Pieces Past

Unnecessary, Irrational Fears

She'd practiced in front of the mirror. She'd lain in bed every night that week, anticipating the look of despair James would give her, the disappointment.

"I'm sorry," she would say.

"So am I," he would reply, stuffing his fists into his robe pockets. He would be angry, she reasoned. He might leave and come back drunk. He might resign himself completely.

She wanted neither.

She waited until he arrived. She'd made dinner without magic that night, preferring the rhythmic stir of the wooden spoon against the thick sauce to merely watching her wand spin above the pot. She stirred in slow, thoughtful circles, and it took a moment for her to notice when the sauce began to bubble and spit.

They sat down to dinner, and he poured her wine he'd brought. He grinned animatedly as he explained the day's events, spilling his own glass with a sweep of his hand.

"Oops," he said, correcting the mistake with a sheepish flick of his wand. His eyes turned to her own untouched glass. They travelled to her untouched plate, then back up to meet her strained features.

"What's wrong?" The question was unpreventable, and a sickeningly perfect opportunity.

She almost hated him for it.

She swallowed.

"I'm pregnant," she said, the words so dry they scraped along her throat. Her hands clutched her napkin on her lap.

Remus blinked.

"Oh," was all he said. Then, slowly, a grin began to spread across his face, wider and wider until he was suddenly on his feet, waiting for her to hug him, arms outstretched.

"That's brilliant!"

Brilliant.

Lily burst into tears.

"Lil, what-?" Remus frowned, sitting back down.

"No, no," she shook her head feverishly, bringing the napkin from her lap to her mouth, shoulders shaking. "This isn't right." Her voice was muffled. "I'm only eighteen.' Tears streamed hideously down her face, pooling into the creases of the napkin. "I can't have a- a baby..." She didn't dare look at Remus.

Remus brought his chair to the other side of the table to be beside her, and reached across to her. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Offered her his clean napkin.

All that very Remus-ey stuff that he did when she cried.

"Listen," he said in a low, soothing voice. "Listen, Lily- Lily," he said a little more sternly.

Lily turned her head to meet him, and fought like mad against her quivering chin.

"Now listen to me," he said. He was staring at her with his warm, kind eyes, smiling optimistically.

Both very Maurader-ish things to do when she cried.

"You," he said in his soft, encouraging voice, "are going to a very fine mother."

Lily swallowed, and let out a wet hiccup.

"You and James are going to be very great parents," Remus said gently, holding her eyes with his, "and one day, you'll look back on this and laugh. And don't worry," he added, "I'll make sure to remind you."

Lily laughed and hiccupped again.

"Oh, Remus, do you really think so?"

Remus chuckled. "Are you kidding? At the very worst he'll be just like James."

Lily laughed for real this time and placed a hand on his.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Don't mention it. What kind of friend would I be if I couldn't calm your unnecessary, irrational fears? Now c'mon," Remus ordered genially, standing and pulling her up.

"Where-?" Lily asked, smiling.

"To wash your face," Remus told her, grinning. "And then we're going out. For ice cream."

Lily resigned herself and headed for the washroom, where she cleaned herself up. She leaned toward the mirror opposite and observed her features- so young still. Remus had certainly eased her fears, but there was still so much uncertainty. So much more maturing to do. For both of them.

"So," Remus said conversationally from outside in the hall, "I'm assuming you haven't told James yet then?"

Lily made a non-committal noise as she banished the mascara streaks from her cheeks.

"So then, would you like me to pretend I didn't know when he tells Sirius, and Peter and I?"

Lily opened the door. Remus was leaning against the frame, smiling knowingly; James had always been secretly jealous of their confidential relationship.

Lily arched her eyebrow.

"Are you suggesting that we lie to my husband, your best friend?"

Remus shrugged. "I just think that knowing that I knew first would kind of taint the news itself."

Lily thought briefly and nodded.

"You're right. This will be something we tell him on his fiftieth birthday."

Remus grinned.

"Come on, you two-"

"Oh, God, don't start that already," Lily groaned, flapping both hands to quiet him.

"-Let's go get you some celebratory ice cream."