Theory

Chapter Five - Truths and other Delusions!

Hermione sat waiting in the common room, her Angel wings still neatly attached to her back. She hadn't bothered changing. She had returned to find Ron and Draco in the boys' dormitory on their own, deep in conversation. Harry hadn't been there. And while all the others had by now passed through the common room on their way to the dormitories Harry had remained absent. So had Theo for that matter.

Sure enough, when at last the Portrait Hole swung open and Harry climbed through, it came as no surprise to her that he was followed by Theo.

Ignoring the smaller boy, Hermione turned to Harry with a questioning look. He gave her a faint smile. "Hi, Hermione. Why are you still up?"

"I've been waiting for you. We were worried," she said with her tone clearly stating that this should have been obvious and had therefore been a most insensitive question.

"We?" Harry asked, his hand already on the banister.

Hermione gave him a curious look. "Well, Ron and I and... Harry, are you all right?" It was so obvious that he wasn't, but... Theo was still in the room. Hermione gave him a brief look and the other boy, apparently getting the message, quickly made his way over to the stairs. He didn't look much more cheerful or less awkward and guilty than Harry, Hermione noticed, which fuelled her suspicions about the boy's involvement in Harry's recent mood shifts. Theo seemed actually downright glad for being given the opportunity to leave the scene.

Yet Harry was quicker.

"Yes. Yes, I am all right," he replied and before Theo could even reach the staircase, he wished Hermione a good night and took the steps two at a time.

Talitha's fingers had barely touched the handrail, when Hermione suddenly grabbed her wrist to hold her back. "Wait." Talitha swallowed silently and turned to face her. The other girl looked far from friendly. "Explain," she ordered simply.

"What?" Talitha asked, trying hard not to give too much of her inner state away. Her eyes fell briefly on her wrist in Hermione's hand. Hermione followed her view, but didn't let go.

"I want to know what's going on? What happened?" she demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it." Again her view trailed down to her wrist. Suddenly she noticed the dried blood on the back of her hand. Shit! She had completely forgotten about the cracked mirror.

"But I want to hear about it!" And once more Hermione's eyes followed Talitha's and... "What happened? Have you been fighting?" she exclaimed suddenly, her tone changed, finally letting go of Talitha's wrist. Her eyes fixed her, nevertheless, as physically to the room as her hand had done before.

Talitha sighed, letting one finger trail over the ginger cut on the back of her hand. She walked over to one of the sofas. "No, we haven't. This was an accident," she quickly dismissed the matter before she sat down. "I... Remember when I was looking for Harry back in the Great Hall? Well, I knew he wasn't out with Draco and Ron and I knew he... had been a little upset, so I went looking for him. Found him too."

"And?"

"Well..." Talitha hesitated. Oh, how she would like to confide in the other girl right now. Although Hermione seemed hostile towards her, Talitha had taken a liking to her, appreciating the fact that her hostility rooted in the wish to protect her friend.

Talitha could do with a female friend right now. She was so tired of everything. She was confused too.

However, confiding in Hermione would involve telling her the one thing she had successfully managed to avoid ever since she boarded the Hogwarts Express, the truth. Talitha quickly dismissed the thought and pulled herself together. She put on a fake smile.

"I asked him why he had left the feast. We talked. That's all."

"Liar," Hermione said forthrightly. Talitha dropped the fake smile.

"Hermione, I... I'm tired," she said frankly, her voice almost emotionless with exhaustion, "Can I go now?"

"You don't even deny it!" Disbelief traced her voice.

"Deny what?" Talitha had been nothing but a liar ever since she arrived here. But what was a lie anyway?

"That you just lied to me," Hermione replied.

Talitha sighed and stood up, making her way over to the stairs. "Listen," she said upon reaching the banister. "If you want to know what happened tonight, I reckon you should ask your friend. I won't tell." And slightly more quietly she added, "I don't even really know it myself. Good night."

***

"It is such a pity..."

"What is?"

"Well, he and Potter looked so good together."

"Who? Theo?"

"Course. Didn't you see them together at Halloween?"

"I did. I almost didn't know whom I wanted more."

"But... why exactly is it a pity that they looked so good together?"

"Yes, I didn't quite catch that drift either, I mean -"

"Not that they looked good together! But haven't you noticed?"

"What?"

*conspiratory whisper* "Well, haven't you noticed that they've rarely been seen together ever since Halloween? Some say they were fighting that night, but I don't know..."

"Maybe..."

"What?"

"Maybe they are lovers. Maybe they did have a fight because one of them got jealous, or -"

"Ewwww! Stop it! That's sick! They're actual people you're talking about!"

"But as you said, they look so good together! Wouldn't it be the most romantic -"

"NO!"

...

*in an afterthought* "Yes, I have noticed that. But there is more to it... Maybe they have been fighting, but it is the Weasel that is getting the beating for it...."

"Pardon?"

"Leave her. She gets like that sometimes...."

