A Boy and His Dog

To anyone looking in through one of the grimy little windows of the shack, the scene might have seemed unusual. A thin boy, 15 years of age, was lying on the wooden floor, dust settling over him as the first rays of sun began to permeate the the dark room. The boy appeared to be asleep, or possibly passed out, but was clearly alive.

Near his head lay a large black dog, its fur matted with cobwebs and blood. The dog rested his head on his large front paws, gazing at the boy and giving his face an occasional lick. To one side of the young man stood a stag--young but with a respectable set of antlers nonetheless. The deer pawed at the ground, looking out of the windows, apparently impatient. The third animal in the shack was easier to miss--a gray rat that sat on the boy's chest, sniffing the air and occasionally licking a paw.

The young man on the floor began to stir, causing the rat to scurry off of him to avoid injury. "Fellows?" he said, sitting up. "Are we all done now? Is it over?" He looked around at the animals and chuckled. "Why haven't you transformed?"

The stag responded to this question by rapidly and smoothly morphing into the form of a boy of the same age. He ruffled his short, dark hair and adjusted his glasses over his nose. "There," he said. "All better now. You OK, Remus?"

The young man on the floor rose to his feet and looked over his arms and clothes for any damage. He found several bad cuts. "I guess I'm OK," he muttered. "The usual scratches and bumps. Nothing really bad happened, did it? No one got hurt?"

James Potter laughed. "Moony, my friend, we've become experts at keeping you under wraps. You're no longer a danger to yourself or others." He slapped his friend on the back. "But boy, do you hate it. You should see yourself one of these days."

Remus Lupin's eyes widened, and he looked down at the floor. "I'd really rather not," he said quietly. He glanced at the rat and dog quizzically. "Um, guys? Human form? Hello?"

The rat changed into a boy, shorter than the others, round-faced and agreeable-looking. "OK, there," he said. Peter Pettigrew glanced down at the splintered floor he had been sitting on in rat form. "I love the heightened senses, but it's still a real pain in the ass being a rat."

Remus smiled. "Well, at least you can control it. And it's not like you have to live that way or anything. Once a month for one night? I think you'll live."

James was leaning on a windowsill, still messing up his hair and trying to assume what he thought (accurately) was a sexy pose. "Let's get out of here. Breakfast is starting soon. We might want to come down from our dorms, you know? Make it look like we've been asleep in our beds all night instead of defending the populace from a deranged monster?" His eyes glittered, and Remus frowned.

James, Remus, and Peter headed for the door. The large black dog bounded along behind them, keeping in step with Remus and looking up at him happily as if to say, "Pet me." Remus glanced down at the dog and frowned. "Oh, come off it. You can't go to class looking like that." But the dog remained a dog, and the four of them trudged up to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, blinking sleepily in the morning sun.

***

Breakfast was the usual affair: mounds of food appeared before the young men, the fourth having now assumed his human form--a rebellious boy with long dark hair and a mischevious look in his eyes, a boy who would not have looked out of place at a rock concert if it were not for his green-and-gold-trimmed school robes.

Remus took a sip of orange juice and began to wolf down eggs and bacon, starved from the previous night's exercise in the cabin.

"You have a nasty little cut there," said Sirius Black, looking at Remus's right hand. Remus glanced at it and shrugged. Sirius frowned and returned to eating his breakfast.

James watched the two of them then turned to his right to catch the eye of a young woman a few seats down from him. "Lily, hey!" he said, flashing his teeth. "Did you finish your homework?"

The girl glared at him and tossed her long red hair over her shoulder. "You're not copying off me, James Potter," she said curtly. "Maybe you should bug your friend there." She gestured at Remus with her fork. "He actually bothers to do his work."

James stuck out his tongue at her and winked. "But you have such pretty handwriting," he said, and turned to look at Remus. "Mooooony," he pleaded in a whining voice. He laughed. "Did you do your homework last night?"

Remus glared at him and grinned. "Why yes, you silly boy. Don't you remember seeing me in the common room working on it? You must be blind." The two of them laughed. Remus broke off and shrugged. "I knew what was coming," he said quietly. "I'm not an idiot. I did it the day before."

James raised an eyebrow hopefully. "Well?"

Remus laughed. "Well, OK, but just this once."

Sirius watched the exchange, a piece of toast still uneaten in his hand. "Cheating is wrong," he said in a voice mimicking a teacher's, but he chuckled. He glanced at Peter, who was shifting the food around on his plate with his fork. "Look at Peter. He's done all of his work. Haven't you, sweetie?" He laughed again, and Peter smiled.

