The Snake and the Eagle

Chapter 24 - Carpe Diem

Just when things seemed to be going for the best, Dumbledore received an urgent communication from the Ministry of Magic. There was a good and a bad news. The good one was that the Ministry wanted to award the Order of Merlin to each member of the Order of the Phoenix, its class depending on the importance of the role played in the Second War. The bad one came from the Department of Defence. Now that the war was finally over, they wanted Alexandra Falconbridge to resume her post among the Aurors, and Professor Flitwick would simply go back to his teaching. The Order of Merlin Ceremony was to be held that weeks end at Hogwarts, with the participation of the Minister himself and a delegation of Aurors. Dumbledore summoned Professor Falconbridge in his office and, by the sad look on her face, he guessed she had received that news too.

"Something tells me, you already know why I called you," he gravely stated.

"Yes, Headmaster. I've just received an owl from the headquarters with my instructions," she muttered with a weak smile. "I will go welcome the delegation at the Hogsmeade Station, and then lead the junior recruits to the castle," she dutifully informed him.

"And when are you going to leave?" Dumbledore asked.

"The morning after the ceremony, just after breakfast," she sadly answered.

"Are you going to inform Severus about it?" he asked in a softer tone.

"I know I should, but it's too painful for me to tell him farewell," she whispered, nearly on the verge of tears.

"I know, dear. We'll all miss you very much," he said resting a comforting hand on hers.

"I've been a fool. I knew my stay here was just temporary but ... I've been so happy, that I've deceived myself it was going to last forever," she said, her voice strangled by a tight knot in her throat.

"Is there something I can do for you, my dear?" Dumbledore kindly inquired.

"Yes. Could you please talk with Severus? I know it's up to me, but I really don't have the heart to do it," she pleaded with him.

"I'll see to that, don't worry, " he kindly said before she left.

***

On Friday night, Dumbledore summoned Snape in his office.

"Good evening, Headmaster. Did you want to see me?" Snape said, closing the door behind him.

"Yes, Severus. Please, do sit," Dumbledore kindly invited him.

"There's something you need to know, and I'm afraid you won't like it at all," Dumbledore mysteriously began to speak.

"What's now, Albus? Don't tell me the Wizengamot changed his mind about the verdict?" Snape asked nervously.

"Oh, no, nothing of that kind. You're a free man now, and nobody can deny it," Dumbledore reassured him. "It's something concerning Alexandra," he said. Those words put Snape in a worse state of agitation. He always threw his legendary self-control to the winds whenever she was involved. "Relax, Severus. It's all right," Dumbledore said, amused by the young man's reaction. "There's still something I didn't tell you about Alexandra," he stated.

"I just wonder when you'll stop keeping all these secrets. It's quite unnerving, do you know that?" Snape snarled, a little upset by the old man's evident taste for mystery. Dumbledore chuckled softly, but turned serious before speaking again.

"Alexandra is an Auror," he stated.

"A what?" Snape shouted astonished.

"An Auror, my boy. It was Moody who suggested me to appoint her as Professor Flitwick's substitute. Being a junior recruits instructor, she seemed the best candidate. I considered that, for the time being, it was a good idea to have an Auror working at Hogwarts under cover."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Snape glared at him suspiciously.

"Tell me, Severus. Do you think you'd have been able to easily trust or even become her friend, if you knew who she was?" Dumbledore said, staring at him straight in the eyes.

"Probably not. And I doubt she would have done it, if she'd have known I was a Death Eater," Snape said, arching a dubious brow.

"Alas, her employment here was temporary and, now that the war is over, she has been ordered to go back to resume her former post. She's leaving Hogwarts for good, Severus!" Dumbledore whispered softly.

"When?" Snape simply asked, his voice a little strangled by a knot in his throat caused by the impact of the sad, unexpected news.

"The day after tomorrow, just after breakfast," Dumbledore sighed.

"I see," was everything Snape managed to say, lowering his gaze to the floor.

