The Snake and the Eagle

Chapter 17 - Young Lives Thrown to the Winds

There was great tension within the castle walls, but the students knew they were surrounded by the best wizards fighting on Dumbledore's side. Harry was well aware they were all doing their best to protect him because, if the prophecy was right, he was going to play a key role in Voldemort's final defeat. In spite of this, he was beginning to suffer for all that lack of action, and he wanted badly to really use the advanced magic they were studying.

"Harry, keep yourself out of trouble!" people kept telling him, a thing that sometimes gave him a kind of strong sense of claustrophobia.

"I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me," he shouted every time that happened. Finally, a chance of taking part in some action arrived when Dumbledore was exposing the strategy plan to follow for the first attack.

"Gather all the Aurors and Unspeakables able to conjure a Patronus," he was saying to Kingsley Shacklebolt. Their number was bound to be very small, as many powerful wizards had problems with that highly complicated charm.

"Professor Dumbledore, please. Let me fight the Dementors. You know I've mastered my Patronus," Harry pleaded with Dumbledore who, in spite of his concern for the boy, could not refuse him to join the fighters.

"I'd rather know you're safely in the castle, but we don't know how many of those monsters will be there, and we need every single wizard able to face them. But swear to me, Harry, that you'll only deal with the Dementors and leave the Death Eaters to the others," he sternly said. Harry nodded, then Lupin stepped by his side.

"I'll take care of him," he said to reassure Dumbledore.

It may sound absurd, but Snape was more worried about that first attack then the final one. He had the terrible feeling that there could be some of his former students, among the young recruits. What was he expected to do if, during the fight, one of them asked him to be spared? Another thing that greatly annoyed him was the fact that Potter was able to do the Patronus Charm, while he had never succeeded in his useless attempts. He knew he had to concentrate hard on a very strong, happy memory, but maybe it was that the source of his problem. His life had been so miserable, that he could hardly think about anything one could define as "happy". His only good memories went back to the days of his childhood, when his beloved mother was still alive. But the grief her death had left inside his heart, and the passing of time had lately made them useless. Snape's tension should have been clearly visible on his face if, at the end of the meeting, Mad-Eye Moody approached him with a malicious grin on his face.

"Well, Snape. How do you feel about meeting your old friends again?" Moody said to provoke him, attracting everybody's attention on Snape. Snape chose to ignore him, and kept walking towards the tea-table the house-elves had set for them in a corner of the room.

"You probably have plenty of nice stuff to use for your Patronus, don't you? Just thinking about the old bygone times with the Death Eaters... in the Inner Cirle..." Moody continued, without even trying to be a little more diplomatic. Hearing those allusive words, Snape froze on the spot and span on his heels to face the ex-Auror. Severus was furious for the man's tauting, but he managed to keep control. He was clenching his jaw, because he had no intention to fall for Moody's insinuations again. His eyes glittered dangerously, and his hands were closed into fists so tight that his knuckles were going white.

"Alastor, leave him alone!" Alexandra shouted, hopping to settle the matter quickly. At her reaction, Moody had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. Snape was now giving him a calculating look. Loosening the tension in his body, he began taking slow, nearly defiant steps towards the older man.

"Who do you think you are to dare judge me?" Snape slowly whispered, "You don't know anything about me, about my life, and you still think you have the right to talk me like that?" he went on, his face twisting in disgust. Moody was now staring at him astonished by the calm coldness the young man was putting in every word, every movement.

"Do you think you know everything about my happy memories?" Snape asked in a lower whisper, "I hardly think so, allow me to enlighten you," he hissed, only a foot apart from the other man. Snape brought a hand to his face and put two fingers on his forehead, then did the same to Moody with his other hand.

"Memoriam Video" he said. Moody's eyes opened wide, like the man was horrified by the stream of images from his past and present life Snape was showing him. When Snape released him from the spell, Moody's legs went weak like they were made of jelly, and he went down on his knees.

"Now, if you excuse me..." Snape politely sneered with a satisfied smirk on his face, then he left.

Everybody was astonished to see Moody standing there on the floor, speechless, his mouth slightly open. He looked like somebody had just stunned him, and people were starting to wonder what Snape could have ever shown him. Then Moody broke the silence.

"Poor boy... poor dear boy... I couldn't have known!" he muttered slowly shaking his head. Lupin woke him out of his stupor, offering Moody his hand to help him to his feet. From that day on Moody was never going to insult Snape again, now he finally knew things that only Dumbledore and Snape himself knew.

