While You Slept

While You Slept

Nights between us became more intense. Harry pounded me to break off the engagement to my "fiancé" but I kept saying that there was nothing I could do about it. He was furious with me, and with good reason. There was something to be said about my lack of ability in telling him that I loved him, during his waking hours anyway.

And then there was Hermione, who was always on my case about telling Harry.

It was just beginning to snow when Harry cornered me again. I was stepping out of the shower, the towel thankfully already around my waist, and he was sitting on the toilet, waiting for me. If I had any color in my face at that point, it was gone.

"Hermione told me something very interesting a few minutes ago," he began.

"Did she?" I asked, hoping my voice sounded calm and uninterested. I was sure I was shaking. Did she actually do it?

"She said you weren't engaged."

I could have laughed. Bless you Hermione, I can get out of this one.

"She doesn't know any better," I replied calmly, looking at myself in the mirror, painfully aware that I was half naked.

"She said she heard a conversation between you and your father saying that the engagement was off, that he was getting a divorce, and that whoever he was engaged to was pregnant. She said that your father said that your fiancé wasn't even interested in you, and that you had pretended to be offended.

I chuckled. "If only," I replied, wistfully. "That would be a blessing from Merlin."

"She showed me the memory."

My heart stopped. Fuck.

I turned to Harry for the first time since I turned away. I tried to speak, but I couldn't get anything out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't engaged anymore?"

"I didn't tell anyone," I finally said, however weakly and strained my voice sounded. "No one knows," I continued, my voice trying to find its way back.

"And no one has to know about us, Draco," Harry insisted.

I leaned against the tiled wall, the coldness of it felt good against my back. I stared at Harry, not sure of what to say or how to say it. He was right, no one had to know, but that didn't change the fact that people would know. Relationships couldn't be kept secret for long, at Hogwarts or elsewhere.

And people would know. Hermione would know, Ron too.

Blaise would figure it out eventually.

Harry stood up and walked over to me. Everything inside of me screamed to either get away or maul him. I was almost afraid that the desires would tear me in half if I didn't choose one of them.

He took a step closer, almost closing the gap between us. My heart raced and my breathing slowed. I almost reached for him, but no, I can't.

Our eyes locked, and I didn't see his hand move. I tensed under his touch, wanting it but not allowing myself the pleasure of it. I could not give in.

I couldn't hold myself back either.

Both of his hands were on my hips, and I was dying because of it. My mind screamed at me for not telling him to stop, my body screamed at me for not taking a hold of him.

Then he kissed my neck.

That was when I lost control of my self-control.

I took his head in my hands and brought it up to my face. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I asked, my voice husky because of what he did to me.

He shook his head slightly. "What?" he asked, his voice also taking on a husky sound.

I didn't answer him. I still held his head as I kissed him, hungrily. Fuck what people think. Fuck what the name means. Fuck my mind for not letting me do this sooner. I gave into the passion, the desire, and the lust. I threw caution into the wind and gave myself to him.

When I woke up a few hours later, with him in my arms, I knew there was no turning back. We couldn't go on pretending there was nothing, we couldn't go back to what we were--what I'd tired to make us, and we sure as hell couldn't tell anyone.

It was still dark, but it was bright outside. I got up, making sure that I didn't wake him, and walked over to the window.

It was bright outside; the full moon was reflected off of the snow, making it look like early dawn rather than just after two. I looked back at Harry, still wondering if there was any way to get out of the current predicament.

Maybe he couldn't pretend nothing had happened, but I sure as hell could. I could pretend that what we did last night was purely physical. Couldn't I?

I had to try.

When I went back to sleep, I slept on his bed, he having taken over mine.

I couldn't pretend, I decided after having breathed in his smell for an hour. I sat up, restless and decided to give it a shot. I went back over to my bed and climbed in, wrapping my arms around him.

I fell asleep almost instantly.

When I next woke up, he was nowhere to be found. I sat up, worried, and looked around the room. Where was he?

I heard the sound of the shower and relaxed slightly. He wasn't far; he was still in our room, in a way.

I got up and went into the bathroom. It was my turn to wait for him to come out of the shower.

When I opened the door, however, I heard the sound of crying.

"Harry?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.

"Yeah?" he called back.

"You alright?" I asked walking over to the door of the shower.

"Fine," he answered.

I opened the door a crack and looked in at him. "Liar," I accused. "What's wrong?"

"What do you care?" he muttered, turning off the water. He opened the door the rest of the way and reached around me for a towel. So he was going to try to pretend after all.

"What was last night to you?" I asked.