"What are you going to do about it?" Dumbledore then suddenly said, taking him by surprise.

"About what?" Snape exclaimed a little confused, his head snapping upward.

"Don't tell me you're letting her go away, without telling her about your feelings?" Dumbledore went straight to the point.

"I ... I don't know," Snape said hesitant, and a little at lost for words.

"Believe me, you'll dearly regret it if you keep it for yourself. She's going away, and she won't come back again," Dumbledore fatherly admonished him. At Snape's prolonged silence, Dumbledore finally lose his patience. "I really don't know what's the matter with you, Severus. I've never seen you so insecure before!" Dumbledore shouted, shaking him out of his apathy. Snape took a deep breath and finally confessed what has been bothering him for so long.

"I'm just scared, afraid to show my true feelings to her. I've never been in love before. It's just something so strong and new ... What if there's another one in her life yet? I couldn't stand to make a fool of myself in front of her. I don't know what to do!" Severus finally admitted.

"I know how you're feeling, my boy. Don't think I haven't been there too, in my long life. What you must understand is that you can't let the chance to love her pass you by! Open your heart to her, tell her all those things you've been restraining to whisper to her. Hold her close to your heart. You can't deny yourself the chance to love, and be loved in return," Dumbledore advised him, blushing slightly at the memory of some love affair of his own youth. "Show her the gentleness you're surely hiding inside of you. The truth will set your heart free. This is the only way you have to find out what life's reserved for you," Dumbledore said, trying to feed up the younger wizard's hopes.

"I love her, of that much I'm sure," Severus said, gripping his hands on the armrests of his armchair.

"Then show her!" Dumbledore incited him.

"I know I could never endure her rejection," Snape hissed frustrated. Dumbledore stopped pacing the room, as he was used to do while speaking, and rested his hand on Severus's shoulder.

"What can you loose if you try? Why keep concealing everything you're feeling? Say it to her! At least you'll spare you the torture of any more doubts," he encouraged him. Snape silently stood up to leave the room. He had reached the door. His hand rested on the door handle a few seconds, then he slowly turned towards the old man.

"Thank you, Albus. I think I needed this kind of father and son talk," he said with a small smile.

"You know, I'm always here for you," Dumbledore warmly said.

"I wish you were my father," Snape whispered.

"I'd be proud to have a son like you," Dumbledore said beaming, then Snape left.

***

On Saturday morning, Hogwarts' inhabitants were all excited for the important ceremony which was to take place that night. There was a curious chattering among students and staff about the possible candidates to receive the Order of Merlin. Prefects were even going around taking bets on names and classes awarded. Many were saying Harry Potter was going to be appointed the Order of Merlin first class, while others believed that Snape would be excluded from it for his status of ex Death Eater, which was a secret, therefore everybody knew about it.

The general excitement seemed not to affect two people in particular: Professors Snape and Falconbridge. Snape, though he had been really angry when he lost his O.M. third class for Sirius Black's capture, seemed now to not care much about the all matter. He was so gloomy for Alexandra's imminent departure, that nothing on earth seemed able to cheer him up in any way, and the very sight of her felt to him like a dagger to his heart. Alexandra, and at good reason, had in those days lost her trademark smile. She spent most of her time locked in her room, avoiding everybody, above all, avoiding Snape. Her departure hurt her so much, that she had not the heart to look at or talk to him.

That night, the Great Hall had been magically expanded to make room for a sixth table for that night's guests. Around nine o'clock, people began flowing into the hall to take seat at their tables. At the High Table stood an empty chair next to Dumbledore's one. When Snape took his seat, he was surprised to see that the chair between his own and Professor McGonagall's one had been removed. He also noticed that Alexandra was nowhere to be seen. When all of Hogwarts's staff and student body had taken seat, Dumbledore stood up to give a speech.