***

One afternoon soon after Halloween, Draco managed to catch Ron alone. He had waited for an opportunity ever since shortly after the feast. In the end, he saw himself forced to create such an opportunity to separate Ron from his friends.

Ron had forgotten something from his room, a book, and had told his friends not to wait for him and that he would swiftly go back to the dorm and fetch it. For this Draco had waited outside the Gryffindor Portrait Hole in the shadow. He swiftly climbed through after Ron.

When he made himself noticed, Ron jumped slightly.

"Looking for this?" Draco held up a book.

Ron exhaled in relief after realising who it was. "Has no one ever told you not to creep up on others like that?! You will find yourself Avadakedavraed one day."

"Well, that's probable and a fate I'm willing to face," Draco said coolly with a half-grin, as he let himself fall gracefully onto the sofa.

"Don't joke about that!" Draco shrugged his shoulders in a 'who says I'm joking?'-manner and was rewarded with a skywards look by Ron that clearly indicated that he was just thinking the one word for which he reserved this special look of desperation - 'Slytherins!'

Ron let himself fall next to Draco - far less gracefully though. He smiled at the boy, took the book out of his hands, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Draco pulled a face, yet his silent protest went unnoticed.

"Thanks for the book. Where did you find it?"

"In your bag." Ron looked puzzled. Draco rolled his eyes. "It was me who took it. I need to talk to you."

Finally Ron noticed that something was amiss. At seeing Draco in the common room, he had thought the boy had come for a quick hidden kiss, or maybe even a little more. Now the excitement he had felt made space for apprehension.

"About what?"

"We haven't seen each other since Halloween," Draco pointed out dryly. But his matter of fact tone next gave way to a more emotional, slightly irritated voice. "Why are you spending so much time with him?"

No use pretending not to know whom Draco was going on about. "Well, he's my friend and it is obvious that he has some sort of trouble. I just want to be there for him," Ron said upright.

"He is being horrible to you!"

"So he is to everybody right now," Ron pointed out, but a brief flicker in his eyes betrayed him. Draco had hit a sore spot. "He's in a bad mood, all right, but as long as I can't figure out what's the matter, I won't leave him alone just like that!"

"Bad mood?!" Draco's eyes widened slightly at his friend's apparent blindness. "Ron, he is looking for trouble, he... Do you not hear his comments?!"

"Yes," Ron admitted now, his voice turning more and more silent. "But he certainly -"

"He knows!"

"He doesn't, he -" Draco's expression was cool and bitter.

"Ron, he's being horrible to you, almost seems to try to pick fights with me and did you hear what he hissed at me in Potions after I asked for a new spoon because mine was bent?"

"No...," the Gryffindor said quietly, but his voice barely hid a trace of unease.

"He asked me, what my problem was - he thought I usually liked it bent." Ron's eyes widened and a quick smile of bitter satisfaction at the effect he had gained hushed over Draco's face before he repeated one more time, "Yes, Ron, he knows. That's for sure."

"But... but," Ron stammered, "But we figured - I mean, okay, maybe he knows, and... and he probably needs some time to adjust to the idea, but... but surely that's not his big problem, we -"

"For Merlin's sake, Ron!" The Slytherin jumped out of his chair at the sight of so much insensibility for a situation. "Look at the way he's treating you! Look at the way he's treating his so called 'best friend'! Of course, that's his big problem."

"Draco, calm down." At Draco's outburst Ron had found back his senses. "I mean..." He took a deep breath and tried to take Draco's hand, but the other boy pulled it away, glowering down at him. "I mean, supposing he knows, he will certainly need some time to adjust to the idea, but in the end it will be all right. It's not that bad. I don't know why you're so furious."

Of course, Ron was playing the whole thing down. They had wholeheartedly agreed that they wanted their relationship to stay a secret. Although they had both come to terms with the fact that, by loving each other, they were each in love with another boy, the fact that they were also both in relationships with someone else, someone they loved as well, always kept alive a sense of wrongdoing. It had actually been Ron, who had been especially keen on keeping it a secret to protect his sister and girlfriend.

And the look Draco gave Ron that moment strongly wanted to remind him of all that. Ron sighed.

"Okay. So the situation is bad," the redhead admitted, "but I'm sure, if I talk to Harry, he won't tell anybody." Ron had stood up and now laid his arms gently around Draco, encircling him from behind. The Slytherin put his hands upon Ron's, which rested on his stomach, but humpfed. Ron knew instantly that his lover was thinking of the discussion the two had once had - he knew what the Slyth was thinking, "A Gryffindor won't last one hour under torture."

A brief smile flickered over Ron's face before he was caught up again in the seriousness of their present situation. "Anyway, Hermione and I figured that his problem right now must have something to do with Theo and -"

Suddenly Draco broke out of his lover's embrace. "Fuck!" he swore heatedly and very unlike him. "I'll kill the little bastard! I -"

"Draco!" Ron grabbed one of the other boy's arms and forced him to face him. The blond was breathing heavily with obvious fury. "Draco, talk to me! What are you going on about?"

