An Afternoon in May

Part three

When I returned to the common room, Sirius and James were nowhere in sight. Peter was comforting a sobbing girl, Elizabeth, with an arm around her shoulders.

"You changed that pitcher into a rabbit completely. And on your first try! That has to raise your overall score," he reassured her.

She sniffed. "But my potion was too thick and gloppy! I just know I'll fail Potions, and if I fail Potions, my score will fall so low that I won't graduate!"

The girl was so panicked that neither noticed my presence. I slipped away to the boy's dorm unnoticed.

Sirius stood facing the mirror in our dorm, running a brush through his thick hair. James was flailed out on his bed, watching the ceiling with disinterest.

"Uh, hi, how are you two?" I ventured.

Sirius stared steadfastly ahead, the only indication he heard me, his stiffening posture. James rolled on his side, the one facing away from me.

"Apparently you're both still rather upset with me. I understand why, I'm sure I could have gone about it in a better way-"

Sirius huffed in irritated agreement.

"-But I couldn't think of one that would stop you fast enough," I finished.

Finally Sirius faced me, cheeks pink with irritation.

"You could have just let us alone instead of treating us like first years! We're your friends, not your charges!"

I squirmed at his harsh tone.

"I had to stop you. I couldn't have you taking off his pants. It's too much, especially since there were first and second years present. I hated doing it though."

"Ha! I'm sure you loved showing us up," cut in James, sitting up abruptly. "Remus Lupin, the great Prefect. He can control anyone, even his best mates."

It was enough hearing this implication from Severus, but to hear it from James as well pushed me right over the edge.

"I only did it because you were too arrogant to stop when Lily told you to. But no, nothing mattered to you but your vendetta!"

I took a deep breath, composing myself, and decided to ask THE question, just to hear James' side of it.

"Look, I know there's more to this rivalry then you're letting on. You have a reason and it would mean a lot to me if you'd tell me what it is. Don't let me go on thinking you're unreasonably cruel, because I know better." My voice was calm, void of any accusation.

James became anxious, repeatedly glancing over at Sirius, who eventually nodded in return.

"There is a reason for it, but you'd call it immature and stupid," muttered James, anger not yet fully dissipated.

I sat on the bed beside James, ever the caring friend when need be. Or at least I hoped so.

"If it upset you enough for all this, then I won't say a word, Marauders honour."

After a few calming breaths, he spoke.

"It comes from an old, festering wound dating back to first year."

James hugged his legs; his way of assuring he had his personal space. Sirius sat down on James' other side, nearly as uncomfortable about the incident as James.

"At the sorting, Severus-"

"Snivellus," corrected Sirius, snarling at the boy's very name.

"He was being an arse, labelling everyone as either pure or muggleborn."

"Though he didn't use such a polite term," growled Sirius. I gave him a hard look, silently imploring him to let James finish his story.

"When he got to me, he said, he's a pure-blood, but I wouldn't be surprised if his powers had been watered down. Have you noticed those slanted eyes and yellowish skin? He's a filthy half-breed, part gook. Then that Avery kid beside him said I hope that little mongrel isn't in Slytherin."

James fixed his eyes on the bedpost, his jaw clenched.

"I don't think Severus knew I heard him, because when he glanced over and saw me looking, he kind of blushed. He still had this posh expression on his face though, so I doubt he knew I saw that moment of weakness. Still it made it ever so slightly better."

"Had anyone ever said anything like that to you before?" I asked softly. Somewhere in the background I heard the dinner bell but ignored it, along with the others.

"I've had people take the piss out of me for years over it. But no one was ever as cruel about it as Severus. It wasn't just the words that cut through me, but his disgusted tone and expression. He spoke as if I were some filthy, loathsome creature."

"Vile, unctuous vulture." Sirius must have been thrilled; he was always collecting insulting words. He'd been waiting for months for a chance to use 'unctuous'.

James went on to say, "I wasn't naïve enough not to believe I wouldn't be teased about it, but I thought it would at least happen later in the year. I never thought- it didn't even occur to me...not before I'd even been sorted!

"All anyone else did was give me cold looks or make jokes about having tea parties and eating rice all the time- which I don't, of course. But calling me half-breed, like I was another species, no one ever did that!" Sirius considering putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, but decided against it, knowing James was embarrassed enough as it was.

"Half-blood was bad enough, but then he put salt in the wound and called me a gook! Mum came home sobbing once because of someone shouting that at her. She didn't come out of her room until the next day."

James hugged his legs tighter and gnashed his teeth. When he spoke again, I could barely hear him.

"I didn't plan to ever tell anyone, but one day, I don't know why or how, I told Sirius. With his temper I knew he'd be angry instead of pitying me like you or Peter would."

"Actually I already knew about it," murmured a voice. With a shock, I spotted Peter perched on his bed, watching us.

"I heard him when he said it," continued Peter. "I thought it was so cruel! But I never said anything because I didn't think you'd be comfortable with me mentioning it ."

He was addressing James of course.

"You knew the whole time?" exclaimed a gaping Sirius.

Peter nodded, smiling sadly.

"I'm sure Severus must hate himself for it though. How could he not?"