"The realization that you don't give a shit," he answered.

I gaped at him. "And what gave you that impression?" I demanded. "Do you think I fuck those I don't care about?"

"Why wouldn't you?" he asked. "Everyone wants you."

"What did I do?" I asked, trying to sound calmer than I felt.

"You weren't there," he whispered.

"When?" I asked, confused. I was there the entire night.

"I woke up, and you were nowhere in sight. Then, when I got up, you were. I don't get it, where'd you go?"

I sighed. This was going to come out eventually anyway....

"I didn't go anywhere, Harry. I was in the room the entire time."

"You weren't there. I would have seen you."

"Then you weren't looking in the right direction," I snapped. I walked out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I walked through our room and out into the common room, slamming that door as well. If Harry wanted to play like last night hadn't meant a thing, then fine. Two could play that game.

"What?" I heard a curious person ask. I didn't even look in Granger's direction; I kept walking. I needed some familiarity, especially after last night. I walked the familiar path to the Slytherin common room and spoke the password, gaining entrance.

I saw Blaise sitting next to the fireplace, reading a book. I walked over to him, gently took the book out of his hands and placed in on the table. Then I held out my hand to him.

Curious, he took it. I took us down the familiar path to my old room, knowing that no one was in there, and opened the door. This was guaranteed privacy. There was a password on that door as well, and only Blaise and I knew it.

I pulled him in and shut the door behind us. Some of my things were still in here, I noticed as I looked around.

"Draco?" Blaise asked. "What's going on?"

"I can't do this anymore," I informed him. "I can't stay in that room with that Gryffindor any longer."

"What happened?"

"That bitch, Granger, told him about a conversation she eavesdropped on a few weeks ago. Told Harry everything then showed him the memory. One thing led to another, and Harry and I..."

Blaise closed his eyes. "You two fucked, didn't you?" he asked. I nodded absently.

"So what's the problem then?" my friend demanded. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

I glared at him. "He thinks I don't care."

"You still haven't told him?"

"Engaged, remember?"

"Oh, yes. What was this conversation?" he asked. "The one Granger overheard?"

I shook my head. "Just my father telling me to live it up before I'm locked in the ball-and-chain of marriage."

"Sounds like you've done just that."

"Feels like I regret it."

"Don't forget, you can always have an affair. You're parents have been doing that for years."

"I told you, I couldn't do that. My parents may be able to, but not me."

"Look, I don't care if you do or you don't, just quit telling me about it, alright?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Don't you get it!" Blaise yelled, suddenly. "I've still got feelings for you! And here you are, talking to me with your problems with that god-forsaken bitch Harry bloody Potter. I've been good, I haven't blown so far, but I'm getting sick of it. I don't want to hear about it any more."

I don't know what it was, but the old passion and desire I felt for him before came back to me with a vengeance. I wanted him again. At that moment, I felt nothing for that Gryffindor.

I reached for his hand again, and took it. His eyes were closed, so he didn't see what was coming next. I walked closer to him, nearly closing the gap between us, and brought my lips to his for the first time in a year or so.

His eyes shot open, but they closed again, and he gave himself to me.

I left him there, asleep on my old bed, and decided to go for a walk outside, far from the world of lies and mystery. I needed to be away from both Blaise and Harry for the first time in a long time.

I sat down by the lake and picked at the grass at my side. I threw it into the water and watched it float away; wishing all of my feelings would do the same. I wondered what happed to that eleven year old that had no feelings whatsoever. I wished for the first time in a long time that I could be him again. Wouldn't it be nice, just to shut it all away...?

After a while, Granger walked up to me.

"Harry's looking for you," she informed me. "Has been for a while."

"I hate you," I told her, not even bothering to look up at her. "Do you realize what you've done?"

"What have I done?" she asked bitterly. Guess I deserve that.

I looked up and met her furious eyes with my disgusted ones. "He thinks I don't care, thanks to you, now, if you don't mind, get the fuck away from me."

"The lake doesn't belong to you, Malfoy," she spat. "I can go where I want."

"I don't care where you go, Granger, just as long as it's far from me."

"How Harry could ever love something as cold and hateful as you, I will never know. And if he were not as fragile as he is, I'd tell him that."

"Why don't you?" I demanded. "It'd save us all the trouble of having to wait for the outcome of the war. And Voldemort wouldn't have to waist the time and energy it would take to kill the bastard. He'd probably off himself and save all of the Death Eaters from dying. Think of all the lives he'd save."

Her nostrils flared as she breathed heavily with anger. "How dare you!" she spat before turning on her heal and stomping away. Good riddance.