Show Me Your Soul

Remus remembered when he almost let his secret slip that time by the Whomping Willow. It had been just James, Peter and himself, because Sirius had managed to grow breasts (a result of a spell obviously gone wrong), and was uncharacteristically very private about the whole situation.

The three boys walked out of their History of Magic lesson and were heading towards the Gryffindor common room when, on their way, a strong ray of sunlight shone through a thin strip of glass and hit the floor. The sunlight seemed to have filled them with energy because they all had the sudden urge to run outside in the sun, wearing clown suits. Or something like that anyway.

James grinned. "Want to go out in the sun, fellas?"

They turned back and made their way to the sweet smell of Spring waiting for them outside on the Hogwarts grounds. Taking their place near the Whomping Willow (much to the wonder of many of those sat outside), a thought suddenly struck James.

"Hey, why don't we play a game?" he suggested.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Shout 'farts' at the top of our lungs, perhaps?" said Peter.

"Guys, I'm being serious, come on," he frowned. Though, he couldn't help smiling himself. "Let's take it in turns to admit to something; a love, embarrassing moment...Anything. I'll go first."

Remus and Peter just sat and stared at James with apprehension.

"Okay. Let me think." His face furrowed then lit with a warming smile. "Okay. You can't judge me or the other person involved, or tell anybody this." Peter and Remus both eagerly nodded their agreement. "Well, this was a few months ago. Lily and I...We...You know..."

Peter's jaw dropped and Remus would have probably put it back up for him had he not been wearing the same expression.

"You had sex?"

"Oh! No. Oh no. You think I'd keep that a secret? I'd probably think I'd died if that happened. We kissed, guys, no need to look so scared. We're still not going out though, so it doesn't look as though it made any bloody difference. Remus, you go."

"Well, why did you keep this a secret? With a head as large as yours, I'm sorry James but it is, I'd have thought you'd have bragged about it to the whole school. Or at least told us."

"Yeah, why don't we know? Does Sirius know?" asked a slightly indignant Peter.

"Look, it just kind of...happened. She made me promise to never tell anybody. I don't think she wanted to do it either, she looked as though she'd eaten a slug..." He pondered on this, frowning.

"Lips too wet for her."

"Oh shut up you piss pot. You go now, I've done mine."

"No, Peter you do it; I can't think of anything just yet."

"I saw Snivellus arse-naked once!" he burst out with laughter.

"Um, on your own Pete, that's dire," said James, shaking his head and vaguely trying to remember why he was friends with this immature plebe.

"No comment. Apart from the question running through my mind right now; what on Earth were you doing?"

"It's kind of a long story actually. I can tell you if you want?"

"No," chimed Remus and James.

"Oh. Okay. It's quite funny if you'll hear me out. Guys, you've made me feel stupid."

"That's because you are. Seriously, couldn't you confess to something like having wet dreams, or fantasizing about a spotty first year, or...anything but that? Remus, go."

He closed his eyes and pictured Sirius in his mind: the way long locks of his dark hair draped over his forehead; the way his eyes squinted and lips pouted when he concentrated; the way he lit up the whole room with his smile; the way his voice sent shivers down Remus' spine; the way his hands were rough yet somehow slender; and his touch. The way he sometimes accidentally brushed his hands across Remus' face when leaning back to stretch in class, oblivious to the effect it had upon Remus each and every time.

"No. Back to you."

"I don't fucking think so mate! Say it! We've said ours, now it's your turn."

"No, I really can't tell you anything that's not too personal. Peter, go on."

"Um-"

"No! Don't speak, he's yet to confess something." James flashed his brown eyes in Remus' direction and it surprised Remus how his chocolate brown eyes had the effect stormy grey eyes, like Sirius', had; they were so serious and demanding and managed to make Remus feel as though James was searching beyond his face, and reading his mind. Though, of course, Remus was yet to find somebody who could do that as well as Sirius could. Sirius didn't even try, it seemingly came naturally to him.

Remus rattled his brain, and stopped the invisible line of power that seemed to float between James' eyes and his own. "Look, James, please respect my privacy. It's all too personal and I simply cannot disclose such private information."

