While You Slept

While You Slept

I would never hear the end of what I'd said to Granger, I knew that. And that's why I didn't go to our common room that night. I didn't go to the Slytherin one either. I don't think I could have dealt with Blaise that night. So I disappeared.

It's a one night per month act that I do. I get outside of the castle grounds, and Apparate home. Usually, I do it when I get too stressed out, and well, this was good reason to go home for the weekend. Thank Merlin it was the weekend. I don't think I could get through another day having to see all three of them.

Being that my parents were getting the divorce, my mother had moved out, and my father's pregnant boyfriend moved in. Fiancé, I should say, he'd kill me if he heard me call Remus Lupin his boyfriend again.

Being that Remus is indeed a werewolf, I'm curious as to the terms of the pregnancy. Did my father go against the laws, or did he go around them? Everyone knows that, by law, werewolves are not allowed to have children. Or get married for that matter. How are they doing it?

And what confused me more than my father's flagrant disregard for the law was the lack of reporters. The news about the divorce hadn't even reached media ears yet, so my parent's divorce was still very much in the dark.

My father was surprised that I had arrived. He confessed that he would have thought I wouldn't need this sort of escape now that I had someone in my life....

"That's just it, Father," I confessed. He'd led me into one of our sitting rooms and ordered a House elf to bring us tea. "There is nothing. He doesn't think I care, and I can't tell him that I do. And Blaise," my father made a face, he never really liked the Zabini family, "keeps trying to give me advice, then earlier today he blows up and says he's sick of it."

My father chuckled. "May I ask, who this boy you're so infatuated with?"

I sighed. I knew this would be coming. "He's not a boy," I said softly, shaking my head. "He's a Gryffindor," I confessed. My father's brow furrowed. He was confused. "He's got black hair, he was abused when he was a child, and he has nightmares that give me nightmares...."

"Harry Potter?" my father asked. He smiled. "I am impressed."

I sighed. "Don't be," I requested. "It doesn't seem like things are going anywhere. It doesn't seem to matter what happens between us, he believes that I don't give a shit. His words, not mine. I don't know what to do to get it through to him.... I don't just care about him...I think it's a bit more than that now."

I looked up at my father for the first time since I started talking. The same gray that existed in only our eyes looked back at me, and for the first time, I realized that they were more than just mirrors of color. My father had gone through this with his fiancé.

"Tell him, Draco," my father ordered. "You'll loose him if you don't. Believe me. I almost lost Remus." He was silent a moment. "Please, son, don't wait."

I didn't. The next morning, I was back at Hogwarts, looking for him.

I couldn't find him anywhere. I found Granger, she wouldn't have anything to do with me. I even tried to apologize to her.

It took me a minute, but I finally caught up with her. "Where's Harry?" I demanded, catching her arm.

"Why do you care where he is?" she demanded. She had tears in her eyes. "After what you said yesterday, how can you even think of talking to him?" her tears spilled.

"Did you tell him what I said?" I asked, worried.

"No," she spat. "He heard you say it."

"Please, Hermione, where is he?"

"The hospital wing, thanks to you. He tried to kill himself last night."

I ran faster than I'd ever run before. I couldn't seem to get to the hospital wing fast enough. Merlin, Harry, how could you?

Madam Pomfrey looked up at me in shock when I crashed through the doors.

"Mr. Malfoy, what is the meaning of this?"

"I have to see Harry, ma'am."

Her lips pursed together. "Mr. Potter is not to have visitors at this time."

"Please," I begged. "I need to see him."

"No. Come back later."

"Can you at least tell me what he did?"

"No."

"Why can't I see him?"

"He has requested that no one see him. Not even his best friends or the headmaster is allowed to see him."

"Please?" I begged. "You don't understand, there's something I need to tell him, and I need to do it now."

"What is it?" she asked. "I can relay the message."

I shook my head. "You don't understand. I'm the reason he tried to kill himself, now I need to fix this. I can't do that through someone."

She hesitated. If I could fix the boy wonder, why not go against the patient's request.

"Don't upset him," she ordered. "I'm not sure how stable he is."

She stood from her chair behind the desk and led me to a closed off area. She walked behind the curtain, silently ordering that I stay put. I heard a few indistinct mumbled words that I couldn't pick up, and then she came back out. She held the curtain open for me to enter.

I gaped when I saw him. His face was ashen; his lips were chapped to the point of bleeding. His hair lost its shine, and his eyes lost their brightness. Dear God, his eyes....

His wrists were bandaged. So he tried to slice his writs to kill himself, did he? Merlin, I'm such a fool.

I felt tears in my eyes. Slowly, I walked around the bed to a chair that was sitting there. I wanted to reach for his hand, but I knew it wasn't my place. He wouldn't let me touch him, not after what I'd said.

"I didn't mean it," I whispered. I couldn't even look at him, so I stared at the white sheets standard for the hospital beds. "I don't want you to die, and I don't think that Voldemort will win." He was silent so I continued. "What I said...I was angry. I hated her for telling you what happened, I couldn't face you, not with your thinking I didn't care, and...I didn't think, Harry. I have never once thought like that. I have never once wanted you dead. I'd die if you died," I said, looking up at his eyes, my tears falling. "Please believe me, Harry. Please believe me when I say I love you."

