The Transfiguration Assignment

Chapter Eight

"I rewrote this midsection, listen," Lily said, scanning her paper. "'Wizards do not choose their Animagus form; the form appears to choose them and reflects some aspect of the witch or wizard's inner nature and personality. In addition, those who learn to be Animagi can only assume one form. There have been no recordings by Ministry officials of any magical being attempting to assume more than one shape. Officials do not advise experiments; the side effects, stress, and magical ailments that can accompany transformations vary greatly (as stated previously). According to the law, any witch or wizard who can transform must register themselves with the Ministry of Magic's Animagi Registry Office. Specific markings are recorded for identification purposes and often have to do with a distinctive attribute of the witch or wizard in question, such as markings where spectacles would be worn, a similar scar, eye color, etc.' And then I talk about all the paperwork the Ministry gives you to fill out."

At James' nod, Lily threw her quill down with a sigh and smiled brightly over at him. "I'm done!" she exclaimed. "Completely done! My entire essay: history, mistakes, instructions, and 'importance to wizarding society'." She stretched her arms over her head and felt a great weight of responsibility slide off. "I'm so happy it's over. I never want to read another thing about Animagi again."

James grinned at her, reveling in the way her eyes lit up. "Believe me, neither do I." He leaned back over the book he was reading and pushed his glasses up with a finger. Lily smiled at the habit.

It was Friday evening, and they were sitting in the deserted library, Madam Pince nowhere to be found. Two weeks had passed since McGonagall had assigned partners, and Lily had to admit that having James Potter as a partner hadn't been the agony she'd expected. After that first mishap, he'd shown up on time for all their meetings, been willing to help, and had surprisingly known a great deal about Animagi. Lily didn't question his knowledge: it was a fascinating subject, and they needed all the help they could get.

"It was a lot easier once we had your dad's books," Lily said, lightly running a finger over the title of Animagi: Beyond the Animal.

She was distracted, however, from starting up a conversation when a shadow passed over the table. Looking up, Lily saw Cecily Elwell peering over James, her blond hair falling onto his shoulder.

"What are you doing in the library on a Friday night?" she asked. Lily could have inquired the same of her. "Are you done with your Transfiguration assignment?" she bubbled. "George finished ours ages ago. I'm sure we'll get an E." She leaned farther over James, and Lily noticed her chest was snuggled against his shoulder. A strange prickly feeling hardened in her stomach, but Lily tried to ignore it. She felt sorry for George Rastner; he'd probably had to do the whole project himself.

"I'm sure you'll get an E too, James," Cecily went on, practically purring in his ear. "You're the smartest one in our year."

James tried to inconspicuously lean away from her, but Cecily only followed him, so that soon, if she wasn't careful, she'd end up sitting in his lap. Not that either of them would mind that, Lily thought cynically. It would have been humorous if not for that annoying prickly feeling that distracted her.

"Yes, we're done," James managed.

Cecily squinted at one of the essays on the desk. "I'm sure I could never have done this. You wrote so much--you're so smart James!"

Lily let out a snort. "He didn't write it," she snapped. "I did."

There was a pause, and somehow during that time James managed to wriggle away from Cecily and stand up, throwing half a grin Lily's way. She ignored him.

"Oh." Cecily took James' seat across from Lily. She smiled pertly up at James. "What did you do your project on?"

"Animagi," Lily answered.

Cecily didn't look at her. Her eyes were locked on James, and she smiled suggestively. "Oh! Animagi sounds like such a hard subject! However did you deal with it, James?"

Lily wanted to gag.

"Er...we managed alright, I guess..." James glanced at Lily, his eyes twinkling behind his lopsided glasses.

"Managed what?" a voice interrupted. Sirius had joined them, his shirtsleeves rolled up and his long hair mussed artfully. Lily wondered why the library on a Friday night had suddenly gotten so popular. Sirius' schoolbag was nowhere in sight.

"Managed to do our project on time," Lily said promptly, starting to collect papers in a stack. "Unlike some people."

