Houses of the Holy

************

Nobody's Fault but Mine

"Into Temptation

Knowing full well the Earth will rebel

Into Temptation

Safe in the wide open arms of hell"

Harry turned to Malfoy and said the words that he never thought he would hear himself say.

All the pent up frustration and anger he had felt for sixteen years went into these words.

Harry felt rage, rage like he'd never felt before. It was as if Harry Potter was in a different world, and the person that was standing in his place had chosen this moment to go completely bonkers.

At that odd moment, he remembered the words of Bellatrix Lestrange. "Never used an Unforgiveable Curse before, have you, boy? You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain - to enjoy it..."

For the first time in his life Harry knew he could do it - he wanted Malfoy to suffer that much. He wanted him to know what it was like... He raised his wand and poinited it at Malfoy.

"CRUCIO!" In an instant Malfoy's faced creased in agony, and he soon fell to his knees, writhing in pain.

Harry looked disbelievingly at the sight at his feet, as if he realised for the first time what he'd actually done. Harry felt as if the cavity which should have held his brain was filled with cotton wool. Suddenly what he felt when Voldemort had first used the curse on him came flooding back to him. He knew the pain didn't end when the curse was removed. For a split second common sense prevailed. "Finite Incantium!" Harry yelled.

Common sense did not prevail for long. Rage coursed through Harry's veins once again, once again all rational thought had disappeared from Harry's head. It was then he said the word that he never thought he would hear himself say.

Harry's eyes narrowed once again in anger. "IMPERIO!" he said as he pointed his wand at Malfoy. Harry watched, detached, as Malfoy's spine immediately went taut. He was now completely and utterly under Harry Potter's control. Harry could not help smiling as this thought crossed his mind.

Harry felt a strange jolt of power as his brain silently instructed Malfoy to jump up on the Ravenclaw table, and instructed him to table dance. Oh, I'm going to have fun with this, Harry thought. As Malfoy stood on the table, the entire school's eyes on him, he bellowed "I am an useless evil git! An elitist snob! A slimey-faced gimboid who can't manage to pass my O.W.L's!""

The rest of the school gazed at Malfoy in horror. He leapt off the table, and nimbly ran to his fellow Slytherins and pledged his undying love for Goyle. Harry was blissfully unaware of the way that the teachers were looking at him, or anything else in the hall, all of his focus and power was being poured forth to humiliate Malfoy.

Harry hardly noticed when someone grabbed his wand out of his hand and pointed it at Malfoy. "Finite Incantium!" a voice said.

"Ow!" Harry was jolted back into reality. Someone had grabbed his hand and was dragging him towards the door.

"Harry, you have to get out of here NOW!" a shrill voice yelled into his ear. It was Ginny.

"What? Why?" Harry asked her, dazed.

"Harry, if it wasn't for me, you would have continued using an Unforgiveable Curse on a Hogwarts student! As it is, it looks like you're going to be expelled! So get out of here NOW!"

Harry ran.

He dashed as fast as he could to Gryffindor Tower, shouted the password, tore into his room, grabbed his Firebolt and his invisibility cloak, opened the window and jumped out of it.

**********

As Harry flew through the air, he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to get on his Firebolt, which he held in his hand. Maybe the window was high enough that he would be so severely damaged by the fall that there was no way they could punish him. No way of kicking him out of Hogwarts... But the ground hurtled towards him so quickly that instinctively he slung his legs over it and pulled out of the dive and flew high into the air.

His invisibility cloak was not working at all. He was travelling so fast it was trailing behind him. He had tried tying it around his neck, but the wind resistance meant that his legs, arms and head were still visible. The rain didn't help: the wet cloak would stick to his skin and then would be torn off again by a gust of wind. Harry didn't seem to notice. He whizzed around the towers of Hogwarts, not caring who saw him. Man, I've really done it this time, he thought. He remembered what he felt the last time he had gotten expelled from Hogwarts. He felt...purposeless. Like he did not have anything to do with himself. He remembered that he thought he'd go off and live with Sirius. Harry laughed a hollow, unsatisfactory laugh. Although he had inherited Sirius' house, twelve Grimmauld Place, Harry had told them that it was all right that the Order of the Phoenix continue to meet there. He would have no peace. Sirius' mum yelling at him sounded like a good proposition compared to what was facing him here, but there he'd have to look Mrs. Weasley in the eye and tell her why he did it, why he was so irresponsible. Mrs. Weasley... he could imagine the disappointment on her face when someone told her that Harry Potter, the boy who she considered as a son, had used two unforgivable curses at Hogwarts... that he was almost as bad as the person she was fighting against...