The young men finished their breakfasts and rose from the table, gathering their books and heading for their first class. James spied Lily up ahead and moved up closer to her.

"Sirius, can I ask you something?" Remus asked as they wound their way through throngs of students.

"What was that?" Sirius asked, missing some of the sentence over the sounds of his fellow students.

Remus looked at him and shrugged. The young men made their way to Potions.

***

Potions was not their best subject. In fact, the only student who consistently made excellent grades was one they all passionately disliked: a greasy-haired, beak-nosed Slytherin named Severus Snape.

"Ewwww, look," muttered James. "I think the grease from his hair is dripping into his cauldron."

Sirius and Peter laughed as loudly as they dared, glancing at the professor's desk. "Maybe that's his trick to making his potions work so well," Sirius said. They chuckled again.

Remus, meanwhile, was concentrating on the contents of his cauldron, counting the number of times he stirred it under his breath. "Shush up," he hissed. The others looked affronted, but they went back to chopping ingredients, snickering occasionally as James sent pieces of mugwort across the room towards Snape.

"You're so serious," Sirius said to Remus as the bell rang.

"Look who's talking," his friend replied, hoping he got the pun, and they chuckled.

The four young men were silent for a minute as they walked through the corridor. "Hey, what was it you were trying to tell me before we went into class?" Sirius said, glancing at Remus. "I couldn't hear you."

Remus shrugged. "Oh, it doesn't matter," he said, and they made their way to Charms.

After the last class of the day, the four of them decided to sit outside on the grass. They reached one of their favorite spots a short distance from the lake. James immediately lay down under the tall oak tree, stretching and closing his eyes. Peter sat next to him and absentmindedly picked blades of grass. Sirius sat facing the lake, hugging his knees, and Remus curled up in the sun with his Transfiguration textbook.

"We've got way too much homework," Sirius said to no one in particular as he watched some first-years pointing excitedly at the enormous tentacles of the giant squid in the lake.

"And are you planning to do it?" Remus asked, glancing up and then looking back at his book.

"Hey," said Sirius. "I do my homework. It's James who cheats."

James sat up. "Oh, one time," he said, glaring.

"One time today," Sirius replied.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were my mother," said his friend, ruffling his hair.

Sirius was silent. "James," he began, and stopped. Then he got up and moved closer. "I'm not trying to nag you, man. I hate homework as much as anyone." Remus smirked. "It's just that, well, you're a smart guy and a great Quidditch player, and you keep talking about how you want to be an Auror after school, and I want you to become one, man," he said, slightly flustered. "You're a great wizard. I just don't want to see you lose that chance is all." He looked at the ground.

James said nothing for a while, watching Lily Evans and her girlfriends giggling on the other side of the lake. "I know," he muttered. "And it's not like I never study or do homework. I don't make really bad grades or anything. I always manage to pull through in the end. It's... it's my charm or something." He laughed. "You've seen it happen before. I can blow off school occasionally and still do fine. I just can't bury my head in a book all day. It's not my way." He looked at Remus, who rolled his eyes and shut his textbook.

Sirius laughed. "I love you, man!" he exclaimed, grabbing James in a giant bear hug that knocked him to the ground.

"Get off me!" James cried, trying to push him off but finding himself weakened by his own hysterical laughter. He struggled for a moment, then Sirius finally climbed off and lay on the ground beside him, panting and laughing.

"You two are insane," Remus said.

"He's jealous!" cried Sirius, and leaped on Remus, pinning him down on the grass. Remus fought back but was not strong enough to push the other boy off of him. Sirius finally relented and got to his feet, holding out his hand to help Remus up.

Remus took it and let Sirius pull him to his feet. He looked himself over for grass and dirt and picked up his books. "I think dinner's starting soon," he commented.

"Thank goodness. I'm starved!" James replied. "Peter, you coming?" he asked.

Peter grinned. "Yeah, I could use some food in me." He looked at Sirius. "You're such a crazy guy," he said, looking at him with mild admiration.

Sirius waved his hand. "Aw, it's nothing," he replied.

"Oh look, they seem to have stopped snogging now," said a girl's voice behind him. The four looked to see Lily and two of her friends standing there, holding their books and giggling.

James turned beet-red. "We weren't snogging, we were rough-housing!" he said, wild-eyed. "Hey, wait up!" he called as the girls began walking off. "Lily, you know I only have eyes for you." He moved off with them, frantically trying to convince Lily of his heterosexuality.

