The Snake and the Eagle

Chapter 14 - Could You Ever Forgive Me?

Snape had survived that first night, but he was still comatose. The magical stones placed around his body had worked very well, and he was now almost free from that excess of magical energy. The phoenix tears had run through his vein, drop by drop, and they seemed to have worked as well. That ghostly pallor had gradually disappeared from his sallow face, which was now regaining colour. He had lost a good quantity of blood, but there were now greater hopes for him to recover. All was left to do it was to wait for him to wake up. Madam Pomfrey came in, holding a tray with some breakfast for Professor Falconbridge to eat. She had been spending the whole night by Snape's bed.

"Here, dear. Eat something, then take some rest," the nurse kindly said.

"I'm not hungry and I don't want to sleep. Please, just leave me here," Alexandra said, pushing the tray away from her.

"Oh, no my girl. I can't allow this nonsense. There's nothing you can do for him. What good do you think it is for him if you fall ill too?" Pomfrey tried to bully her, but her voice was still gentle.

"I know," Alexandra whispered, her face fixed on Severus's motionless form.

"Don't worry. I'll have you called if he wakes up. If you have enough rest, I promise I'll let you watch over him tonight too," Pomfrey said putting her hands on the younger witch's shoulders. Alexandra gave her a weak smile and finally stood up.

"Thank you, Poppy," she said before leaving.

That afternoon, Dumbledore summoned Professor Falconbridge to his office. She paused in front of the stone gargoyle, trying to remember the password. She kicked the stone floor hard with her heel in frustration, then she finally remembered those pesky two words. She had never been good at remembering passwords.

"Sugar Quill," she shouted triumphantly. The statue spread to life, stepped aside and a spiral staircase appeared.

"Did you want to see me, headmaster?" she said approaching him at his working desk.

"Yes, my dear. Please, take a seat," he kindly gestured her towards an arm-chair, just opposite his own. "There something important I want to discuss with you. Have a look at this," he said handing her a small piece of paper, stained with what looked like dried blood. There were four names written on it : Wilkes, Travers, Rosier and Rookwood.

"What is this, Albus? Who are these people?" she asked a little confused.

"I've found it in an inside pocket of Severus's coat. He has found out the names of your parents' murderers." She looked at him in shock, her eyes and mouth wide-open. After so many years, she could finally give a name to her vengeance. She was also struck by the sudden realisation that Snape's search for them could have been the cause of his unmasking. He had done all that for her, in spite of the way she had treated him.

"Is there anything you want to ask me, before you go?" he said staring at her over his half moon spectacles.

"Just one ... Why Severus didn't trust me enough to tell me he was a Death Eater?" That was a question that kept repeating itself in her mind, and she couldn't stand to left it unanswered anymore.

"My dear, I can assure you that it wasn't a matter of trust at all. Tell me, do you think this is something easy to confess to anyone? He cares very much for you, and wanted to protect you from this dark side of his life, something he deeply hates himself ." Dumbledore's answer was pretty obvious, but all the same, she felt satisfied with it. She was about to exit the headmaster's office when he called her back. "Remember... whom we love best, to them we can say least," he critically stated with twinkling eyes.

***

It was on the third day of his coma, that Snape finally woke up. It was early in the morning, and the dim light of a rising new day came through the long, narrow windows of the private ward of the Hospital Wing. He slowly opened his eyes, and looked around him recognising at once the familiar surroundings. He instinctly brought a hand to his chest, and was surprised to find his amulet resting there. He knew he had left it to Alexandra, so there was only one possible explanation. Then, he noticed a warm weight, resting on his tummy. He looked down to found a sleeping Alexandra. Her head rested on her harm, while her right hand lay on his chest. He was so happy to see her. It seemed that she did not hate him after all, or else she would not have watched over him all night long. Well, at least before she fell asleep. He smiled, and hesitatingly put his hand over hers. He did not want to wake her up, but he could not either resist the wish to touch her. In those long, dark days, he had believed to have lost her forever. The thought that he might never see her again, had hurt him more than any torture those bloody criminals used on him. She woke up, and blinked twice before her eyes opened wide. She was simply delighted to see him awake and smiling down at her.

"Oh, Severus! I was so scared you wouldn't wake up anymore," she said straightening herself up. Her eyes turned bright. She was so happy, that she could have cried of joy.

"Could you ever forgive me?" he softly whispered.

"Of course. What are friends for?" she said giving him a warm smile.

"Thank you," he said looking at her with eyes full of gratitude. He had not lost her, and that knowledge gave him the strength to face the world again, unafraid of facing the Dark Lord himself. Soon after, Madam Pomfrey came in for her usual morning inspection of her patients. She was so relieved to see him awake.

"Oh, dear boy. You gave us all such a fright!" she sighed clutching her chest for the emotion.