Harry was barely inches from the ground when he realised that he had lost control of his broom at least a minute previously and it had gone into a dive. Harry ripped the broomstick in the direction of the sky and flew up high, into the heavens. Harry wondered how high he could go, how far away he could get before they caught up with him... he wasn't worried about getting thrown into Azkaban. Now that the dementors were no longer there he knew it held nothing that could keep him miserable... it would be just like a muggle prison, which was much less depressing, maybe he should be locked up to protect the rest of the wizarding world - what happens if he did it to Ron next time? He could never forgive himself. He laughed again, for the second time that evening, and this laugh was still as mirthless - a cold hard laugh - when he realised that the Dursley's were right, maybe he should go to St. Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys.

He spun and looped and soared and dived around Hogwarts. Flying did not hold its attraction any more - freedom from the world - he felt trapped instead. He did not know quite what he was doing. He only knew that as long as he was flying they couldn't take him, they couldn't get him as long as he just kept on flying... He was so engrossed on simply continuing to fly that he didn't notice that the rain had stopped.

He was flying close to the Astronomy Tower when he saw it... someone standing on the parapet... for a second he remembered when he and Hermione had waited there, waiting to give Norbert to Charlie in first year. Ron and Hermione seemed so far away now... without realising, he slowed down and hovered near the tower. Inadvertently, he wrapped the invisibility cloak around himself. He was so close he could almost hear what the people standing there were saying... there was someone with a shock of red hair and the other one had bushy brown hair... he was so out of it he did not even realise who they were until he heard their voices.

**********

"His Firebolt and the invisibility cloak have gone."

She squinted into the dark night. "Oh, where is he? Neville said that he saw him flying past. He has to be out there somewhere!"

Ron shrugged. "It is Harry we're talking about. I'm sure he’ll turn up sooner or later."

"Ron! I'm really worried about him! That's not like him at all! I don't know what possessed him..."

"You're worried about him? I'm more worried about Ginny! What spell did Malfoy use to get her to go with him? He has to have done something to her!"

"Ron, did it ever occur to you that she may actually like him?"

"Hermione, we are talking about the same person here aren't we? It’s Draco Malfoy! I mean what normal person would want to kiss him?"

Hermione said nothing, but the expression on her face changed immediately. Ron stared at her intensely. "Hang on, I know that look. You only look like that when you are hiding something." For the second time in his life Harry marvelled at how insightful Ron could be. Ron's eyes widened in disbelief as realisation dawned on him. "You knew about this, didn't you?"

Hermione looked slightly embarrassed. She tore her eyes away from him and stared out into the night.

"You GIT, Hermione! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Ha! Tell you? You wanted to disembowel Dean Thomas when you found out she was going out with him last year! What would have you done to Malfoy?"

"I would have sent him back to Malfoy Manor in a matchbox! What on earth do you THINK I would have done! He is a complete and utter PRAT and not worth one second of my sister's time! Look at his track record Hermione! He's not exactly a pillar of the Hogwarts community!"

Hermione jerked her chin into the air, which Harry knew meant that her stubborn streak was showing itself. "Ron, he's rich, he's talented and the most handsome boy at Hogwarts. Why WOULDN'T she go out with him?"

"WHAT???!!! Are you going to start the Draco Malfoy fan club or something? You should have better taste in men!"

Hermione swung around, her eyes blazing. "You’re right. I should. Because I've been totally obsessed with one in particular for three years and ALL WE DO IS ARGUE! I'M FED UP WITH IT RON! You are so jealous, and insensitive, and you haven't even realised after all this time what I feel about you! That's it Ron! I've finished waiting for you. Go and date the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team for all I care! Because all you do is cause me pain, you can never say anything nice about me, and I can't cope with it anymore. So go away Ron! I'll find Harry by myself!" With this she turned abruptly away from him.

Ron stared at her, blinking as if he could not believe what she said. His eyes suddenly narrowed, as if he thought that this was yet another ploy of Hermione's. He suddenly reached out for her shoulders, turned her towards him, and planted his lips firmly on hers. Harry would have sworn he saw a look of surprise cross Ron's face, but it was soon replaced by outrage. "There! Is that what you want from me?" he asked angrily.

Hermione stared up at him. "You bastard Ron," she said, and Harry could hear the hatred in her voice, and he could see the tears racing down her face. "Let me go. NOW!" she commanded him.