"He seems to be leaving us for her a lot lately," Peter commented.

Sirius shrugged. "Love," he said. "He's under its spell."

"Wish I had a girlfriend," Peter sighed.

"Well, is there anyone you like?" Remus asked. Peter's face turned pink, and Remus's eyes lit up. "Oooooh! Who is it?"

"Never you mind," Peter replied, hurrying off to the castle, still blushing. The others watched him go and laughed.

"Men get so silly over girls," Sirius said.

"I don't see you getting silly over girls," Remus said. "In fact, a minute ago, you seemed to be getting silly over boys."

Sirius stopped and turned to look at him. "Careful, man. I was just playing around."

Remus shrugged and started walking again. Sirius waited for a second but soon caught up to him. They walked in a silence for a minute.

"I was kidding, you know," Remus said.

"I know," replied his friend.

They walked a little farther, then Remus stopped. "Sirius, why don't you change back to human form right after my, um, illness has run its course? Why do you come back still as a dog?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Is this what you wanted to ask me?" he asked. Remus nodded. Sirius was silent, looking at the ground. He shrugged. "It's fun, I guess," he said.

"Oh," Remus said. "OK then." He started walking again, but Sirius remained where he was. Remus noticed this and stopped. His friend seemed to be about to say something but seemed to be having trouble getting it out.

"Do you want me to change back immediately then?" Sirius asked.

"Well, if you're happy, it's not my place to tell you anything," Remus said. "It's just that you're hard to talk to as a dog."

Sirius looked down. "Let's drop this," he said and started walking again. Remus paused, confused, but followed him into the castle.

***

Why on earth is it so hard for him to talk about? Remus thought to himself as he watched Sirius writing 12 inches of parchment on the Goblin Wars that evening in the Gryffindor common room. It's a simple question. Ah, but then why did I have such a hard time asking him? Why is it even a big deal to me? He eyed his friend's tousled hair. Sometimes he looks like Snuffles, he thought. He's kind of scruffy but loveable. He chuckled to himself but stopped abruptly. Um... What the heck was that?

Sirius was looking at him now from over his homework, his attention aroused by Remus's inner amusement. "Moony?" he said. "Um, you chuckled."

Remus blushed. "Sorry. I was just thinking of this morning, of James and Severus," he said hastily.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh," he said. He looked at his homework and then back at Remus. "Why did you want to know about my, you know, form?" he asked, glancing at the other students in the common room. "Does it really bother you?"

Remus looked surprised. "No, of course not. I was just wondering. You seem so happy. I suppose I should have just realized that that was exactly why you stayed that way. It just seems like you have some kind of motive is all."

His friend put his parchment and quill down on the table. "Motive?"

"Well, I mean..." Remus became flustered. "I mean, you walk alongside me, looking at me like you want me to pet you. You're not chasing birds or anything. You're... well, it's like you're my dog," he ended lamely.

Sirius was silent, staring at the table and taking swigs of butterbeer. He was quiet for so long that Remus began to think he had made some terrible mistake, and he picked up his books. "Where are you going?" Sirius asked, his voice a half-growl. Remus put them down again. "I'm just trying to think what to say."

Remus waited patiently and nervously. What on earth could be so dire that his friend could not tell him?

Sirius got up from his armchair and joined Remus on the sofa, bringing a few butterbeers with him. He held one out to Remus, who took it. "I told you earlier that I enjoyed my form," he said. "And I do. But specifically, I enjoy being a dog for you, when you, you know..." He took a long drink.

"So you are trying to be my dog?" asked Remus, confused.

Sirius looked as if he were about to argue with him but stopped and lowered his shoulders dejectedly. "In a way, I suppose I am." Remus was silent, unable to think of a suitable reply. "Remus, you know what happens to you when you get like that. You know how painful the transformation is. You know what you become and what you deal with every month of your life. I hardly need to tell you any of that. And I know you have it the hardest of any of us, having that hanging over your head." He paused. "But it's hard for me, too, in its own way. It's hard for me to watch you suffer, to watch your face contort in pain, to watch your body change into something... well, something like that. To see a guy I know, who's smart and nice, become..." He broke off.

Remus was taken aback. "I didn't realize..."

"No, I suppose not," Sirius muttered.