"I... I..." Draco lowered his arm and Ron slowly let his hand slip off the other boy's wrist. Suddenly Draco looked guiltily back at him. The redhead felt immediately alarmed. Draco never felt guilty! He didn't approve of this feeling, and the look seemed alien on his face. Ron had seen it there only once or twice before and then the situation had indeed been bad.

"I wanted to tell you, but there was no situation when..." The feeling of alarm in Ron's chest increased. Draco never began a sentence with any kind of apology. "Theo might have something to do with Harry's problem, but differently from what you think. Theo knows about us."

"What?!" Ron exclaimed harsher than intended.

For a moment it seemed as if the Malfoy was about to lower his eyes, but apparently remembered just in time who he was. "He found out, when I was writing a letter to you in the library," Draco confessed. "I wanted to tell you earlier, but..."

The redhead's eyes were slightly blank. "But didn't you tell him that he mustn't tell anyone," Ron asked, sounding helpless and suddenly very tired.

"Yes, I did. I even threatened him and I seriously thought he would... I've been so stupid."

"I never thought him to be the type, who would betray anyone like that," Ron said simply, "I can't really believe he told Harry, I -"

"He must have."

***

Talitha hadn't missed a class since Halloween. She had attended them and participated with new vigour. She learnt more than she had done in the whole year and, in those few days since the incident, she had stirred more trouble in class and had made more snide remarks than in the weeks preceding it. Somehow she had managed to wriggle her way out of all detentions but two so far. Yet even detentions suited her at the moment. Attempting to avoid the common room, mainly to avoid questioning by Hermione, she tried to fill her days as much as possible. The remaining time between meals, classes, homework, and bed, she dedicated to her rehearsals.

Twice she had tried to talk to Harry, but the boy almost went out of his way to get out of hers. She still wanted to know what had been amiss the night she had found him in the smashed room. She still wanted to help him, but...

But she just couldn't get him out off her head!

When she was rehearsing a play, Harry would play the other part in her head. They would both be someone else and would enact scenes of enmity, friendship, and love until Talitha found herself so frustrated with always losing her lines that she would have to take a break, forcing Harry out of her head. At least for a few scenes.

When she was in detention, it mostly involved physical work, which engrossed her too much to repeat lines or think of homework, but allowed her wandering mind enough freedom to think about what Harry was looking at when his wand produced the Lumos charm at night, making his curtains glow and her heart as restless as his.

Or when she was sitting in class, like now, and she had the feeling that, every now and then, she could feel his eyes linger on her back, she found herself almost unbearably tempted to turn around, face him, make him face her! Whenever that happened she could be sure that the next time she opened her mouth to answer a question, the teacher in question would find him- or herself itching to give Theo detention. And Talitha found extreme satisfaction in the fact that the Professor's inner fight brought her the briefest of distractions.

Nevertheless, she was also angry with Harry. Again the situation between them had changed, and again it had been Harry to bring about and enforce the change. Yet again, Talitha had been passively pushed about from one position to another! Harry set the rules! He did not treat her meanly or anything. No, with deep regret Talitha saw whom he had decided to treat badly in her stead, but his avoidance of her was something Talitha couldn't fight without open confrontation. So it had again been him to turn the tables and she couldn't have stayed friends with him even if she had wanted to.

Then again... Talitha knew very well what was going on. Or at least, she knew a good deal of her part. She always knew her part! She knew that she had fallen for Harry. She had hardly ever had more than a crush before, but it was exactly the novelty and strength of what she felt now that gave Talitha so much certainty about what it was.

Yet she found that she could not have chosen a more inconvenient time to fall in love for the first time in her life....

Anger welled up anew, as she felt Harry's eyes upon her once more, and she accidentally set fire to her sparrow. The tiny bird took off in a panic and several shrieks and a shouted spell later Professor Flitwick hurriedly came over to her with his eyes wide. "Mr. Callidis, this charm is supposed to momentarily impair the bird's vision, but this doesn't involve blinding it with smoke!"

"I assure you, Professor, this was an accident," Theo said quickly, having the decency to look slightly shocked at what he had done.

"Well, until you have mastered the spell properly, I'd say you rather try it on a less easily inflammable creature," he said and summoned a turtle from Hermione's desk. Then he turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, if you could be so kind as to take care of Mr. Callidis' sparrow."

When the Professor had gone back to his table, Talitha spun around and found herself facing Harry. She narrowed her eyes to slits and gave him the most hostile look she could muster.

She took a deep breath and returned to the task. Why was Harry such a coward, she found herself thinking. Why was he so afraid to love her? No, to love Theo? If, after all he was said to have done, he couldn't even be courageous enough to face his own feelings, just because he was in love with a boy... Yes, Talitha knew that he had fallen for Theo, as she had fallen for him. But she would never give up now and reveal herself, just so the great Harry Potter would have an easy go! If he was that shallow, he certainly wasn't worth it! In weeks she hadn't gained as much satisfaction from the certitude of the knowledge that she would be leaving in less than two months anyway! And her eyes prickled as a tiny flame bounced off the turtles scales unobserved, the tiny creature pulling its head in.