Ron looked deeply into her eyes. Harry could see the expression change on his face, from one of anger to one of surprise. "No," he said quietly.

Hermione began to struggle as he continued to hold her shoulders firmly. "What? You can't -"

"I said no." Harry noticed that his voice had dropped an octave. He leant down and kissed her on the forehead, and then on the nose. "Hermione?" He asked tentatively. "I'm sorry, I-" He stared even more intently down at her, and shook his head. "Merlin's beard! I think I like you," he murmured. He slowly tilted his head to the side, and leant down to kiss Hermione.

This time the kiss was long and lingering, something about it was more gentle and sweet. Hermione continued to struggle for a few seconds but soon pressed her body against Ron's and her hands crept up his shoulders, and she started playing with Ron's hair in the same way that Harry's father would rumple his own hair whenever he saw Lily... Ron's hands had slid down her back and rested at the base of her spine, making sure that she could not move away from him. Harry thought that there was no way in the world that Hermione would have pulled away, this seemed like what she had been waiting for three years...

Suddenly the thought hit Harry like a Bludger. He had been watching this whole exchange as if it were a movie, strangely separated from it all. But now he realised... these were his best friends, and they were kissing! Harry had known this was on the cards ever since fourth year, but actually seeing it happen was something totally different. Oh my goodness, thought Harry, either these two are going to start going out tonight or Hermione's going to kill Ron for leading her on. Either way, things will never be the same... Harry stared transfixed at the two of them again...

It was as if Hermione was trying to exorcise all the times that she had thought that Ron had never cared for her, and everything she felt for Ron was being put in the now passionate kiss. Ron pulled away, shocked at the intensity of the kiss. He stared at Hermione with wide eyes, and Harry could see that Ron was only just beginning to realise what this all meant as well. Harry could see the fear in his eyes...

Hermione stared at Ron intently, apparently reaching the same conclusion. "What are you afraid of, Ron?" she asked softly.

Ron could no longer look at Hermione. "Us." Realising what he had just said, Ron spoke quickly to dig himself out of the hole that he suddenly found himself in. "I mean you. I mean me..." Ron put his head in his hands, angry at his inability to express how he felt.

Hermione, however, seemed to know exactly how he felt. She raised her arms and put them around Ron's neck, and gently pulled his head down so that his lips would meet hers as she stood on tiptoe. Oh, I don't want to watch this, Harry thought as a wave of nausea hit him. He knew that he could not leave though. When he had approached the Astronomy tower, they had been talking, which meant that they had not heard him flying towards them. But now, as they were kissing, Hermione would hear his Firebolt swishing through the air, and would turn and see him as the invisibility cloak that was concealing him would soon be trailing behind him. Harry had a feeling that Ron could not hear anything if he tried...

"Why, Hermione?" Ron managed to croak.

"Why what?" Hermione asked, her hands in his hair again.

Ron looked down at her, puzzled. "Why me? I mean, you could have had –"

Hermione placed her fingers in his lips. "Because you are...you."

Ron continued to look puzzled as she kissed him again. He did not appear to understand her answer. This time Ron was not content to sink back into her arms. "What about Harry?" he asked, referring to what they'd come up here to do.

Hermione glanced over the parapet once again. "He's never been the same since Sirius died, has he?" she asked Ron softly, her arms still draped around his neck.

Ron snorted. "Since Sirius died? Let's face it, he started going off his rocker when Cedric died. He hasn't exactly been stable for a while." He gazed down at Hermione. "We're going to have to come to terms with the fact that our mate is becoming a complete and utter nutter."

The look on Hermione's face said it all. She agreed with Ron.

Harry could not believe he was hearing this. Ron and Hermione? His best friends? Harry knew the rest of the school had thought he was insane for quite a while. But Ron and Hermione always stuck by him. Until now. This was the second time today that Harry had been accused of being insane, and he decided he didn't like it that much. For the fifth time that day, Harry felt angry, but soon he had more pressing problems at hand. He felt as if he was going to throw up, as if his body was rebelling against all this information being thrown at him in one day. But suddenly the ground started coming towards him rapidly.

It took Harry a couple of seconds to realise that he had fallen off his broomstick. However, his Quidditch reflexes had kicked more rapidly that his brain, and his hands had grabbed onto the broom as he had fallen off it. Reluctantly, he swung himself back up onto it and headed towards Gryffindor tower, and his head felt like it was going to explode.