I stood up when he didn't say anything. I'd said what I needed to say. I kissed his forehead and walked to the curtain when he called me back.

"Don't leave," he requested.

I turned around. "Never," I whispered, half walking, half running to him.

I stayed with him the entire time he was in there. I even slept there, much to Pomfrey's dismay. She didn't quite like it when people who weren't sick or in need of medical attention were in her space. But I couldn't leave him, not now, not after he knew.

I didn't sleep much. I would sit in that chair and watch him sleep, thanking Merlin, God, whoever it was, that he lived. More than once I caught myself counting those breaths he took. More than once I cried, thankful that I had the chance to tell him. I didn't even want to think of what life would be like if he'd died.

He was out of there two weeks later, just in time for Christmas. He was weary about seeing Ron and Hermione, so I invited him to come to the Manor.

I think the biggest shock to him came when he saw the pregnant Remus Lupin (soon to be Malfoy). He couldn't get over the fact that his friend was not only gay (he hadn't thought Remus to be the type) but that he was with a Malfoy of all people. Maybe it's a Slytherin thing, but we seem to fall hard for Gryffindors.

The night we'd arrived, after Harry and Remus had gone to bed, I told my father the situation I had found myself in after returning.

My father sighed after hearing the story and was silent for quite some time. "I'm sorry it happened that way," he finally said. "It seems our lives are far more parallel than I would have liked."

"What do you mean?" I asked, clearly confused.

"You know that the relationship between Remus and I has been off and on for quite some time, yes?" he asked. I nodded. "The common factors in our separations were Narcissa...and of course the Name. Everyone knows that Malfoys aren't gay; everyone knows they don't have affairs, and everyone knows that there is never a child outside of marriage. At the time, there was no way we could be together.

"When Remus found out about our son, he tried to kill himself. A silver knife through his wrists. It was Severus who had found him, being that he was staying at the Order headquarters.

"I went to him that night, Sev had not wasted any time in telling me what had happened. That was when he told me about the child, and that the reason he was doing it was so that I could escape the press attention and the blemishes on the picture perfect Malfoy Name.

"I proposed to him that night, giving him a reason to live.

"The next day, I discovered your mother's engagement, and we discussed divorce. She wanted to be with...what's his name? Markus?"

"Micah," I answered.

"Whatever. And she informed me of her pregnancy. The papers were signed the day after I told you that you did not have to marry Pansy Parkinson."

"Pansy Parkinson is the no-name girl you wanted me to marry?" I demanded. "Wait, she doesn't want to marry me?" I asked, shocked at the realization. "That girl's been after me since we were thirteen!"

"She found out you were gay," my father smirked. "Her parents said something about her crying to them after hearing a conversation you had with Zabini."

"Oh," I said fighting the sudden urge to laugh. "She wasn't thrilled about that..."

"You realize that when you came out to your mother and I that we were not angry with your sexuality, but with your choice in partners?" my father asked. "The Zabini family never has ranked very high on our list of people we get along with."

I smiled. "No, I didn't," I confessed. "I thought you were both furious with me for being unwilling to be the Malfoy Heir."

My father shook his head. "Never," he confessed. "We just don't like Zabinis. Now Harry Potter...that is an interesting match you two have formed. He'll have those scars the rest of his life, you realize that don't you?" my father asked. "They'll always be there to remind him about what you said out of anger. He may even resent you because of it."

I sighed. "They'll be there to haunt me as well," I informed him. "Every time I'll see them, I'll be reminded of what I did to him. I'll remember what it took...." My voice faded away as I saw those scars in my mind.

"Go to bed, son. It's getting late."

When I returned to my room, he was fast asleep. I didn't want to disturb him, so I sat in a chair by the large window in my room. I watched him for a while, thanking whatever it was that kept him alive long enough to bring me to my senses.

I sighed as I watched him sleep. "Don't you dare leave me, love," I whispered. "Don't you dare give up on me...." I whispered before drifting off to sleep myself, still in that chair.

I woke up to the feel of someone placing a blanket over me. The sudden light hurt my eyes when I opened them, so I blinked a few times to allow my eyes to adjust.

"You sleep in chairs a lot," Harry remarked with a smirk.

I stretched and felt an all-too-familiar kink in my neck. "Guess I got used to it after staying with you," I replied, working the muscles in my neck.

Harry looked away from me, down at his wrists. I reached for his hand, causing him to look up at me. "We can cast a charm on them," I said. "To hide the scars.... If you want...."

Harry sighed and looked at his wrists. "They'll still be there, even if I can't see them," he replied softly. "And everyone who knows what happened will know that they're there. What's the point in hiding them?"

"It was only a suggestion."

Harry nodded. "I know."

I pulled Harry down to my lap before I wrapped my arms around him. "I love you," I said. After what I did...I didn't think I could say that enough.

Harry sighed heavily. "I love you too," he whispered.