***

"Harry?"

Harry was on the verge of snapping an unfriendly 'What?', when the echo of tentativeness, almost bordering on fear, from Ron's voice sank in and made his stomach turn. Had he been that horrible lately? He could feel how even in the now unnaturally long silence, Ron grew gradually more nervous. He turned around and faked a smile.

"Yes?" Ron looked almost taken aback.

"Would you like to practice the new moves with me? We might not have such a fine still evening again in weeks, and -"

"Sorry, Ron. But I... I need to finish this essay." Harry waved a hand at the parchment in front of him. "And I am fairly tired anyway."

"Oh... okay." Harry knew Ron inside out. He could tell that his disappointment had hardly anything to do with Quidditch moves. Ron had wanted an opportunity to talk with him away from everyone else, but had been too afraid to mention his wish frankly.

Harry felt a pang of guilt. It dawned on him now how badly he had been treating Ron. He knew he had to try to stop that, but... But if he had to talk to him now for more than five minutes, Harry knew he would end up hurting him again. Nowadays he couldn't look at his best friend for long without a feeling of mingled disgust creeping up in him at what he knew about him and Draco.

"In fact I might just go up to bed," Harry said then, shuffling his paper together.

Upon reaching the stairs he glanced back at Ron from the corner of his eyes and felt a fresh pang of guilt at the forlorn look on his friend's face. He quickened his steps. The dormitory was deserted as Harry had hoped. He took his time getting ready. His eyes flickered over to Theo's bed. The other boy always kept his curtains closed, whether he was there or not.

The pain upon thinking of him was almost physical. Harry had hardly ever felt as dirty in his life. Every night since their nearly-kiss Harry had had the same dream over and over again. And again he heard his aunt's voice in his head, as his eyes lingered on the closed curtains.

'So strange, so abnormal...'

Harry did not know what made him feel worse, the shame about the dreams that always led up before his aunt's appearance, her voice in his head, telling him how wrong his desires were, or the fact that... that he felt that aunt Petunia had been right and Harry felt disgusted with himself.

The others wouldn't come upstairs for at least another half an hour. Harry took the liberty to take advantage of this luxury and locked the door with magic. He needed a shower. He took his clothes off and stood in front the great mirror that hung in a corner next to Ron's bed. He stood there for at least a minute looking at himself.

In his dreams he was back in the destroyed Room of Requirements, yet unlike that night they hadn't stopped but had started kissing. First gently, then more passionately. He felt Theo's soft hand first on his cheek, then wandering away and keenly encircling his neck. Harry couldn't get enough of him. Feverishly he sought to prolong the kisses. He couldn't be close enough to the boy. He pulled him closer until Harry could feel himself pressing hard against Theo. His hands thought the rim of Theo's T-shirt at the small of his back and crept underneath it. Theo's skin was amazingly soft and hot to his touch and he responded with a soft high moan, when Harry at last pulled away to kiss his way along the other boy's neck.

Then the moan would turn into aunt Petunia's unpleasant voice and all of a sudden Harry felt himself bursting with shame at what he had been about to do, and at facing her with his still hot arousal.

Harry looked away from his reflection, as a sudden blush crept over his face, and went over to the bathroom where he closed the door behind him with a clicking sound.

Talitha lay flushed flat on her back, breathing heavily. She closed her eyes, but the image of Harry seemed imprinted into her vision on the inside of her eyelids. She should just have looked away when he started undressing, but... At first he had been with his back to her. When he had stepped in front of the mirror her heart had started racing, as, with a flash, the memory of the other night came back to her. She had felt like a dart, ready to fly off. What would she have done, if he had attempted to hurt himself again? When he stood there unmoving, however, and stepped away from the mirror with nothing but a flush covering his face, the afterimage of what she had just seen began to sink in and stun her.

Talitha felt hot and ashamed at not having looked away, but at the same time unwilling to ban the image from her head. His arms, his stomach, his back, his bum, his... She had seen it all and she couldn't remember when she had last felt such longing.

The distant sound of falling water suddenly brought Talitha back to her senses. He mustn't find her here! Silently she got out of bed, through the softly rustling curtains, whose gap had revealed so much, and opened the door with a muttered spell. Once outside, she locked it again and set off.

Halfway down a thought sprang into her mind. If she went down to the common room now, apart from risking giving Hermione the chance she had been waiting for, she would also show that she had been upstairs with Harry. Not hesitating, she went back upstairs, climbing silently past their dormitory to the very top of Gryffindor Tower, where she sat down next to the window in the small, circular, unfurnished room, waiting for the sound of the others coming upstairs.