Good question, I wordlessly responded.

"He doesn't. If he did he wouldn't have called Evans- what he did," said a brooding James.

"He was mortified, the last thing he wanted was for someone to rescue him. He was trying to save face, keep his dignity."

I don't know why I said it. I reckoned it was because I believed it would make things better for James.

Not surprisingly, three flabbergasted faces stared at me.

"Hey, it's true! Though I won't deny he's still a smarmy git."

How could I deny it after our talk today?

"Well, nice to know you haven't completely lost all sanity," Sirius quipped.

I grinned; relieved to know I was at least partially forgiven.

"You have to get past this though James," I urged. "It's eating you up inside."

"I don't think I ever could," admitted James. "I mean he sat across from me on the train, perfectly civil, and all the while he was thinking how disgusting I was. Why couldn't he have said what he really thought to my face? He's a hypocrite! I wish I could move on Remus, but I can't, I'm sorry. Every time I see him, I see that look he had on his face when he was talking about me. "

"And why should he have to 'get past this' as you put it?" Sirius interjected. "Snivellus is an oily little worm, he deserves what he gets."

"I don't think this is about him, I think this is about James," speculated Peter.

"Right. If you leave Severus alone you won't see him as often and you won't have to remember."

Something about that statement struck me as cheesy, but what could I do?

Sirius was up on his feet in an instant.

"He has to pay for what he said to James! He can't get away with treating people like that!"

Tired out by both this day and this argument, I ran a hand over my forehead, brushing aside an ash blond shock of hair.

"But Sirius, he's been paying for years and it hasn't changed him a bit. There's no point to it."

"Except that it's fun to watch," said Peter. The others smirked at this.

I brought the discussion back on track, hoping to get my point across so we could move on.

"It only makes him hate you more, which means his bigotry will only get worse."

"Yeah but-"

The door burst open, cutting short James, with our flatmate Edmond and his friend, a sixth year named Frankie. They were laughing over something as Edmond hurried over and pulled out a box out from under his bed.

"Hey, where were you four at dinner? You've only got fifteen more minutes until it's over," posed Frank, flopping down in the middle of Edmond's bed.

"We needed some time to rant about those bloody OWL exams to each other," Sirius boldly lied.

Judging by the fact that Edmond had dumped out the entire contents of the box and he and Frankie were riffling through it, I got the feeling they wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

"Oy, those are hell, aren't they," Frankie empathized.

The mood was broken. We all felt rather awkward, having to abruptly change tones the way we did.

"Just think about what I said earlier," I muttered to James, hopping off the bed.

"Well, I'm going to get something to eat so I don't have to go to the kitchens later, who's with me?"

James chucked, standing up. "Oh Peter, you just want to avoid the kitchens because you're scared of Winky and her declarations of undying affection for you."

Laughter filled the room and Peter flushed.

"I am not, I just don't want to wait that long to eat, that's all!"

"Whatever you say, Mister Petie," teased Sirius. He ran a brush through his hair one last time before walking out of the room.

Peter followed and I heard him mumble, almost imperceptibly, "At least she doesn't call me Mister's Siri friend."

The peaceful stillness of night had befallen the dorm room; the only sounds a whispered, giggle filled conversation between Sirius and James as they sat reading That's No Roast, That's My Wife! A Collection of Transfiguration Mishaps, and the even breathing of Peter and Edmond, both sound asleep.

I too was tired, but I found I was far too restless to get any sleep just yet. Yawning, I wandered out of the room and down to the common room, having no idea what I planned to do down there. My eyes settled on a desk in the corner, filled with the usual parchment and supplies.

As I stood staring at the desk, an idea came to mind. I went over, pulling out a quill, ink parchment and envelope. Allowing myself a moment to ponder my words I dipped my quill in the blue ink (blue was my favourite colour, I never used black ink unless forced), I began to write.

Dear Andrew,

Hi stranger, how on earth are you? I don't think we've talked for nearly eight years. Your mum would likely kill me if she knew I was writing you, but it's worth the risk.

How is school? Unless I'm mistaken you'd be at Greystone, wouldn't you? Is it true that they make you starch your shirts and trousers? I hope not, that sounds itchy.

As for me, I'm at a boarding school out in Scotland. It's nice here; we're in this huge castle.

Much to my surprise I have three best friends here. Believe it or not, they know all about you-know-what, and they accepted it as well as you did.

It's very late at night as I write this, and I'm too tired to think of much else to say, so I'll close this letter. But before I do, I have to tell you how much your support has meant to me. I was a monster in your mother's eyes, and little more in your father's, but to you I was always just Remus. Thank you for your friendship and acceptance. If it hadn't been for you, I'd have never been able to trust anyone with my secret again.

Forever your friend,

Remus J. Lupin

Smiling at the memory of my first best friend, I slid the letter into the envelope and addressed it.

Letter in hand, I strode out of the common room to quickly mail my letter.

The good thing about owls, I pondered as I walked, was that they listened to you. If you asked them to give the letter to no one but the recipient, they complied.

"Take that Mrs. Barnhill! Your son will get this letter whether you like it or not," I triumphantly announced to the empty corridor.

The End