Rating:
R
House:
Astronomy Tower
Ships:
Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
Characters:
Hermione Granger
Genres:
Angst
Era:
Harry and Classmates Post-Hogwarts
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Stats:
Published: 04/29/2005
Updated: 11/11/2005
Words: 46,788
Chapters: 23
Hits: 87,447

The Sweetest Sin

Annie

Story Summary:
In the years following Voldemort's victory in the second war, Muggle-borns must become slaves and servants to purebloods in order to survive. Over time, Hermione Granger has learned to suppress her pride and independence in households where she is considered lower than dirt. She thought she would be prepared for this new family, just like she was for all the previous ones. What she didn't know was that this new family was none other than Draco Malfoy's. Will she manage to hold up when she finds herself struggling to withhold her sharp tongue, returning hatred, and... something else?

Chapter 14

Chapter Summary:
Hermione learns the secret of Pansy's past and is given some advice.
Posted:
07/30/2005
Hits:
3,219


Chapter 14: The Story of a Girl

Later that evening found Hermione in the garden once again. She had spent the afternoon thinking about the secret room she'd come across and what Draco had done to her, and after a while, had come to the conclusion that if she were to simply ignore him, his chances at making her life miserable would be lessened. After all, it was her temper that made his taunting even worse on her part. Hermione was the type of person who could not hold her tongue when she was provoked, and Draco knew this. It was her one weakness, but if she could somehow manage to control it, Draco could do little to affect her.

When the last of the sun's rays had fallen over the horizon, throwing the night around her into darkness, Hermione decided it was time to return to the manor. It was nearly time for dinner; the Malfoys would be home by now, meaning she would have to go prepare the children for the meal.

As Hermione began to make her way down the winding dirt path, she heard someone calling her name.

"Who is it?" she asked out loud, stopping and looking around in confusion.

Hermione's question was answered immediately when Pansy silently stepped out of the shadows of a tree a few metres away and said quietly, "Are you about to go inside?"

"I was just going to," replied Hermione, relieved that it was only Pansy and not someone else. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

In response, Pansy made her way onto the path. Now illuminated by the rising moon, Hermione couldn't help but notice how miserable Pansy looked. She was wearing a plain green robe as opposed to the elaborate, expensive ones she usually wore, and her hair hung limply around her face for once. She looked tired and worn as she advanced towards Hermione, her arms wrapped around herself as if she were cold.

"Is...something wrong?" asked Hermione uneasily. Her mind immediately flooded with images of Kathryn and Tommy, pale and still, blood trickling from the corners of their mouths, limbs twsited into unnatural angles. Her stomach started flip-flopping queasily at the idea of the children being hurt in any way.

"It's about Thomas and Kathryn," explained Pansy as if she were reading Hermione's mind.

Hermione restrained the urge to panic. Taking a short breath, she asked, "What happened to them? Are they all right? Did they get-"

"They're fine," interrupted Pansy. She paused for a moment as if considering something, then grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her off the path. "Come with me," she said stonily.

Silently, Hermione obeyed. Now that she was sure the two youngest Malfoys were not harmed in any way, she could relax a little bit. However, the fact that Pansy seemed so desperate to talk to her alarmed her, and she couldn't help but tense up as the two of them finally stopped a good distance away from the path.

For a few minutes, they stood in silence. When Pansy finally spoke up, her voice sounded unusually weak.

"I have to tell you how they came into my life."

"Go on," whispered Hermione, her eyes fixed on Pansy.

Pansy looked uneasy for a split second, but that seemed to pass when she reached out and grabbed a nearby low-hanging branch as if for support. Casting her eyes downward, she began to tell her story.

"I was in my fifth year and I was dating...I was dating Blaise. We had been together for 4 months by then and although we were young, I thought I was in love. Apparently he did too because near the end of the year, we...we..." Pansy stopped there, seemingly unable to go on. Hermione's heart swelled with sympathy as she quietly waited for the other witch to continue.

"Thomas was born in my sixth year. I had to be taken out of school, as you may remember. The rumours flew, but no one actually knew why I had been removed. It was from the day I was pulled out that I realised my mother hated me, and because of her, I actually hated Thomas the first time I ever laid eyes on him. I hated my own son. When the Healers brought him to me and placed him in my arms, I looked down upon him and wished that he had never been conceived. He stood for everything I loathed; it was he who made my own mother hate me, made me endure so much humiliation at school, ruined my life which, before his arrival, had held so many open doors. But then again, he was just a baby. The situation was no one's fault but my own.

"I returned to Hogwarts, thankful that my mother had grudgingly taken in Thomas and that I would be seeing Blaise again. But...he'd changed during my absence. He was cold and unfeeling towards me. After one week of desperately wondering what was wrong, I finally confronted him. He told me the truth - that he wanted nothing to do with Thomas or me. And then he walked away.