While she sat there thinking about her situation and what she had just seen, feeling the longing arise inside of her, taking its place right next to the bitterness and anger, a resolution slowly took shape.

She would fight!

***

"Draco, I will talk to him!"

"You had a week to confront him and you didn't do it!" Draco pointed out harshly. "Why should I believe you will do it now?"

"There was no opportunity!" Ron insisted. "I will talk to him as soon as I can, but Theo keeps avoiding the common room. He is never there! And surely you don't want me to confront him about it during dinner, do you?"

"Just make sure you get an opportunity before I do!" Draco hissed, fury in his eyes.

"Draco," Ron said now gently, trying to calm him. "I mean, even if he told Harry, which he probably has," he added at a threatening look from his lover, "Harry's being more civil again, isn't he?"

"That is not the point," said Draco stubbornly, and he pulled his hand out of reach, as the Gryffindor tried to touch it. Ron sighed.

"Draco, don't you think the situation is already unpleasant enough without us arguing?" The grey of Draco's eyes turned one shade lighter, and this time, when Ron tried to get closer, he let him and welcomed his hand with his own.

Anything along the lines of 'You are right!' would have been too un-malfoyish to come across his lips, so Draco did what he could do with them instead, and slowly closed the distance to give Ron a kiss.

And the redhead knew Draco's sign language well by now and answered it in the only appropriate way. Pulling away just long enough to lock the door of the Quidditch changing room with a muttered spell and a wave of his wand, he engulfed in the game.

'Let's use the little time we have for something better than arguing,' Draco's hands said now, as they fumbled with Ron's Quidditch robes. The Gryffindor mustn't return too late, or people would be suspicious or ask unnecessary questions.

Draco left the changing room a further twelve minutes later, still feeling hot and somewhat unsatisfied. He had been forced to stop, when Ron had insisted that he needed to get under the shower, leaving Draco with a lustful longing and uncomfortably tight, and sticky jeans.

He was just rounding the corner to the hallway that led up to the stairs downwards to the Slytherin dungeons, when he heard voices from one of the class room doors. He stopped in his tracks and listened. The door opened. Now he could clearly make out Professor McGonagall's voice, "First subjects, then alphabetically, do you understand?"

"Yes, Professor. Good night!" Draco's heart skipped a beat and his eyes turned anthracite again.

"Good night to you too. You can come and collect your wand at my office. But don't turn up after midnight."

"Okay, Professor."

The head of Gryffindor house closed the door behind her and made her way in Draco's direction. He quickly took a step back and receded into the shadows. She passed him oblivious to his presence.

As soon as her footsteps had faded away, Draco rounded the corner and went over to the room. Light shone through from underneath the door. He placed his hand on his wand and slowly turned the doorknob. He entered silently. Theo stood on a stool in front of a shelf at the far end of the room. Draco suppressed the urge to hex him here and now without warning and decided that he wanted the other boy to know fully well what, or better still, who had hit him. He stepped closer.

"Night, Callidis," he said, gaining a great deal of satisfaction from making the other boy jump. "Have the decency to face me, will you?"

Barely having avoided falling off the stool, Theo stepped down and turned around.

"Draco, what -"

"Impedimenta!" The spell hit Theo in the stomach and knocked him backwards into the bookshelf. A few books fell out, hitting the boy hard. With a swift movement, Draco was kneeling in front of him, giving him a gleeful smile.

"Pardon? I didn't quite catch that." For a moment Theo's eyes seemed blank with shock, but to Draco's delight anger soon welled up in the other boy. He struggled to get up, but the spell had hit him hard and every bit of movement caused tremendous effort. Draco took a step back and watched him struggle with a bit of awe. By the time he stood it appeared that Theo had managed to shake the spell off, for his speech was not impaired.

"What was that for, you bastard?" he hissed, touching his cheek. His fingertips came away red, for a book had hit him with its edge.

"That was for starters! Relashio!" Theo just managed to close his eyes in time. He attempted to protect his face from the sparks flying at his face, but let out a shout of pain, as the spell scourged his skin. Even before the sparks had stopped shooting from Draco's wand, however, Theo took down his hands and opened his eyes wide enough to glimpse at Draco. He made an attempt to jump at him. The Slyth, however, had been careful to leave some space between himself and his opponent, and before Theo could reach him he found himself stupefied.

Draco kneeled down next to the limp form of Callidis and took a moment to look at him. He was pretty. Well, he would be, if it wasn't for the cuts and burns. Draco set him into an upright position and gave his wand a skilful wave. Ropes shot out of the tip, binding the other boy's wrists behind his back.

"Enervate!" As if waking from a heavy sleep, Theo stirred, then shook his head slightly. For the briefest of moments he looked at Draco with soft, questioning, forlorn eyes, then memory dawned visibly on him, he blinked and when he next looked at Draco his eyes were full of cold uncomprehending fury. He briefly struggled to move his arms only then noticing the ropes binding his wrists.

"Does it make you feel great to attack someone who is wandless?" Theo spat.