"Let me examine you ... Alexandra, could you please go to give the good news to Albus and Minerva?" Professor Falconbridge nodded, and left the room light-hearted. She came back a minute later with Dumbledore and McGonagall, still in their night dresses, and beaming with joy.

"I've magically healed most of his injuries, now that I can do it again. There seems to be no damage to the nervous system, thanks to his good endurance to the Cruciatus. We'll speed up his recovery with some strong healing potion, but I'm afraid his body will still ache painfully for many days," was Madam Pomfrey's accurate diagnosis, "You're in for a rough time, my boy!" she told him.

He knew that oh too well. He had experienced the after effects of the Cruciatus many times, since he was still a little child. In fact, his loving father used to strike him with that just to ... "make him stronger" he used to say. That had been his very personal way to prepare his son for the future he had planned for him, a future at Voldemort's side. He had always been so pale and skinny when his father was alive. Madam Pomfrey still recalled the shameful signs of Mr Snape's educational methods, because she was the one to heal them each time young Severus came back to school from home. She had more than once reported her suspicions about Mr Snape's abuses to Dumbledore, who had always said his hands were bound by that man's powerful friends at the Ministry. Moreover, Severus was too scared of his father's revenge to say anything against him. That was why a boggart would still turn into Mortimer Snape, if facing a now fully grown Severus.

***

Now that Snape was on his way to recovery, Madam Pomfrey finally allowed a highly worried Pansy Parkinson to pay him a visit. She timidly came in, clutching a box of chocolate frogs to her chest. He was lying in his bed, still unable to sit up. As soon as she saw him, her eyes filled with tears.

"Professor Snape!" she shouted and ran to his bed, ignoring the box she had let fall to the floor. She threw her head on his chest, crying like a fountain.

"Oh, Professor ... I was so scared... You looked dead," she sobbed.

"Come on, stop it. I've not just come out from a coma to be drowned by a silly girl's tears," he sneered with a weak chuckle, while he slowly caressed her head with his hand. There was no doubt he was feeling better as he could manage a little, though affectionate, sarcasm at a student's expenses. During one of Dumbledore's visits, they talked about the events that had almost killed Snape.

"I'm sorry Albus," he gravely said, "I've spoiled it all."

"Don't blame yourself, Severus. You've done everything you could. We knew it was going to end in a way or another," Dumbledore kindly said.

"If only I had been more careful, Malfoy wouldn't have been able to turn me in. I'm useless now," Snape snarled, full of self-hatred.

"Not at all, my boy! The Order still needs your help. We already know their plans, we don't need spying anymore." "You're a brilliant, gifted, powerful wizard, Severus. Never forget it. I trust you and I need you by my side, now more than ever," he fatherly told him.

"You know I'll always be there," Snape softly whispered.

"Voldemort is now waiting for the spring equinox to have is full powers back. This leaves us some time to prepare to face him once and for all. Now rest as much as you can, there's a second war before us." He stood up to leave, but before he did it, he had a last question to ask him. "Tell me, boy. What was the use of the potion I saw you brew in your memory?" At that question a smile curled Snape's lips.

"It was the potion he's suppose to drink at the rising of the moon on the spring equinox. It should catalyze a great magical power inside his body," then his smile turned into a nasty smirk. "What he doesn't know is that it won't work, because I faked it. As soon as he drinks it, not only he won't gain any new power, but he'll lose the small magic he already possess." Snape had clearly concluded his collaboration with the Death Eaters in true Slytherin style.

"We're lucky they didn't found it out, or they would have killed you," said Dumbledore with a contemptuous smile.

"It's only a matter of time, Albus, only a matter of time..." Snape gravely said, watching the headmaster leave the room.

In the following days, Snape's health quickly improved, and he was starting to get bored of all that forced rest. He was a dynamic person, and obviously could not stand being kept inactive for so long. But Madam Pomfrey insisted he had to stay in his bed. He was not in the conditions to go back to teaching yet, but he managed to obtain the students' papers for marking. Professor Falconbridge went often to visit him, and to bring him some of his books, so that he could entertain himself with his favourite activity, reading. Of course she was not the only one paying him a visit. In fact, Dumbledore and McGonagall were regular visitors too, and so were Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy and various groups of Slytherins. Even the Bloody Baron was spotted a few times, gliding through the Hospital Wing's walls.

***

A particularly boring day like the others, Snapes received an unexpected visitor. The door of the private guard slowly opened to reveal the shabby figure of none but Remus Lupin. Snape, obviously, was not pleased to see him.

"What do you want Lupin?" Snape spat with evident annoyance, observing him with glittering eyes.

"I've come to see how you're feeling today," Lupin kindly said, not slightly impressed by his unfriendly welcome. He knew he deserved it after the way he had behaved at the last meeting of the Order.

"I was feeling much better before you came in," Snape hissed venomously.

"Look, Severus. I know you have every reason to be upset with me, but I'm here only to apologise. My behaviour at the meeting was unjustifiable," Lupin humbly admitted. Snape was very surprised. He did not expected to see him apologizing to him, not after he had called him beast in front of everybody.