"If you really didn't want to tell us anything, you'd have easily made something up by now."

Remus thought about this for a second, and realised James was right. He was one of the year's top pupils, yet how stupid could he get sometimes? "Well, fine...I'll give you a clue." James and Peter sighed. "It's better than nothing! It's something to do with Sirius." He wondered for a quick second if he'd provided too much information. James wasn't exactly stupid and Peter...well, he had his ways of finding out things. However, by the bewildered looks on their faces, Remus decided the information wasn't too giving.

"Um. You and Sirius ate...grass?" suggested James.

"You know I had a thing for grass when I was five, no secret there."

"Give us another clue please?" pleaded Peter with those watery, blue eyes.

"Fine," he replied without even thinking, as though he sub-consciously wanted them to know, "um." James let out an exasperated sigh. "Hold on I'm thinking! Oh, it's related to the situation Sirius is in now."

Of course, that was just complete and utter rubbish. How would Sirius' current 'situation' have anything to do with Remus fancying the pants off him for years? Remus wished James never started this game.

After what seemed like ten years of thinking, James finally spoke, "I'm tired of this cryptic shit. Just tell us straight out. We won't judge you. You're a bloody werewolf for crying out loud, did we judge you then?"

"James, I'm not saying you'll judge me. Your reaction...I'm not looking forward to your reaction. And keep it down I don't want the whole castle knowing what I turn into once a month."

"Oh, so this is more surprising than us finding out you got bitten by a wolf when you were about...four years old? Look, I'll confess to something else."

"Go ahead," replied Remus, his face expressionless.

"Then will you tell us?"

"Probably not."

"Merlin. About a week ago, remember that night when I had to hurry off somewhere at around midnight? Well, I went to the Astronomy Tower. I was kind of on a date there with, do not laugh," he stressed on the word 'not', "Darleen Crawford, guys stop laughing, and, well, it got a little hot and she assumed I was going to do it with her, because before I knew it she was standing right in front of me completely naked. In the fucking nude."

"That's embarrassing?"

"Yes! It was so awkward because, well, you know they all think I've done it about a million times so I was like 'shit, how do I reject her?' and in the end, I told her I had to go finish my homework for Transfiguration, and ran off. I was almost in tears of shame and pure embarrassment."

Remus and Peter were hardly able to contain themselves; they were choking with the laughter, and didn't even stop when James punched them both. James, himself, did add in a snigger or two, though he didn't seem quite ready to laugh about this matter just yet.

"You have to say yours now. I guarantee that what you're refraining is not half as close to being as embarrassing as that was."

"James, what I'm hiding is not so much embarrassing. More like pointless and random." That was a lie. He couldn't have gotten more embarrassed about anything else in his life.

"Just say it! I'm seriously considering ever speaking to you again. This is killing me."

"You are so nosy. Respect my privacy!"

"Oh, come on. I'll give you another one," Peter added.

"No, you're all right there. I'd rather not here about your mysterious events. You'll be telling us you've seen McGonagall's tits next."

"Um..." Peter blushed a violent red.

"You haven't? Oh, Peter. I'm fucking speechless here. Vile." James carried on the violent swearing for a few more seconds. If any two people in the world were to win the number one award for swearing, first would be Sirius, second James.

"Oh bog off, James. Like seeing Crawford naked wasn't worse!"

"Are you serious? Merlin on a bike, even she's way sexier than McGonagall bloody is! Remus?"

"Um, yes," he answered, trembling slightly, "she has a round arse." What else was he supposed to say? When it came to talking girls, Remus was absolutely useless. Aside from the fact that he'd never even had a girlfriend, he didn't find them attractive in the same way James did, therefore all that girl-talk limbo was gibberish to him and he was convinced that if he'd even attempt to say she was 'fit' or something, they'd find out he had no sexual interest with girls right away.

"Round arse? What are you on?"

"Never mind."

"Swiftly moving on, you and Sirius had a breast party? You and Sirius made breasts?" James hopefully added.

"No."

"You and Sirius gave eachother breasts and started fondling each other."

"No."

"You and Sirius made breasts and kissed eachother to get eachother horny." James grinned at his, what he apparently thought, clever comment.