"Draco was there for me. He comforted me and when my mother refused to let me stay at my own home during Christmas break, his family kindly allowed me to stay with them. It was during that very break when I made the same mistake I had made with Blaise again. Draco...he was so sweet about it. He told me I didn't have to if I didn't want to, but I did. I'd always loved him, even when I was with Blaise, and I knew that I always would. I could never regret anything I did with him. And so, in that manner, Kathryn was conceived.

"When Kathryn was born the next year, I did not resent nor regret her at all. Even when Draco became distant in the same way Blaise had, I refused to blame her for what I had done. Though Draco grew less affectionate with each passing day, I never gave up hope that one day he would realise we were meant to be because in my heart, we were.

"The war raged on. Hogwarts had been closed, and Draco and I fought for the Dark Lord's side. Many times during a battle, I didn't know where Thomas and Kathryn were or whether or not they were still alive. Yet I still fought on, because I had nothing else.

"When the war ended in July, I returned to my former house to find that my mother had been killed by someone from the Ministry and that Thomas, one year old at the time, and Kathryn, who was only a baby, had hid in a closet and remained undiscovered by anyone for 2 months. To this day, I still wonder how it is they survived those months away from people and magic.

"I took the two of them, and from that day on, my life spiraled downwards into poverty. I had no family, no job, and no one to support me. I lived on the streets of Knockturn Alley, occasionally helping in Borgin and Burkes but begging for gold most of the time. I didn't know where Draco had gone, but I had heard from passers by that he was in love with Blaise's beautiful sister, Iris. Bitter and desperate, I came near to committing suicide many times. After all, there was nothing to lose at that point - I'd already hit rock bottom. But Thomas and Kathryn kept me alive. I couldn't leave them; they were only children and I had to struggle through my pain for them.

"In February of 2000, almost 2 years after the war had ended, mine and Draco's paths crossed once again. The change that had come over him was astonishing. He was no longer proud, confident, or smooth. He was broken. He told me Iris had been killed by the Dark Lord. I told him he now knew how I felt. And then I remember he looked at me with those piercing eyes, the eyes that had stolen my heart, and I realised that I still loved him after everything. I knew he would never love me, but we got married 3 months later."

At last, Pansy let her hand fall from the branch as she slowly raised her head. Her round, blue eyes seemed darker than normal, almost black, as she looked Hermione straight in the eye. "I had to tell you; you understand, right?"

"Yes," said Hermione, surprised to find that she was being completely honest, "I understand."

At this point, Hermione was expecting Pansy to turn around and leave. However, the other witch surprised her by asking her the question she never would have expected.

"Do you love him?"

Hermione froze. "Excuse me?" she asked slowly, not sure if she had heard right.

"Do you love Draco?"

"What..." Hermione swallowed, trying to force the words past the quickly-growing lump in her throat. "What gave you that idea?"

"I'm just asking," replied Pansy softly, although there was a determined tone to her voice.

In response, Hermione gaped at Pansy. She felt as if she were in an alternate world, one in which she and Pansy were somehow friends. After all, the two of them were conversing as if they were in fact on good terms with each other. It was as if their dislike of each other had miraculously disintegrated. First Pansy's recount of her past, and now this?

"No, I do not and I never will," replied Hermione firmly, ignoring the little twinges that were occurring in the pit of her stomach.

Pansy scrutinised Hermione for what felt like hours before smiling sadly. "Someday."

Confused, Hermione blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

Pansy shook her head. A thoughtful look fell across her face, but was quickly replaced by one of despair. "I don't think I'll ever be good enough for him."

"Don't say that!" exclaimed Hermione reproachfully.

"No," said Pansy before Hermione could say any more, "you don't understand. I will never be good enough for him." She smiled again, and a slice of moonlight suddenly fell across her face, illuminating her tired-looking features. "Sometimes I lay in bed at night and pray for an angel to be sent down from Heaven, someone beautiful and kind he can fall in love with. Someone who can change him and heal his wounds. I can't do that for him, and he and I both know it."

Hermione opened her mouth to argue back, but was cut off by Pansy again.

"Don't be afraid to love just because of what happened to us, Hermione. My mother once told me that among the thousands of defective wands, there will be one made just for you. Someday, I will find someone who loves me for who I am and you will too."

With that, Pansy wrapped her arms tightly around herself once again, turned on her heel, and began to walk back to the manor.

Hermione watched Pansy's hunched form make its way back to the mansion. A flurry of butterflies, having replaced the tiny twinges, was dancing around in her stomach now while a storm of questions invaded her mind. Had all of this really happened? Could Blaise truly be the father of Thomas? Why had Pansy told her out of all people this? And why had Pansy asked her whether or not she loved Draco? Wasn't it obvious the answer was no?

And yet as Hermione considered the last question, she couldn't help but feel that a plain and simple "no" did not cover the entire answer. In fact, as Hermione began to head back inside as well, she realised that the answer she had given Pansy might not have been said with as much certainty as she originally thought...


Author notes: Well, for once I don't have anything to say but thanks to all my reviewers :)

Next chapter: Ah...this one will be a bit violent...