***

On a day like many others, a sentry standing guard on one of the highest towers gave the alarm. He had spotted a group of hooded figures approaching the castle from the margins of the forest. They could have been forty in all, between Dementors and junior Death Eaters. The huge oak doors of Hogwarts burst open, and the resistance army spread through the darkening grounds. Dumbledore and McGonagall had chosen to stay in with the students, and they were anxiously watching the fight through a magical mirror. On the battle field, they could easily see Harry, Lupin, Moody, Snape and Falconbridge dodging spells and firing back at the enemies. But the most impressive sight was the counter-attack against the Dementors. The scary creatures were advancing over them like a flood, frightening some of the less confident junior Death Eaters too. Snape's eyes widened at their sight, and had to master all his courage not to panic.

"Think Severus, think about something happy!" he mentally kept repeating to himself. His mind was racing, but he could not find anything fit. It was common knowledge that human beings, whenever approached by a Dementor, they were forced to relive their most fearful memories. Snape was finding it damnly hard to concentrate as he kept hearing his mother's voice.

"Mortimer, please stop it! ... He's only a child, he's still too young! ... He's your son!" he heard his mother pleading with his father while he used the Cruciatus on him.

"Maybe I should step behind and leave the others do the job," he thought for a moment, but it was so frustrating admitting his weakness. He threw a look around him and saw many wands ready, and concentrated faces. Among them he saw Alexandra and then, he realized. He concentrated with all his might, and searched his mind for some happy memory of the time he had spent with her. He thought about the Yule Ball but that was not strong enough. Then, he suddenly remembered the night he had kissed her. That was perfect. He had never felt happier in his whole life!

His voice joined the others, and the words "Expecto Patronum" echoed throughout the grounds like a thunder, while the shining shapes of their patronuses charged against the Dementors. And there it was Harry's stag, Lupin's wolf, Moody's tiger, Alexandra's eagle and a magnificent dragon coming straight from Snape's wand. The Dementors gave unearthly shrieks and glided away in the night while those of them, who had been closer, were completely engulfed by the misty cloud of the patronuses and were utterly destroyed by their immense power. Some of the fighters had some minor injuries, but the greater losses were on Voldemort' side. The first battle had been won, and Dumbledore's army returned to the castle. They were greeted in the Great Hall by Dumbledore, the beaming sixteen students, and the rest of their allies. Madam Pomfrey marched forward holding a large tray of chocolate, forcing them all to take some, and checking on the injured ones. Ron and Hermione ran to meet Harry.

"Harry, are you ok?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah. Just cast my patronus and Lupin kept me out of the way," he bitterly answered, disappointed for his marginal role in the whole matter.

"Blimey, Harry. That was great! We've been watching it in a magical mirror," Ron said excited.

Dumbledore took a step to where Snape was standing, biting idly at a piece of dark chocolate, staring to the floor deep in thought.

"Congratulations, Severus! You've finally conjured your first patronus," the headmaster said beaming at the younger wizard. Snape was startled by that voice, he had not heard him coming.

"Yes," he said in a flat voice, and went back to his musing.

"Is there something that bothers you, Severus?" Dumbledore kindly asked in a soft voice.

"Why, yes," Snape answered uncertain, "I know the shape a patronus takes is unique to the wizard who conjures it, and that it has nothing to do with the happy memory one is concentrating on. The thing I really don't understand is why my patronus had the shape of a dragon with spread wings? I'd expected it to be a snake," he said staring expectantly at the wise old man.

"It's simple and complicated at the same time, my dear boy," Dumbledore stated, beckoning him to follow him in his pacing along the crowded hall. "Tell me, Severus. Do you think the dead we have loved ever truly leave us? Do you think that we don't recall them more clearly whenever we are in times of great trouble? Your mother is alive in you, Severus, and shows herself most plainly when you need her. How else could you produce that particular patronus?" he said his eyes twinkling.

"You mean ..." Snape began, and then paused. He unbuttoned the collar of his shirt, and took out the chain to which hang the dragon shaped amulet her mother left him when she died. He stared at it for a few seconds, than put it back in its place, right on his heart. "If this has all to do with my mother, why have I never been able to do it before?" he asked greatly confused.

"Perhaps, it's because you didn't had some happy memory you may have recently acquired. Can I hope to hear you tell me about them, someday?" Albus inquired with evident amusement dancing in his kind blue eyes.

"No way!" Snape snapped, unnerved by the man's insufferable nosiness in other people's businesses.

***

An hour after the first attack, a group of Aurors had gone out in the grounds to check the number of the victims. They came back and headed to the headmaster's office to make him their report.