Remus felt the tiniest of sweat drops protrude from the side of his forehead, and felt it tickle its way down to his jawline before disappearing into the sleeve of his robe. "No," he gulped.

"You're just saying 'no' to everything we say. What's the point?" protested Peter, impatiently ripping grass from the soil and throwing them towards Remus in thick batches.

"There is no point because I'm not telling you! Stop now! I wish you never started this."

"Well I did start it, and we won't stop until you tell us. Does Sirius know this, supposedly, cringeworthy story of yours?"

"No!" he answered a little too quickly. "And it's not a story. Just a fact. A fact not worthy to speak out loud so forget it. Forget. It. Just leave it."

Suddenly, Peter's face lit up and the widest of grins grew across his plump cheeks. "I know what it is," he said with a mysterious glint in his eye, which there hardly ever was.

"You do?" the other two asked.

"You, Sirius and his 'situation'. You weren't talking about the breasts at all, were you?"

Remus had no idea on what Peter was getting at, but James looked intrigued so Remus decided to play along, anything to get James off his case. "Continue."

"You're talking about the time when you helped Sirius...shave. You know, get rid of his...hair. Hair in certain places. I saw you a while back, you can't deny it."

"You fucking did what?" grinned James with vague shock in his eyes.

Remus thought back, and immediately remembered what Peter was talking about, but he had no idea that Pete knew! That sly dog. If this was a different situation, Remus would have put some sort of lasting spell on Peter at that moment, but he did do him a favour as James seemed to believe that this was his long awaited 'secret'.

****

It was a miserable day for both Sirius and Remus. They'd both felt a little lonely and restless after the last OWL exam, and decided to leave the garden celebrations (at which James endlessly tried to grab Lily's full attention), and go back to their common room. Then, Remus hadn't developed his feelings for Sirius quite so seriously. It was just a 'teenage boy crush', nothing more. He certainly didn't think much of the event which followed, nor, it seemed, did Sirius.

At about six in the evening, a short while before the Gryffindors began making their way up to start common room celebrations, Sirius and Remus somehow got into a pointless and intimate conversation. They always did that. They always conversed about pointless things yet they were always fulfilling, and helped eachother get to know more about one another, which always surprised each of them; the closest friends think that they know every single detail about each other, then they learn something new.

Sirius told Remus that he was in a sticky situation, that he'd recently been rejected by a potential partner, because of his pubic hair. Of course, James and Peter would have easily laughed at his face at being told this, but Remus felt proud that Sirius could speak to him and trust him not to tease Sirius. So, he offered to help out. No big deal. They both found themselves in the Gryffindor Boys' Bathroom helping eachother out with a few things. So what? That was all it was, at the time. It wasn't as though they'd never seen eachother naked before; almost all the boys in the shower room get naked in front of eachother anyway. Now, when Remus thinks about what he'd do if he'd be in the same situation with Sirius today, he becomes dizzy in the head, and feels woozy.

****

"Well done Peter," he smiled.

"YES! I got it! James I got it!"

"Yeah, I got that bit, do you want a prize? Gods, Remus, I never bloody knew that."

"Obviously not."

"So, that was it? That's more embarrassing than what I went through? You've seen Sirius stark naked thousands of times before! You've seen almost the whole of Gryffindor's boys naked. We all have, mate!"

"Yes. There you have it. Want to go check on how Sirius is doing?"

"No need mate." James grinned and jerked his head towards something behind Remus. "He's heading this way right now. Sirius!"

A wide grin flashed across Sirius' stubbled face; hair wildly dancing with his strut; those grey eyes madly sparkling and making the sunlight look quite feeble; a breastless Sirius was, indeed, approaching. A familiar touch clapped Remus' shoulder and two strong arms pulled him round and choked him. A manly hug, of course.

"I missed you, guys! Why didn't you come up to see me?" he frowned.

"You fucking missed Remus more. How come Pete and I didn't get a homecoming embrace, eh?"

"Now, don't be jealous, James, you'll get your share." Sirius, who still had Remus in a headlock, grinned and Remus felt himself blush at Sirius' comment to James, much to his own annoyance.

