An Afternoon in May

Part two

The rest of the afternoon I dedicated to my tests. I didn't dare look at James or the others at any point during this period, both furious at them and afraid they were furious at me.

When exams were finally over, I took off for the lake, putting off 'the talk' with my mates for as long as possible.

When I reached the lake, I peeled off socks and shoes, immersing my feet in the chilly water. It was cooler than expected, but I quickly adjusted.

As blokes were rolling up trouser cuffs and taking off shirts left and right, I followed suit, using the shirt as a pillow behind my hands as I lay down in the sand.

Where did James' anger stem from, I found myself pondering. I'd sat with he and Severus on the train at the beginning of first year and they'd been fine. Granted James had been a little uncomfortable with Severus' reading material, The World's Most Dangerous Curses, but he'd shown no hostility towards him. Nor had Severus towards James. All he'd done most of the trip was read while James chattered away to me about anything and everything.

Things had gone well, yet all through dinner that night, James had been fairly quiet, picking at his food and shooting daggers at Severus. It could have been because Severus made Slytherin, perhaps, but that was to be expected. After all, one of the rare things he'd said on the train was that he was mostly a Slytherin at heart, and that it would likely suit him better than his other choice, Ravenclaw.

It was odd, all of it. It wasn't like James to hurt someone for no reason. I was sure I must've been missing an important piece of the puzzle.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and allowed the breeze to wash over me. I wouldn't let myself mull this over anymore. No, I was going to let the lapping of the water lull me to sleep.

It was quite some time later when I came back to reality, sweaty, itchy, and most likely sunburned. I turned my body away from the sun and owlishly opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was a pair of inky black orbs staring back at me from a few metres away. I jolted with shock and Severus quickly looked back at the pad of paper in his hands in response. I pretended this moment and the one earlier had never happened.

Lightly, I commented, "I can't believe I fell asleep with my feet in the water! My toes must look horrid!"

Severus glanced up, made a non-committal sound, and pulled a page over the spiral rings.

I occupied myself by hoisting up on my elbows and examining my waterlogged feet.

"I was right, they're prunes! Pale prunes at that."

Why was I talking? Why did I feel I had to say something?

"It's nice weather today, isn't it? It's much cooler than it was earlier-"

Oh not good at all, earlier was what I wanted to avoid mentioning. Quickly I brought things back on safe territory.

"I shouldn't have let myself fall asleep though. Now I'm pink as a lobster on the front and white as Dumbledore's beard on the back."

I sounded like an idiot! I should have kept quiet, this was almost worse than the silence. But 'The Incident' troll was dressed in lime and orange polka dots and prancing between us. I guess I thought that if I kept prattling on, Severus might not notice him.

"Either shut up or quit skirting around it," growled Severus. Yup, he noticed the troll. Oh well, it was worth a try.

"Sorry Severus. It's just that it's...quite awkward. I felt as uncomfortable as you did, and stupid and futile though it is, I want to pretend it never happened, take the easy way out."

"That's what you should have done earlier instead of playing the big hero," he snapped.

I smoothed out the wrinkles in my shirt with painful slowness.

"I didn't want that. You're very capable, very good at handling yourself under pressure. You may've been able to get yourself out of the situation. But I did it mostly because I couldn't stand watching it. It was tasteless, and if I hadn't stopped it, I'd have been in heaps of trouble with McGonagall."

I hadn't even remembered that until then. But I'm glad I did, it sounded like a plausible reason.

"You stopped it because it made you uncomfortable. It had nothing to do with me or with McGonagall. You wanted it to end, so you used that posh badge to do it."

What was sickening was that Severus was right. It wasn't just because it was hurting him, but because it disturbed me watching him hurt.

"Whatever the reason, it worked. It's over and we can move on."

The boy studied me so intently that I had to look away.

"It really is that simple for you, isn't it Remus? You'll shrug your shoulders, have a long talk with your little friends, and all will be right with the world. Close your eyes and it goes away, that's your motto," Severus' voice quivered with controlled fury.

I didn't know how we'd gotten to this moment, but I wanted to get out as soon as possible.

