The Collar

The Collar

The room felt so cold and empty.

Even though it'd only been a few hours since they'd bolted from the room, it appeared to Remus that a thin layer of dust coated over everything.

Pale light filtered in through the draped window.

He felt so tired...and the empty bed made him want to curl up and bawl like a child. But he could't because the other members of the Order were waiting downstairs. They're meeting Harry at the train station before the Dursleys and he has to be there, for Harry.

Harry. Sirius' one true joy.

Everything else in his life has been tainted by his time in Azkaban., even their relationship has been chipped away into a faint outline of what it once was before.

The memories of his godson, however, seemed to stand against all odds, even the dementor's draining influence.

Remus could remember how jealous it made him, in the beginning, when Sirius would rattle on and on about Harry. He could remember the feeling burning painfully and how he pushed it down, until only a whisper remained.

The tears threatened to roll again and he evaded them for the second time, gasping a breathe of air.

The room itself was uncharacteristically tidy; no clothes lay in the floor, the bed sheets tucked tightly in at all sides and the blanket draped squarely upon it. The closet door was open a crack and the distinct smell of Sirius, the smell of citrus polish and leather, drifted out faintly to his heightened senses.

Remus felt the house sighing around him, as if it knew that its owner would never walk among its walls again. It knew that it would always be eternally waiting, much like Remus himself. The only difference betweem them being that he would soon be released, either by the war or through the wear and tear of a werewolf, while the building would remain there in its plot until its ruin.

That very morning they had laid together, laughing and if he had known what he knew now, he'd have never let him go. They would have stayed there together, hands intertwined, while the outside world sped past. Remus would have allowed that last teasing kiss from Sirius at the threshold of the bedroom door. He would have let the kiss linger on and turn towards other things, if he'd had known.

And Harry...What about him? If Remus had known, he'd have never taken Sirius' attention away. He would have let them chatter on endlessly, so that Harry'd have know what a brillant, exciting sneak his godfather is. Was...

He'd have still been selfish at night, allowing Sirius to take him again and again, instead of always fretting over the other's happiness. He'd have stopped fussing when Sirius hogged the shower, hell, he'd even went in there with him and added to the steam rising.

He'd have left the Sirius' shirt on, the one he'd grabbed by mistake, despite the raised eyebrows and the all-knowning winks.

But Remus would never have the chance again. That had ended with the veil...and Bellatrix.

Bellatrix. The anger boiled inside him, running through his veins. The wolf growled deep and low in his mind, full of grief and pain.

His calm resolve snapped and he swiftly kicked the beside table and it fell heavily onto its side, the front leg splintered beyond repair. Cursing softly, his anger quickly retreating back, Remus bent to study the damage closely.

A glint distracted him and, scooting closer, he picked the object up in shaky hands. The leather was slightly dusted and he swiped it clean with his bare hands, coating his fingers with a film of it. The gold tag dangled from it, and taking it gently between the tips of his fingers, Remus read the name.

'Padfoot.'

Remus grinned as the paper scraps fell through the air.

"' What in Merlin's name? Moony?'"

Sirius stared at him, eyebrows almost to his hairline.

"' It's for you. That way we'll never confuse you for another stray mutt.'"

A soft chuckle resounded from Sirius as he snapped into place. He looked in his mirror, his reflection grinning back at Remus. The gold tag shown brightly from the lights on the Christmas tree. Jamie grinned from his seat in the floor of the common room.

"'Very snappy Padfoot. Great job Moony!'"

Sirius hugged the werewolf tightly. He could feel the tag press into his shoulder and a blush flush his cheeks.

"' I love it-it's my good luck charm. I'll never take it off.'"

"'You're welcome, Pads.'"

Blinking hard from the rush of memories, Remus sat back hard on his heels.

Sirius' collar. This was were it had gone. Snagged behind the headboard of the bed after Sirius took it off for that one brief second last night.

"'Sirius...your collar..'"

"'What about it?'"

Remus gestured towards his neck. The taller man looked down and groaned.

"' Where did I put the bloody thing, Remy?'"

"'You took it off last night and left it on the beside table, I thought.'"

Sirius shuffled over, peeking around the tabletop.

"' It's not there..Oh, just forget it then.'"

He grabbed Remus' arm and began to drag him out the door. Remus stopped them in the doorway.

"' But..'"

Sirius stopped, their noses inches from each other. He smiled down at Remus, who cleared his throat.

"' You're all the luck I need, Moony.'"

He leaned in closer. Remus stepped quickly into the hallway.

"'We need to get downstairs Sirius.'"

Sirius groaned playfully and followed his lover down the hall.

Remus laughed quietly, his hands tighting on the collar. He continued to laugh as the held back tears began to flow and drop, one by one, onto the leather collar.

"I guess I wasn't all the luck you needed, Padfoot. Maybe you needed just a little more," he said hoarsely as the crying began to clot his throat.

He stayed there, holding the collar, until someone knocked on the door. Slipping it into his pocket, he stood, swiping angrily at the tear stains on his face.

"I'm coming."

Perhaps, he'd give this to Harry. Tell him the story behind it and let him keep it, to remember Sirius by. His hand drifted to the pocket and he clenched the collar in his fist.

Maybe he'd be selfish instead, and keep it to remember what he'd lost.