Rebuilt

This was the second time Ron had to repair that darned ceiling, and he only hoped it wouldn't crash down on him again.

Rubble and stone bricks lifted from the floor and into the air, the pieces of rock spinning around each other before finally coming together into a solid block that had once been part of the ceiling. Ron and Hermione simultaneously raised their wands, and the block flew higher. At last it fitted neatly back into the hole above their heads.

Ron grinned and slid his wand away, but as soon as he did, the repaired spot in the ceiling trembled and broke apart once again. It threatened to collapse on Hermione's head.

Before Ron could rearm himself, another wizard had already shouted the Repairing Spell and flourished his wand a bit more than was necessary. The stone fixed itself once more. Ron sighed. "Thanks, Neville. That's the second time that's happened. The first time I thought I'd just cast the spell wrong."

"No problem, mate." Neville clapped him on the back and threw one arm over Hermione's shoulders, ignoring the look that suddenly flashed across Ron's face. "Are you all right, Hermione?"

She glanced at his hand, then nodded. "I could've gotten it done myself...but thank you. Have you seen Harry anywhere?"

Neville blew a few strands of hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, he and Ginny were in the Great Hall, talking. They seemed quite annoyed when I interrupted them, but Mrs. Weasley had sent me to fetch her daughter and I couldn't refuse. Ginny looked right miffed when I told her what her mum said. But she went."

"So where is Harry?"

"Oh, right. After that I asked him if he was going to help everyone rebuild the school. Then he closed his eyes for a long time and said he'd done enough good deeds for right now and maybe he'd catch up with me later. So I came up here, and just in time too, seeing as Ron was botching all those spells--"

"Watch it, you!"

"I suppose you want to go find him now?" Neville looked expectantly at Hermione, who appeared to be forcing a small smile. "We can try the Great Hall first."

Ron and Hermione agreed at once, and Hermione gently moved from under Neville's arm and hurried to hold the door. Ron relaxed a bit and tipped his wand to her in a way of thanks. "Careful, 'Mione. You don't know how unstable these walls are now, they could cave in any second."

Hermione rolled her eyes and followed both boys out. "I think I'll be fine," she was saying when their voices finally grew muffled, then died away.

From her hiding place in the corner of the room, kneeling behind a small hill of debris and masked by the shadows, Luna Lovegood stared straight up at where the hole in the ceiling had once been. It was a pity Ron had fixed it. Now she'd just have to break it down again, for the third time.

She waved her wand.

Dust flew up as the rocks from the ceiling crashed back down, it clouded the air until she could barely breathe and couldn't see, and the sound of it all sorely hurt her ears. When the dust cleared, she blinked at the mess.

"That was a bigger hole than I meant for it to be." Her voice had grown less airy and more depressed. She waded her way through the rubble and stood directly under the now-gaping hole. The light that streamed in from the outside let her see the thick layer of dust and dirt that had settled over everything. Luna examined the gray hand that was still holding her wand. "I only wanted to let in a bit of sunlight."

Indeed. All day, every day for the past week the survivors of the war had been cleaning up and rebuilding Hogwarts--depressing work that had to be done from dawn till dusk and sometimes all night as well. Moving rock, clearing debris, lugging corpses outside to be identified and claimed by their families.

She remembered how she'd helped move the lifeless body of one of her classmates into the courtyard for his brother to see and take home to their Muggle parents. The look on his brother's face still showed up in her nightmares: wide, disbelieving eyes, trembling bottom lip, cheeks that were painted with dirt and tears and blood. But Luna hadn't cried. Oh, she'd wanted to; it would've relieved the pain of everything she was feeling if even a few tears had escaped her eyes. But she'd never been able to.

She stared up wordlessly, now feeling a bit ashamed that she hadn't had any words of comfort towards the brother nor any sadness for him. This was a selfish feeling, an empty feeling.

Luna barely understood anything anymore. Her father, the man who'd taught her all about Knargles and the other little-known creatures, the man who'd raised her and had seen how much her friends meant to her--had betrayed them. When they'd asked for help, he'd tried to get them arrested, and that she understood least of all.

"I barely understand myself anymore," she whispered, her eyes growing misty as she tried to find comfort in the cold sunlight. But the longer she stood there, the colder she felt.

The door burst open, and in hurried a tousle-haired young man. After adjusting his glasses, he paused in the doorway and looked around the room until Luna felt his eyes fall on her. Though she was standing in broad sunlight, she was shivering.

"Luna," he said, and she turned to face him. "Have you seen Ron and Hermione? Er, I think Neville was going to try and find them, but...."