**********

Harry sat on an old comfortable chair close to the fire, alone in Gryffindor Tower, as everyone had gone to bed, but the fire was reduced to glowing embers. Harry hardly noticed that he was shaking uncontrollably. He had a feeling that he was not shaking due to cold, though. He simply stared at the fire. He had the overwhelming desire to get some Floo powder from somewhere, anywhere, and look for Sirius in twelve Grimmauld Place, but he had to keep on reminding himself that he wasn't there, he'd never be there any more... there's no one to talk to, he thought, everyone he knew would have a look of disappointment on their face when he'd tell them what had happened, what he'd done. Too many feelings welled up inside of him, feelings of guilt, feelings of anger at Ron and Hermione...

He heard someone giggle and he knew exactly who it was. Half of Harry wanted to run away, and never talk to them again, and half of him wanted to have it out with them, vent all his frustration and guilt and anger onto them. He slouched down into his chair, and when they came into the common room they passed right behind him and didn't notice him. Harry could not resist.

"It’s a wonderful feeling that you get when you find out that your best friends think you are totally crazy!"

They froze and Hermione squeaked. "Harry?"

Harry leapt out of his chair to face them. "You both think I'm MAD?" he asked them angrily. "Okay, what I did tonight was not the work of a sane man, but you two have thought I was crazy for two years! TWO YEARS!"

Hermione looked at Harry pleadingly. "Look at it from our point of view, Harry. In fifth year you were completely irrational! We couldn't even talk to you!" Hermione shook her head. "You haven't exactly improved this year, either," she told him sadly.

"I HAVE A LOT TO BE UPSET ABOUT, ALRIGHT!" he told Hermione angrily.

Ron seemed oblivious to the fact that this conversation was even taking place. He seemed to be focusing on something else. His eyes narrowed. "You were there? How much did you see?" he asked accusingly.

Harry paused and looked at him. "Enough."

Ron's eyes widened, and he dashed towards Harry, fuming. His hands hit Harry's shoulders, and as he weighed more than Harry and he caught him off guard, both Ron and Harry ended up rolling around on the floor. "How could you, Harry? I trusted you! I thought you were a friend -"

"Stop it Ron, stop it!" Hermione cried. She leapt on top of them and pulled them apart.

Harry got away, and started rubbing his arms. "Believe me, I didn't want to watch you two snog. When I saw... when I realised... I fell off my broomstick, alright!" he shouted.

Silence followed, and Harry continued to look at his shoes. Then he heard the noise he had least expected to hear at this point in time. Hermione had burst out laughing.

"Well, it's not something you really want to see is it? Your best friends mauling each other... What? I was very surprised, okay?" Harry was deeply embarrassed, but then Ron started sniggering. "You fell off your broomstick?" he asked, and Harry couldn't help himself. He saw the funny side of it, and could imagine the looks on Ron and Hermione's faces if they'd saw him falling. He burst out laughing, the kind of laugh that he hadn't laughed in a long time, not for months, not since... no, he wasn't going to think about that, not now...

**********

They sat up quite late talking after that. "What did Malfoy say to make you use an unforgivable curse? It must have been pretty bad to make you say that!" Ron asked curiously.

Harry went white, then started to turn pink. "He said something about Ginny."

"What?"

Harry turned crimson. "He said that she... that he'd... that..."

Hermione groaned at Harry's difficultly at answering Ron's question. "He said, 'Her family's a bunch of deadbeats but she's really good in bed'. Alright?!" she told Ron, exasperated.

Ron laughed nervously. "He didn't, did he? You're joking, aren't you?"

Harry was watching Hermione though. "He said she was 'absolutely fantastic', actually. How did you know that?"

"Harry, you don't remember what happened at all, do you? Ginny heard the whole thing, that's how she managed to stop you! As soon as you ran out of the hall I ran over and asked her what happened. She repeated the whole thing word for word. Or not as well as I thought she did, apparently." She gave Harry a significant look.

Ron choked. "Absolutely fantastic?" Ron got out of his chair and started pacing around. "He said... that my sister..." Ron punched his fist into his hand. "I'm going to kill him!"

Hermione shrugged. "Don’t waste your breath. Ginny’s dumped him."

"WHAT???!!!" Harry and Ron were stunned in unison.

"You didn't expect her to stay with him after the lie he told Harry, did you?"

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Ron asked aghast.

Hermione looked slightly guilty. "I was worried about Harry. I got distracted. And, well, you can be slightly annoying sometimes..." She gazed up at Ron. "I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't mean everything I said about Malfoy. I know he's evil git. I just knew they she'd broken up with him, so I wasn't worried about her anymore. Harry, on the other hand..."

