Linger No More

Linger No More

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

-Evanescence

*

Sometimes you stare while seeing nothing at all. The silence around you is nothing but a blur of white and black and blood. You try to close your eyes and hide from the memories screaming at you, pleading with you, clawing at you...

But you prefer to drown, to not breath for it reminds you too much of the fainting heart beat next to yours. The constant throbbing that is nothing but another ghost from the past.

Haunting you.

You make mindless circles in the sand with your toe but it too reminds you of soft, pale, tender flesh. Skin that you broke so many times driven by your lust, hunger and need only so you can tend to it later with pliant kisses.

You sigh and look up at the sky, there is no blue to offer you condolences and assurance. Nothing but a bleak blanket of grey clouds, you can feel the onslaught of storm threatening to break out yet you do not do anything to escape from it. Like an unspoken promise, the rain starts, just a drop that might even have been an embrace but it becomes cold as it slides down your face. It tastes salty and regretful, thus it makes you wonder if it's the sky's tears or your own.

Grey.

Silver.

Eyes.

Everywhere you look, the eyes follow you, accusing you of moments not forgotten. Moments like butterflies in the firm grasp of your hand, fluttering frantically but you are unwilling to let go.

You look up at the sky again but your vision is blurred due to the heavy downpour and yet again you are reminded of eyes.

His eyes.

Eyes to drown in.

And maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.

*

"Harry, come back. Please."

Harry sighs and leans against the door he was about to exit, he doesn't want to look back at those grey eyes pleading with him. They always rendered him vulnerable, unable to make any decisions.

"This has gone on for so long, Draco. I don't think this is working out. I need time to think. We both do. Get our priorities sorted out."

"We can talk about it later. Just come back to bed." That pleading tone again.

Harry doesn't have to sigh; he knows he's defeated once again. And before he can think, his feet are already guiding him towards the bed. Draco lifts the covers, ready to share the warmth with his lover.

"How did we get this far, Draco?" Harry asks as he buries his face in Draco's neck.

"Shh." Draco leans to touch his lips with Harry's. Shivering at the feel of familiarity as all words are drowned in the unity of two lips, two souls, and two bodies.

Two passions.

"Because we love each other." Draco says finally when he breaks away from the kiss.

"I know."

*

"Hey wait up for me." Harry called. He shouldn't be panting, he thought. But carrying countless bags and boxes while trying to chase your hyper boyfriend down Oxford Street can be extremely exhausting. Thankfully Draco had stopped.

"Harry come on, you're taking too long. We have so many Christmas presents to buy yet." Draco says. If he wasn't bound by the Malfoy pride and mannerisms, Harry was sure that he would be literally bouncing on his feet.

"Well excuse me for volunteering to carry *some* bags." Harry glared. Draco just laughed and gave Harry a quick peck on the lips as if that was consolation enough for running his other half wild the whole day.

"Besides," Draco smirked as he leaned closer and licked Harry's jaw line, completely oblivious to the odd looks they were getting from passers by. "If you behave, I might give you an early Christmas present."

"Will it involve white chocolate and caramel sauce?" Harry asked hopefully.

"What do you think?" Draco winked as he started walking. "Do you think I should get a manicure?" he asked casually as he studied his perfectly pale fingers.

Harry just rolled his eyes. Draco was so vain.

But Harry loved him for it.

Some things just never change.

*

"Harry, Harry! Don't do this to me please. Open your eyes."

"Always so weak, so sentimental, Draco. You are a disgrace to the Malfoy family." Pause. "You really think that Potter will come snivelling back in your arms?"

"Get away from me, Father. I'll kill you I swear."

*Laughter*

"An then where will you have to go?" Sneer. "The mud bloods will never accept you, you'll always be scum to them."

"No!"

"Show some pride, Draco. See if you can kill me - "

"Avada Kedavra."

"Harry. You're alive. Oh God, I thought I had lost you - "

"Shh - it's alright. I'm here, baby."

*

Oh God, he's so beautiful. It hurts me to just look at him; there is so much pain and anguish hidden beneath those emerald pools. I want to drink him, to devour him, to become him.

He elicits such forbidden feelings from me that I blush when my thoughts escape in that direction.

He's looking at me again as his hands do delicious things to me, as his experienced fingers roam my body and his tongue explores my mouth. He bends down and licks my nipple then blows on it softly. I shiver in pleasure as his eyes turn a dark hue. He gives me a teasing smile and claims my mouth.

It feels as if he's pouring everything in my mouth, the whispers in the night that go unsaid. Those silent and awkward moments which warrant no words. And at that moment his tongue is doing much more than making me moan, it's promising me that there's more to come.

He climbs on me and straddles my waist, I can feel the weight of his excitement on my abdomen and I can't help being aroused. I let him have his wicked ways with me; I love it when he's in control.

He bites my shoulders, sure to leave a mark. I'm his. Completely his. Body and soul. I can feel his impatience and I know it's time. He prepares me gently, like delicately opening the petals of a sleeping flower and I gasp with pleasure.

