Harry Potter and the Unanswered Question

Chapter Six

Dreams of the Unforgiven

Peter watched as Lily checked over his Charms work. "Much better, Peter!" she told him as she handed the parchment back. He smiled. Lily might be Head Girl, but he was glad she still had time to check his homework for him. She is so beautiful with the firelight glowing on her hair like that, he thought. I wonder what she would do if I just reached out and touched it...but his musings were interrupted by James, who had come up behind Lily and covered her eyes with his hands.

"Guess who?" he asked. The corners of her mouth turned up as she answered, "Severus Snape?" That answer earned her a sputtered, "What!?" from James and a bark of laughter from Sirius, who was watching from near the fireplace. She just turned and smiled innocently at them. Just like that, he was again on the outside.

Peter awoke from his dream and for a moment expected to find himself back at Hogwarts, then it all came back to him. He was not in the reassuring warmth of the school, but rather in a cold dungeon under an old stone castle, once belonging to Salazzar Slytherin himself. He was a servant of the Dark Lord, he was the betrayer. A pain rose up in his chest, but he squelched it. He was where he should be. His lord would protect him; he had already given him power his friends could never have. Yes, this was where he should be, but in a small part of his heart, the part that had not yet turned black and evil, he remembered Lily smiling as she handed his homework back to him, Sirius laughing as he flirted with the girls in Potions, James and Remus excitedly planning their next full moon adventure. He shook his head to rid himself of these memories as he walked into the Grand Hall, ready to face his lord. Perhaps if he were pleased with the information he had gathered, there would be a reward for him. By the time he kneeled before Lord Voldemort, all thoughts of his former friends were gone from his mind, but in that small part of his heart, the part that he had not yet learned to understand, he cried for what he had done, and for what he had become.

Later that night as he prepared for bed, his mind began to wonder. He found himself thinking again of Hogwarts, and of his friends. He stripped off his robes and lay down on his pad. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but it was dry and the temperature was mild, though that might change come winder, but for now, he was comfortable enough. As he slipped into unconsciousness, the dreams came.

N.E.W.Ts were coming up and the seventh years were beside themselves. Peter thought after O.W.Ls, it couldn't get any worse, but he was wrong. Even the Marauders were feeling the strain. Their normal mischief and pranks had been put on hold. In their place, there was studying and more studying. He would be glad when it was all over. Although he was a little scared. He had no idea what he would do when he was finished with school. He knew James and Sirius wanted to be Aurors and Lily wanted to be a teacher, or a healer. Remus didn't want to talk about the future, but he knew he had mentioned teaching. He was pulled out of his musing by the sound of someone leaving the dormitory. He glanced at the bed next to his and noticed James was gone. He quietly got up and crept down the stairs to the common room. There he found James and Lily standing by the portrait hole.

"You're late," she said accusingly.

"I'm sorry, I was waiting to make sure Sirius was really asleep," he explained apologetically.

"We better hurry, Frank will be wondering where we are," she said rather shortly.

With that James threw his Invisibility Cloak over them both and out they went. Curious, Peter followed, but at a distance so as not to be seen. Once in the corridor, he realized following two invisible people would be impossible, then he remembered the one advantage he had. Praying that James hadn't taken it with him, he rushed back through the portrait hole and up to the dormitory. He quietly crept over to the stand next to James's bed. He opened the top drawer, picked up the diary Sirius had given him on the train ride at the start of term and opened it. Excellent! he thought as he picked up the blank parchment. He quickly replaced the diary and crept back to the common room. Once there, he tapped the parchment and whispered, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." No sooner had he uttered the last word, thin lines began to snake their way across the paper. Within seconds, a miniscule map had replaced the blank parchment. He looked closely and saw two small dots labeled James Potter and Lily Evans moving down the Charms corridor. He quickly took off to catch up with them. When he reached the Charms room, he ducked inside to see where Lily and James had gone. Checking the map he noticed they had stopped in a hidden room at the end of the corridor. While not as useful as the Room of Requirement, it was handy enough when you needed a place to chat and not be found. Peter quietly jogged to the end of the corridor. There he stopped and took out his wand. He moved aside the tapestry of Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff. He tapped the door three times and muttered, "Tenocleum." The door silently moved aside, revealing a dark corridor. He silently started down the corridor. After a couple minutes of walking, he came to another door. There was light coming from the crack under the door and he could hear voices coming from the other side. He pressed his ear against the door. He could faintly hear Lily speaking. He pressed his ear harder to the door and closed his eyes, concentrating on what he was hearing.

"We should go to Dumbledore," someone said.

"And tell him what? 'James Potter had this dream about Voldemort, so he snuck into the Slytherin common room and heard Lucius Malfoy plotting to overthrow you at graduation.' Yeah, that would go over well with the Headmaster," Lily replied.

"How do you know James's dream wasn't just a dream?" voice number one asked.

"It wasn't," James replied. "It was too real. I could actually feel their pain as they were being tortured. Then when I snuck into the Slytherin common room and overheard Malfoy's plans of sabotage, I knew it couldn't have been a dream!"

There was a moment of speculative silence, and then another voice Peter believed to belong to Frank Longbottom spoke up. "If that's true, then what do we do? How do we stop him?" he asked

"I don't know, but we have to come up with something. Listen, it's late and we all have studying to do tomorrow, so let's call it a night," Lily suggested. Peter heard chairs scraping against the hard floor. He hurriedly ran down the corridor then out into the open. A quick glance at the map showed the corridor empty. He sprinted back to the portrait hole, then up to his dorm. After quickly replacing the map, he got into bed and pulled the drapes shut. His heartbeat was just slowing when he heard James enter the dormitory and crawl into bed. He fell asleep that night thinking horrible thoughts.

Peter awoke to find himself once again in the cold dungeon. He wasn't sure why he had been dreaming about his time at Hogwarts, or of his long lost friends. Those days were far away and forever lost to him now. He thought again of those people he had trusted, had loved. Then he thought of the way he had always been an outsider. Never good enough for precious Potter or perfect Lily. They set out to do something great, but never thought of him. Even when he had been made their Secret Keeper, it wasn't our of devotion or because he could be trusted above all others, it was because who would believe little Peter Pettigrew would be it? But he showed them!! He was important! He showed them he wasn't someone to be overlooked! But that small, rebellious part of his heart cried out. NO!! He was not sorry for what he had done!! As he argued mentally with himself, another image came to him. A boy. Thirteen. James's dark hair and Lily's emerald eyes. The boy who had spared his life. So like James, he was. So noble. He, Peter, the betrayer had taken away his family and here he was, giving him back his life. He was suddenly very sick to his stomach. He went to the water basin in the corner and took a long cold drink to clear his head and settle his wayward stomach. He had work to do and thinking about the past would do him no good. But still that small part of his heart cried for forgiveness. Forgiveness that he knew would never come.