"And me?" asked a hopeful Peter.

"You can keep his breasts, Peter. We'll specially mould them to look like McGonagall's for you."

"Shut up, plank."

James emitted a cheeky sound of a laugh and playfully ruffled Peter's hair.

"Peter, my amigo, I give you my token of love. So what's this about McGonagall's boobies?"

****

It was just over two months on from that event, and Remus sat on his bed in the small room that was the sixth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory reminiscing, eyes closed.

"Remus," sighed a distant voice, "Earth to bloody Remus."

"Huh? What?" He opened his eyes to see a bored James before him. "Sorry, I'm just a bit tired. What do you want?"

"'What do you want' he says," repeated James, "what I want is your attention! We're going down to the lake, Peter reckons he's seen the giant squid, you know, at it."

"Oh, wonderful. How fascinating," said Remus, eyebrows arched, face twisted with a mixture of disgust and vague interest.

"Oh, do be quiet. Let's go." He beckoned Remus to follow him.

"I'm not sure, I think I'll stay here and go over some work or something."

"You mean stay in here and fantasize about Sirius? I don't think so, come and you can see the real masterpiece, Sirius Black, at work. Not that kind of work." James laughed at the astonished look on Remus' face.

"You-you know? But...I'm not. It's not," gaped Remus.

"Now you're just incoherently spluttering. Sounds a bit like me when I was in sixth year, trying to get Lily's attention every second of the day."

Remus thought of commenting on that and reminding James that he still does try and get Lily's constant attention every second of the day, but decided against it. There were more important matters to discuss. "But...how? How did you know?" he finally managed.

"Mate, it's fucking obvious, the way you stare at him, and drool when he's doing his Freddie Mercury impressions. Plus, the way you say his name at night. Didn't know you had a dirty gland in you. Personally, it makes me sick but you're my best mate, I'm willing to let you off."

"I say things at night? James! What if he's heard me?"

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean the opposite of 'yes'."

"Stop being so useless. I don't know what I'd do if he found out. Ever." Remus Lupin, Mister Apathetic, was panicking.

***

It was strange to watch Remus in such a state, it rarely happened. He was the laid back one; the one to calm things down in frantic situations. "Shit, de-stress, Remus. I know because...I just do. I know Sirius better than I know myself sometimes, he'd tell me. Anyway, if he was to hear you, he'd make a joke about it the next day, you know what he's like. He'd enjoy it. So...just be calm." He placed a rough and bony hand on Remus' shoulder and felt them relax.

***

"James! Remus! Come ON!" Sirius' voice shouted from down the common room.

"Okay, let me just put myself together. By the way, this doesn't mean I'm, you know, gay."

"Sure it doesn't," said James with a wink, a smile cornering either side of his mouth.

"James. I'm not. I'm not gay."

"Who are you trying to convince exactly?"

"You. Everyone. Anyone-"

"Remus, it's fine. We're not going to think of you any differently just because you swing for the other side."

"Gods, don't put it like that."

"You know, that 'game' we played by the Whomping Willow, a couple of months ago, confirmed it."

"Dropped myself in it, didn't I? Is that when you found out?"

"No. I had an idea way before that. It's the reason I started the game."

Remus' eyes widened with sudden understanding. "So that's why you kept insisting on hearing my so called 'secret'!"

"Yeah. Only I gave up after a while after realising that you really didn't want to tell us."

"But my clue involved Sirius, why didn't you just come out and guess it?"

"Oh right, yeah, 'Oh I know what it is, Remus! You fancy the pants off Sirius!' Sure, like I could really say that. Besides, I wanted you to tell us in your own words."

"Fair enough," replied Remus, smiling.

"Don't know why you care so much. Sirius openly told us he was bisexual years ago. Well, not so much told us. More like showed us."

"Yes but, well, that's Sirius, isn't it? He's the most popular person in this whole castle," and realising the look on James' face, he added, "along with you, of course Your Majesty, so it comes easily to him. He's...confident."

They finally reached the end of the spiral staircase and the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, which was currently occupied with a fair few students.

At least we're going somewhere quiet, thought Remus.

