Finding Draco

Finding Draco

The Gryffindor common room was crowded with students when Harry walked down the stairs from his dormitory. Most teachers were piling on work before the winter holidays, which were only two days away. Harry doubted that he would be able to concentrate on his potions essay in the loud room, so he left through the portrait hole and walked down to the library.

The library was just as busy, but much quieter, due to frequent reprimands from Madam Pince. Harry spied a small empty table at the back, just enough space for two students to work. He sat down, pulled out his roll of parchment, a bottle of ink and a quill, and tried to be interested in the intricacies of the polyjuice potion. It was very easy stuff, since Harry and his two best friends had managed to make the potion several years earlier with great success. Harry had hoped to finish his essay off quickly so he could study for transfiguration, but his thoughts kept straying from the subject. Instead, his mind replayed the scene that had occurred after dinner.

Harry and Lavender Brown had just left the Great Hall. She had possessively put her arm around his waist, and as soon as they were out the giant wooden doors, she pushed him against the wall and started kissing him. Harry was too surprised to try to stop her, so he just let her do what she wanted. It had been this way since the beginning of their relationship: Lavender would have leapt into bed with him from the get-go, while Harry was only half-interested in spending time with her. This was getting to be a tad repetitive for Harry. All of his relationships turned out this way. There was a brief stint with Cho Chang, an even briefer one with Ginny Weasley, then Parvati Patil, then her sister Padma, then two girls from Hufflepuff, and now Lavender. Things just never worked out. The girls always seemed so eager and Harry was just along for the ride. Eventually, the girl would realize that their relationship wasn't moving forward, and they would break it off. Harry didn't mind, really, he had so much to do in his seventh year. Even with the threat of Voldemort finally gone forever, Harry still had no real plans for what to do with the rest of his life. He stayed very busy as the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, and his schoolwork took up plenty of time, having a girlfriend had never been part of the picture.

Lavender had stopped kissing him.

"Harry, what is wrong with you?" she demanded.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

She sighed impatiently. "I mean every time I try to be romantic you seem like you're miles away." She sighed again. "Harry, I'm sorry, but this just isn't working. I need a real commitment from a guy, not just a limp body to snog."

Now it was Harry's turn to sigh. "I'm sorry too, Lav. It's nothing you've done, I mean, I like you a lot, you're so cute and nice, but...all of my relationships have ended like this. I'm just never into it or something..." he trailed off lamely.

Lavender gave him a funny look. "How many, 'relationships,' are we talking about?"

"Um...this is the seventh in about two years."

"Harry..." she took a deep breath. "Have you ever considered that maybe...you know...you're...wired differently?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, maybe girls aren't your thing...you know...?"

"No I don't. What are you trying to say, Lav? Spit it out."

Lavender took another deep breath. "Harry, maybe you're gay. Not that that's bad or anything, but maybe you just have different preferences than most guys."

Harry was stunned. He had never even considered the possibility that he might like guys over girls.

"Well, I've never really thought about guys, that way..."

"I don't know, it was just a thought. I've got to go, I have an essay for Divination. I'll see you around."

"Hey Lav?"

"Yeah?"

"We're still friends, right?"

She smiled. "Of course. I'll catch you later!" And she walked off.

Over and over, Harry thought about what Lavender had said. Could he really be gay? He tried to think about his male classmates and if they were at all attractive to him.

There was Ron, and Harry instantly dismissed that thought. No way did he have sexual feelings for Ron, nor would he ever. Ron was his best friend, and that would never change.

Next came Seamus Finnigan. Harry thought for a minute. Seamus really was pretty good-looking. But sexy? Maybe...but not really.

Dean Thomas was the same. So were all the other boys Harry could think of.

"Maybe something is wrong with me," he thought. "Maybe I don't like guys or girls. Maybe I'll never be in a real relationship."

Harry looked up from his parchment and his eyes strayed towards the door of the library. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy walked in, and Harry's jaw dropped.

"Oh my god!" Harry thought. "That boy is hot! Wait a minute, here...that's Draco Malfoy! And he is so sexy! Oh shit!"

Draco had been through as much of an ordeal as Harry during the Great War. He had fled from his father and gone to Dumbledore with all the information he had. He had nearly been captured by the Death Eaters, but in the end, he had proven very valuable to the Aurors with his knowledge of Voldemort's inner circle. He even fought actively against the Death Eaters, and killed his own father in battle. Draco was accepted by the other students as a changed man at the beginning of seventh year: there were no more taunts, no tricks, no pranks, no smirks; in fact, he was so quiet, Harry had forgotten he existed. They weren't in any classes together and after thinking back for a minute, Harry realized that he had not seen Draco at all since the war ended.

Harry realized that Malfoy was walking towards him. The other tables were entirely full; the only available seat was next to Harry. And Draco was walking straight at it. Before Harry could make an escape, Draco had sat down.

"Hello, Potter," he said softly.

"Uh...hi..."

"Is something wrong?"

"Um...no, nothing...of course not..." In his mind Harry added "You're just so unbelievably gorgeous I'm at a loss for words." Draco shrugged and pulled a roll of parchment out of his bag. He looked up to meet Harry's eyes again and smiled faintly. Harry stared back and felt himself melting inside. He couldn't take it any more.