She forced a smile. "Oh hello, Harry. They--" She'd started to say that they'd all gone looking for him in the Great Hall, but stopped herself. What was the point? Why should he have friends that cared for him when her father cared so little for her that he would make her lose the people she loved most?

No, that was a horrible thing to feel; it was worse than not feeling anything at all. But there was that selfish feeling again, welling up in her chest and making her throat tight. It wasn't like her to be this way. "Neville came by a little while ago," she said at last. "He helped them fix the hole in the ceiling."

She waited for a second, half expecting him to ask what had been wrong with the ceiling, and, if they'd fixed it, why was there a giant hole in it now? When he said nothing, looking slightly impatient, she continued, "Neville told them that Ginny had left and you were still downstairs, so I imagine they went to the Great Hall if they didn't get sidetracked."

Harry nodded and started to leave. He paused for a moment as if wrestling with some sort of decision, mentally torn. A sigh formed on his lips. "Okay, Luna. What are you doing?"

Luna could think of nothing to say for what felt like ages. Then, thinking quickly, she gave him an cheerless smile. "I was waiting for the Gindreds." A lie.

Harry blinked, then started to close the door. "All right, then. I'll leave you to that."

"The Gindreds," said Luna quickly, finding that she enjoyed having someone to talk to, "come out after the end of war. And they sit in the sunlight around a battle field. Every time they see a dead body, they laugh. A high, mocking laugh. The opposite of a phoenix."

"Sounds very interesting, but I think I hear Ginny calling me," he said, and Luna's shoulders slumped. "But, ah, I'll see you later? Okay then, bye." Before she had a chance to answer, the door closed all the way and left her in complete isolation yet again.

When standing in the sunlight grew into nothing more than a reminder of the warmth that she'd never feel, she gave up. Luna took the bag filled with what little she'd rescued of her belongings and slid it over her shoulder. She opened the door to the corridor.

Down the hall she could faintly hear the excited shrieks of the boys who were trying open the Chamber of Secrets just like Ron had, and in the opposite direction she could hear the sound of bottles of sherry being clinked together. She didn't know what they were celebrating, and she didn't really care.

Ron, Hermione, Harry and Neville were probably all off together, discovering new things and new corpses, and it made Luna feel a bit heavy-hearted that they hadn't invited her to go with them. Already she was losing her friends. Was it because of her father?

She sighed; perhaps she wasn't wanted. Perhaps her 'friends' were growing tired of her at long last. She'd known the thought of friends were too good to be true ever since her fourth year when they'd actually been nice to her. Oh well. All of that kindness was wasted now.

She dragged herself slowly along the corridor, her bag growing heavier and heavier with every step to the point where it almost felt like lead. Luna let her hair fall into her face like a curtain, splitting one side of the world from another: the side with her in it, and the side without.

Someone in front of her shouted. She looked up wearily to see a young trio of boys aim their wands at a statue and shout again. This time the statue broke apart and fell sideways, revealing a hole that ran under it. A passage.

All this time she'd been at Hogwarts and Luna hadn't even seen the statue before, let alone know that it was hiding anything. She stared at the tunnel that disappeared into the darkness. All it was was another hole.

"We got it!" One of the boys gave his companions both high-fives. "One down and only thirty-six more to go. Let's get them done before Donald and Nigel get to them, eh?"

"Do you know? Do you know what I know? I know something about Harry Potter!" said one of the smaller boys, his face lighting up just at the name. "I heard Harry Potter has a map with all the passages listed on it. It's just like him to have a map like that. It must be really brilliant. And Harry's nice, so maybe he'd let us use the map, and then we could get to all the passages first, and that would make my brother so proud of me. He's probably watching me right now. He wouldn't want me to be sad. So let's go!"

"No, no," said the last boy, whose nose was smashed into his face. "It's no fun if we cheat. It's better to discover the castle's secrets for ourselves."

"Right-o! Let's get to it!" This came from the first boy, and he sprinted ahead of the others. His followers scurried after him eagerly with whoops and songs, and one of them shoved her aside in his hurry to catch up.

Luna caught her balance just in time, holding on to the statue for a bit of support. Why hadn't she known about it? Sure she knew about some of the other passages, like the one under the kitchens and the one that led to the dungeons. It bothered her now that she hadn't known about this one.