"Never cared whether my opponent was unarmed," Draco said lightly, now sitting on one of the many chairs, leaning forward against the backrest. "I rarely make a point out of fairness, when I want to inflict pain on someone. The mere intention somehow indicates that I don't really care for that person, don't you think?"

Theo gave a short scornful laugh which, to Draco, sounded almost pleasantly Slytherin-worthy. "And may I ask what arose your desire to inflict pain on me?"

"Well, I promised, didn't I?" Draco pointed his wand at Theo, gave it a sharp little jerk downwards and a flash shot past, leaving a cut at the side of the defenceless boy's throat. Theo's lips were tight, but he didn't give any indication that he had felt the blast. "I promised that I would make you feel pain you couldn't even imagine, if you told anyone about Ron and me."

"Which I haven't!" Theo retorted firmly.

Draco went on as if he hadn't heard. While he spoke, he lazily shot several more cutting flashes at Theo, cutting through his clothes and scratching his flesh. "I must admit that it was an empty threat at the time. I had no idea how to inflict that kind of pain, since I believe you to be quite imaginative, but I think I should be able to see it in your eyes when I have reached the point where -"

"I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!" Theo shouted.

Draco looked somewhat taken aback at the sudden outburst and lowered his wand. Then the smile came back to his face. "So you didn't tell anyone, eh?"

"No," Theo repeated firmly.

"So I am not the only one who sometimes thinks that Potter is a nobody," Draco mused, "Well, I suppose, he doesn't count then." Theo's eyes widened slightly, yet Draco couldn't yet read the boy well enough to know the cause.

"This is about him?" he asked with an unknown softness of incredibility in his voice.

"Wrong. This is about you," Draco corrected him. "You told him."

"No, I didn't." Theo said once again, but now his tone had changed from defiant to explaining. Draco faked a bored expression and raised his wand again. "No, Draco, wait, please. Let me explain. I swear I didn't tell him, but -"

"Stop lying!" Draco now shouted. "Stop trying to wriggle out! I know you told him! You were the only one who knew, you -"

"That's not true!" Theo said, raising his voice above his. "He knew! He knew before I did!" That struck!

"What?"

Visibly relieved, Theo took a deep breath and began to explain. "Harry knew. I had a chat with him after I found out and... well, I asked him something and I could see in his eyes that he knew."

"You could see it in his eyes," Draco repeated sceptically.

"Yes, I..." Talitha could feel that Draco didn't believe her, but she didn't know how else to explain herself. She felt as if she was fighting a losing battle, and armed herself for the next blow from Draco's wand. To her surprise, he didn't raise it.

"Let's say for a moment that I believe you," Draco said, his tone making clear that he did not. "Why now then? Do you seriously want to tell me that Harry has known about us all along and that it has nothing to do with you that he suddenly decides to treat his so called best friend like dirt?" Again Theo's eyes widened for a second. This time, however, Draco could tell it was with some kind of dull realisation. He averted his eyes.

"No," Theo said silently.

"Good." Draco raised his wand.

"But I didn't tell him," he said tranquilly. Draco once more lowered his wand, feeling annoyed and impatient.

"I give you one last chance to explain yourself, before I check whether I remember what my father taught me in Sunday school."

"I'm not afraid of your surname, Draco," Theo said calmly. "Anyway, when I tell you, we will be even. You will have as much to hold against me, as you think I hold against you."

And Theo began to tell Draco about what happened at Halloween. He didn't tell him about how he had found Harry, of course, but about the near kiss and how he knew that Harry had fallen for him, yet could not accept that, because he was clearly homophobic. She explained in depth her theory about why Harry was treating Ron and Draco the way he did, though she could see at Draco's dismissive look that he had been able to conclude that himself.

"So, yes, it had something to do with me, but it wasn't my fault."

"I see," Draco said simply and with one wave of his wand he released the other boy, who stood up gingerly.

Draco turned his head towards the book shelf. "First subjects, then alphabetically?" he asked. At first Theo didn't understand, but when the blond pointed his wand at the books, he gave a short nod. A few spells later the books were in the requested order.

"I would collect my wand tomorrow though, if I were you."

"Why? It isn't midnight yet, is it?"

"Certainly not. But take a look in the mirror," was Draco's simple answer. "You should go back to Gryffindor Tower. Try to find Ron. He is quite good with healing charms. Say 'hi' from me, will you?" And with that he stood up and left without glancing back, closing the door behind him.

***

By the time she reached Gryffindor Tower, the pain had time to develop and she was aching all over from Draco's treatment. To her great relief and surprise the common room was empty when she climbed through the Portrait Hole, except...

"Good night. How was your detention?"

Except she hadn't noticed Hermione sitting comfortably in an armchair near the fire. In an attempt to pretend that this didn't bother her, Talitha turned to her and said in a friendly voice. "Eventful. Do you know whether Ron is still awake?"