"I mean, I've always been so grateful to you guys for helping me. I wish I could repay you. Every morning when I open my eyes and see the sunlight and see all of you waiting, watching... when I know that you're all alive and well, and there's no blood on my hands. I mean, there's no way I could ever repay what you do for me. I lie there and wish with all my might that there was a way to thank you. I'd probably be in St. Mungo's or some horrible place if it weren't for you, responsible for the deaths of innocent people." He stopped; he had gone pale.

Sirius put his hand over Remus's gently. "Remus, you don't have to repay us. We do it because you're our friend, because we care about you. You know that you would help any of us if we needed it."

Remus sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"When I'm in my dog form, Remus, I act on things I would never act on as a human. It's like I can let my guard down and just... be there for you." Remus looked at him and was surprised to see his friend's eyes glistening. "I fight you while you're transformed, as viciously as I'd fight anything, you know, dangerous." He coughed. "But I do it for your own sake and the sake of all those people..." He stopped again. "But when you're lying there, scratched and bleeding and worn out, having gone through something that must be horrible for you, I just... I don't know, it's weird. I become the dog I am for a while. And when you get up and are fine, I'm so happy to see that you've made it through another night."

Remus was trying to take all of this in, staring at the bubbles rising in his drink but not really seeing them. "So, do you want me to pet you?"

Sirius's eyes bulged. "Right now?" he exclaimed.

Remus laughed, grateful for the release of tension. "When you're a dog, silly!"

Sirius smirked. "If you want to," he muttered, his cheeks turning pink.

Remus felt his own cheeks turn warm. "Maybe we should go to bed," he said hastily, getting up.

"Yes, bed," Sirius said, taking up his own things.

The two boys walked up to their dorm in silence.

***

The next full moon had come. Remus was moody and flustered all day, already feeling its pull on him. He picked at his dinner, trying to avoid the eyes of his friends.

James had dragged Lily over to sit with them, and they were all talking animatedly about Peter's most recent flub in Charms. "Did you see it?" exclaimed James. "It ran right over and bit Professor Flitwick right in the bum!" They all laughed. Professor Flitwick was eyeing them from the staff table, frowning.

"Hey, Moony, what's wrong?" Lily asked, noticing Remus staring at his plate.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Oh, it's just hormones," joked Peter. They all laughed, and he seemed pleased with himself, rising up another inch.

It's coming, it's coming... was all Remus could think. He noticed Sirius watching him, his eyes full of motherly concern. He gave him a little scowl. "I'm OK," he said tersely, and got up from the table. "I'll see you guys back in the common room," he said, knowing full well that that was not where he would next see his friends.

Remus reached into his schoolbag when he reached the corridor. Making sure no one was looking, he pulled out a silvery robe and draped it over himself. His entire body became invisible. He headed for the doors and trudged out across the field, staring up at the moon occasionally, headed straight for the Dark Forest. He sat down on the grass, hoping the others would come soon. Without Peter, he could not get into his hiding place. He watched the castle, hating the way it looked in the moonlight, hating the way everything looked in the moonlight.

After a few minutes, he saw his friends heading towards him in their animagi forms. He sighed a breath of relief as he was beginning to wonder what had happened to them. James transformed back into a human as they neared him. "You shouldn't have run off," he said.

Remus just stared at the moon then back at the huge tree nearby. "It's coming," he whispered.

Peter, the biggest coward of the group, scurried off as fast as he could to the tree, his tiny form easily missing the swinging branches of the Whomping Willow. He pressed a switch set in the base of the trunk, and the branches went still. He squeaked at his friends to hurry up, but none of them knew what he said.

The four of them made their way down the tunnel and into the shack. James transformed into a stag again. Remus was standing by the table, his breath coming in shallow gasps.

For some reason, his transformation in the shack always embarrassed him, as if his friends were bearing witness to something very personal. He turned his back to them as his skin began to sprout long hairs and his nails shot out into long, gnarled claws. He was beginning to lose himself, as if he were falling asleep, but he still felt the agony of the change. It stretched him to his physical limits over and over, his skin pulling as his face elongated and his nose became wolflike. He made low, guttural noises, unable to scream through his distorted vocal cords. As the last of his human mind drifted away, he thought he could hear a soft panting sound nearby. Sirius... was his last sentient thought before he became a monster.

***

Hours later, he awoke, his human mind returning slowly and his body stiff and sore. He moved to sit up and felt a searing pain. It was then that he realized he was no longer in the shack.

Panic descended upon him as he looked around feverishly for his friends... or bodies. He was lying in a small copse of trees. The sun was rising on the horizon, and the birds were chirping in the morning air. The peaceful scene was greatly at odds with the way he felt and what he had become, and for once, he hated the morning light.

