The Soul of a Teacher

The Soul of a Teacher

Chapter One: Potions

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Severus Snape looked up from the thick yellowish parchment on top of his desk that he had been sitting on for the past two hours, dropping the quill that he had been holding and finally stretching his cramped fingers. He had been writing his lesson plan for the week and got a bit carried away that resulted to a whole two hours of non-stop writing and painful wrists.

He looked and observed his students one by one who are at the moment too busy making, rather unsuccessfully, their latest potion mixture to notice his out of character observation. He gazed at them, looking at the gleaming and curious eyes of his young and aspiring students thinking and wondering what might happen to them once they leave the peaceful and secure fortress of their dear school Hogwarts. To leave behind this sanctuary and journey into their foretold lives and destiny. If there is ever such a thing as fate or destiny or foretold future.

He set his eyes on young Mr. Potter mixing the potion on his cauldron incorrectly and wondered if will he ever see his life or even daylight for that matter, after his school days here in Hogwarts, that is if he ever lives to even graduate or will he suffer that inevitable fate that was foretold by that annoying and bogus Professor Trelawny. He already knew that almost everybody in the Hogwarts' Staff thinks she's just an old fraud, even Dumbledore, but maybe, just maybe, there was truth in that old woman's supposed to be fake and laughable predictions.

The whole school, he knew, thought that he hated Potter with every fiber of his being, but as far as confessing what he really felt, he didn't hate the Potter boy. Just merely annoyed by his foolishness, ignorance and his big round innocent eyes. Because in that boy's eyes he saw the James Potter he once knew and hated. But that hatred vanished the day that James saved him, and got replaced quickly with an emotion that Severus was familiar with yet it was an emotion that he did not dare to admit.

Envy.

Yes, he was jelous and envious of the ever so brave and valiant James Potter who seemed to have every good thing in the world. He had Lily, his friends who did him no good, good grades, perfect place on the Quidditch Team... he had everything that Severus ever dreamed of when they were still at school.

And when he look at Potter Junior, he just had to admit that, in a way, seeing him brings back that pain and suffering. Looking at him at the corridors surrounded by friends and girls brings back the Hatred and the Envy, and somewhere between that he imagined what his life would be if he would just be like Potter and his father. Maybe he wouldn't fall under the spell of the Dark Lord, maybe he wouldn't be a disgrace to his father...

Maybe...

Standing up from his rigid and uncomfortable chair, he walked around the dungeons that served as his Potions classroom and observed more about his unique class. Of course, he threw an insult here and there to those Gryffindors, especially that Mr. Longbottom who couldn't even differentiate a cauldron from a cooking pot, just for the hell of it and praised his own house for no apparent reason. Students see him as biased and mean but he knew better than to not make his students' life a living hell. By doing this, he was actually preparing them for the mean, biased and unfair world that they will embark once they get to leave Dumbledore's guidance and care.

It was actually funny to see how these children seemed so innocent and ignorant at the same time to Severus's eyes. For him, they knew nothing, nothing at all about the world and how it goes. It doesnt just revolves and rotates and performs the repetition over and over again but at the same time, it changes and it grows and no matter if that change means good or bad, muggles and wizards alike have to endure the consequences and the after effect of it. And over proud wizards say that that they have nothing in common with muggles.

His father had been telling him that since the day that he could understand english, but even though how many times that he tried to plant that in his son's thick but ingenious head, look now what good it did to him. A fallen Death Eater and a Potions Teacher with not even proper pension and enough water to rinse his hair off that un-stylish and horrid oil that seems to be extracting from his own scalp. But yet, no, he did not blame his father for what happened to him. What became of him is his fault and he takes full responsibility of it.

He moved steathily unto the center aisle, still looking after his students, making sure that none of them gets blown up and heard a comment that would have made him laugh if not for the 'sulky' and 'broody' mood that he was currently having.

"Look at Professor Snape," Lavander started the conversation. "Look how lonely he is. Do you think he had ever been in love?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

And it was Lavander Brown and Parvati Patil. He had been feeling quite generous earlier that afternoon at the start of the class and he put them in partners with the same house just to avoid another argument from Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy or Mr. Longbottom blowing up, yet another cauldron just because of his Slytherin partner's idea of a joke. But that proves to be unwise since his students now have complete permission and advantage of talking and gossiping in class even at his presence.