Ron gazed down at Hermione. For the Harry in Harry's life, Harry felt awkward around his two best friends, as if neither of them wanted him there right now. I was right, things will never be the same, he thought. Harry interrupted their thoughts. "You were worried about me? In spite of the fact that you think I’m completely bonkers?" he asked her icily.

"Harry, you really are crazy aren't you? You have anger management issues, but you’re not insane. You’ve had to deal with stuff at an early age which some people don’t have to deal with their entire lifetime. You’re hard for Ron and I to get on with sometimes, but you are our best friend! We're not going to abandon you because you're a little strange! If that were the critera for our friendship, Ron would have stopped talking to me ages ago!""

Harry smiled. What Hermione had said took away some of the sting he had felt when Ron had said the words. "Well my ‘anger management issues’ may just get me kicked out of Hogwarts."

Hermione watched while Harry became depressed again. "Listen, Harry, I'm sure they're not going to expel you! What about Sirius? He tried to kill Snape! Surely that’s as bad!"

Harry's head came up quickly, and he tried to remember what Lupin had told him three years ago in the Shrieking Shack. 'Snape was forbidden to tell any one about me by Dumbledore,' Lupin had said... So he must have known what Sirius had done then. Harry could imagine the three of them, Snape, Sirius and his father, all in Dumbledore's office getting a lecture. He smiled. If Sirius had simply gotten punished, maybe he would not get expelled either...

Harry shook his head. "It's different. I used an Unforgivable curse on a Hogwarts student. The Ministry may even get involved!"

Ron snorted "It wouldn't look very good in the Daily Prophet, would it? 'Boy who Lived gets expelled from Hogwarts'..."

"Ron, they're not going to make their decision about me based on what it will look like in the Daily Prophet!" Harry told him exasperated.

"I don't know, every policy decision they made last year seemed to based wholly on what it would look like in the Daily Prophet," Hermione mused.

There was something still niggling at Harry. "I tried to kill Malfoy. But nothing has happened! I've been here for hours, and nobody's even tapped me on the shoulder and told me I've done a bad thing! Where are the teachers? Why hasn't somebody started looking for me? WHY AREN'T I IN TROUBLE?"

Harry could see the anxiety showing on Hermione's face. "I've been wondering about that too. And there is only one reason, as far as I can see, why you haven't been punished yet."

Harry waited for her to continue, but she continued thinking. "Well, what is it?" asked Ron impatiently.

Hermione looked up, distracted. "They haven't decided what to do with you yet."

A block of ice fell into Harry's stomach.

**********

When they were well into the wee hours of the morning, they decided they had better go to bed as it was a school night and they had a heavy load. Friday was Harry's least favourite day, as it began with double potions. Even though he still felt as if he was going to get thrown out of Hogwarts, it felt really good to have Ron and Hermione on his side. His world felt as if it had fallen apart tonight, especially when he heard his friends say that they thought he was less than sane. But Ron and Hermione weren't treating him as if he was a bomb about to explode any more, which made Harry feel so much more better than anything else that could have happened. As he went up to bed he heard Hermione say, "Wait, Harry!" He turned around, and she threw her arms around him. "I'm sure everything's going to turn out alright," she whispered in his ear. Harry hugged her back.

"Hey, hey! Get your hands off my girl!" said Ron jokingly.

Harry smiled. "I'm glad that you two have finally ended up together. I really mean it." He watched as Hermione beamed at him. Harry turned to Ron. "You do realise that if you hurt her I'll hurt you, don't you?" he asked grinning.

An embarrassed smile crept over Ron's face. "I'm going to do this once, and only once," he told Harry. He watched as Ron came up to him and awkwardly tried to hug him. It was more like a pat on the back than a hug, but Harry appricated their support all the same. Then suddenly something occoured to him.

"Hey, now you're going out, can you guys stop arguing all the time? Because it really gets on my nerves," Harry told them.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other, smiled, and wrapped their arms around each other. "Not on your life!" replied Ron.

As Harry climbed into bed that night, he realised something else was troubling him. When Malfoy had accused him of being jealous, he simply dismissed it as Malfoy taunting him and did not think about it again. But why had Malfoy got to him? Why had he used an unforgivable curse on Malfoy for something as stupid as insinuating that he had slept with Ginny? Did he really do it simply to defend the Weasley family honour? And why had Hermione given Harry such a strange look when he corrected her about what Malfoy had said? Although Harry tried harder than he ever had to clear his mind before he went to sleep, his uneasy sleep was filled with dreams of Ginny and Malfoy kissing.