"Sirius? James?" he said weakly, but there was no answer. Oh god, they're dead. His heart sank into his stomach.

"Remus?" came James's voice from somewhere nearby.

"James?"

"He's awake. I'll go see to him," he heard James say, and his friend came through the brambles towards him, looking tired and dirty but thankfully unharmed.

"What happened?" cried Remus. "Where's Sirius? And Peter? Where are we?" He was beginning to shout.

James kneeled down beside him and looked down at the large gash across his stomach that was oozing thick, dark blood. "They're fine," he muttered. "Good god, what are we going to do? We can't go to Madam Pomfrey," he said, lifting Remus's shirt to get a better look.

"James?" Remus's voice was high-pitched and terrified.

James looked at him, not smiling. "You were in a particularly nasty mood last night," he said. "You managed to get past us somehow. You broke the barricade on the door. You got out."

Remus looked horrified. "Did I...? Is anyone...?"

James shook his head. "No one was killed," he said. "But Sirius is in worse shape than you. He fought you like a maniac, desperate to keep you from escaping. And you fought back. He brought you down eventually," he said, looking at the wound again.

"I want to see him," said Remus, rising to his feet, grimacing in pain.

"Lie down!" James ordered, but Remus was not listening. He stood up and shuffled into the brambles, his face pale and sweaty. Sirius was not far away. He lay on the grass, bleeding from several deep wounds. His face was scratched, his shirt was torn, and he was even more pale than Remus.

"Sirius!" he cried, staggering towards him. He collapsed on his knees beside him. Without thinking, he began to stroke his friend's hair gently.

Sirius smiled wanly and chuckled. He looked at the gash in Remus's stomach and tried to sit up, worried and anxious to help his friend, but he fell back down again. "I'm sorry," he said.

"You're sorry?" cried Remus. "You? Look what I did! Look..." he broke off, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He struggled to his feet again and walked away into the trees, limping from the pain he experienced with every step.

"Remus!" said Sirius, watching him.

"Leave him," said James, kneeling down beside him again. "But he's hurt!"

"Yes, and so are you, you great ninny!" scolded James. "Maybe I can... Maybe I know a spell." He seemed uncertain. "Well, something to keep you going until we can think of something better." He pointed his wand at Sirius's worst injury and muttered an incantation. The skin closed slowly over the wound. "Hmm. Actually, that worked better than I'd hoped," said James.

He spent several minutes patching his friend up as best as he could, glad that he had learned some simple healing spells in preparation for their monthly battles. Soon, Sirius was well enough to struggle to his feet. "We have to find Remus," he said. "He could be dying!"

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic," James replied, but he ambled off slowly in the direction Remus had walked. He found him soon enough, curled up on the ground and grunting with every breath. "Here, let me patch you up a little."

"No, I don't deserve it," Remus replied.

"Shut up," James said coldly. He cast the spell a few times and walked away without a word. "Let's go," he muttered to Sirius, then stopped. "Where's Peter?" In response, the rat emerged from under the bramble and transformed. "Thanks for helping," James said sarcastically, and headed for the castle without looking back.

Peter looked to James and back at Sirius. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'm a big scaredy-cat. I'm no good to you guys for this." He hung his head.

"It's OK," Sirius said half-heartedly.

Peter turned and walked back to the castle himself.

Sirius glanced around but saw no sign of Remus in the woods. "Remus?" he called. He shuffled off into the trees, wincing slightly, and found Remus still lying on the ground, healed but unmoving. "Remus, are you OK?" He looked frightened.

Remus glanced up at him, then looked away. "I'm fine. Go back. Class will start soon."

Sirius did not move. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Then stay. Just watch your back. I might try to kill you again."

Sirius moved closer to Remus and sat down next to him. "No, you won't," he said.

"I tried to last night!"

"No, you didn't," Sirius replied.

Remus looked at his friend's injuries. "What are those, then? Love bites?" He immediately turned pink, or as pink as he could given his blood loss.

Sirius sighed and moved even closer, putting an arm around his friend's curled-up head. "If you'd wanted to kill me, you would have. You had plenty of opportunities. I left myself wide open several times for you to strike a death blow. But you didn't. You're still in there when we're with you, even if you don't know it consciously. That's partly why we do it, to protect others but also to keep you as human as possible."

Remus was silent. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling the tears come again. He turned his head away.

