CATastrophe

CATastrophe

File the First: I'm a Tiger!

Draco Malfoy had been waiting for the weekend desperately. This was it. Today he would finally be doing it. He had been training for several years now. He had been musing about the right choice. About which animal he would become. He had settled for a cat! Never mind that the old Gryffindor cow had chosen the same. He, of course, wouldn't become a common tabby. Malfoys were never common at anything. Of course, he hadn't been exactly able to choose which kind of cat he would become.... But he supposed he would become the breed that most suited him and naturally this would be some really expensive looking, great, noble, strong, wild, beautiful - well, he would soon see what a striking cat he would make.

He decided to do it this evening during dinner time, hoping that his dormitory would be empty. He wanted it to still be bright outside, not wanting to stroll around after dark his first time as a tomcat.

When he stole away from his housemates on their way to the Great Hall and turned straight back, he felt excitement creep up his spine. As a cat he would find the most secret passageways in Hogwarts, those even stupid Scarface with his oh so marvellous Invisibility Cloak couldn't get into. Still wondering what he would look like, Draco entered the empty dormitory. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror, noting that his canine teeth would be the most impressive ones ever held by a cat. Ceremoniously he began to lay down his clothes. The book about Animagi had said it would be much harder to transform with clothes on and he didn't want to risk a half-transformation. His reflection very much pleased him. Darn, did he look good! He would outdo that shabby tabby cat by eons.

Finally he began to concentrate on the transformation. Not knowing what exactly was expecting him, he closed his eyes, to avoid his meditation being disturbed by the image of him changing into a cat. Focusing on the animal left in every human being, his mind filled with the blackness of pure instinct and then... He had the feeling that he was starting to shrink. Hair was growing all over his body. Parts of his body were warping, reforming, growing. His senses became sharper. He felt even his insides change and then... He felt complete again. The shrinking, reforming and growing had stopped.

Tentatively he opened his eyes and looked at his new reflection in the mirror. Sitting there on his hind legs he saw a creamy white, delicate tomcat looking back at him out of blazing bluish grey cat-eyes. He surveyed himself carefully. By the great Salazar! He was a good looking guy! His eyes were huge, almond shaped and slightly sloping, providing his look with eloquent elegance. His head was somewhat wedge-shaped, with a long straight nose, which gave his face a stylishly fluent look. His ears were huge and pointed. He could hear a fly sneezing quietly at the far end of the room. His short-to-medium-length fur looked soft and silky - really precious - and was somewhat wavy at his belly. He had a slight ruff and a bushy, yet still sleek looking tail. He stood up on all fours and noticed the strength of his hind legs, that were slightly taller then his front. His chest was well built, his paws fluffy and beautiful and his straight whiskers gave him an almost aristocratic appearance. With one word - gorgeous!

Entirely satisfied he turned around once more, thrilled by his success, then tore his eyes away from the mirror and turned towards the door.

Darn. It's closed! I should have left it a gap wide open. Well...

He flexed his muscles, took aim - noticing with a tinge of awkwardness that his bottom made an odd left-right movement in anticipation - and before he could really think about it, he jumped upwards. He immediately hit the doorknob and the door opened.

Merlin! I must be some sort of natural talent.

Now he wanted to explore the Hogwarts grounds outside. He sneaked around the castle, smelling completely new things on the way and found his way outside. This was so cool! His bushy tail high up in the air, he trotted easily along. Then...

What's that over there?

It was a mouse. He felt himself go rigid almost instinctively and was barely able to stop himself from jumping at the mouse.

Urgh! Malfoy, you don't want to have that filthy thing in your mouth.

The small grey mouse hushed away. Draco made his way on.

I'm the master of nature! I'm a Lion! I'm a TIGER! - Tigers don't eat filthy grey mice, they eat... well....

But what exactly tigers ate, he couldn't tell.

As it was slowly getting darker, he approached the few trees at the edge of the forest near Hagrid's hut. His view trailing to the treetops, he felt a new thrill of anticipation.

Hey! But tigers do climb trees! Let's see what this fabulous muscles and claws can do....

He took a walk around his target tree, satisfied with its height.

Yeah - that one is worth a Malfoy try!

And as easily as he had jumped to open the door, he climbed the tree. One powerful jump, another and soon as he knew, he was on one of the top branches. Elegantly he strode along it, then lay down on it, surveying the ground below.

This is how it is supposed to be - me on the top of the world! Bet Potter couldn't do it. Oh my! This really is high. I am a good climber. All those tiny beasts on the ground....

He watched the nature scene until it grew noticeably darker. He noticed his eyes adjusting to the twilight, yet still he wanted to be back before dark. Moreover he sensed that rain was about to come....

Better get down here.

He stood up gracefully from his surveying spot and returned to the trunk, then...

I really did a good job.

His ears laid back in some sort of cattish unease.

This really is a high tree.... I... - oh f***!

Giving in to his unavoidable nature, he sat back on his hind legs, wondering how he was supposed to ever get down again.

This is bad! How do cats normally come back down?!

He made a clumsy attempt. He lifted up his left front paw. Set it down again. Looked down. Took aim. Should he just jump? He couldn't.

F***!

Slowly growing hungry he resigned, wondering if this situation could get any more depressing, when... Thunder. Lightning. Then pouring rain.