Then he's inside me and the world is no more. Nothing matters but this union between our bodies. He starts moving in and out, his thrusts are gentle at first, so much so that they are driving me crazy but I don't do anything but moan and clutch the sheets beneath me. Then his thrusts get more urgent and I know he's reaching his peak.

Once again I find his tongue stroking my own and when he finally comes he bites down on my lower lip and whispers my name against my mouth. He collapses on my chest and I entwine my fingers in his ebony locks.

He's trembling against my shoulder, for a moment I wonder if it's because of the aftermath of our lovemaking but then I feel wetness. Nothing could have removed the chill that ran down the whole length of my body.

"You have to let me go, Harry." I said softly. "It hurts so much to be here, to look at you like this."

"I can't." his voice is muffled against my shoulder. Then he looks at me and I feel as if my heart is being wrenched in two as I look at his glittering eyes. He chokes back a sob. "Why'd you have to leave?" he asks.

"Everyone make mistakes, Harry. I made one too. I would give anything to change what happened that night. But it was meant to be and nothing can change that, you need to get on with your life."

"Not without you." He replies stubbornly and rests his head on my chest.

"Harry - "

"Did it hurt?" he asks.

"No." I lie. "I had your face in front of my eyes even at the last moment. I love you."

"I know." He looks up at me and I can feel his gaze like daggers in my heart. "Can't you stay?"

I sigh. "Harry, you're young. You need to move on. I'll always be here with you. I'm your angel remember?"

"You sound like Hermione." He makes a face. I laugh. It's a wonder how Harry can still make me laugh, even after death.

"But I'm being serious. Go out and party, get drunk, have sex. I can't see you like this." My voice cracks and I hate myself for being weak in front of him.

"I love you."

I stop breathing when he says those words. It's really stupid for a ghost to require breathing but that's the way the system works. Harry had hardly ever said those words to me in life, I realized he had some issues and I never pressed the matter. I think I should be feeling angry at him for doing this to me, for saying the words that I longed to hear in life after my death, but the sheer intensity of his love leaves me feeling nothing but warmth.

"I know." I say. "I need to go." He nods but says nothing. I give him a chaste kiss on his forehead and rise through him. I know that I probably chilled him to the bone and I feel ashamed but just being that close to him, to feel that warmth is enough to erase any feelings of guilt. He smiles at me and I see the tears in his eyes, I wish I could wipe them away but I don't want to linger here lest I lose the will to leave.

I look at him probably for the last time and float out of the window, it's silly but I feel like one of those lost boys from Peter Pan moving towards Neverland. I let the wind carry me to its destination. The last thing I hear is Harry saying my name before I surrender to oblivion.

*

"You were crying." Not a greeting. Not a question either.

"So were you."

And they always left it at that. It occurred almost every morning that it had turned into a ritual.

It was silly really, grown men didn't cry.

Draco and Harry.

Harry and Draco.

But they weren't grown men, not really, just boys. Two lost boys who got burdened with weights that their weak shoulders could not carry.

Harry got buried under the responsibilities that came with being the wizarding world's saviour. Being a hero. That's what he'd always been, Harry Potter, a title. Someone that everyone worshipped. Yet he himself didn't know who he was. Yes, he was a lost boy.

Draco got burnt by centuries of expectations and traditions. He was a Malfoy. Someone powerful and feared. Yet he himself got erased somewhere between doing his duty and being a Malfoy. Yes, a lost boy.

They both didn't know how or when things went downhill. It became so bad that being in the same room with each other was claustrophobic. Lack of love wasn't to blame. They had a lot of love for each other.

True they had hated each other for the better part of their lives but at the end they were just two little boys trying to be what everyone wanted them to be. And they found each other.

No, lack of love wasn't to blame. They just didn't understand each other, they were too much alike to understand what the other wanted or was feeling. Asking questions opened up too many wounds not yet healed and neither was ready to face up to the inevitable.

So they lived their lives every day. And everyday they would let their tears convey their pain but neither would let the other see him in any state of weakness. They loved each other too much to let the other down.

Draco would wake up early and make the breakfast. Harry would come down and they would eat in silence.

Draco always left early to practice with his Quidditch team before a game. He never said goodbye.

Harry would go to the Ministry and do his duty as an Auror. He always returned before Draco and made dinner.

Then Draco would return to their modest apartment, they would ask about the other's day trying to avoid more pressing matters.

Slow, hot and passionate sex would follow dinner. Their most common way of communication.

Yes, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy loved each other.

*

"Draco, that tickles." Harry howled between laughter as he tried to squirm away from underneath Draco. "I can't breath."

"Say it then. Say I'm better looking than you."

"I'm...b-better...looking than you." Harry managed between huge gasps of air. Before Draco could reclaim his position upon Harry, he had vanished. Draco frowned.

"Hey not fair. You can run but you're not allowed to hide." Draco tried to put on his award winning pout.

Harry tried to stifle his giggles underneath his Invisibility Cloak as he crept behind Draco.

"What the - " Draco must have felt Harry but turning around was a big mistake as he found out.

SPLAT!

"Eeeuw! I'm all sticky now!" he whined and tried to wipe ice cream from his face. A grinning Harry appeared out of thin air and he was holding a large tub of toffee-flavoured ice cream. "What did you do that for?"