"Nobody of our number has died, Albus," Shaklebolt informed him, "however, we've found the corpses of four young Death Eaters. I'm sorry to tell you they were former students of yours."

"I see ..." muttered Dumbledore, his face looking very sad and somewhat older, "I don't think they'll come to take them. Bring them inside, and lie them in one of the dungeons. Be sure that none of the students and staff see them before I do. I will owl to their families to ask them about their dispositions for the burial," Dumbledore said with anger flashing in his eyes.

Students and staff members were scattered around the Slytherin common room for a little evening chat before going to bed, so nobody noticed the movement of the Aurors crossing the outside corridor, carrying the bodies of the four boys. Dumbledore was walking silently his mournful way across the chilly dungeons, and he could hear the carefree voices of his students echoing in the distance. The room where they put them had used to be a Potion class, when Professor Dippet was headmaster. The Aurors had put a group of desks together on which they had laid the lifeless bodies. Dumbledore moved closer to identify them. He was not very surprised, as he had longly suspected those four were going to turn to the Dark side, following their fathers' example. They had just graduated, they were still so young!

Reluctantly, he made his way to the Slytherin common room to tell everybody the sad news. He had to tell his students they had just killed four of their old school mates, tell the staff that four of their former students had used things they taught them for doing evil, tell Severus Snape that four old members of his own house were dead! He appeared in the doorway to the common room, his face looking deadly serious.

"Albus, what's wrong?" McGonagall said alarmed by the expression on his face. Everybody fell silent at once. Snape was standing in a corner, leaning against a wall while sipping a cup of tea. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the look on the old man's face. His sense of foreboding was telling him his worst fears were likely to have come true. Dumbledore took a deep breath, and prepared himself to give them the terrible news.

"The Aurors just gave their report about the results of tonight's battle. There are neither serious injuries nor any death among our number. But I just had to identify the bodies of four young Death Eaters, and I'm sorry to tell you they were former Hogwarts students," he said lowering his eyes to the floor. His blue eyes were full of a fire Harry had never seen before.

"Who, Albus? Who were they?" McGonagall asked, clutching a hand to her chest.

"Miles Bletchley, Marcus Flint, Richard Montague and Adrian Pucey," he mournfully listed them. Hearing those names, Snape's face was suddenly drained of all colour. His eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped, and his hands began to shake so violently that the cup he was holding fell shattering to the floor. If Snape had not been so strong, he would have certainly fainted. At the same time Pansy Parkinson burst into tears and Hermione hurried to comfort her. The young Slythering had grown up with those boys, after all.

"Severus!" Professor Falconbridge shouted worried, and reached out to catch his trembling hands into hers. "Come, sit down," she said steering him to a nearby arm-chair, where he sat almost unconscious of what he was doing. Everyone was silently staring at him. He was always so cold and detached that no one expected such a strong reaction from him. Mrs Weasley had never liked him much, but seeing him in that state it was a call to her motherly instinct. She stood up and brought him another cup of tea.

"Here, dear. Take some more tea. There you are... good," she was saying in a soothingly way, just like she was used to talk to her children. Snape stood there silent, blankly staring at her, letting her wrap his hands around the cup. He mechanically gave her a small nod of thanks, and took a sip of the warm comforting liquid. It was a pitiful sight to see him so out of character. The true Snape would never have left anybody bossing him like he was a helpless little child. It was clear the blow had been harder than they thought.

"I'm sorry, my son. I know I've given you a great shock. But I'm afraid you'll have to follow me there as soon as you feel better," Dumbledore said. He wished he could spare him to see them, but as their former Head of House he was obliged by the Ministry laws to give his identification too. It was a great effort for him but finally Snape spoke.

"Where are they?" he said in a slightly trembling voice.

"In dungeon 19. Take your time, boy. We're not in a hurry," Dumbledore said in a soft voice. It took Snape about half an hour to fully recover from the shock.

"Albus, I'm ready," he said standing up.

"Well, boy. Let's go," Dumbledore said preceding him out of the common room. Their footsteps echoed in the long, dark, empty corridor leading to dungeon 19. Once inside, Snape swallowed hard and mustered to keep his emotions at bay. His throat felt dry and tight. There was no doubt they were his former students. He curtly nodded his recognition, while pacing around the tables and pausing in front of each boy.

"Albus, could you leave me here alone for a while?" he whispered.

"Of course, my dear. Let me know if you need anything ... if you need company," Dumbledore said resting his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," Snape said. He silently watched the headmaster leave the room and close the door behind him.