She ran her hand silently over the chipped rock. It looked like the statue was missing an eye. A while ago she might have believed that Knargles dwelled within the statue, causing it to be disfigured. Or maybe that was the work of a Millietoad, an evil little creature that--

She shook her head. What was the point now? Her father had told her all about Knargles and Millietoads, so as far as she was concerned they might not ever have existed.

As she resumed walking, she had to wonder exactly how much there was to Hogwarts that she didn't know about? How many secret passages and deserted corridors, locked doors and abandoned classrooms were there that she'd never seen? Maybe the Room of Requirement was just the beginning of things, and there was so much more to explore. There was an entire chamber full of secrets that she'd never been into, after all.

I feel, she thought, like I'm losing every home I've ever had. I can't go home to my father and I don't know Hogwarts at all. I thought I did. But I also thought I knew my father too. And I thought I knew the Minister of Magic was a vampire...well, that might be true. But nothing else is!Thinking about her feelings no longer gave her any comfort, like the sunlight that came through the hole she'd made in the ceiling which left her very cold. If even the sun chilled her, it was obvious that she'd have to make her own happiness and warmth now. And she would have to make her own home.

OoOoOo
She remembered one of the previous days that had been particularly bleak, with the ceiling in the Great Hall showing clouds and rain. After a great deal of being pestered, Harry had decided to finally tell his story to all the eager onlookers that wanted to listen, and Luna had been one of the ones to crowd around him. She'd heard her father had been involved with Harry's journey, but she didn't know how--had he hidden them from officials? Healed Harry when he was almost dead? Shown off his collection of rare animal horns?

But no; Luna's eyes widened a little as he spoke of how her father had betrayed them, and then how Harry had to save him from being killed by revealing himself at the very last second. Luna hadn't wanted to believe it when she heard. But her father had always told her to believe something unless there was proof that it wasn't true. As she hadn't heard from him in a dreadfully long time--well, there wasn't proof, now was there?

She'd gone off on her own for a few hours to sit with the thestrals and think everything over, and when she came back to help with the rebuilding she'd already made up her mind that Xenophilius wasn't exactly who she'd thought him to be.

Now as she approached the doors near the Entrance Hall, thinking of all the things her father might have lied to her about, Luna was truly starting to feel like she'd made the right decision not to go home to him.

In the Entrance Hall she passed many students whom she knew vaguely, like the Patil twins, a Ravenclaw who'd been in the year above her, and a Hufflepuff who'd sometimes read the Quibbler. The only thing her father's magazine was good for now was swatting Knargles. Knargles made her think of Mistletoe, which made her think of Christmas, so far away. It was summer now, the tip of June, and the season had never felt so unwelcoming and cold.

She had her head down and was dragging her feet when a hand waved in front of her face. Luna snapped her eyes up sharply to see a boy who was quite a bit smaller than her and quite a bit larger around his middle. "You're Luna, right?"

Was he really talking to her? She beamed. "Yes, do you need help with something?"

The boy grinned. "Well yeah, I mean you're friends with Harry Potter, aren't you? He told us all about you the other day. Plus, I've heard about you--it's not hard, there are a lot of old stories going around about the crazy things you used to say. Anyway, I'm Nigel and this is Donald."

Luna thought hard, but she couldn't remember ever meeting a Nigel.

"We were in the DA together." Nigel waved his hand dismissively. "Anyway, I know you know Harry Potter, and I know you know him well enough to steal a certain map for us? One that has all the secret passages on it. Do you know where he keeps it?"

Luna shook her head slowly. "I don't know, but if you want help looking around for it--"

She wanted to learn about everything that was contained in the castle walls so she could finally make it her real home like Harry had, and she wanted these boys to help her. But before she'd even finished her sentence the boys had shot past her and were dashing down the corridor. "Never mind, then!" Donald called back.

"Wait, I want to help you. Please."

Either they were ignoring her or were too far out of earshot to hear, and they disappeared around the corner in a flash.

She sighed and let her feet carry her slowly in much the same direction toward the great double doors of the Entrance Hall, her ears open to the cheers and chatter as groups of students succeeded in rebuilding an entire wall. Some were fixing ceiling stones and charming brooms to sweep the floors, while others hung portraits and tried to coax their subjects back into their proper paintings. Down the entire hall all that could be heard were the saddening songs and laughter. Lots of laughter.

Luna wondered first how everyone could be so happy; then she wondered why she wasn't. The war was over, she should be celebrating and trying to make new friends, assuming her old ones were upset with her for what her father did. But he wasn't here right now. Did that mean that she could be...

Normal?Whatever normal was, she decided she didn't really want to be it. All Luna wanted right now were friends, a new home, and possibly some pudding, but in no particular order.