"I know!" Sirius exclaimed, shaking his head. He leaned against the table next to Cecily and clucked his tongue. "The nerve of some people!" He grinned toothily at Lily.

She frowned in response. "Yes, some people." She shoved a book in her bag.

"They did Animagi, Sirius, can you imagine?" Cecily said, laughing her high-pitched giggle. She flipped through one of the books until Lily snatched it from her hands and stuffed it, too, in her bag, overcoming the urge to smack Cecily over the head with it. "Too many boring Ministry dates for me--George and I did Vanishing spells. I'm sure that was way easier."

A strange expression covered Sirius' face, and his mouth opened in surprise as he took in all the books on the table. "Wait, you--you did Animagi?" He shot an incredulous look at James, who had also started to clean up.

"Yes," Lily answered.

"We thought it would be an interesting subject," James murmured softly, picking up a book. He didn't meet Sirius' eyes.

Cecily interjected, "I think I had an uncle once who was an Animagus, but he was unregistered."

Lily frowned at her. "It's against the law to be unregistered. You have to fill out all sorts of official documents with the Ministry."

"I know!" Cecily exclaimed, bouncing a little in her chair. "Someone found out and told the Animagi Registry Office at the Ministry. They fined him 200 galleons, can you imagine?"

Lily saw Sirius and James share a look.

"He had to pay it all himself, the family wouldn't help him. And then he got buried in paperwork up to here." She motioned to her neck and then started examining her nails. "They wouldn't leave him alone after that, kept checking up on him every week. I don't think it's worth the hassle, do you? Why would anyone ever want to be an unregistered Animagus?"

There was a strained pause. Lily looked curiously at James, but he was bent over the table, apparently reading one of the books.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well...I have to go," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He shot a glance at James, who was still bent over his book. Lily got the feeling that James was ignoring his friend. Shifting his gaze to Cecily, Sirius grinned suddenly and held out a hand to help her up from her chair. She didn't seem miffed at all that she'd arrived, ready to flirt with James, and was now leaving, ready to flirt with Sirius. One Marauder was as good as another to her, Lily thought.

"See you in Hogsmeade tomorrow," Sirius called over his shoulder as he and Cecily walked through the library doors.

It was silent after they left.

James turned a page in the book he was looking at, the candlelight reflecting in his glasses. He didn't say anything, and Lily got the impression that his mind was on an entirely different topic than the conversation that had just occurred. Lily bit her lip and stood up, too curious to leave well enough alone.

"Sirius seemed surprised that we were doing Animagi," she said casually.

"Mmm."

Lily took a breath. "Why--I mean..." But she trailed off uncertainly. She didn't know what she was asking. Why Sirius had been surprised? Why he had shot James so many looks? Maybe she didn't want to know...Lily put the strange feeling out of her mind.

They continued stacking the books and collecting papers. Lily discovered that Cecily had dropped her quill on the ground, and wouldn't have seen it if she hadn't almost stepped on it. Letting out a sigh, Lily bent down to pick it up and put it in her bag. It was after dinner now, near curfew; they had worked a long time. Lily made a mental note to check for other students on her way to her room. She and James wouldn't get in trouble for being up past curfew: anyone who saw them would figure the Head Boy and Head Girl were busy patrolling.

When James spoke, his voice was a little hoarse, and it broke the silence so abruptly that she started.

"Lily," he said.

She looked over at him, surprised at the seriousness of his tone. He was standing up straight and staring at her with that fiery look in his eyes; the one she'd noticed from time to time; the one that unsettled her a little. Just then she was struck by how large and captivating his eyes were: they were dark and soft and Lily couldn't look away. When had he moved closer? He was standing right next to her; she could feel the heat coming from his body.

"It's a Hogsmeade weekend," he said breathlessly.

Lily nodded, wondering what his point was. She knew it was a Hogsmeade weekend; they'd planned it at the last Prefect meeting, the one he had missed because of Quidditch practice. She was going to buy some new ink...

He swallowed, seeming to prepare himself for something.