"No, he probably isn't," Hermione replied. "He went upstairs a while ago. Why?"

Talitha sighed. "Hermione, could you do me a favour? Could you please try to keep that constant suspicion out of your voice, when you talk to me?"

"Give me one good reason."

Theo sighed again and stepped into the light. "If Ron is asleep, maybe you can help me with a few healing charms," he said simply. Hermione gasped. She took one step towards him and raised one hand to touch his cheek, but caught herself in time.

Upon lowering her hand she asked, "How did that happen?"

"Long story," Theo answered dismissively.

"Sit down," said Hermione, gesturing at the armchair near the fire. "I am not as gifted as Ron, but he taught me a few things. I will see what I can do. I need to get a few things out of my room though."

Talitha sat down. After a minute, however, she got up again and went over to the window to look at her reflection against the pitch black sky outside. Looking at her face, she was filled with a boyish pride at seeing her cuts and wounds. Nevertheless, when she remembered the silence with which she had endured the pain Draco had caused her, there was a definitely female note to the pride that filled her. She smiled. It hurt. She didn't wince.

Hermione returned and Talitha sat back down.

When Hermione began to wash her cuts with a slightly burning liquid, she kept still.

"So, will you tell me what happened?" she asked again.

"I had an argument with Draco Malfoy. In the end, however, we figured it was merely a misunderstanding," Theo said offhandedly.

"A misunderstanding..."

"Yes." Hermione applied one substance to the cuts and one to the burns. Then she washed both with water and finished the treatment with several healing charms.

While the wounds healed Hermione kept close to Theo's face. She looked at his features, his eyes, his lips. She had had no opportunity to look at her closely before.

"Why are you pretending to be a boy?" she asked plainly, standing up and taking a seat in the chair opposite her.

Talitha felt her throat close instantly. Her hand went for her pocket, but she remembered with a jolt in her stomach that she hadn't picked up her wand. Scheiße! Her mind worked franticly, but her head began hurting, as if she had tried to wind a clock up too far. And then it went blank, as the hopelessness of her situation sunk in.

Hermione suddenly looked worried. "Are you all right?" she asked. The other girl had turned pale and looked as if she would be sick. When Hermione came closer though, she leaned back in her armchair to avoid her touch. She had wanted her sudden question to create an impact, but she hadn't intended anything like that.

"I'm... I'm fine," she said. Her voice sounded higher than Theo's and the sudden femininity in it startled Hermione. She summoned a glass of water and held it out for the other girl.

Talitha took it and drank it in one go. "Thanks," she said. She felt tired. "How long have you known?"

"Known, only tonight. I had my suspicions though." At the look of misery on the other girls face, she added, "I don't think anyone else has got a clue though and I didn't tell anyone."

"Good." For a moment there was silence and Talitha felt a dulled sensation of relief spread through her very slowly. Hadn't she wanted someone to confide in? Indeed hadn't she, less than two weeks ago, felt the wish to confide in Hermione anyway? And by now she felt quite used to the feeling of not being involved in the bring-about of important changes.

Still, she also felt utterly exhausted. The confession would have to wait. She had had enough talking for one night.

"Would you be very cross with me," she said then, "if I answer your question tomorrow?"

"No," Hermione said with a look of surprise on her face.

"Okay, then I'll go to bed. Good night." Talitha stood up and made her way to the stairs. She was up the first few steps, when Hermione called after her.

"What's your name?"

Talitha turned around. "Talitha," she answered. Her name sounded pleasant to her ears - alien and familiar at the same time. She hadn't said it out aloud and hardly ever even thought it in months.

***

The next day Talitha told Hermione about the deal she had with her parents, mentioning how important it thus was that Hermione didn't breathe even one word about her true identity. It took Hermione some time to believe that Talitha was sincere. It was quite a lot to take in! The person she got to know appeared so different to Theo. Moreover, she had expected to find some girl with an identity problem or something. Talitha had played her role so well that Hermione had thought that she felt more like a boy on the inside and that her pretence, in a way, hadn't been a sham at all. When she heard the story about Talitha's parents and that all this was supposed to be about some argument about education, Hermione had found that hard to believe at first. All in all it seemed to her quite a big thing to do just to avoid another one and a half years at Hogwarts. But soon enough the girl had her convinced. When Talitha told her story she seemed so changed and so honest about it, the way she spoke about her wish to become an actress was so passionate, that Hermione thought that she must either be sincere or the best liar she had ever met - so good in fact that she deserved to be believed either way.

When she told her that she believed her, Talitha seemed genuinely relieved and glad.

"Thanks," she said with a smile.

"What for?" Hermione asked.

"For believing me," Talitha replied. "And for finding me out. Sometimes I thought I was on the verge of losing myself in this...."

"I still find it hard to believe what you're putting yourself through."

"Well, giving up was never much my thing."

"I guessed so," Hermione said with an ambiguous tone to which Talitha raised a questioning eyebrow.

