Taken up the Aisle

Taken up the Aisle.

"Look, I promise this won't take too long," Harry sighed. "I just think it might be nice if we made the effort to do some of these things together. I know you never had to lift a finger when you were growing up, but it really wouldn't kill you to help out sometimes."

"Harry, when I think of ways we can spend our time together, going around a supermarket isn't what immediately springs to mind," Draco protested, trailing behind his boyfriend. "If you're so fed up with doing all the chores, why can't we just get a house-elf like I said? Besides," he said with a pout, "I totally help out with the shopping. I always come into the kitchen and talk to you while you unpack everything."

"And I really appreciate that," Harry replied diplomatically. "The thing is... the thing is that I don't want you to feel left out. I'd hate to think that you were feeling excluded or that you weren't playing a big enough part in our relationship, because there were all these things that I do without you. If you think about it," he continued, starting to get carried away with his slightly desperate theory, "if you think about it, this is one of the most romantic things we could do together. Working as one to buy things for our home. To gather the food which is, if you want, the foundation of our life together."

"Honesty, Potter," Draco sighed. "You don't half talk a lot of wank sometimes."

Shaking his head, Harry went to get one of the large shopping trolleys and wheeled it towards the sliding doors of the supermarket.

"What the hell is that?" Draco said suspiciously. "I know I'm not exactly enthusiastic about this little exertion, but you don't need to wheel me around."

Harry laughed. "It's not for you, you ninny! This is to put the food in. Wow. We've been together for four years, but I've never quite realised until now how oblivious to the real world you really are."

Scowling, Draco followed his boyfriend into the supermarket. "Oh God, Harry," he moaned, grimacing. "Look at this place! It's so big and bright and... clinical. I'm sorry, but for me a shop isn't a shop without a thick layer of dust. Look how shiny everything is! Seriously, why can't we just shop in Diagon Alley?"

"Because this is much more convenient," Harry replied patiently. "You can get everything you need under one roof here. Besides, you're still going through your obsession with Skittles and you can't get them in the magical world."

"They are like little pieces of rainbow," Draco said wistfully.

The two young men set out, Harry pushing the trolley and Draco sticking close to his side, giving the other shoppers suspicious looks. "Ugh," he said. "Harry, how can you stand to do this every week? You don't have any space! The whole place is full of hideous, obnoxious children getting in the way!"

At this, several irate parents turned to glare at them.

"Er, Draco?" Harry said, smiling nervously. "Remember how we talked about using your quiet voice when we're out in public?"

"Whatever. I'm bored. This is boring."

"Want to push the trolley?"

"Potter, I'm not five."

Moments later, the pair were brought to a stop by an old lady who was carefully perusing the selection of tinned vegetables, paying no regard to the fact that her trolley was blocking the aisle. Draco sighed loudly. "Hey, Harry. I'll give you five Galleons to ram her with your trolley."

Harry bit back a laugh. "Shh! Draco, be nice. She's old."

"Well, I suppose you're right. I mean, she's going to die soon. She has less time left than us. We should wait for her. Oh, screw that. Hey, lady! Move it along, would you? You're in everybody's way!"

The old woman looked very flustered and moved her trolley out of the way, and Harry walked past, trying to ignore the way that other shoppers were giving them dirty looks. Draco smiled serenely and followed his boyfriend.

"Merlin," he said a few minutes later as they made their way down the drinks aisle. "This place is certainly good for an ego boost, isn't it? I mean, look how plain everyone is! We're going to leave here feeling like we're gods! Seriously, do you never come across attractive people in the supermarket? Ooh, look at her up ahead! Look at her! Isn't she fat? Ugh, there should be a size limit on leggings; no one needs to see that. Ha! And she's buying diet coke! Give it up, love, you're fighting a losing battle. God, she makes Millicent Bulstrode look positively svelte!"

"Draco Malfoy!" Harry rounded on him angrily. "If you can't behave, you'll have to go out and sit in the car! We are going to get lynched at this rate! You were being perfectly pleasant when we went to the park yesterday, but now you seem to be turning into Joan bloody Rivers! I know this isn't your idea of a good time, but we are in a relationship. And relationships can't always be about romance and sex. Sometimes the boring stuff has to get in the way, and it would be a lot easier if we could share it in good grace. Now will you start acting like my boyfriend instead of making everything difficult?"

Draco pouted, but desisted in making any further rude comments about their fellow shoppers. He continued to sulk and trail a few paces behind his boyfriend, until something in the pharmacy aisle completely distracted him from his grievances. "Omigod, Harry! Look! They're selling sexual lubricants here! Look, do you see them? Right there on the shelf, just above the cough medicine! LOOK!"

"All right!" Harry hissed. "Keep your voice down, would you? There are children around."

"Exactly!" Draco replied, wide eyed with incredulity. "It's scandalous! They shouldn't put that kind of thing out where children can see! Hey, Harry?"