"Uh...I have to be...somewhere...now..." and he stuffed his materials into his bag and ran out of the library.

For the next few days, Harry struggled with his thoughts. He was certain that he was meant to be with his old enemy. Draco Malfoy had now taken up a permanent residence in his brain. He needed to tell Draco what he felt...but how? He couldn't very well say "Draco, I just realized this afternoon that I'm gay so can we just forget that we were enemies the first five years we knew each other and go snog in an empty classroom?" Not likely. Draco may have had a change of heart, but that probably did not include a sudden lust for Harry. What if Draco liked girls? A small memory in the back of his head recalled a rumor at the end of fifth year that Pansy Parkinson had tried to get in bed with him and he turned her down. Harry thought that if he was straight and Pansy was interested in him, he would not have resisted. The Slytherin girl had matured quite nicely and attracted the attention of males in all houses. Maybe Draco was gay. Was it too much to hope for?

It probably was. Besides, when would Harry ever get a chance to proclaim his love? He truly never saw Draco during the day. Harry was pondering his dilemma one evening walking back alone from Quidditch practice; he had stayed later to polish his Firebolt. As he rounded a corner, he saw a solitary student walking down the otherwise vacant corridor away from him. Harry felt his heartbeat quicken and something flipped in his stomach. It was Draco Malfoy.

"Draco?" Harry called. The boy turned and looked at Harry, his expression quizzical.

"Yes?"

"Um, I was wondering...uh, can I talk to you somewhere private?"

"I guess so. Here, this classroom is empty."

They walked into the room in silence. Harry was desperately trying to think of how on earth to talk about his newly discovered sexuality with his arch-enemy of the past several years. No brilliant ideas were coming to mind.

Inside, Draco sat down in a desk and looked at Harry.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Well, you see..." Harry started out. He started to pace back and forth in front of Draco. "Um...a lot has changed since last year...for us...I mean, we aren't really...enemies...anymore...are we?"

"Not really."

"Right. Well, what I wanted to ask you was...um..."

"Yes?" Draco reached out and touched Harry's arm. "What is it?"

"I...I...Draco I'm gay!"

Draco raised his eyebrows. "Really?" He didn't sound shocked or disgusted, just mildly surprised.

"Uh...yes...I mean I think so...at least...oh my god, when you walked into the library, I thought I would die, you looked so beautiful!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you! And I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since, and I know this is very sudden, and...Draco, are you gay?"

The blonde boy did not respond immediately. Harry's heart sank; he was afraid he had made a terrible mistake telling Draco the truth.

"Yes, Harry, I am gay. And...unattached."

Harry started.

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm more than a little surprised that you are as well. I've known I was gay since the end of fourth year. I must admit, Harry, I always thought you were good-looking, but I assumed that you would never return my feelings. After all, I was the Slytherin Prince, you were the Golden Boy. It's been so difficult not to let it show as you've gotten older, and, my I add, sexier. I had to restrain myself so I kept insulting you and your friends to keep from throwing myself at you. But, maybe now...that won't be necessary." Draco stood up. He was so close, Harry could feel his breath on his face.

"What won't be necessary?" he asked in a choked voice.

"Restraint," replied Draco, as he leaned in and gently kissed Harry's mouth.

Harry thought to himself, "So THIS is what a kiss feels like! Damn, I've been missing out!" He returned the pressure on Draco's lips and slipped his arms around the other boy's narrow waist. He felt Draco's hands slide into his hair. They kept kissing, and slowly, Draco's tongue found its way into Harry's mouth. Harry shivered at the pleasant new sensation.

Several kisses later, Harry's shirt was on the floor. Draco's joined it a moment later. Soon their bodies were rolling on the ground as well, limbs entwined.

Suddenly Draco pulled away.

"What's wrong?" whispered Harry.

"This is going to be terribly uncomfortable if we keep going this way," Draco replied, pulling out his wand. A large couch suddenly appeared before them. Harry stood and pulled Draco up to him.

"Good idea," Harry said into Draco's ear, before kissing his neck.

"I'm full of good ideas," and Draco gave Harry a very suggestive look.

"Hmm, such as?"

"Well, this for starters..." Draco lay back on the couch, and dragged Harry down on top of him.

"Yeah, very good idea!"

About an hour later, Harry and Draco were still lying on the couch, wrapped in each other's arms. Draco nestled his head under Harry's chin and sighed contentedly.

"This is so strange," he whispered.

"Hmm?" replied Harry sleepily.

"You and me, together. No one will believe it."

"I don't care." Harry held Draco tighter. "They'll understand."

"I hope so," answered Draco, lightly caressing Harry's chest. Harry's insides twisted pleasantly at the touch. He laughed softly.

"Imagine what would happen if Filch walked in on us," he said.

Draco snorted. "How can you think of that git at a time like this? If I didn't know better, I'd be insulted."

"Just a thought." Harry smiled. "You're the only one I'm really thinking about."

And with that, the two boys fell asleep.