Sirius glanced down at him. "Don't turn away," he said, pulling Remus's face towards his.

Remus fought the tears as hard as he could. "I don't want you to see."

Sirius frowned and moved his hand away. "I apologize. I know you don't want us to see you change. And now you don't want me to see you cry. So I won't." He turned so that he was sitting facing the other direction.

A moment later, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Remus, whose face was wet with tears. He slipped an arm around his shoulders and sat with him in silence for a few minutes. "You really don't need to be embarrassed," he finally said. "It's not your fault you change. It's like some terrible disease that you've gotten, and no one can cure you. But it's not your fault. You didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"It was my fault," Remus replied softly. "I shouldn't have gone out. Mum told me not to. She knew the woods were dangerous. But I did. If they hadn't saved me..."

Sirius turned to look at him. "You've never told me this," he said.

"You never asked." Remus grinned.

"Moony, you were a little kid. How were you to know? You can't blame yourself. Lord knows I've done lots of stupid things in my life. I couldn't live if I couldn't live with myself."

Remus dried his eyes on his sleeve. "I know. Some part of my brain keeps telling me it's not my fault, but some other part of me tells me it is, that I got myself into this. If you knew how I felt when I woke up to find myself in the woods like that and no one around. If you knew what it felt like to think for just a moment that I'd killed my only friends in the world."

Sirius grabbed Remus in a tight bear hug. "It's OK, man. We'll do better next time. We let you down." He saw Remus about to protest. "It's not your fault what you do when you're a werewolf. We still have our... minds. And we swore to you that we'd protect you and others. It's our responsibility, not yours." Remus tried to speak, but he stopped him again. " Not... yours... " he growled. He felt Remus's tense body relax under his arms. "You petted me," he said, smiling.

Remus chuckled. "I suppose I did. I was worried."

"Now you know how I feel when I see you lying there. I worry. I care about you."

Remus was silent for a moment. "Um, Sirius? I don't know if you feel like it right now, given your injuries, but could you, you know... change?" He blushed.

Sirius's eyes twinkled. "Sure," he said. His body changed so quickly Remus felt that he would have missed it if he had blinked. In front of him now stood a large black dog, panting, its fur matted with blood.

"Hi, Snuffles," said Remus, grinning. He scratched Sirius behind the ears. Sirius's tongue lolled out of his mouth happily, and he danced around as best he could in his condition. "Are you hurt, boy?" Remus said. He felt very silly suddenly and turned red, but Sirius seemed to be enjoying himself. "Come here," he said, sitting crosslegged with his back against the nearest tree. Sirius moved closer and lay his head in Remus's lap. "Good boy," he said, and chuckled to himself.

The two friends sat like that for an hour and fell asleep in the warm sun.

"What the hell?"

Remus's eyes snapped open. James was standing over him. Peter was standing at his side. Both of them were looking down at Remus and Sirius, unsure whether to laugh or scream. Remus looked down and saw Snuffles still resting on his lap, his big red eyes pointed at James. He seemed to be laughing.

"A boy and his dog," muttered James. "Well, I never. You know, we were worrying what had become of you. I figured you were still out here feeling sorry for yourselves, although Peter thought maybe you were injured worse than I'd thought." He shrugged. "'Nah, I said to him. They're OK. They're just playing hooky.' Looks like I was right."

Snuffles got off Remus's lap and danced around James as if he wanted James to throw him a ball.

"You're a nutter," James said, laughing. "Well, it'll be lunchtime soon. We're skipping class, of course." He winked. "You two should come and eat. In human form, of course." He looked at the dog. Sirius remained unchanged, however. "OK, come as a dog if you want. I'm sure no one will question it or anything." He rolled his eyes. "What are you two doing out here?"

"We were just talking," said Remus.

***

That night, the four young men were seated in the common room, ignoring their homework and instead talking about the events of the previous night, which now seemed exciting.

"Remus, you should have seen the way he jumped you," Peter said. "It was a magnificent leap!" Remus smiled.

"Yeah, he finished you off pretty quickly," said James, laughing. He stopped suddenly and looked at them. "I want to apologize for the way I was acting this morning. I know it's not your fault, Remus, but I was just so angry and frustrated. We tried so hard to stop you, but there we were anyway, badly hurt and out in the woods. I was mad at myself for not doing enough. I was mad at you, but I guess really I was mad at your condition."

Remus looked down. "I'm sorry," he said.

"It's not your fault."

"No," added Sirius. "I'm just not sure myself whether I can be trusted anymore with promises."