"So...so will you--do you want to go with me? To Hogsmeade, I mean."

For a moment Lily was speechless. Her mind went blank and her body froze. All she could see were his lovely eyes staring into her own, drinking her in. Turning around abruptly, Lily continued organizing papers in her bag. It had hit her like a train, his question. She hadn't been prepared for it in the least; her guard had been down. A small part of her beamed in triumph, happy that he still wanted to go out with her--hopeful that maybe this time he really meant it; but that small part was soon stomped out of existence by the rest of her.

Go with him to Hogsmeade? What was he thinking? Lily shook her head, trying to understand. That because McGonagall had made them partners, she'd say yes? That because they were Head Boy and Girl, she'd say yes? Was that really what was going through his mind? Lily gritted her teeth as she felt an overwhelming wave of anger wash over her. Of course he would do this! She should have known. He was James Potter, after all. King of the Marauders and Quidditch Captain and Head Boy. How could she have been so stupid to think he'd changed? Why couldn't he just leave her alone? He had probably been planning this from the beginning; had probably cheered inside and laughed with his stupid friends about how to ask her out. Sirius showing up like that tonight had probably been planned. Old habits die hard and all that rot. The nerve of him! Things had been going so smoothly. They'd almost been done: only the presentation was left on Monday. They'd actually been civil to each other--the first time Lily could remember. Hell, they'd been more than civil. They'd been pleasant. And he had to go and ruin it with this nonsense, this immature joke he couldn't seem to let go of. Lance was right. Potter was juvenile and irresponsible and didn't deserve to be Head Boy if this was how he treated people. She'd thought he was over this. She'd thought he had grown up. She'd thought he'd finally stopped making fun of her like this. She didn't understand him at all. Tears burned the back of her throat and Lily choked them back, determined not to cry. That would just make his day, wouldn't it?

James cleared his throat.

"What?" she bit out angrily.

There was a pause.

"Are you...what's your answer?" he asked softly.

Lily blinked. Her hands shook as she gripped a book in her hands. Did he really not understand that disgusted silence she'd just thrown at him? The cold brush-off he'd received when she'd turned around? How thick was he? Did he not even recognize a "NO!" when it punched him in the nose?

"My answer," Lily said flatly.

There was no response.

She gave an exasperated snort and quickly looked up at the ceiling, suddenly struggling to breathe. "What do you think my answer is?" she choked out.

Grabbing her bag, Lily started marching from the table. She almost didn't hear him when he spoke.

"I think you might have some fun if you come with me."

She turned around sharply and strode back to him, not even aware of how her bag was painfully slamming into her side as she walked.

Her face was ablaze. "The answer is 'No', Potter. How many times do I have to say it for it to get through your thick skull?"

James' next question surprised her. "Why not go with me?" he asked. His eyes were hard.

"Why not go with you?!" Lily's voice shook with anger. She was too distracted to notice that he hadn't grinned and bragged about all the Slytherins he'd hexed. "Merlin! Maybe because I want you to leave me alone. Maybe because you're a mean, egotistical, bully. Maybe because I would rather go out with the Bloody Baron that with you." Lily willed the tears in her eyes to disappear. She'd thought this was over! She'd thought they'd gotten past this. "Maybe, because we're finally getting along perfectly well for once, but as soon as things go smoothly you have to go and bring up that childish, immature crap that you always do. What do I have to do to make you stop? I've never once said yes, and I never will."

Lily was breathing hard from her long rant, but was drawing breath to say more when James interrupted her.

"I'm sorry that's the way you see me," he said coldly, his tone biting. His face was dark with emotion and his eyes flashed dangerously from behind his glasses. "There must obviously be something wrong with your vision because that's not who I am or ever was."

"Not who you were?" Lily cried. She was too hysterical to notice that she'd dropped her bag, and that they were standing within a foot of each other. Face to face. "I seem to remember a lot of times when you bullied other kids and hexed people for no good reason!"

"That's in the past, Lily!" he answered loudly. "I--I'm not like that anymore." He looked shamefaced. "I was once, but I'm not now."