The room was cold and dimly lit by blazing torches hanging from the walls. He began to pace the room again, looking at the boys, at those familiar faces who seemed to be only peacefully asleep. Some people say one should never see the dead, but remember them as they were in life, or one would only remember how they looked in death. But Severus Snape felt the need to look at them, just to realize they were really gone forever. Memories of the school days spent together kept flashing in his mind as he paused in front of each one. He could still hear the echo of their voices.

"Professor, I'm trying hard but my potion keeps going wrong. Can you help me?" came the frustrated voice of Miles Bletchley.

"Hello, sir. Malfoy just told me a good joke on Potter. Do you want to hear it?" said the arrogant voice of Marcus Flint.

"Professor Snape, sir. The Weasley twins shut me again in that damn vanishing cupboard. Could you do something to stop them, please?" a petulant Richard Montague whined.

"Sir, tomorrow there's the Quidditch final match, Slytherin vs Gryffindor. Could you make us the honor to sit in the stands with the rest of our supporters?" echoed the excited voice of Adrian Pucey.

***

Snape was sat in a chair against a wall, bent down and holding his head in his hands, when the door slowly opened and Professor Falconbridge came in.

"Sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to disturb you. It's a long time since you left the common room, and I was starting to worry about you," she said in a low voice, but he remained still, absorbed in his grief. She gave a look around the room. She could not know those boys, because they had all graduated before she came to Hogwarts. However, she could not help feeling sorry to see four young lives blown to the wind like that. She moved in front of the hunched shape of Snape and put an hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"Severus, I know you're suffering. But don't keep it all inside yourself, it's no good. Don't be afraid of showing your emotions, it won't make you look weak ... only human," she sweetly whispered. Her tender words of consolation seemed to take away the stopper to the bottle of his emotions. He slowly lifted his face to her, his eyes bright with forming tears. He suddenly threw his arms around her waist, pressing his face against her soft belly, and burst into tears.

"Cry Severus, don't feel ashamed. You'll feel much better," she said soothingly, stroking his head. Once again, she was there when he most needed her.

Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room Remus Lupin called Harry aside to a more private corner. "Yes, Remus?" Harry asked, a little perplexed by the seriousness of Lupin's expression.

"Listen, Harry. I want to talk with you about Snape," he calmly said, "I know you don't like him and I know that he has never done anything to make you change your opinion, but believe me when I say you can trust him," Lupin said.

"He hates me! He hated my father and Sirius too! You want me to like him just because he's your friend now!" Harry defiantly said.

"I'm not a fool, Harry, and you know I can choose well my friends. Don't forget that Sirius and your father were my best ones," Lupin said reproachfully, "Listen, Snape has been working hard to make up for his mistakes. He's not your enemy, he's fighting on our same side. This is not only our war, it's his war too," Lupin explained in a softer voice. Harry refused to listen to his words, and he stubbornly kept watching to the floor.

"When I've learned to know him better, I discovered there was another man hiding behind the mask of the public Snape you well know. Life's been hard on him, and he couldn't count on any real friend as you can do." The mention of his friends seemed to move something inside of Harry, arising new doubts.

"I know it's hard for you to believe me, but mark my word when I say you can truly know somebody only in times of trouble. Therefore, I want you to take your invisibility cloak and go see him. He's in dungeon 19." Lupin's words took Harry by surprise.

"But there are four corpses there!" Harry protested astonished.

"Don't tell me you're afraid? You have nothing to fear from the dead, it's of the living you should beware," Lupin wisely said.

"But he's not alone. I've seen Professor Falconbridge heading in that direction," Harry said.

"I know, and I assure you there isn't a better moment than this. He's always his true self whenever she's around him," Lupin said with a curious smile, that made Harry wonder if Remus's words implied something more.

Harry finally made up his mind and followed Lupin's advice. He put on his invisibility cloak and carefully made his way through the gloomy dungeons. When he reached room 19, he found the door slightly ajar. He had a peep inside the room through the opening, careful not to make a sound. He saw Snape sat in a chair crying desperately. He had his arms around Professor Falconbridge's waist, his face pressed against her belly. She was silently stroking his head, letting him give vent to his grief. Harry was flabbergasted by that sight. He had never imagined Snape could care for his students so much, and he suddenly realized how hard the blow had been for the man.

Snape the ugly greasy git, the cold bastard, the merciless professor could not be the same man Harry was seeing crying his heart out. Lupin was true then, there was more than met the eyes with Snape. Behind that mask of coldness was hidden a man with feelings, with strong emotions. It was a man with a heart that could love, a heart that could cry, a heart that could bleed. With this new knowledge of Snape's other face of the coin, Harry thoughtfully made his way back to the common room. He had made up his mind to give Snape another chance.