"What?"

"We should totally get some."

"What? Draco, we already have lube at home and we really don't need any more right now."

"Yes, but it isn't supermarket lube, is it?" Draco replied in the kind of tone you would use when talking to a small child, and not bothering to whisper as his boyfriend was. "Think of the novelty! Oh, and look! Condoms! Look at them, all lined up there!"

"Draco, will you keep your voice down!" Harry said, his face the colour of beetroot.

"Oh, don't be silly, Harry; sex is nothing to feel ashamed of. Look, those ones are ribbed! That could be interesting. We haven't tried that, have we? And what are these ones? Ooh, they heat up once they're next to your skin."

"Darling," Harry sighed. "In the wizarding world you can get vibrating condoms, you can get condoms that increase the size of your penis, you can get condoms that sing the bloody national anthem while you shag, if that's what you want."

"I know," Draco replied. "But they're not from the supermarket, are they?" Seeing the look on his boyfriend's face, he thought it would be best to explain himself. "Harry, you said before that in a relationship, the romance and sexy stuff sometimes has to take a back seat to life's practicalities. But it doesn't have to! You see? I'm trying to bring some sexiness to the supermarket!"

Harry smiled grudgingly. "Okay, I get it. I'm sorry. But, like you said, there are children around, so maybe we should keep our voices down." He put an arm around Draco's waist and they walked off, but not before Draco had grabbed the lube and a couple of packets of condoms and thrown them into the trolley. He grinned saucily at Harry, who couldn't help but grin back.

"Hey," Draco whispered. "Maybe we could get some chocolate spread. Then I'll let you lick it off me."

"That sounds lovely," Harry replied in an undertone. "But remember what happened the last time we decided to bring food into the bedroom? We got ice cream on the sheets, you completely flipped out, and we spent the next three hours dry cleaning. It wasn't exactly the pinnacle of our sexual career."

Draco sighed. "Okay, firstly, those were Egyptian cotton sheets and they cost the earth. Secondly, we don't necessarily have to be in the bedroom. We could do it over the kitchen worktop if you like."

Harry looked intrigued.

"Firstly, we'll strip completely naked," Draco said, lowering his voice seductively. "Then we'll get some strawberries and dip them in the chocolate spread and feed them to each other. Then I'll let you cover your hands in the spread and rub it all over my--"

"Draco!" Harry interrupted in a strained voice. "Stop talking! I refuse to become sexually aroused in the pet food aisle! It just isn't on! Er, we might have to go back and get that chocolate spread, though. Just in case."

Draco grinned wickedly. "Are you sure you don't want to get turned on in the supermarket, Harry? Are you saying that you don't find the idea of doing me right here on the floor remotely arousing? Mr Potter to checkout three! Draco Malfoy needs assistance with his package."

"Draco! Stop it! Now is not the time! Come on, we've only got a couple of things left to get, then we can go."

"Oh, come on, Harry!" Draco cried, no longer bothering to keep his voice down. "Are you saying you don't want me? Come over here and scan my barcode!"

"What? Draco, what does that even mean? If you're going to make innuendos, at least ensure that they make some kind of sense first!"

"Oh, come on, Harry. I know you want it. Come on, come and do me in the supersexymarket!"

A very conservative middle-aged couple who happened to be passing blanched at Draco's words, and eyed the two of them suspiciously.

"Yeah, that's right, we're queer!" Draco told them cheerfully. "We make with the gay sex! Get over it!"

The couple looked as if they were choking on their own tongues and hurried off, muttering darkly to each other. Draco burst out laughing.

Harry raked his fingers through his hair. "You know, I never thought I'd ever get nostalgic for the days when you still wanted to keep your sexuality a secret," he told Draco. "Seriously, if I end up with high blood pressure, I'm blaming it on you."

As the pair stepped out once more into the cool evening air a few minutes later, shopping bags in their hands, Draco smiled warmly at his boyfriend. "Hey," he said. "Sorry for being such a bitch earlier. You were right - we should share this kind of thing. And you know what? I actually had quite a good time."

Harry grinned nervously. "That's... great. Listen, I think I was a bit selfish earlier. I shouldn't rope you into doing everything with me. I mean, I really don't mind doing the shopping on my own."

"Nonsense, Harry!" Draco protested. "From now on, we are going to share all the food shopping chores. I promise that in future, you will never have to go to the supermarket alone."

"Thanks, love," Harry sighed resignedly. "That... that really means a lot. Come on, let's go home and watch TV."

As Harry drove out of the parking lot and began the short journey back to the flat the couple shared, Draco turned to him. "Hey, you did remember to pick up that chocolate spread, didn't you?"

Harry grinned. "Of course!"

"Eeeeeexcellent," Draco replied, leaning back in his seat and smiling contentedly. He couldn't understand what Harry was making such a fuss about. Grocery shopping was fun.