for me to leave and make my own way in the greater world. It was my promise to myself that if I survived Riddle and his compatriots that I would never again shrink from doing something that I wanted to do, no matter how irrational it sounded to others who think they know me well.

After I'd left his office in a foul mood, I went to have a late lunch with Minerva. She, though I've little doubt she would find it hard to believe, has always made me feel better. She talks the problem out in such a way that I usually feel better after her single malt induced banter. We've similar temperaments in a lot of ways. Both of us are quick to anger and find fault, but Minerva has had the benefit of Albus quieting her innate fury, whereas my fury and sense of injustice was merely honed into a tool.

I sound bitter and I am in a roundabout way, but more than that I can see my life slipping past me and I have no real desire to be the longest serving teacher in this school. My reasons for a monastic like seclusion ended the moment Potter eliminated that foul misrepresentation of magic, and I want the chance to do something that I want to do.

I'm whining like a Hufflepuff instead of just getting on with it and finishing my packing, but Minerva wasn't in her office or rooms and I still felt gutted by the realisation that Albus prefers to keep me tethered to him like a faithful puppy, rather than a sentient man who is simply tired of living the same existence day in and day out.

I must say, though, that I'm rather looking forward to the Leaving Feast this evening. I had not thought I would find such simple pleasure in the sure to be stunned students when they realise that their most hated and ridiculed teacher will be decamping with them. Perhaps I could really have fun with the whole situation by letting them all know I shall be leaving on the Hogwarts Express for London and that the little miscreants will not be able to get up to their usual mischief?

They need not know that I will have long since Apparated to London, but still it would be well worth the trouble to take the more tedious exit and ensure I remain foremost in their thoughts for the last eight hours of their academic year.

Once I'd assured myself that Minerva was not in the castle proper or on the grounds, I felt the need to just escape for the last few hours. I felt that the examination papers could wait just a little while and I can finish my final tallying of the scores after dinner. I will miss Hogwarts, of that I have no doubt, but I also know that I've been here far too long and even should I return at some stage, it will be on my terms and not because I have failed in this new adventure. So I made my way swiftly to the gates and past your wards, Arcanus. I Apparated to London and having visited Gringotts briefly, I then left the Leaky Cauldron for Muggle London and started looking for a new home. It didn't matter particularly where I found an apartment, but I still wanted to be close to Diagon Alley in case I ever have the need to seek sanctuary at some potentially low ebb in this new life I shall be carving out for myself.

That makes me sound like a coward, but I am as always a realist and should I find it all too much, at least I would like the luxury of being able to meld back into the familiarity of my own kind, whatever that trite sentiment expresses. I hope that this won't happen, for I can already hear Albus' admonition that he was right and I was wrong. I will give no one the satisfaction of knowing if such an eventuality arrives. As to how I will achieve that, I've no idea, but it's a hypothetical bridge to cross at some unknown point in the future.

I found a light airy apartment this afternoon, almost by chance. I was starting to get tired and aware that I had to back in time for the Leaving Feast or I wouldn't have the pleasure of watching the little buggers choke on their roast beef when news of my departure was announced. The landlady looked askance at me when I asked her inadvertently where I might find the estate agent managing the property. She eyed me warily and I will have to remember that look, for it was one that would have instantly had the most hardened of students confessing their misdemeanours. Anyway, I digress. She asked me why I wanted to know and I. at my most polite given the stupidity of the question, told her that I was looking for an apartment to rent. So she took me up the two flights of stairs, all the while twittering in my ear that I'd find none better so close to 'town', and that there was central heating already installed and double glazing on all the windows.

The view is not so spectacular, but she did assure me that on a clear day I had a view that would never be 'built out'...whatever that means? I enquired on the price and how I might go about occupying her apartment, and just how much I was likely to pay for all the positives she'd listed. Once we'd fixed upon a price, including something called a bond, she said I really didn't need to go near the estate agent, but that she would need references before we could sign the rental agreement.

I really had no idea Muggles could be so anal about mere bricks and mortar. I excused myself pleading the need to use the bathroom and whilst I was 'occupied', I searched my pockets for some suitable paper...for my referees. A lemon sherbet wrapper and a scrap of parchment hastily pushed into my pocket so that I could note down addresses sufficed, and I soon had a recommendation of my character from one Albus Dumbledore and one Minerva McGonagall.

I shall have to remember to tell the pair of them just in case I have picked the only untrained Muggleborn in the whole of Muggle London who can see through my deception. The Muggle police would be easy enough to fool, but I really do not need Aurors on my doorstep charging me with some little known crime of, well, I'm not sure what they'd charge me with, but I know that there would be more than a few of my ex-students who would make sure to be particularly nasty about it all.

With our business concluded, I asked Nancy; the landlady, if I could move in the next day. She thought that a bit soon as I would need to arrange to have the gas, electricity and phone connected or the place would be a 'touch chilly.' So I asked her if I could move in a few of my belongings over the next week until all the necessary services were connected. She assured me that would be fine and that 'I looked like a nice sensible chap who wouldn't trash the place like her last tenant.'

I'm still trying to work out what on earth she was saying half the time, but it seemed positive and I stopped in at the Leaky Cauldron on my way back here to secure a room for the next few days. The last thing I needed was a nosy Muggle wondering just how I managed to get all of my furniture and other belongings into a Muggle apartment on a Saturday morning without any obvious help.

But for the fact that the Leaving Feast starts in a little over an hour, I would plead off and have a quiet dinner in my rooms. The scholastic prizes hold little sway for the seventh years on this their last night of school, but there are the all important decisions regarding the House Cup and the Quidditch Cup to be decided, and I would like to know if someone has managed to wrest the crown from Gryffindor.

I'd best go and get ready for the dinner and I've no doubt Albus will leave the announcement of my departure until the very last moment. He knows me altogether too well!