Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Going Under: The Journal of Draco Malfoy

Chapter 16: MY LAST BREATH

April 10^th 10:00 am

Well here I lie in the hospital once again. I am waiting for some sign of you but, all the beds around me are empty and I wonder if maybe they are keeping us apart. I have tried to ask. Te sound comes out in racking sobs and everyone just shuffles around me with a look of pity on their faces. I would be screaming if I had a voice. They tell me that I almost died and that my throat was so badly damaged that it will take at least a week to heal. It seems my father managed to crush my windpipe and bruise the skin inside my throat making it almost impossible for them to repair the damage. They worked a miracle they tell me. I will be able to talk again, but what is voice when you are not here to listen? I keep writing where's Harry down on every slip of paper they give me, but no one will answer my question. They have even stopped giving me paper, afraid of the fact that I will write your name down once again. Are you dead? Is that why they all walk around with eyes full of sorrow? Are you lying broken somewhere and they fear you may never recover? Why won't they tell me? I feel so helpless lying here not knowing where you are or even if you are alive! I have vague flashes of memory. They rush my senses and leave me even more confused. I need you now, when I am lost and broken. I want to feel your skin upon mine and your arms wrapped around me. I don't want to walk this path alone. Come back to me. Please come back to me.

April 17^th 5:17 pm

When my voice finally launched itself from my broken throat I asked for you. They told me that Dumbledore was coming to explain what happened, and all I could do was sit and wait. It felt like I had been waiting forever by the time the headmaster had arrived.

"Where's Harry?"

"Well my dear boy, I am not sure."

"How can you be not sure? He is the fucking boy who lived! You kept better tabs on him over the years then the Dark Lord! Where is he?" The words were escalating like the fear that was rising in my chest.

"Maybe I should rephrase my former statement. The truth is Draco we do not know where Harry is because he chose not to reveal his whereabouts."

"Maybe the fact that I was nearly choked to death has messed up my head as well, but I am not understanding what you are getting at headmaster."

"I am sorry my dear boy, but it seems this is harder than I thought it would be."

For the first time in all my years at Hogwarts I really looked at Dumbledore. He looked old, and tired, and there was sadness in his eyes that told me more than his words.

"We have lost him, haven't we?"

"I am afraid so, but he was the one to make the choice to leave."

"How does one chose to die?"

"Harry is not dead, Draco. He has joined forces with Voldemort."

My mouth hung open and I felt my heart drop in my chest. The hero joined the villain? This was not how the story was supposed to go! This was like some horrible nightmare I knew I that would wake from and everything would be okay.

"He did what?" I screamed at the top of my bruised lungs. "Why? Why would he do that? It makes no sense! Tell me you are lying! TELL ME!"

"I wish I could tell you that Mr. Malfoy. Believe me I wish it was all a lie, but I am afraid it is not. The answer to why he would do such a thing is easier than you think. He did it to save you, Draco. He did it because he loved you with all of his heart."

"How did he save me by joining the madman that wants to kill him?"

"From what I can gather, Voldemort showed up right around the time your father had attacked you. It was always you that the Dark Lord wanted, and he planned to take you that night. He did not however plan to find Harry at the Manor as well. It came as quite a shock, but in the end Harry must have managed to strike a deal with Voldemort. Himself in return for your life. Voldemort was the one who killed your father, Draco. He hit him with the death curse just in time to save your life. Harry in return gave himself over to the Dark Lord. It may seem crazy, but if you think about who Harry is it makes sense. Harry never wanted to be the boy who lived or some great hero that would save the world. He was just a lost lonely boy looking for someone one to love him. You did that Draco. You gave Harry the one thing he had always wanted, love. Harry could not just watch the one person the mattered the most to him to slip away. It was not in Harry to let you go, Draco. He had to protect you no matter the cost. Always remember that he loved you that much."

The words grew tight in my raw throat and my eyes blurred from unshed tears. My voice seemed hollow and it trembled when I spoke.

"What I do I do now?'

"You carry on, Draco. We all must carry on. Harry made his choice, now you are left with yours. You can hate him or curse him. You can lie in this bed and just whither away into nothing. You can forget all the good memories and bury the love you had until you are empty shell. You can give up. I wouldn't blame you if you did, but I think that Harry deserves more than that. I think he deserves the Draco that he loves to fight for him, to fight for the love he sacrificed himself for. Harry believes in you, and only you are strong enough to save him. He is in the battle for his very soul and he needs you to bring him back, not only to you, but to all of us." Dumbledore pulled something from his pocket and laid it gently in my hands.

"He left this for you. I hope it gives you some answers to the questions you seek," with that said he turned and walked away. I gently broke the seal and pulled out the pale piece of paper. I could almost smell your familiar scent as I stared at the tiny scrawled words. I felt the weight of the letter sink in with each line I read.