Haunted: The Journal of Harry Potter

HAUNTED: THE JOURNAL OF HARRY POTTER

SEPTEMBER 1^st

Back again at Hogwarts, 17, seventh year, and I am preparing to fight against the dark lord that decides my fate. Will I save the wizarding world? Will I die trying? I should be worrying about that, but instead I lie here thinking of you. The child of Voldemort's right hand man, the fucking sex god of Slytherin. I find myself wondering why I should even waste a thought on you. You are my enemy, the boy who has tormented me for seven years. Am I just trying to distract myself from what will come, or could it be that you are the only thing that makes me feel anything anymore? The blonde devil dressed in black that can cause my heart to race and my knees to go weak. Your insults and stinging remarks are the only things that I care about nowadays. I saw you as I stepped off the train today and I found myself wanting to pick a fight with you just so I could hear your drawl-laced insult. I am now lying here, thinking of the first day we met. I didn't know it was you that day so long ago, that one that would torment me at every turn. That would take my world and turn it upside down.

I walked into your world filled with wonder. Like a child I smiled shyly at you as you said hi. You started to ramble on and on about racing brooms and other things I knew nothing about. I just stared at you taking everything in. I think it was the first and only time I looked at you with interest and curiosity. I held no hatred for you then, just wonder for the silver-eyed boy who spoke with such authority and grace. I have replayed that day in my head a million times. I remember the exact moment you turned from wonder to dislike. You brought up Hagrid and mentioned class and pureblood privilege. I knew that you felt superior to people like Hagrid and it made me angry for Hagrid was the first person to ever be nice to me. I had spent my whole life being treated like I was dirt for the Dursleys to trample on. I vowed after that I would never believe that I was above anyone else or hurt him or her the way the Dursleys had hurt me. I could see it in your eyes as they shifted from a pale gray to a dazzling sliver that you felt the same way the Dursleys did. When you spoke about Hagrid, your eyes sparkled with malice only hate could bring. I walked out of that shop knowing that we would never be friends. So when you extended your hand to me I did not take it.

I look back now and wonder: what if I had accepted your offer of friendship? What if the hero of the fucking wizarding world had cashed in his chips and joined with the dark side? I often think life for me would have been a lot easier. No one trying to kill me each year and their would be no pressure of being the hero resting on my shoulders. I watch you and you seem to stroll through life without a care. You know your place in this world, a place that you knew was yours from the day you were born. I on the other hand got thrust into a spotlight for something I was too little to remember. At age 11 the fate of the world was dropped on my shoulders. Heavy load, huh? But I could not have accepted your hand even if I had wanted to. You have to understand I was Harry Potter: the boy who lived! Bravery and goodness comes with my name and title in this world. I had no choice, in the matter Draco. By defeating the Dark lord that day I set my destiny in motion. So now I lie here knowing that I am condemned. Not just for my name, my fate, and the dark lord that wants to kill me, but, for the one person I should hate but don't.

SEPTEMBER 20^TH

You ran into me yesterday. I have spent the past few weeks trying to avoid you, it's pretty hard since we have potions class together, but in my head I thought I was doing a good job until yesterday. You must have been late because you were running; you rounded a corner and slammed into me. You knocked me down and landed right on top on me. I couldn't help but feel the rush of heat that poured through my body at the contact. You had me right where you had always wanted me: beneath you. You held all the power in those few seconds until I came to my senses and pushed you off.

"Get the fuck off Malfoy!" I yelled as I stood up to brush the feeling of your touch off my body. I told you to watch where you were going next time and looked up to see rage flash across those silver eyes. Your pupils pooled like mercury, and in an instant you had grabbed me. I had no time to react as you threw my body against the wall and felt my head crack against the cool stone. You held one hand around my neck, and I knew you could feel my blood dripping onto your fingers. Pain flickered through my body as did fear, but I did not struggle as you pushed your whole weight into me. You pinned me against the wall so hard I could hear your knuckles scrape against the stone. I felt your knee drive my legs apart and you flattened your whole entire body against mine. Mixed in with the smell of blood and pain a new desire awoke within me. I should have fought you but instead I waited for your next move. I could taste the passion tainted with a touch of hate as your lips descended against mine. I was helpless to stop you as your lips ravaged mine and your fingers found their way beneath my robes to caress my body. I whimpered with pleasure as you forced your way into that part of me that had died so long ago. It was then that you pulled back and I saw the horror in you eyes. Without your lips against mine I had time to think about what I was feeling. The terror of knowing just how I wanted you began to set in. I looked into your eyes and prayed that you would not say you were sorry for what you had done. I didn't think that I could have dealt with an apology from you right then. Instead your eyes shifted and you became the predictable Draco Malfoy when you told me to watch where I was going next time or you would have to punish me again. The pleasure that shivered through my body at the thought you doing just that terrified me and I fled. I ran so fast, never looking back.

Collapsed upon my bed I lay waiting for the thrill of your touch to stop racing through my veins. I knew you had just assaulted me, and I should find the nearest professor and tell them what you did. But I couldn't bring myself to tell on you. You probably would have been expelled, and the thought of you being gone caused my heart to ache. I couldn't explain the new feelings that took over my soul in those moments. I waited and waited for a truth that never came.