Once they reached the lake, Remus, James and Sirius flopped onto the freshly cut green grass beneath the sun whilst Peter hysterically jumped on the borderline of the lake, trying to find the giant squid.

"It worries me how he's really intrigued by a squid mating with another creature."

"You know, Remus, I was thinking just the same thing."

"Ditto," sighed James, slightly shaking his head at the sight to his left: Peter was currently shouting to himself that he'd seen part of the squid re-appear. "I bet the squid's messing with him."

"Do you think it'll swallow him up?"

"Don't sound so hopeful, Sirius. Be careful for what you wish for."

"I am being careful."

***

Friends can be such arseholes sometimes. A lot of the time. So he happened to find himself in awkward situations a lot of the time, so what? It wasn't his fault.

Or was it?

Peter had been minding his own business, if you can call walking around the dungeons at three in the morning 'minding your own business'. It was important that he went because Sirius had questioned his bravery and his daring nerve that day, and so dared Peter to go down to Snape's dungeons at night and get something to prove he'd gone. That way, Peter would show Sirius that he did have a few risky bones in his body. But, of course, a Pettigrew never has good luck. Nothing is ever that easy.

The first bit was easy, he'd managed to get to the dungeons and quietly tiptoe to the cupboard in a sauve manner that would have surprised even himself, had he not clumsily tripped over a misplaced stool and made such a loud noise.

Of course, Snape was there like a bolt of lightning. Apprently too quick to have remembered to wear something to cover his naked bits and bobs. Picture it, a dumbstruck Peter, silently cursing himself for ruining the perfect chance he'd had to prove himself, and, before him, a butt naked Snape. Perhaps if Snape hadn't brought a lantern with him the darkness would have allowed him to maintain his dignity, but even that one hope was stolen from them both.

Without getting into too many gritty details, ears steaming, Snape cursed Peter and, in turn, Peter legged his way out as soon as he was permitted. He ran as fast as his short legs would allow him.

That's that story. See? Wasn't his fault.

As for seeing McGonagall half-naked, to put it shortly (simply because the memory almost brings Peter to tears), being the curious boy he was, Peter felt the need to know what the staff bathrooms were like and, well, you can guess the rest.

Again, not his fault. He just somehow managed to find himself in these weird situations, and not remembered how he'd got there in the first place. Why must life be so hard? Wasn't it enough that he was short and piggy?

***

After a few moments of sweet silence, wonderfully coloured by the magnificent golden sun rays, James began to sing, "one day while bathing in the sea..."

"My talking dolphin spoke to me," sang Sirius, doing a little hip jig on the ground.

"It spoke to me in symphony," added Remus, chuckling at Sirius' little dance.

"From freedom's peace beneath the sea!" And with that, Sirius got up and did a wacky Brian May/Freddie Mercury inspired performance for anybody prepared to watch.

Show off, thought Remus, smiling to himself.

****

Sirius watched Remus, who was sprawled on his back across the grass, his t-shirt just touching the tanned skin above his belly button, and enjoying Sirius' exclusive performance. Although the moon suited Remus, the sun didn't do him too bad either; her aureate rays complimented his skin tone perfectly, and Sirius had to fight the sudden surge he had to jump on top of him and bite his ears, which looked as though they were purposely crispy gold for Sirius' use. His sunkissed hair glowed magnificently, and even his sweaty forehead looked precious.

Every day, he wished that he could have Remus all to himself. He wished he could hold him tight in his arms, the morning after each full moon he had to endure, and tell him he loved him, and that everything was merry in the world because they had eachother.

Sirius, you cheesy bastard, he thought to himself, good thing they don't know the real reason on how you managed to grow boobs. Trying to turn into a sexy girl for Remus' attention so you could have him all to your greedy self. What were you thinking, you plum?

Just tell him, said the daring side to Sirius, he knows you're wild so it won't really surprise him. Go on.

No, argued the boring and sensible Sirius, I can't. It'll ruin our friendship. I can't, I won't, let that happen.

****

In a world that can be so insane, I don't think it's very strange for me to be in love with you. I want to know more than your brain. Sentimental gentlemen are not afraid to show you when, I am you, you're my best friend, show me your soul.