"Good evening to you all, students, teachers and staff," the headmaster said, bowing his head to them in turn. "We have the honour to host the appointment of the Order of Merlin Awards, so please now stand up and give your welcome to our guests," he said. clapping his hands loudly. The main doors to the hall opened to let them in. "Please, give your welcome to the Minister of Magic and the Heads of the Department of Awards and Prizes," he said and the Minister, two men and two women walked in through the middle aisle between the House Tables. "Now welcome the members of the Order of the Phoenix and the other heroes of the Second War," he announced, and in came a larger group of people among which stood Aurors, Unspeakables and the Weasley family. There were only two people missing: Moody who was still recovering from the final battle, and Lupin because it was full moon again.

"Least but not last, give now a warm welcome to the Ministry Junior Aurors Squad and their instructor, Miss Alexandra Falconbridge," he said, clapping his hands even louder.

And in came Alexandra in her Ministry uniform. She wore a dark grey robe and cloak, boarded with crimson, with the Ministry emblem embroidered on the left of her chest, and in the middle of her cloak. She was in the lead of a group of twenty boys and girls, of an age between eighteen and twenty. She wore a stern, detached expression as she marched them through the long hall. Her entrance caused great amazement in the bystanders.

"That explains a lot," Hermione stated, looking at her former teacher with admiration.

"Of course she was that cool. She's an Auror!" Ron shouted, staring avidly at the group of young recruits, daydreaming of being among them one day.

"Do you think she's going to be given the Order of Merlin?" Harry asked to his friends.

"Of course she will! She's killed Voldemort, remember?" Ginny said a little exasperated by Harry's usual naivety, but finding it rather cute all the same.

Snape glared at the newcomers through narrowed eyes. His eyes followed Alexandra as she took seat at the sixth table with the other Aurors. He took for granted that the absence of her chair next to his meant she no longer belonged to Hogwarts. She was among her people again, a group where he had no place at all. When everyone was comfortably sat the feast began. All throughout dinner, Snape and Alexandra tried to force themselves not to look at each other but the temptation was too strong to resist it. Their eyes often met for a few seconds, then they quickly looked away. When the feast was over, Dumbledore called for silence and Fudge stood up.

The Minister walked to the middle of the platform on which the High Table stood, followed by the four Heads of the Department of Awards and Prizes. One of them conjured a small table, on which another one summoned the medals. Fudge cleared his throat, and took out a long parchment with a list of names. He began by appointing the Order of Merlin third and second class. The winners came onto the platform, Fudge put a bronze or silver medal hanging from a magenta ribbon around their necks, and shook hands with them. To their great joy, Harry, Hermione, Ron and the Weasleys were among those receiving the second class. Many were disappointed by Harry's missing of the first class, but the boy looked more than happy not to be the centre of everybody's attention for the first time in his life. Dumbledore and McGonagall received a golden first class among roaring applauses of their excited students. Moody was awarded a first class too for his brave fight in the final battle, who had put his life at great risk once again. Another first class was appointed to the memory of Sirius Black for having bravely offered his life for the resistance front. A roaring applause erupted from the gathered crowd for the dead animagus. There remained two more golden medals to award.

"Miss Alexandra Falconbridge, please stand up and come here," Fudge called her. A little embarrassed to feel everybody's eyes on her, she stepped in front of the Minister of Magic. "It's with great pleasure, that we award you the Order of Merlin first class. You have the whole wizarding community's endless gratitude for the killing of the pitiless criminal Tom Riddle, alias Lord Voldemort," Fudge solemnly said. He put the medal around her neck, and shook her hand with a broad smile.

"Thank you, sir," she muttered timidly, blushing furiously, and she went back to her seat.

"And now the last one. Could Mr Severus Snape come here, please?" Fudge said, inviting Snape to join him in the middle on the platform. Snape was absolutely flabbergasted to hear call his name. He did not expect to receive any award, as he believed his freedom was everything he could hope to be given from the Ministry of Magic.

"Go, Severus" McGonagall said, touching his arm. He then doubtfully stood up and reached Fudge, wondering what the man was going to say about him.