"Guys, you did your best. It's not your fault. It's not mine. You've just been sucked into the hell that is my life. You can get out any time you want, and I won't blame you, but if you choose to stay, be prepared: I'm a mess." The others chuckled quietly at this.

"We won't leave you," chirped Peter, and the others chorused agreement.

"OK then," said Remus. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm bloody tired."

The four of them rose from their chairs, dragging their feet, and trudged up to the dorms. "Another rough night," muttered James.

They pushed the dorm door open, and Remus felt Sirius's hand on his shoulder, patting him. "Don't let it get to you," he whispered. They all dressed for bed and retired to their respective bunks, exhausted.

Remus did not think he would be able to sleep, but he was out cold within a few minutes.

***

Remus had expected to awaken to sunlight streaming through the window but instead found himself in a darkened room, the covers wrapped around his legs and his arm out at an awkward angle. He had had a bad dream, one in which... He shuddered as he recalled it.

"Remus?" whispered a voice. "You OK?" Startled, he sat up and hit his head on the upper bunk. He heard a soft chuckle. "I was about to say, don't try to sit up."

"Snuffles?"

He heard a laugh near him. "Sirius now. Are you OK? Did you have a bad dream?"

Remus was rapidly trying to forget the dream. "Um, yeah," he muttered. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"No, I was awake. I've been having trouble sleeping lately. You were thrashing around, so I thought I'd just come check."

"I'm fine," Remus said quickly. "Go back to bed. I have some draught if you need it."

"Yuck, no," the voice replied, then was silent for a moment. "Your dream... was it... were you... changed?"

Remus cringed as the vision of it tried to creep back into his brain. "Um, yeah."

"And I assume it ended horribly? Someone died?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd really prefer to never think of it again, if it's all the same," he said.

"OK," said Sirius. There was a rustling noise as if he were rising to his feet again. "Um, Remus?" he said, pausing again. "Do you remember when I pinned you down the other day, after I'd tackled James?"

Remus turned pink. "Yeah."

"Did you really fight with all your might, really try to resist me?"

Remus was silent. Looking back on it, he realized that he had not. "Why do you ask that?"

"It just seemed like you could have fought more is all. I know you're not, you know..." He coughed. "I mean, you don't play sports, you know..." He coughed again.

"You can say it, I'm a weakling," Remus said, chuckling. Sirius grinned in the darkness. "And I could have fought a little harder, I guess."

"But you didn't."

"No."

"Because?"

"Because I... I didn't hate it a whole lot," he muttered, turning the reddest he had ever turned.

There was an awkward silence. "Me neither."

Remus's jaw dropped. "You... liked it?"

"Yeah."

"And James?"

"James is my best friend. We were horsing around."

"So you didn't like it."

"Not in the same way."

Another awkward silence followed.

"Sirius?" Remus said.

"Yes?"

"I don't know."

"Remus, would you mind if I sat down for a moment?"

Remus felt his stomach do somersaults. "Um, no, go ahead." The bed creaked noisily under Sirius's weight.

"Silencio," Sirius said, and a soundproof bubble formed around them. "Lumos," he said, and light emanated from his wand, lighting up both of their nervous faces. "Unless you'd rather it were dark?"

Remus shook his head, his heart racing. "No, I want to see you."

"I want to see you, too."

Another silent moment.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Are you gay? Am I?"

Sirius smiled weakly. "Yes, I think I am. And yes, I think you are, too. I could sort of tell with you."

"But I didn't even know!"

"Didin't you?" said Sirius, winking.

Remus thought for a while, his mind returning to all those thoughts he had tried to push away since he was young, all those excuses he had made. "Well, I tried not to know."

"I know. So did I. But the more we helped you with your transformations, the more I cared about you. I thought it was normal caring for a friend in trouble until I realized what you were doing to me."

Remus sputtered. "What did I do to you?"

Sirius laughed. "Not on purpose. I don't think." He frowned. "But I... I would feel nervous around you. My stomach was in knots. I found myself looking at you all the time."

"I know how that feels," Remus said quietly. "So now what? What do we do?"

Sirius laughed louder than Remus had ever heard. He feared for a moment that even the charm on the bed would not be able to hold it in. "Well... We could do lots of things." He winked. He saw Remus's face and laughed again. "I'm kidding. Relax," he said, resting a hand on the covers over Remus's left leg. Remus felt his whole body go into shock. "Don't look so scared," Sirius said. "I'm not going to mount you or anything."