"I didn't know anything about you and Professor Falconbridge, or else I swear I would have never said anything that could ruin things between you." Now Snape's surprise turned into suspicion.

"Wait a minute! How do you know it? Nobody is supposed to know anything except ... Dumbledore!" he shouted, shocked by the realisation that Albus had told Lupin one of his most private secrets. "Shit! Doesn't that old fool ever mind his own business, instead of messing around with other people's lives?" he swore indignant. If there was something he valued above everything it was privacy, especially his own.

"Don't worry, there were only Minerva, Moody and me when Dumbledore lectured us after the meeting," Lupin tried to reassure him.

"Oh yes, Moody!" he snorted, "He's only waiting for a chance to lock me into Azkaban for good! He's trying to keep her far from me. He believes he has the right to chose her friends for her," Snape angrily spat. His long stay in bed seemed to have loosened his tongue a lot. He probably was too infuriated to realise that Lupin was still sitting in front of him, patiently listening to his outburst.

"I know, friends are important. It's so painful to be alone..." Lupin sadly whispered. Snape stared at him thoughtfully. For the first time, he realised how lonely should have been Lupin's life since he became a werewolf. Always alone, mistrusted by everyone, mistreated, refused. Actually Lupin had had two real friends, but now that they were both dead, he was just as lonely as Snape was before he met Alexandra. For a moment a weird idea crossed Snape's mind ... maybe, if it had not been for Potter and Black, or the usual rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor ... maybe they could have been friends. After all, Lupin had always been rather decent with him.

Lupin was beginning to feel a little ill-at-ease in front of Snape's prolonged silence. He assumed the fact that Snape had stopped saying unkind things against him, to be his own way of accepting his apologies. He stood up ready to leave, better not make it a long visit.

"I hope to see you back with us soon. If there's anything I can do to - ah - fix things between you and Alexandra ..." he timidly started, but his words were cut by Snape's curt words

"No need. We're good friends again," Snape said before going back to his reading, while Lupin silently headed to the door.

"Good bye ... Remus," whispered Snape, without lifting his eyes from his book. Lupin smiled.

"See you soon, Severus," he said over his shoulder. Seemed like time had come to push aside old grudges, and prepare to fight together their common enemy in the coming war.

***

After a whole week of convalescence, Snape really could not stand staying in bed anymore. Now the many healing potions he had to gulp down every day had greatly improved his conditions, he was allowed to try to sit up and move the first steps. The ache in his body was much more bearable yet. All the same, he still had to move very carefully, avoiding any abrupt movement. It was rather painful to stand up or sit in a chair, going up and down a staircase, and he had to walk very slowly. Madam Pomfrey had tried to persuade him to use a walking stick, but he was too proud and stubborn to do it.

One day he felt good enough to have his dinner in the Great Hall with the rest of the school. Poppy's attempts to dissuade him were useless, now that he had made up his mind to go. She helped him to get dressed, but he had to chose over a typical wizard black robe instead of his usual gothic outfit. His skin was still too sensible where his wounds stood, and his aching body needed wide clothes that would not tighten around his body when he moved. Students and staff were already sat in the Great Hall, when Snape began his slow walk downstairs with Madam Pomfrey by his side for support. That slow gait was greatly frustrating for him, so used to striding around the castle at a marching speed.

They chose to go in through the antechamber, and then the door which opened right behind the High Table. It was the shortest way, but also the most discreet entrance to the hall. He really did not want everybody's eyes on him, as he slowly trudged to his seat. Pomfrey opened the door and held it for him. Dumbledore and McGonagall took notice of his entrance at once, and stood up to welcome him. After their example, all the staff members stood up as well. The room suddenly fell silent. Snape was very stunned and a little embarrassed by that unwanted effect. He had deceived himself that his presence would have passed unnoticed, as usual.

"Welcome back, Professor Snape!" Dumbledore cheerfully greeted him. To make things worst, he offered Snape to seat in his own high backed chair.

"Come here, my boy. You need to seat in a comfortable chair," he insisted. Snape blushed, and tried to politely turn down the headmaster's invitation. He finally surrendered to Dumbledore's prolonged insistence, and accepted his invitation. Everything, as long as it would quickly end that embarrassing situation. Alas, sitting down was not an easy task. While Snape was slowly lowering himself on the seat, a stitch of pain ran through his whole body. A gasp escaped his mouth and his face contracted in a grimace of agony, as his bottom hit on the seat.

Snape was released by that embarrassing silence, when a storm of cheering and stamping suddenly broke out from the Slytherin table. It was immediately followed by the rest of the students, who joined in with a roaring applause. Snape was simply speechless in front of such an unexpected ovation. He was sure that students would not have been pleased at all by his return. He was absolutely unprepared for that touching demonstration of care. Unable to speak, he managed to thank them with a little, but sincere smile.