She pushed against the doors and walked, hunched over, into the court yard, and then past the students. The bottom of her shoes hit the grass with every step, but she wasn't quite used to not feeling the cool earth on her skin every time she went outside. It had been a while since someone had stolen anything of hers, and Luna rather missed it; at least it had meant she was included in something, even if it was only being made fun of. Now everyone seemed to ignore her, and that was worse than being picked on.

She paused at the edge of the lawn and slipped out of her shoes. For a moment she wanted to throw them into the mouth of the Forbidden Forest and leave them there forever, but she stopped, placed them neatly side by side, and kept walking.

Ah, this was much better. The earth was connected to her again, the animals and the ground and the sky. This was real sunlight! It streamed onto her face, not through a hole but through the clouds, and she lifted her face to it. This time when she sighed, it was a contented sigh.

Just as soon as she'd found peace, Nigel and Donald came sprinting across the grass behind Dennis and the others, shouting that they would win. They both barreled into her at the same time, and though Luna crashed to the ground quite hard, she felt nothing. No pain, no emotion. She also didn't feel very forgiving when Nigel scrambled back up and apologized. He offered his hand down to her but she shook her head. She didn't care.

After a long moment of deep breathing, Luna rose by herself. Everything was gray. Not in color, exactly, but the aura of the entire world was overcast and dismal. Even the auras of Nigel and Donald, who were disappearing after the other boys, gave off a bitter, empty energy.

Something shone in the distance, more gold than gray, and Luna felt a flicker of happiness. It rose like a tower and gave off a gravitating force that had her walking towards it as if in a trance. She'd seen it many times before but never in such a light.

The color of its aura blazed more welcomingly and bright than she'd have ever imagined, representing hope and peace like nothing had since the war's end. Luna had to get closer.

She ran and she ran, flying over the grass and through the air, and all the thoughts disappeared one by one from her mind, and she lost control of herself, and she forgot where she was or what she was doing or any of the emotions that had bottled themselves inside of her, and she knew nothing but the happiest, purest joy--

WHAM!

Something slammed into her face and off her feet. Luna couldn't see what it was before she hit the ground. Her forehead pounded and she hissed against the pain; this was a far different feeling than when she'd been knocked down before. She felt it all now, the throbbing of her heart and a dull ache all over her body. Luna had landed so hard on the rocks and sticks around the base of her attacker that her face was now cut up and bloody, and when she ran her tongue over her stinging bottom lip, she tasted blood.

Luna used one arm to push herself off the ground and looked toward the thing that attacked her, but for a long time she couldn't see anything. Everything in front of her open eyes was completely black. This was worse then feeling the gray, it was like being trapped in a room with neither lights nor an exit.

Slowly the black in front of her eyes began to fade and she could see little patches of color...brown...green...more brown. Her eyes traveled up and up over the monstrosity in front of her, taking it all in and trying to remember what exactly it was.

Oh yes. The Whomping Willow.

Luna unsteadily got back to her feet, swayed a bit, and then tried to smile. Amazingly her bloody lips complied, giving the tree the most cheerful look she'd had all day.

Then she opened her mouth. And laughed.

She laughed because she'd been so silly, because she'd run right into a tree and then the tree had hit her! She deserved the blow, then! All this time she'd been feeling sad and alone, and then she'd found something that welcomed her. Then as soon as she was close enough, it had hit her, it had pushed her away, just like everything always did.

Then she wasn't laughing anymore, she was crying, and tears poured from her eyes and down her dirty cheeks. Her hair fell into her face but she didn't bother to brush it away. Her shoulders trembled. Something inside her was so very empty...

Then a different something wrapped around her waist and pulled tight, and Luna was gently lifted high into the air. Her stomach felt odd at the ever-growing height, but it was more from excitement than nausea. She looked down and saw her feet dangle many, many feet above the ground and figured that the branch--the only thing holding her up--was going to let go at any moment. Then she'd tumble to her death.

Instead, it set her down on one of the higher, stiffer branches near the top. Luna's legs immediately wrapped around the new branch to keep herself from falling; she was out on the edge, after all. The Whomping Willow seemed to see this and slid her farther up the branch to where it was more stable.

Luna reached out and, barely knowing what she was doing, gripped for the heart of the Willow. Her fingers found only tree bark but she held them there, and she rested her head against it. Leaves brushed against her ear with a light tickle as one of the branches stroked her hair and pulled it clumsily out of her eyes. The tears fell even faster now.

Perhaps she'd found a home.