"It's with pleasure that the Ministry of Magic appoints you the Order of Merlin first class, for the bravery shown in your spying and sabotage among the enemies at great personal risk. You've also proved to us that a man can make great mistakes but, with a strong will, he can redeem himself and change his life for the good," Fudge pompously said. Snape gave him a curt nod, and then bowed his head to allow the shorter man to put the golden medal around his neck.

Once back in his seat, Snape took the medal in his palm to examine it. How strange that one of the things he had always longed for now looked so meaningless, so useless, it felt for him ... just a piece of metal. That award left him indifferent. That medal was not his deepest heart desire. The only thing he wanted was not there in his palm. No, the thing he longed for the most was actually sitting at the table in front of him. He wanted her and nothing else. She meant the world to him, and soon his world was destined to fall into pieces. When the House Tables were moved against the walls to make room for a celebratory dance, Snape stood up without hesitation, and headed straight towards Alexandra.

"May I have the honour of a last dance?" he whispered, offering his hand to her.

She had been surprised by his invitation, and mechanically accepted it speechless. He led her to the middle of the dancing floor, and they began waltzing among the other couples. It felt so strange to dance together again. It was so different from that first time at the Yule Ball. No happy smiles, no joy, no eyes locked into each other's. Actually, Alexandra was finding very hard to stand his piercing gaze and preferred to stare blankly at his shoulder. He could not help but stare at her; it was like he was trying to impress her features in his memory. His eyes were full of unbearable sadness, his heart was beating painfully fast, and his right hand was maybe squeezing hers a little stronger than necessary. When the music ended, he bowed to kiss her hand and whispered a soft "thank you." He then turned on his heels, and marched out of the hall, leaving her there alone on the spot, without saying a single word more.

***

That morning after breakfast was a very silent one. The staff table was half empty as it was Sunday and some teachers took advantage of it for waking up later. Most of them had already said their farewells to Professor Falconbridge the night before. Lupin was back again, a little paler than usual, but feeling well enough to gulp down a second helping of scrambled eggs and bacon while, Madam Hooch filled him in with the news.

"So, you're leaving. Aren't you, Alexandra?" Lupin asked her, leaning forward to look at her.

"Yes, Remus. I'm afraid I am. A carriage will come to take me in about ten minutes," she said with a weak smile.

"We'll dearly miss you. Won't we, Severus?" Lupin said, trying to involve Snape in the conversation. But Snape, who had been silent all the while, just ignored him and kept sipping his coffee staring stonily ahead.

"Stupid git! You didn't tell her, did you? No, you haven't. And now it must hurt you like hell!" Lupin thought, staring reproachfully at his friend.

When the moment came, the whole school gathered at the entrance to say farewell to their substitute Charms teacher. She shook hands with her fellow teachers, hugged Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, Lupin and then Snape, but he strangely stood still, and did not even look at her when she pecked him on the cheek. She was not surprised by his strange, detached behaviour. She knew him well enough to realize that he was acting so, just to make things easier for the both of them. In fact, he had hardly restrained himself to hug her back, because he felt he would never have left her go, if he had had her in his arms one last time.

"Goodbye, my dears. Thank you again, Hermione. I owe you so much," she said, shaking hands with Harry and Ron, and hugging Hermione.

She then shook hands with her Ravenclaws. Many among the first year students looked at her with eyes full of tears. Snape silently stared at her, his throat strangled by a tight not. The time had come, she was leaving him forever, and he was doing a damned nothing to avoid it. He felt so frustrated by his unbearable helplessness. Why the hell it had to be that difficult for him to declare his feelings to the only woman he had ever loved in his whole life? The carriage arrived, she mounted on it, then leaned out the window to wave them farewell. She was not going to ride her horse, like the day she arrived, because she was due to spend a few days at the Ministry in London. Nabil was actually fighting to free himself from Hagrid's hold to run after his mistress. The carriage slowly began to move along the path leading to the gates and out of the grounds.

"Carpe Diem ... Two wonderful words," Dumbledore said, throwing a casual look at Snape who stood by his side.