"I'm sorry," sputtered Remus. "I've never... I've never done anything."

"Not even a kiss? From a girl?"

"No. Nothing. Ever."

Sirius removed his hand, but Remus gestured for him to put it back, which he did. "It's OK. It's just that I'm so nervous."

"Me too," confessed Sirius. "I've kissed girls before. I didn't like it much. But now, with someone I really want to kiss, I feel like my internal organs are going to rupture."

Remus laughed. "Mine too."

"Remus? Would you mind if I lay down? I'm not going to... I mean, I just feel like you're far away from me."

"Yeah, OK," breathed Remus. He moved aside to let Sirius join him. It was a tight fit. Both of them were jammed uncomfortably against walls or furniture. But they were happy.

"Thanks for petting me," Sirius said. "You know, I always hoped you would, figuring it was the only way I could get you to touch me. I was so scared to bring it up with you."

"I wanted to pet you sometimes. But I didn't feel comfortable doing it. I thought you might be insulted."

"No, never by you," whispered Sirius. He ran a finger over Remus's stomach. "Is it OK now?"

"Yeah," Remus breathed. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No argument here."

Sirius turned pale pink and laughed. "You should look at yourself in the mirror sometime." Now Remus blushed. "Remus?" Sirius said again. "I... felt you. When I jumped on you that day."

"Of course you did, I was under you." Remus was confused.

"No... I felt something else. Something I didn't feel when I was on James. Something hard."

Remus turned red. "Oh no," he breathed.

"Oh yes." Sirius chuckled. "Don't worry, I was too." He stroked Remus's hair and leaned in. Remus had thought he would be terrified to kiss Sirius, but he suddenly wanted it very badly. He put a hand around Sirius's neck, and the two pulled close together, their lips meeting and pressing hard for a moment. Electric shocks ran through Remus's body. "And look, I am again," Sirius commented, glancing down. Remus laughed, but as he glanced down, he suddenly felt the urge to touch it. Sirius saw his indecisive face in the light from his wand. "Go ahead, if you want."

Remus swallowed hard and slipped his arm down under the covers, feeling a large, hard lump under his friend's pajamas. His own had grown during their encounter, and now it was as hard as it had ever been in his life. "It's... amazing," he said.

"So's yours," Sirius replied, glancing down under the covers and then back at Remus, who nodded. He felt his friend's rough hand on the front of his pants and thought his body would explode at his touch.

"Let's stop," said Sirius suddenly, breathless and red-faced.

"What?" breathed Remus. He felt the sudden cold of Sirius's hand being removed. "But why?"

"Don't be a git. We're not ready. That was your first kiss. Oh sure, you're horny as hell, so am I, but that doesn't mean that now is the right time."

Remus looked inconsolable for a moment. "But... oh man, we're going to suffer if we don't."

Sirius pondered this for a moment. OK, turn around."

"What?"

"We're not going to do it, so we can just... you know. Turn over, on your side, facing away from me."

Remus was confused but did as he was told, wondering what would come next. He felt his friend's hands on his shoulders and felt something hard pressing against his backside. "Lie still," whispered Sirius, and Remus felt Sirius rub himself gently against him. Every fiber of his being ached to feel that hardness inside him, but he knew it was not to be, and he still found the rubbing sensation wonderful. Sirius growled and gasped as he worked against Remus's body, and he stopped, gasping, after only a couple of minutes. Remus felt something warm against him and knew that it was over. "Now you," said Sirius, his breath shallow. He turned over so that his back faced Remus.

Remus swallowed hard and moved closer. He placed his hands on his friend's shoulders and pressed his lower body against the other boy's. He was soon rubbing himself against Sirius's pajama bottoms. He felt pleasure he had never experienced before; the air was filled with the scent of Sirius's sex, and it made him giddy. He felt the sensations building and climbing so high he thought he would cry. "Oh! Oh man!" he gasped over and over, gripping Sirius's shoulders with his nails so hard that he almost broke skin. "Oh, Sirius!" He finished quickly, the front of his pants becoming warm and damp, and collapsed on his back.

Sirius rolled over and wrapped his arm around him, smiling. "That was brilliant," he said, and kissed Remus again. Remus snuggled up against his friend's warm, hard body.

"Good dog," said Remus, and they both laughed.

***

In the bed above Remus's, James lay wide awake. He stared blankly at the ceiling and suddenly, slowly, increasingly, he began to laugh. Neither of the two lovers below him had realized that the Silencio charm had expired some time before.