"I mean, look at him. Doesn't he ever get tired of living alone in his cold dark dungeons with no one to talk to-"

"Don't be stupid, Lavander. Of course he has someone. Like... like... Well i guess he talks to his potions, seeing how he loves this stinking liquids."

"That's not what Imeant."

"I could just imagine it," Parvati said, her eyes gleaming in mischief. Then she started to whisper in an exaggerated motion. "'Oh dear Veritaserum! How I love your sweet honesty! How I dore your cruel insanity! How I--"

"Parvati, shut up!" Lavander tried to warn her friend but it was too late. She knew that the object of conversation has been listening to their talk since the beginning and she can just do nothing but bow and turn beat red.

"Just WANT to just take you in my arms and--"

"That will be all Ms. Patil," Severus announced loudly causing the other students to turn and see what's going on. "Although I admire your passion and your love to my potions, I think you're going to far. You should approach me one day and let us discuss your current issue about your fatal attraction to the Veritaserum. Maybe there is still a spot for you in St. Mungo's, I'd like to reserve a spot as soon a possible."

Snickers and giggles filled the dungeons.

After the laughter died, Ms. Brown and Ms. Patil still beat red, Severus urged his class to settle down and finish their potions or he will make them eat fresh snake's skin, he got into thinking again, lost in his own world.

Oh, yes. He had been in love once, and it's not the full slutty sex shinannigans that most of today's youngsters have. It was actually real and pure. He could almost remember that time as if it was just yesterday if he did not pushed the memory to the bottom of his brain just to forget the bittersweet past.

Her name was Lucy. They actually met in their Potions class and became partners for an assignment. They became close friends and it slowly developed into something more, much to Severus' joy.

After that, things became brighter in Severus' life. Suddenly, Sirius Black's taunts and practical jokes on him did not seem so bad and insufferable. Suddenly, life had taken a three hundred and sixty degrees turn for the better and he could not dreamt more than what he had at that perfect moment.

But of course, nothing in Severus' life was normal nor perfect. It seemed that he could not have a moment of pure happiness as long as his life was concerned. All just had to be taken away from him.

Five months later of pure bliss, his own father killed the only woman he had ever loved in his whole damned existence.

"Why father, why?" he once cried. He was only fifteen years old at that time and crying was not yet forbidden, although just merely humiliating. But he did not care. He wanted to know what happened. What happened to the only good thing that God had given him.

"You know why, Severus," his father had answered him with his usual cold and curt tone of voice.

Severus just remained silent and looked at his merciless father directly at his eye.

"Enlighten me, Father," he answered, feeling as if there was nothing more to live for.

"I taught you to be strong and feel no weakness, Severus," he started, staring at him back, his cold grey eyes bearing no pity or mercy at his own son, his own blood. "I taught you how to be great, to win and take no failure from anybody. I taught you every lesson and rule that you have to learn to have victory and to fullfill what HE has in store for you. And yet you disappoint me child. I didn't teach you to love. I didn't teach you to care. Because loving and caring will just bring you weakness and failure and dishonor to this family, you hear me? I just got to do it. You're getting weak, Severus, and sooner or later, you'll become one of those 'Good Wizards' and just throw your family's honor in the trash. And I cannot let you do that. I just can not."

After that, he knew that things will never be the same again. He will never love again and he will never feel anything again except for hatred and discrimination for the things and the people who made him into who he is now. He vowed that he will find and get his revenge, sooner or later and he won't die and rest until he puts justice to what happened to him.

Because of that, he joined the Death Eaters and the leagues of Voldemort and brought terror to the whole wizarding world for over a decade and, yes, he had his revenge by killing muggles and wizards for no apparent reason, yet, he did not feel fully satisfied in what he was doing. He was once one of the most trusted Death Eater of the most evil and powerful wizard that has ever lived but yet, he felt as if he was nothing but mere single grain of sand in a vast wide desert full of it.

And with his mind set and his fighting spirit and will stronger than ever, he turned his back to all of those horrid things that he had done and ran to the sanctuary of Dumbledore's fortress. And there he welcomed him with open arms.

But that was all ancient history now, and what he has to do is face the inevitable future head on, with no one and nothing holding him back. His past must now be laid to rest just like the frozen fears that has been creeping over and over inside his brain. He must let go of all those right now or as soon as possible and prepare for the worst. Because the worst will come and nobody was too sure if they will see daylight again to tell the tale.

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