What else...?

His bushy tail and middle-length fur, heavy with rain, clung wetly to him. He began to mew in mild frustration. Then...

Hey! This is good!

He mewed louder.

Really good!

And louder.

Hey! I like that - what a pleasant voice I have! I really rock!

And despite the pouring rain he increased his meowing gleefully. Closing his eyes, he didn't concentrate on his senses anymore and... was suddenly grabbed roughly by an overlarge hand. For the first moment Draco thought he had a heart attack. "Meeowwwww!"

"Stop't cat. Gotcha down there!"

The oaf! Darn! Nooooooooooooooo "Meoooooooooooooooow!"

Hagrid had picked him from the tree. "Yer soaking. I'll getcha inside and dry ya, honey."

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

Draco struggled the best he could but Hagrid had an unsurprisingly firm grip. Once inside he grabbed a rough, filthy old towel from somewhere and began to rub Draco dry.

Noooooooooo! You'll ruin my fur! You....

But Hagrid's rubbing was surprisingly gentle. "Gotcha dry in a minute, honey."

Stop it! You - "Purrr" - are ruining my - "Purr"

"Yeah. Ya like that."

No! I - "Purr" - Stop it! - "Purr" I - "Purr" - I've got to go!

Breaking through this relaxing purring trance Draco freed himself from Hagrid's towel, jumped from the table he had been sitting on and was about to go to the door when Hagrid stood up. "Na, na, kitty. Don't wanna let you out there in th'rain. 've got no cat food, but -" Draco jumped at the door, but failed to open it.

Darn!

"Here've got som'in for ya."

Wait! Does he talk about food?

But before Draco's excellent sense of smell could answer his question for him, he was grabbed around the belly again as Hagrid began to stuff 'the answer' down his throat. His sensitive pallet was rewarded with some especially hard and not altogether tasty cookies.

"Meeeeeeeeooooooooowwww" *splutter*

"Ya're so thin."

Yeah and I'm proud of my figure! You're ruining it you oaf! "Meeeoooooooow!"

Then it knocked at the door. "comin'!"

Oh Merlin! Scarface and his leftovers. *splutter* Heeeelp!

He forcefully freed himself and... jumped onto Harry's arms.

Potter help! I - Oh my! I never said that!

Nevertheless, he remained in Harry's arms.

"Hello Hagrid," greeted Hermione, "Who's that little darling?" But as she made an attempt to stoke Draco, he scratched out.

Get your filthy hands off me, Mudblood!

"Ouch! What's that?"

"Dunno. Found him soaking wet on a tree."

Harry looked down at the cat in his arms, which he instinctively had caught, as it had jumped at him. It was much more beautiful than Crookshanks, though much smaller too. He smiled at it.

Urgh!

Then Ron made an attempt to stroke it. He skilfully avoided its claws and... succeeded in stroking it.

Weasley germs!

"She is really cute," said Ron.

She?!?!? Cute???!!! Weasley, I'll kill you for that.

"She? Look at it, Ron. It has balls," Hermione said knowledgably.

Yeah! And they are gorgeous!

"Besides - it's not cute! It's naughty!"

You're the right one to talk, Granger!

"I think he's quite cute too," Harry said finally, then made an attempt to return Draco to Hagrid. "Here."

Noooooooooooooooooo! Don't let him stuff me again! "Meeeeeow!"

Draco held on forcefully to Harry.

"Think he likes ya better, Harry," said Hagrid with a smile.

"Yeah?" Harry looked questioningly down at the tomcat.

Yeah! Better than death-stuffed, suffocating in cookies! That's something to be proud of, Potter!

"Shall I keep him, then?"

Keep me? None of you is going to keep me! I'm nobody's pet!

"Yeah, keep him Harry. He's so fluffy," said Ron enthusiastically. Hermione humpfed. Only at this did Draco notice that Ron was still stroking him. He tried to hiss indignantly, but to his utter horror only a purr of pleasure escaped his jaws. "Look, Herm. He likes being stroked there."

I hate you, Weasley!

"Okay. I think I'll take him, then." Harry joined Ron, caressing Draco behind his left ear.

F***! Too many hands! "Purr"

About a quarter of an hour later they were back in the castle. Just in front of the Gryffindor portrait hole Draco jumped out of Harry's arms.

Now or never! I've got to get away.

And he sprinted off. "Hey! Where are you going. Come back!" Harry called after him.

"Let him go."

"Just because you didn't like him," said Ron.

Draco ran off to the boys’ toilet, where he had hidden some robes for his return to the Slytherin dungeons. He went into a cubical, sat on the toilet and concentrated on the retransformation.

I got away! Merlin! I escaped!

His tiny heart was pounding.

Have got to turn back. Human. Human. Human.

Nothing happened.

Really good looking boy! Really good looking boy!

He got desperate.

Bollocks! I'm too scared to turn back....

As the portrait hole opened again a creamy white tomcat entered the common room after an inattentive third year.

"Kitty! There you are. You've come back."

Yeah.... Don't jump too high in the air, Weasley.

"Bet he wasn't able to catch his food or find a place to sleep," said Hermione, glancing up from her book.

Shut up, Granger.

Draco went over to Harry and looked up at him arrogantly.

Give me food. And make sure nobody calls me 'kitty' again or there will be killings next!

***