"That was a bad choice of words," I acknowledged. "What I meant was that it's an event that already happened and everyone will soon get bored talking about it and forget in time."

"I never will," Severus gritted out. "You do not know me, therefore you've no idea how it was for me. Some things can never be forgotten, nor forgiven."

He must have been drawing, because he kept slashing at his paper with a stick of charcoal.

There was nothing I could say to follow up an admission like that, so I switched approaches.

"You intimidate them. You don't fit the social norm, the typical easygoing, flirtatious, careless student. You're intense, driven, cynical and you love what they fear. You're what they could be, what a part of them wants but the larger part fears.

"You aren't ordinary and simple to figure out, so you make them nervous. They laugh because it pushes you away from them. They can't handle what you represent to them; their own lost potential. "

Did I just get philosophical? How unusual, this wasn't the type of thing I did unless I couldn't sleep or lay awake thinking. Why did I voice this? And was it even true? I wasn't sure.

Severus studied me again, and this time I met his intense stare. He seemed to actually ponder my words.

"Odd that you'd end up befriending those idiots. You're very unlike them in your thinking. And you speak as if you can relate to my...situation."

Little did Severus know how right he was. I knew first hand how people treated someone they considered 'dark'. I didn't let any of this show on my face.

"People act one of two ways when someone unnerves them; they either scare the person away by taunting them, or shun them and get others to do the same. The second one is easier."

It still hurt though. I recalled when I was eight and told my best friend Andrew about my condition against my parents' wishes. When he realized I was being honest, he was shocked, but he still cared about me. When his mother found out, she told me never to come near her family or any of Andrew's friends. Then she slammed the door in my face.

I slid on my shirt, giving myself the reason to avoid facing Severus.

"It is," he agreed. "At least that way they leave you the hell alone. Nothing irritates me more than being pestered."

A bit abashed, having done just that earlier, I reverted back to what I'd said.

"James isn't the type to do either. He'd never hurt anyone without a reason, as far as I know. I'm not sure what that might be, but I know there has to be one, something beyond your making him uneasy."

Folding my tie into my pocket, I joined Severus under the tree, sitting cross-legged a short distance away from him.

"Do you know what happened," I pushed. "You two got on fine when you first met, but by the feast he seemed to loathe you. Was there an argument with you two somewhere between the arrival and then?"

Severus stared out over the lake, taking a moment before replying.

"He may have heard me," he speculated.

"Really," I posed, encouraging him to continue.

"I was discussing heritage with a few people and I told them James was a pure-blooded wizard, but a half-blooded gook," explained Severus nonchalantly.

He was completely unconcerned, as if there wasn't a scrap of guilt about his words. There might not have been.

"Why would you say something that cruel? He didn't give you any reason!"

Severus shrugged, returning to his sketching. I wanted to rip the book out of his skinny little fingers.

"It was the truth. At his age he should have been able to handle it, babied and coddled though he was."

Petty jealousy? Was that all this was? I didn't know why, but I'd thought better of him than that.

"He may have been a bit sheltered, but that was no reason to insult him. It made you look so childish resorting to that.

"Oh, and not that you'd care, but he's not half gook, as you so nicely put it, he's half Japanese."

"As if there's a difference," scoffed Severus. "He's still a mongrel."

"I'd be amazed to find someone who wasn't," I fired back. "Everyone has relatives from different cultures, including you."

"Nothing bizarre looking enough that it would ruin our gene pool. We'd sooner mate with house elves or mudbloods."

"Gee, I love how you lumped muggleborns and house elves together as if they're the same," I said, an edge to my words.

"I apologise."

My eyebrows rose so high they about got lost in my hairline.

"House elves at least serve a good purpose."

The smile was saccharine and I wanted to slap it off his smirking mug.

"Yes, which is why it would be nice for you to spend more time with them, maybe you could, eventually, serve a good purpose as well."

With that I stood up, grabbed up my shoes and socks from the lake's edge.

"Don't you dare walk out on me you twerp," he roared. He didn't bother to come after me, I noted.

I picked up my bag with my free hand and strode off, leaving a steaming Slytherin in my wake.

End of part two