"I don't see a difference," Lily cut.

He inhaled sharply and she saw the pain on his face with primitive satisfaction.

James' eyes ran over her face, as if trying to memorize her. "I'm sorry you don't like me, Lily," he said, a pang of sorrow in his voice, "but I can't help that I like you as much as I do. I ask you out because I want to--because I want you to say yes. But maybe that is immature of me." He took a step back. "Maybe I can't see what's right in front of me: that maybe you're not who I thought you were."

He picked up his bag and paused a moment. Lily couldn't think of anything to say. Her voice didn't seem to be working.

"A guy can only be refused so many times." He walked around her, heading for the library doors. "If I see the Bloody Baron, I'll pass on your compliments."

Lily didn't know how long she stood there. It might have been a few seconds, or it might have been half an hour. All she knew was that she was hurt. She felt bruised, like someone had ripped her open and stomped on her insides and then sown her up again. Her throat was scratchy from unshed tears, and her head pounded with a vicious headache. He had always affected her this way. Almost every single time he did this, she felt like crap afterward. Why couldn't he just stop?

Dazed, Lily picked up her bag and stumbled through the dark, deserted library, hoping fervently that James wasn't waiting in the Heads' Common Room to yell at her again. Random thoughts and echoes of their row reverberated inside her head, tangling themselves into an inconceivable mess. Was he going to ask again? Why had he waited nearly two months to begin with? Why did he make her feel this way? It ran through her mind that the conversation had been unlike any of the others she'd ever had with James on the subject. He hadn't been smarmy or grinning or menacing, like in the past. Was it even remotely possible that he'd been...sincere?

Lily shook her head at the thought, only increasing her headache. She almost snorted. She knew James thought it was all just a great laugh, she knew he'd never taken it seriously over the years. He'd always laughed, always teased, always badgered her until she exploded. What about him would ever have induced her to say yes? He pranked unsuspecting students, bullied Slytherins, gloated over his talent on the Quidditch field, and never talked to her except to make some rude pick up line. Why should she think he'd changed? Because he'd been nice for two weeks? Anyone could act.

"I'm not like that anymore," she remembered. "I was once, but I'm not now."

Was that true? Lily didn't know what to think, what to feel, what to say to him the next time they met. It was all too confusing; she felt like a fragile butterfly caught up in a huge whirlwind, unable to move or escape. James had been so nice over the last two weeks. He'd thought up their topic, gotten those books from his dad, stayed up late with her to work. Why would he have brought up the dreaded Hogsmeade line if he hadn't meant it this time?...Did she want him to mean it?

It was all too confusing to think about.

Almost tripping over the foot of a suit of armor at the thought, Lily didn't hear the voice at first. She was too busy thinking and walking at the same time.

"Lily! Hey, Lily!"

A hand grasped her arm and Lily swung about, ready to smack him with her bulging bag, when she stopped suddenly, realizing it wasn't Potter at all.

It was Lance Albani.

"You okay?" he asked. Lily stared at his Prefect's badge. She remembered that James had never been a Prefect. But he was Head Boy. Another thing that had been handed to him free of charge. Dumbledore must be mad.

"Sorry, thought you were someone else," she mumbled, starting to walk again. She hoped he would leave her alone.

But that hope wasn't to be. Lance caught up with her easily.

"I'm patrolling," he said. "Cassman and I split up, figured we'd get done faster. Friday nights're always the worst--not that it's your fault. If someone has to do it, it may as well be me. But it's a Hogsmeade weekend and all, so that kind of makes up for it. I was planning to..."

Lily stopped listening, too preoccupied with her thoughts to pay attention to Lance's ramblings about how much fun Hogsmeade was.

Hogsmeade. James had asked her to go with him to Hogsmeade. "I think you might have some fun if you come with me," he'd said. Fun! Fun with Potter!? Lily wondered if there was such a thing. He seemed to have fun with his friends all the time, they were always laughing about something in the backs of classrooms...sometimes Lily envied them having such a closely knit group...