Today I saw you in class; you glanced my way for a brief moment then adverted your eyes from mine. I know you are probably wondering why I didn't tell on you, why I did not rid Hogwarts of Draco Malfoy once and for all. It is because I feel ashamed. Ashamed at the fact that you violated me and I liked it. In fact, your lips on mine and the way your hands roughly groped my body are all I can think about now. I want you to do it again, do you hear me, Draco? You need to stop this ache you started. For I cannot survive like this knowing the desire for you rages inside of me. If you won't do anything, I will. I will take you down, take you out, and send you to the hell you have condemned me too. I will inflict the harshest punishment of all: I will make you live with knowledge of a desire that burns but can never be satisfied. You will crave me the way I know crave you and I will be free. I will have my revenge even if it comes in the way you least expect.

OCTOBER 16^th

We have not spoken since that day. No insults, no punishing words. I walk by you like you do not exist and you do the same. We have come to a quiet agreement, and I am happy with that arrangement until my plans are set into motion. You are probably wondering just what I have in store for you, but if I told you how, would that make it a surprise? No I prefer to keep you in the dark, letting you stay in your spotlight for a while longer. And on the day I strike you will not be able to stop me. I am hoping that if I push myself on you the way you did to me, I will be able to rid myself of this need for you. I will come to my senses and leave you dazed and confused in my wake. For the boy who lived has no time for lust of his enemy. Lust that drives him to the brink of destruction. I have stepped willingly on this path and I embrace it hoping for redemption.

OCTOBER 31

Halloween. So many things have happened on this night during my life. My parents' murder, the battling of the troll, and gaining Hermione's friendship. It seems fitting that tonight will be the night that my plan goes into affect. Tonight is the 7^th years masked ball. Everyone in costumes and pretending for just one night that they are someone else. I too will be someone else tonight. Someone that you thought I could never be. Dark, lustful, and on the hunt for you. Tonight you will be mine and I will feel again. Are you afraid? You should be, Draco. Here I come.

I headed to the dance with some Ravenclaw girl on my arm. God, I thought I was going to kill myself listening to her endless chatter! All I wanted was to find you, but alas, one must keep up pretenses right, Draco? As soon as I entered the ballroom, I politely found a way to ditch her, and went on the hunt for you. You were not hard to find for your pale blonde hair stood out like a light among the darkness. Dressed in all black and wearing a green colored mask, you stood against the wall your mannerisms suggesting you were about to die of boredom. Just as I predicted, you excused yourself and headed towards the bathroom. I followed quietly behind you, tracing every footstep. As I slipped into the bathroom after you, I cast a locking charm on the bathroom door. You were not going to escape from me tonight.

I stood back among the shadows and watched you stare at yourself in the mirror. You ran your fingers along the contours of the mask as if you were not sure what lied behind it. With a forceful tug you yanked it off and it shattered into millions of pieces as it hit the stone floor. It was then that I crept up behind you, stepping on broken shards of mask. You turned around to face the person that had intruded on your private moment. It was then that I stuck. You didn't even have time to scream as pinned you to the wall and pressed my lips down upon yours. You fought for just a few seconds until I pushed my tongue into your mouth and heard you moan with pleasure. I took that moan as a sign of surrender and used that moment to bring your hands above your head and bind them there. I pulled away to look at my handy work as you struggled against the bonds.

"Who are you?" You asked as you gasped for breath, "Take off your mask!"

"Well, aren't we demanding?" I questioned, "It looks like you are in no position to demand anything right now."

I watched the fear grow in your sliver eyes along with a desire that you couldn't hide. "No more questions," I said as I assaulted your lips again.

I worked my hands underneath your robes and proceeded to explore your body the same way you had explored mine. You fought against me, but your moans betrayed you as I proceeded to follow the path of my hands with my lips. I was drunk form the taste of you and I knew I had to have more. Your body froze as I unzipped your pants and slid my hand inside. Cool silk met my fingertips as they descended to feel all of you. Warmth spread through my fingertips as they dipped under the silk to meet your wanting flesh.

"Tell me you want me," I whispered as I began to move my hand back and forth. "Say it. You know you want to." Stroke after stroke you resisted until I pulled my hand away and it was then that you begged me to continue.

"Please," you moaned.

"Tell me what I want to hear," I said as I gently toyed with you.

"I want you," you whispered in defeat.

Those words sparked a fury of emotion inside of me, and it was then that I knew that I wanted you to know just exactly whom you wanted. I ripped off my mask and watched you sliver eyes pool in disbelief. I didn't give you any time to react as I forced my lips down upon yours and began to stroke you once again. Harder and faster my hand went as my tongue mimicked its movements in your mouth. You came screaming my name, and I came just at the sound of my name from your lips. I kissed you one last time and pulled away.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" I whispered in your ear before I turned and walked out the door.

I left you bound and defeated. You should have seen the look on your face. I won. Why does it feel like lost?