Snape's eyes darted from Dumbledore to the moving carriage, then to the struggling horse. He suddenly left Dumbledore' side, and descended the front steps almost running. He unceremoniously made his way towards Hagrid and the horse through a group of dumbfounded students. He freed Nabil from his bridle, mounted him without saddle, and nudged its sides with his heels, spurring him to run after the carriage.

"Blimey! What the hell has gotten into Snape?" Ron shouted astonished by his teacher weird behaviour.

"Love, Ronald. Only and purely love!" Dumbledore said with an amused smile.

"Oh, it's so romantic!" Hermione and Ginny sighed together.

"Faster Nabil, faster," Snape urged the horse as it galloped at a maddening speed, his cloak streaming behind him like a banner, as they hurtled after her. The carriage had almost reached the gates, when Alexandra saw two black figures chasing it, and ordered the driver to stop. It came to an halt and she stepped down.

"Severus! What happens?" she asked amazed, as he smoothly dismounted.

"I tell you what happens ... You cannot leave Hogwarts until you hear me," he said, marching to her. He grasped her hands in his, and took a deep breath.

"What?" she asked a little confused.

"I love you, Alexandra. I love you with all my heart, more than words can tell, and I know my life will be so empty if you leave me!" he finally screwed up his courage and declared.

"Severus, I ... " she began. She suddenly was at a lost for words, when she saw him kneel down at her feet, still holding her left hand in his.

"Alexandra, I know I'll never love anybody else the way I love you," he said, staring lovingly at her straight in the eyes. He then took out something round and shining out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?" he asked her, holding out a beautiful, golden ring with diamonds and rubies. That ring had once belonged to Snape's mother, and that morning he had pocketed it in the desperate hope to finally find the courage to say those damned words he's been unable to tell her before.

"Oh, Severus ... Yes! I love you so much! Yes, I will!" she said with tears of joy filling her eyes. He then stood up, put the ring on her left ring finger, and took her in his arms kissing her passionately.

"I think that definitely means a yes!" McGonagall said, beaming at the happy couple in the distance.

They saw Snape swung her up in his arms, and spin her around, laughing happily. He was beyond himself with joy, he loved her and she loved him too. He had been such a fool to waste so much time torturing himself with his silly doubts. He had even risked loosing her for good. He then lifted her on the horse's back and mounted behind her.

"Come on Nabil, let's go home," he said, inviting the animal to move.

"Professor Falconbridge, I presume you've decided to stay with us. May I ask you what made you change your mind?" Dumbledore inquired, pretending to be surprised to see her back.

"It's my fault. I proposed for her to marry me," Snape said with a broad smile.

"And I've accepted," Alexandra said, blushing. A cheerful applause exploded from the bystanders.

"Well done my dears. That's the best news I could ever dream to hear from you," Dumbledore said, and he fatherly embraced them both, soon joined by McGonagall. The other teachers moved to shake hands with them. The Slytherins and Ravenclaws approached to congratulate themselves with their Heads of Houses.

"My offer to keep teaching Charms is still valid, my dear. I've been considering retirement for a long time," Flitwick happily proposed her.

"Severus, I've been considering to accept your application for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post," Dumbledore thoughtfully told him.

"Thank you, Headmaster. But I think I've recently had enough of the Dark Arts to rest me for the rest of my life. Why don't you give it to Remus? The students liked his teaching very much," he said, turning his head to Lupin.

"Thank you, mate," the werewolf said, smiling at him.

"You're welcome, my friend," Snape friendly smiled him back.

"I think the School Governors won't have anything to object, as he's now a war hero, and will pay no attention to his little monthly problem," Dumbledore agreed, smiling approvingly at the two men. That was even a greater surprise for everyone as nobody could believe that, after fifteen years of tries, Snape was really refusing that post.

"Well then, let's go back in. We've got an engagement to celebrate, and a wedding to organize!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, inviting everybody to follow him back to the Great Hall.