But Hogsmeade. Hogsmeade with James Potter. A date with James Potter in Hogsmeade. It was a good thing she'd turned him down, Lily told herself. He'd probably meant it as a joke, like always. He probably would keep trying now that he'd started, just like all the years before; following her down the corridors, sending her a hundred valentines, bribing her with homework help...as if she'd ever needed his help...

"...and I was wondering, well..."

...Yes, he'd definitely meant it as a joke. It had to be. Definitely. James Potter was never serious. But Lily remembered that fiery look that had been in his eyes, the one that made her heart beat faster and her mouth go dry...

"...sure we'll have fun. And then we..."

...James said he'd grown up, but he hadn't if he kept on with this stupid game...

"...are really great this time of year..."

...He shouldn't have said anything. He really should have just kept his mouth closed and they could have continued being pleasantly civil to each other...civilly pleasant...

"...so what do you say, Lily?"

Lily had decided that it was all Professor McGonagall's fault, because she'd been the one who'd assigned them to work together on her stupid Transfiguration assignment in the first place (and maybe Dumbledore too, because he'd made them Head Boy and Girl together), when she realized not only were she and Lance standing in front of the portrait hole that lead to the Heads' Common Room, but also that he was standing, waiting patiently for something, his eyebrows raised in question.

For an answer.

Oh, Merlin. What had he asked?

"Sure, fine." Lily nodded half-heartedly.

Lance's face split into a huge grin, and his eyes sparkled brightly. Lily could hardly tell they were blue in the darkness.

"Great, great," he was saying breathlessly.

He squeezed her hand. Since when had he been holding her hand?

"Great," he repeated. "So, I'll see you in Hogsmeade, then? We can meet at the Three Broomsticks--or in the Great Hall before we leave, if you like."

And then, without waiting for an answer, he kissed Lily's cheek and sped away, disappearing down the dark corridor.

Lily stood frozen. She'd thought her night couldn't get any worse. But apparently it could.

And had.

Her mind tried to understand. Had she actually just agreed to go on a date with Lance Albani? The golden haired Ravenclaw ladies' man that was jealous of James for getting Head Boy?

Potter! Sweet Merlin! Lily groaned the password to the portrait and lurched into the Heads' Common Room definitely feeling ill. Quickly glancing around to make sure she was alone, Lily dropped her bag and toppled onto a couch, wishing she would wake up from this nightmare.

Why hadn't she been paying attention to what Lance said as they walked? Now she was stuck going on a date with him. She couldn't just go up to him and say, "Sorry Lance, but I can't go with you to Hogsmeade because I wasn't listening when you asked, so I didn't know that I was saying yes when I said 'yes,' because I was thinking about James Potter--a boy you despise--and the fact that he asked me out only perhaps, you know, ten minutes before you asked me, and that he's stupid and immature like you said, and that McGonagall is crazy and so I can't go with you to Hogsmeade pleaseforgiveme"? You couldn't say that to a boy.

So she was stuck. Going on a date. With Lance Albani. To Hogsmeade.

After turning down Potter for what, the four-hundredth time?

Merlin, what would James think? That she was getting back at him? She certainly wasn't. That she preferred Lance Albani to him? She wasn't sure she did. And why did she care about James' reaction, anyway? He'd asked and she'd refused. What more could there be? What was she waiting for? Why was this so confusing? Why couldn't she feel like she had half an hour ago: happy to be finished with her project, excited for the weekend? Why did this have to happen?

Sniffling, Lily looked at James' door. It was open; he wasn't there. He hadn't come back to the common room. She felt something inside her burst, and the tears that had been bottled up for so long rushed out. She couldn't control the sobs that shook her frame; her throat went raw with emotion. Confusion and unhappiness welled up within her. She didn't know why she cried, she didn't know where this grief came from.

After a long while, Lily fell asleep on the couch, too tired and too exhausted to move.

When she woke in the middle of the night, a blanket had been draped over her, and James' door was closed.