But he looked far too adorable with ice cream dripping from his hair and eyelashes for his glare to be very effective.

"So," Harry came closer and took Draco's ice cream covered face in his hands. "I could do this." He licked some ice cream off Draco's lips before thrusting his tongue in his mouth. Draco moaned and tried to reciprocate but Harry moved away. Instead he made himself busy with licking the rest of Draco's face clean.

He started unbuttoning Draco's shirt and dropped two more scoops of ice cream on Draco's bare chest.

"Ow!" Draco cried. "Th-that's cold, you pervert."

"I'll warm you up." Harry smirked and pushed him down on the couch. "You'll be feeling quite hot in no time."

"Promise?"

Harry's only answer was his tongue making its way down Draco's chest.

*

It had been hours since Draco had taken the car keys. I know I shouldn't be feeling worried, not just yet anyway. We were always having stupid arguments that get blown out of proportion before any of us realizes it.

I look at the clock above the fireplace and wish not for the first time that we had a magical clock. At least I would know if he was in mortal peril or not.

"No, stop thinking negative thoughts." I mutter. Great I'm speaking to myself now.

I resume my pacing. I just have a bad feeling that something's happened. The phone startles me. I stare at it for longer than necessary. Draco should be home by now. Maybe he's calling to let me know he's fine.

"Hello?" I ask hesitantly, waiting for Draco's familiar voice to answer.

"Harry?" it's not Draco's. In fact it's not a male's voice at all. It's Hermione.

"Hermione?"

"Harry - " she sounds urgent, panicked even and my heart almost skips a beat.

"What is it?" my own voice sounds so far away from me. So alien and detached.

"It's Draco - "

*

It made the headlines.

BREAKING NEWS

Draco Malfoy, war hero, star seeker of the Chudley Cannons and lover of Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived found dead on the M25 motorway in Muggle London. Circumstances show that it was a car accident; Mr Malfoy was found to be speeding and lost control of the vehicle. Mr Malfoy's trademark features were unrecognisable when his mangled body was pulled out of the metal wreckage. Post-mortem reports don't identify any alcoholic or other narcotic substances in Mr Malfoy's blood to have been the cause of the accident.

"Draco was a unique man and an asset to the team. He was inspirational and motivating. His death has left a void in the team and in the lives of those around him - " states Ron Weasley, star keeper of the Chudley Cannons at a conference following the death of Draco Malfoy.

Harry Potter is still understandably absent for any comment. Investigators are looking into all possibilities surrounding the death of Mr Malfoy.

*

Harry was jolted out of unconsciousness. He looked around to find the bed empty. He still slept on his side out of habit, the bed had always been too big for both of them and now that Draco wasn't there to share it with, it seemed absolutely huge.

Harry buried his head in his pillow yet his anguished cries were too loud to be muffled by the pillow. He started tearing the pillow until the bed was a mess of green shreds and feathers. He found something soft underneath his hand.

Harry pulled out the white teddy bear holding a heart that Draco had given him for their last Valentine's Day. It had his name on it and he threw it across the room.

"You made a hole in my stomach." Harry looked up to see a very ghostly Draco examining himself at the foot of the bed. Harry thought his mind was playing tricks with him and he rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, he found Draco had picked up the teddy bear and had sat down beside him on the bed.

"Draco?" Harry stared with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"Yep, the one and only."

Harry blinked. And in a flash he was on top of Draco. Strangling him.

"You bastard, you utterly heartless bastard. I'll kill you."

"I'm dead already, Harry. Remember?" Draco said softly staring at his lover with sad eyes.

"Oh God!" Harry groaned and collapsed on Draco's shoulder. "It hurts so much. Why?"

Draco shrugged.

"I'm a reckless driver?" Draco offered sheepishly but his grin faded at the broken look on Harry's face. He saw how much it had killed Harry after his death, sure they might not have spoken much in life but at least then they had the assurance of each other's comfort. Draco found a huge lump in his throat and he wondered vaguely if ghosts could choke. "Please, don't."

"Why?"

"I love you."

"You always left without saying goodbye."

"I'm sorry."

"Hold me."

"Go to sleep, baby."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Always."

*

A coffin carved out of the finest crystal. Fragile and beautiful.

Just like Draco.

But Draco was dead.

Trapped forever in the beautiful crystal prison.

Silver eyes shining with life no more.

Draco was dead.

Trapped in crystal.

Forever.

*

The roars of the waves crashing on the shore are synchronized with your own mute cries. You have lost track of time and it had rained so much that you could no longer feel any of your limbs.

You watch the merciless sea.

Mercy.

You remember the night he asked for forgiveness. And you gave it to him. You love him too much.

The ghosts are gone, the memories fading yet you refuse to face his portrait, you don't seek solace in his painted self. For neither of you have anything to say to each other.

You have so many thoughts that you never voiced to him. You don't want to be selfish and keep his ghost from moving on. But you are selfish. You want him for yourself.

You let the treacherous water creep closer to you. You let it cradle you in its waves. You let it drown you.

And you realize that it hadn't been a bad idea after all.

*

The End!