Hermione didn't answer it. Instead she asked after a moment's silence, "Will you tell me now what happened between you and Harry that night at Halloween?"

"No," Talitha said simply. The other girl gave her a can-that-confession-be-any-bigger-than-your-last-one?-look. "Don't get me wrong," Talitha continued. "I would. But I don't think it is my decision. I still think you should ask Harry. And, no offence, but if he decides not to tell his best friends, do you really think it would be the right thing to do to tell them behind his back?"

***

"Harry?" Theo came closer and placed his hands gently on Harry's cheek. "What are you doing?" Harry felt completely out of breath, but whether it was due to the destruction he had just caused or to Theo's presence and touch he could not tell.

"I'm here," he whispered. "You are not alone. I won't leave you." He stroked Harry's cheeks gently with his thumbs, before slowly closing the distance and pressing his lips on Harry's. They felt soft and warm and Harry couldn't help but respond. He parted his slightly and allowed Theo's tongue to enter and open them further. Harry felt Theo's hands slip away from his face and loosely encircle his neck. This was the moment for Harry to pull away. He didn't. Instead he found his hands toying on Theo's waist for a moment. He could feel the other boy giggle against his lips, probably ticklish. Harry smiled. He pulled Theo closer - he wanted to taste him, touch him, feel him pressed against his own body! He loved him! And he wanted to experience him to the full - that gentleness and passion he had seen so often in the other boy's eyes. That passion that had stirred him so much. That gentleness that had made him fall.

He began to kiss his way along Theo's neck, his hands wandering under the boy's T-shirt and was rewarded with a soft high moan and his name came longingly over Theo's lips - gentle, like a passionate prayer. "Harry."

"Harry!" Theo crumbled to dust in his arms. So did the room around him. Suddenly darkness pressed him down, yet the darkness felt incredibly solid, as it hit his head and he found himself forced to crouch to the ground. A tiny barred window in front of him opened with a metallic sound, and the sudden light that fell in stripes on his face blinded him.

"Harry, you turned out to be a freak just like your parents. But even they wouldn't have sunk that low!" He noticed that he was back in his very first bed room - the cupboard under the stairs in the Dursleys' house. Panic and shame flooded him in equal measures. For one moment longer he felt his aunt's eyes peer down on him through the slits and he wanted to die, when he noticed that he was still aroused. "You are disgusting," she said snidely and banged the door window shut with a horrible, metallic sound.

Harry woke with a start. Still panting, he heard his aunt's voice echo in his head.

'Strange. Abnormal. Disgusting.'

He felt sick. Causing as little noise as possible, he hurried to the bathroom.

***

"I would like to go to the Bouncing Beagle," Ron announced, as everyone was making suggestions as to where to go for the next Hogsmeade weekend.

"The Bouncing Beagle?" Theo asked with sceptically puzzled look.

"It's a new pub, where they try to introduce a magically improved version of a Muggle game called pool," Ginny informed him. "A few of my class mates went there last time. Here." And she unfolded a creased little leaflet, and smoothed it against the table.

Harry seized it and studied it. On the paper was a big headline 'Wizards Pool - the new game sensation at the Bouncing Beagle' and underneath it a sketch of a pool table with one bluish orb hovering about three foot above each hole. The balls were hovering too in a pyramid formation one and a half foot over the middle of the table.

"Looks like fun," Harry said, handing the paper to Hermione. He could see her mind work frantically as soon as she laid eyes on the leaflet as to how that might possibly work.

"Can I come along as well?" Theo asked.

"Of course," Hermione answered absentmindedly, her mind still on the moving picture. Harry gave her a surprised look, which went unobserved.

So went the questioning look which Ron gave Draco and which was answered with a tiny nod in return.

"Thanks," Theo answered. Harry, however, had the curious feeling that he was answering more in Harry's direction than in Hermione's. Whether he had or not, the smile afterwards was definitely addressed at him. "I hope we will be on speaking terms again by then," he said in a friendly tone.

At last Hermione looked up. Everyone was eyeing Harry more or less openly out of the corner of their eyes, waiting for his direction. For a moment he looked thoroughly nonplussed and cornered.

"But... we are on speaking terms," he stammered. Suddenly everybody seemed very interested in filling their plates with pudding. Hermione hid her face once more behind the advertisement.

"Good," Theo said lightly. "I'm looking forward to the pub," he added in the more general direction of everybody, getting off the table. "See you later."

Talitha left the Great Hall with a feeling of immense satisfaction. So she could enforce a change as well as he could! Harry's stunned look had been priceless! She was indeed looking forward to the weekend. She had officially declared her personal battle.

Harry might be a coward, but she would turn this vice into her advantage. She wanted him and she would get him! She would allow neither him, nor the fact that she would be leaving after Christmas to take away her chance to enjoy her first love as long as possible. She was determined to make the best out of the time she had left here. And Harry's cowardice would be the perfect memory to balm her conscience, when she broke his heart and left Hogwarts for good.

***

fin